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Old 10-02-2009, 11:51 AM   #16  
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I have felt this way before too, like I have to make it known to cute guy friends that of course I'm not interested and only want to be friends so they don't think that I actually think I'm worthy to date them. It's f-d up. I just started to get over this last summer. I lost maybe 5lbs, was still overweight, but I felt so much better and took on this attitude like, OF COURSE YOU SHOULD WANT TO DATE ME I'M AWESOME, maybe I don't want to date you!
This is how I've been feeling lately. For so long I was like ugh, I'm too fat, that's why no one likes me, then all of a sudden I was like, wait a second, I'm friggin AWESOME and you all should want me! And you know what, gradually I can see that attitudes have shifted. Its all about attitude, and how comfortable you are with yourself. Just flirt! No harm in that
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Old 10-04-2009, 12:47 PM   #17  
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I'm with everyone who said flirt on! I am a notorious, incorrigible flirt - and while that flirting rarely turns into more, it almost always lifts my mood! Plus, practice makes perfect, so even if this guy doesn't work out, you'll be flexing your flirting muscles, which I think are just important as your actual muscles.

And I agree with everyone who's pointed out that there is absolutely no reason to think that this guy isn't into you. There really are guys out there who will be attracted to you and respect you for the person you are, not the person you look like! And why shouldn't he be into you! Frankly, you're amazing!

I say go for it. You never know until you try, and really - what's the worst thing that happens? (And you should totally keep us posted if there are any good developments!)

Happy flirting!
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Old 10-04-2009, 01:24 PM   #18  
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hey hun, congrats on your new prospect, I agree with the other posters you should go for it!

for me, I am dating here and there, but I know I would feel 100% more confident if I were already at my goal weight. I am trying NOT to date until I get there and make weight loss my number 1 priortiy for right now
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Old 10-04-2009, 02:58 PM   #19  
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ha... what dating life? Which means yes, I let it affect my dating life very much.

That said, if I were to give myself advice it would be to get over it and if I like someone go for it. But like many others, I make my own rediculous rules for myself and ignore my own best advice.

Last edited by Aclai4067; 10-04-2009 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:17 PM   #20  
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Definitely. And I know I shouldn't; that most guys seem to care about what's on the inside rather than whether or not I pack a little(lot, actually) junk in the trunk. And I always let it ruin potential relationships because when it comes time for *ahem* intimacy, I get terrified of physical rejection and start to pull away. Part of that is my fault for rushing the physical part too much, so from now on I want to get the emotional stuff out of the way before moving onto the physical.

That being said, one of my resolutions is to be more confident, to dress and do my makeup better, and to treat myself like I am deserving of a caring relationship. I'm HOT STUFF! I need someone who recognizes that!
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:56 PM   #21  
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That being said, one of my resolutions is to be more confident, to dress and do my makeup better, and to treat myself like I am deserving of a caring relationship. I'm HOT STUFF! I need someone who recognizes that!
Preach it, sister!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 08:54 PM   #22  
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I won't meet anyone till I'm more happy with my appearance... I don't have too many options for meeting people at the moment other than the online dating thing, and for some reason it feels like more pressure to be a certain weight with online dating.

Or maybe it's ME and just the confidence thing. When I feel better about myself and don't have to worry so much about my clothes fitting right and hiding my fat, and instead allow myself to laugh and be more natural.

I also know not feeling good about myself I'm more likely to allow myself to stay with abusive or jerky guys.

I can really relate to this as well. I refuse to date until I feel more confident. It's sad - but I'm using this as a tool for recognition and reward. I know lots of girls that are the same size as me or bigger and are in relationships and are very happy. I'm just not one of them. And I'm ok with not dating right now.

I admire all of the women on here that think differently than me - it makes me feel like I should be less of a chicken sh*t and get out there.
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Old 10-05-2009, 12:14 AM   #23  
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Wow! Thanks for all of the replies. From hearing similar stories to sage advice, I really do think it all comes down to confidence.

I don't think guys ask my skinny friends out because they are skinny, but because they act more outgoing and fun than me in public. The thing is, I know I'm funny, smart, playful and creative. I just don't let people see that at first glance because I'm afraid of rejection. Probably due to a childhood of teasing and rejection. But around my friends and family, I'm myself.

I need to find the courage to be myself around people I don't know well... I especially need to find the courage to be myself around my crush. If he rejects me for ME, then I'm okay with that. But I would really hate it if he rejected the lesser, watered-down version of myself because he never got to know the real me.

I get to see him tomorrow. Gulp. Here goes nothing... Any flirting tips are greatly appreciated.
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Old 10-05-2009, 06:46 AM   #24  
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Here is my number one flirting tip.

Smile.

Yeah. That's it. Just smile. If you're smiling and enjoying the interaction, you're going to be projecting calm and confidence and that is totally sexy.

I'm not a big advocate of 'the rules' of flirting. I think every situation is different - but if you smile, do what makes you comfortable and keep it light, you'll be putting out the vibes.

Let me think if there's anything else I can offer as advice... be sure to remember that you're a catch (just keep telling yourself how hot/smart/funny/charming you are), don't worry about lame stuff like batting your eyelashes, ask questions about him and don't be afraid to offer a nice compliment if the opportunity comes up!

Just follow your instinct. It's never worth flirting if you're visibly uncomfortable! Be yourself, smile and have fun. Practice makes perfect lady!! Good luck! Keep us posted!
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Old 10-06-2009, 12:41 AM   #25  
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then all of a sudden I was like, wait a second, I'm friggin AWESOME and you all should want me!
I love this
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:36 AM   #26  
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I met my current boyfriend when I weighed 152. I felt so unattractive and negative, but he loves me for me, genuinely. He makes me feel hot! I finally found a man who isn't stuck on finding a stick thin bleach blonde high maintenance chick!

Sometimes it really IS all in our heads.
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:48 AM   #27  
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Weight is just a number!!! We all look different at the same number.

My boyfriend now, I was soooo shy about. We were set up by an at the time mutual friend who we've since then fallen out with. I had and still do have, huge hang ups about my weight. But damn it, i'd lost 30 lbs!!!

And you know what, he weighs more then me!!! Yet he's soo small?? Then I tried on his clothes and guess what.... I'm small?!!!

I morph my body and I see this huuuuuge balloon every time I look in the mirror. I just want to cry and vomit sometimes at what I see. But when I look at him and he's soo tiny i realize... wait, i'm the same if I wear the same clothes as him? AWESOME!

It's all in your head is what i'm trying to say, and just go for it!!!
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Old 10-22-2009, 04:15 AM   #28  
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Originally Posted by Brown Eyed Staccie View Post
I can really relate to this as well. I refuse to date until I feel more confident. It's sad - but I'm using this as a tool for recognition and reward. I know lots of girls that are the same size as me or bigger and are in relationships and are very happy. I'm just not one of them. And I'm ok with not dating right now.

I admire all of the women on here that think differently than me - it makes me feel like I should be less of a chicken sh*t and get out there.

lol im the same way.. this is why i love this site it shows me that im not alone.. lol
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Old 10-29-2009, 09:45 AM   #29  
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Its all about the personality.... i think youre in there... just dont clam up.... cntinue being you bc if it happens then itll happen ya know? I think youre good... read his signs and feed off of that.... you will be fine...

Plus you can add him to your motivation... like choosing an outift you think u look gawgous in and trying to get in it by the end of the month or by the holiday party.... and watch his mouth and lips fall and rollout like a red carpet... ya know from cartoons? lol....

Youre in... i think youre in.... dont be shy just be you...
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Old 10-29-2009, 01:12 PM   #30  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Eyed Staccie View Post
I can really relate to this as well. I refuse to date until I feel more confident. It's sad - but I'm using this as a tool for recognition and reward. I know lots of girls that are the same size as me or bigger and are in relationships and are very happy. I'm just not one of them. And I'm ok with not dating right now.

I admire all of the women on here that think differently than me - it makes me feel like I should be less of a chicken sh*t and get out there.
I'm the same way! I know it sounds bad, but I don't feel like a deserve to be in a relationship until I am happy with myself and I won't be happy with myself until I am at a healthier weight. I'm hoping that every pound I lose helps me to gain a bit of the self-confidence I've been lacking my entire life. So here's to being healthier and happier!
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