Couldn't agree more with everyone! My 2 best friends are tall and thin. I am short and fat. To be honest, I hate going out with them. I love when we do our weekly hangouts are my one bff's apt..... but then when it comes to hitting the bars on the weekend I hate it!!. I feel like sometimes they have me around to make themselves feel better.
The one girl has a boyfriend that sits at home while she goes out and gets hit on constantly. The other used to be fat when we were in high school, but has since lost a ton of weight and now overly obsesses about her looks and pouts when she doesn't get hit on one friggin' time. Me...... I've been completely single for over 5 years!!! Guess I'm ranting too....
I have always always been the DFF, but I have used to have friends that would care about that. I went through a phase and I evaluated all my friends and literally just stopped talking to the ones that were demeaning and otherwise not good people.
Side note:
When one says they are fat they sometimes can truly mean it and not mean it as fishing for compliments and etc. We as "fat" people are extremely self conscious of ourselves as a general observation. We think everyone is looking at us because we dont look normal, we think we are the only ones that is wearing the black outfit in a sea of white outfits. However, who are we as "fat people" to determine who is fat and who is not. For a 150 person to gain 15% of their body weight which is around 22-23lbs that puts them at at 172lbs and depending on height can make a major difference in clothes that they wear, the way they carry themselves their self esteem etc. Now take a 250lb person and they gain 15% of their body weight, around 37lbs is going to make the same difference to that person. It kinda bothers me and I catch myself saying the same thing to some of my friends. /rant
I have always always been the DFF, but I have used to have friends that would care about that. I went through a phase and I evaluated all my friends and literally just stopped talking to the ones that were demeaning and otherwise not good people.
Side note:
When one says they are fat they sometimes can truly mean it and not mean it as fishing for compliments and etc. We as "fat" people are extremely self conscious of ourselves as a general observation. We think everyone is looking at us because we dont look normal, we think we are the only ones that is wearing the black outfit in a sea of white outfits. However, who are we as "fat people" to determine who is fat and who is not. For a 150 person to gain 15% of their body weight which is around 22-23lbs that puts them at at 172lbs and depending on height can make a major difference in clothes that they wear, the way they carry themselves their self esteem etc. Now take a 250lb person and they gain 15% of their body weight, around 37lbs is going to make the same difference to that person. It kinda bothers me and I catch myself saying the same thing to some of my friends. /rant
I agree. I think I need to send out positive vibes ---the problem can also be me. I feel I need to drop this negative attitude, I realize everyone has their own battles and issues and I have to steer my own life and not let others opinions or attitudes impact it. At least making it through this journey will allow me to inspire others just like many others have inspired me. I think I gotta get over my identity as DFF....my self deprecating humor and always being the one to give up my priorities for others. It really is my own fault for allowing myself get comfortable/complacent in the first place to be the DFF.
I'm very lucky to have my friends. I've never had to deal with any of this. Sure, my friends will talk about how they gained/lost weight every now and then but it's never a major, constant topic. And none of them have ever made any underhanded comments about my weight.
I do have a problem with eating crap when I hang out with my BFF though. We live in different states now and everytime I see her, we end up eating the worst stuff! After my last visit, I told her we had to stop that habit and she agreed.
I do understand about being the fat friend. Even though my BFF used to be bigger than me, she is gorgeous so her looks kinda deducted from her weight? My other two best friends are only a little overweight (one used to be skinny then she hurt her back and gained weight, the other went to college and lost weight).
When I was at my largest (around 210 pounds), my friends were all around my size. One a little bigger, one a little smaller. When I lost 70 pounds and surpassed them all, my best friend (the one smaller than I originally) was RIDICULOUSLY jealous. She would say "good job" like she was being friendly, but then do anything she could to squeeze her *** into jeans my size. Anything but lose weight. It looked awful on her but she always did it. She was jealous of everything I did, though. I usually attract friends that wants to be exactly like me but end up trying in a very angry way.
So, I understand being the "fat friend" because that girl would always LOVE to take me shopping so she could feel better about herself. Then I lost all that weight and surprise surprise, we didn't stay friends much longer. Jealousy is a vicious thing.
I'm with megwini and others - I've been very fortunate that my friends haven't seen me as the DFF. My best friend (5'0, 110 lbs) has always been super encouraging - whether I'm happy with myself or trying to lose weight. She's known me since 5th grade when my mini-eating disorder started and to this day she's the only person I can go clothes shopping with. She's honest, but not the point of cruelty.
As far as other friends go, I have thin ones and I have "chubby" ones - and I've never been made to feel like crap for being heavier/thinner than them. One of my closest friends is currently going through this weight loss journey with me as well, and we lean on each other through it. Even my baby sister, who's considerably more overweight than I am/ever was is super-encouraging.
Granted, I've never been really comfortable talking about weight loss as I do on 3FC (and you chickies are amazing! ) but I've never felt like my friends wanted me to stay fat or resented me for being thinner.
My best friend and I are a little competitive, and she recently lost a couple dress sizes and looks amazing (we had been roughly the same size)...that definitely spurred me to try harder, but now that I am where I am (still a size or two above her), I'm happy to find that as long as I'm happy with myself, I don't resent her at all and just feel proud of her. But if I'm not happy with myself, well, than that makes it a little harder to handle...so when you feel like a DFF or your friends are making ungenerous comments, just remember that it probably says a lot more about them than it does about you.
Last edited by forestroad; 07-29-2009 at 10:30 AM.
Oh man, I've been there! I used to have a best friend who started dropping weight like crazy (doing it the unhealthy way) and she would always talk about how muh weight she's losing and how guys are looking at her and flirting with her all the time. And she just became this completely different person, very self-centered. Also, she made me feel like crap at the same time. I was happy that was losing weight but unhappy that she became obsessive about it and did it by starving herself! and was doing it for the wrong reasons (to get guys attention). Whereas, I was doing it for the right reasons (for my health obviously) and she made it seem like I was dirt.
Sometimes, someone doesn't realize how they bad they make you feel. They're completely oblivious, as long as it makes THEM feel good. Just forget about the harsh comments, keep working hard at what you're doing. Sooner or later, you'll be thin and healthy and they'll have nothing bad to say.
I know how this feels. My two best friends for life are skinny. They don't understand, but one is supportive, the other says, "You don't have anything to lose, what are you talking about, Tiana?" I feel like, what? You kidding me? Can't you just support me, instead of saying I have nothing to loss, when your complaining about yourself. Shes a great perosn with a great heart, but she can be alittle think headed. She doesn't mean it meanly, she is just oblivious, and sometimes when she says she feels fat, I'm thinking you? I love her to death but, some times I feel like I need to strangle her, once I asked her if she was bigger would she still feel down. She said honestly it wouldn't make a difference and that she still would be be concious. I really do understand were shes coming from, but she doesn't know how it is to be bigger. I am always there for her, but she lacks understanding and can only relate to her problems, when I'm always VERY empathic to her, and tell her honesty. She says that people have made fun of her for being skinny, I understand, but I say it's much worse the other way! Just my oppinion, I told her, that maybe being too skinny could perhaps be just as bad if one has self issues...but honeslty to me it's worse the other way. I know she has suffered , but she doesn't know, shes never expereinced not being slim...if you think that's horriable try being heavy not being about to fit into your size 3 clothes...being on your period blouted and fat. Come on! I know she is uncomfortable in her body, but most of the time she seems just fine and dandy. And my other best friend, she is really rutting for me. She only wants the best for me. She wants me to be healthy, I don't talk about my wieght issues that much, but she deffinity tries to understand when shes 125 and almost my hieght. I don't want to go bake to school feeling like poop. I am the bigger friend. I'd like to feel good too, and wear the same things. I'm happy that my best friends are healthy, but you know what sucks werse? Is when one knows guys are very attractive, they don't know how lucky they are. I want a perky chest too!!!!
Aw... SnowWolf, I guess I really wouldn't understand you either, because I'm your height and I've never even weighed as little as 154 before (160 being the lowest I've ever been and people thought I looked skinny then), so it's kind of hard for me to picture myself as being fat at 154, but I know everyone's bodies are different. @_@ Good luck though!
Maybe I'm just a terrible person, but I feel like my friend constantly brings it up around me, especially if guys are there too. I tried the being nice thing, brushing it off thing(she just kept harping me) and being a little rude stopped it. She obviously knows she's not fat because I've heard her mention that she wants to gain weight to others, so I think she's probably one of those girls that only says that to fat girls for validation
My best friend is 5'6 and 100 pounds on a fat day. She is SO skinny, but has just always been that way. We've never discussed weight even though I'm obviously much heavier than her. The problem is her dad. When we were in high school he would make all these horrible "joking" comments about how my parents ought to have to pay twice what he pays for our private school because I'm twice her size. Not funny at all. It was even worse because at the time I was probably only about 15, and really adults ought to know better.
I think I have a different perspective on the "I'm-so-fat" thing. My best friend has a small frame and a normal body type, and when she gains weight she says "OMG I'M SO FAT!" but what she means is "I have gained weight and I don't look like myself."
So if I were to say, "You're not fat, I'm fat!" she'd say, "No way you're not fat!" because I'm the same exact pretty, chubby Hippolyta she sees every day, while she is bloated and changed. I think here "fat" is a euphemism for "gained weight, doesn't look the same".
That being said, on the one hand there is my best friend (who is awesome) and on the other are some normal-weight *****y terrible ex-friends, who would do the apologetic, insincere "youre...not...fat" thing that drove me CRAZY.
The problem is her dad. When we were in high school he would make all these horrible "joking" comments about how my parents ought to have to pay twice what he pays for our private school because I'm twice her size. Not funny at all. It was even worse because at the time I was probably only about 15, and really adults ought to know better.
I don't even know what to say to that. I'm just... in shock and awe that anyone could be so obtusely douchebaggish. I hope there's some karmic retribution in his future.
I knew some people in high school who would do the "you're not fat" thing. I appreciate their intention, but I'd appreciate honesty more. The group I hang out with now is a mix of people who eat whatever they want and not gain weight, people who have lost weight, two of us currently losing weight, and one who wants to lose weight and isn't commited yet. I can talk to any of them about my weight and get honest (but not b!tchy) feedback. They're a really good group.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jelbb
I don't even know what to say to that. I'm just... in shock and awe that anyone could be so obtusely douchebaggish. I hope there's some karmic retribution in his future.
My other two best friends are only a little overweight (one used to be skinny then she hurt her back and gained weight, the other went to college and lost weight).
) but I've never felt like my friends wanted me to stay fat or resented me for being thinner. 
I've been there! I used to have a best friend who started dropping weight like crazy (doing it the unhealthy way) and she would always talk about how muh weight she's losing and how guys are looking at her and flirting with her all the time. And she just became this completely different person, very self-centered. Also, she made me feel like crap at the same time. I was happy that was losing weight but unhappy that she became obsessive about it and did it by starving herself! and was doing it for the wrong reasons (to get guys attention). Whereas, I was doing it for the right reasons (for my health obviously) and she made it seem like I was dirt.
I am the bigger friend. I'd like to feel good too, and wear the same things. I'm happy that my best friends are healthy, but you know what sucks werse? Is when one knows guys are very attractive, they don't know how lucky they are. I want a perky chest too!!!!
