Alana -- Hah! I was still hungover yesterday, but i'm alright. My workouts are gross, so i'm glad I have stuff at home. I can just imagine the expressions of people getting a whiff of me at the gym while i'm sweating pure vodka.
Becks -- Looks like you and I both had temporary weekend flings. Isn't it nice when they leave before you can start to hate them?
sxul -- Good luck! You will amaze yourself with the sheer amount of annoyance and disdain you can have for another person when you start living together. Really, though, I wish you both the absolute best and I know you'll do great.
Ashlan -- Oh, I can't go anywhere until my lease is up anyway. And if I get a job I might stick around until I finish school, save up a bunch of money and figure out where the wind might take me to next.
So anyway, the drama. Just so you guys can give me some perspective -- First, my take on it is that I got married way too early to someone who still does not know why he wants me. He's not attracted to me at all, and hasn't been since a few months before we got married. I've had this inkling, so don't ask me why I agreed. He's got a mean streak and a bad temper. Constantly pessimistic and always has something to complain about. As for me? The way i've been towards all of you is really how I am. I'm flighty, wild, and perpetually in a good mood. I could step wrong off of my front step in five minutes, fall, hit my head and die. As far as i'm concerned, I am fed, I have friends, and the sun is shining. What on earth could be bad enough to ruin my day? He was one of the rare people I was monogamous for so I guess in the heat of the moment I mistook it for something else. Then we were gone all of the time. Love letters, calls, etc. It's easy to be romantic when you don't have to be near each other day in and day out, it's like being in a fantasy world. Anyway, as much as I do love him, i'm not 'in love.' I don't think I ever was.
He admitted he wasn't 'in love' with me either, but true to his stupid f@*king nature, instead of thinking about it in terms of, "we're not in love and we're not right for each other, how could we possibly make this work?" he's being completely melodramatic and trying to be the martyr. Rather than just let me go and stay friends, he's trying to GUILT me. Seriously, the conversation went just like this:
Me: "You're not attracted to me, you're not in love with me. Would you be miserable if we tried to string this out another two years? Five years? Could we even do it? I want to do what's best for both of us so we can be happy."
Him: "Whatever, it's whatever YOU want."
Me: "No, what you want matters too. It's not me, so what are you trying to hold onto me for, and why are you trying to make this like it's all my fault and you're some sort of innocent, unwilling participant caught off guard?"
Him: "I'm not! It's just obvious what YOU want, so just do whatever."
Me: "... Not to be a b*tch, but did you ever stop to think that maybe your f$#king attitude, and this sort of bullsh*t was why I fell out of love with you?"
He never once put in any sort of effort to make things work when they weren't going well. He would evade questions and make himself out to be the victim JUST LIKE THAT. But then all of the sudden he wants to go to counseling and try to work things out after it's past the point of repair? Why step up to the plate when I don't care anymore? I don't get it, and i'm never going to get it because he apparently can't give a straight answer any better than the Cheshire Cat could so i'm done. I don't have the rest of my life to be miserable and try to figure out his enigmatic moodiness and ulterior motives. I've got better things to do, and better ways to spend my time.
Then roommate's idiot self starts in on me right after that and i've just had it up to eye level with his crap. I couldn't even be polite to him, I just told him he had the wrong idea and could blow me because he had no shot in **** and needed to give up. I think I hurt his feelings, but geez. Take an effing hint already.
So as sad as I am somewhere deep down that the one thing I couldn't be good at in life was my marriage, i'm excited about the prospect of something new. For the first time in a long time, i'm actually feeling like my old self again, and I think that's really all i've wanted for a long time.
Nish: Seriously, are you married to my bf? 95% of the things that you used to describe him are my bf. Ugh men but I am glad that you are getting back to your old self. Oh and btw I had to get a dictionary out to read your post big words there.
<~~~~Blonde in the brain.
On good news, the scale is finally moving in the good direction. I am down 1.2lbs for the week.
Well... it's not as bad as it could have been. You know it's coming out of my brain unedited when it gets floral like that. You should see the looks I get when i'm drunk and forget that nobody else uses words like 'recherche' or 'ambrosian' outside of Jane Austen novels.
heather - when ashlan and i had lunch the other day, we were saying how you are such an inspiration. that in spite of the fact, you are pushing through no matter what. no it will not be easy, but you have a TON of support right here. Everyone could learn a lot from you. that there are no excuses. just keep going no matter what the obstacles are. It is not impossible. Just longer than expected.
Wow! You talked about me being inspirational at lunch? And people being able to learn a lot from me? I've always kinda of seen my myself sucking at weight loss. I mean, who tries to lose and gains? Thank you for your encouraging words. They are exactly what I needed during this time of great trial. Now, as long as the rest of things you guys talked about me were good....
Nish- It seems like you know what you want (or don't want) and how to get it. GO FOR IT! Get rid of them all. Don't waste precious time trying to please others. We never know when our time will be up. Do what make YOU happy and F*%K everyone else. Maybe for once you should be selfish and put yourself first. IT doesn't seem like any guy in your life will be doing that anytime soon. IMHO!!!
Cake- Hmmm. A jumpsuit. I wonder if I wore one if I'd be hot like Mariah Carey in that yellow jumpsuit for the song .... wait a minute. I can't remember. Lol Do you know what I'm talking about?
HALF DAY!!! Not sore from running yesterday. Going to do day 2 today since the weather is beautimus. Will rest before day 3. No worries, Mon!
CakeBatter - WI is tomorrow.... DUN DUN DUN! Oh well, I'm just gonna start fresh after this WI.
So..... there's this boy, and him and I are going to the mall tonight. He needs shoes aparently. Anyways.... He is SUPER super super nice. And really really smart He just graduated Guelph university (which is a really good university here) for bio-chemistry. We've been texting non-stop for a couple days now. Here's the thing.... I know him through my best friend, I've known him for about 2 months now, he met her first (she cut his hair), and he had a big crush on her. She was not interested from the start. He finally let that go, and now he sort of hits on me and shows me interest. Kind of weird, no? The friend thinks that him and I should get to know eachother, she says him and I have way more in common than her and him, plus she's interested in another dude. Even if we ever did seriously hook-up in the future, in the back of my head I would always probably be thinking "I know he wishes he had Aimee and not me." Confusing! I'll let you know how it goes.
nish - glad you are feeling like your old self... and that you have figured out what you need to do to be happy... sometimes the best thing to do is leave the situation
sooooo i think we have found a potential place. trying to get james to go look at it on saturday
Ashlan: That salad sounds so good. And you are my shero on this running! Animal thuggin!!!! And I know it always feels good when someone says you look skinny and getting compliments from other people in the gym. And on top of that, smaller jeans! Woot! Woot!
Melissa: You're a much stronger woman than I. My Easter was a total bust. As for the Turbo Jam, maybe it's time for a new tape. It would be cool if we had some type of weight loss DVD swap on here. Like that site paperbackswap where people trade books.
Brie: I actually ried Nuvo for the first time when I was home. My friend got me a Nuvo and Hennessy... liquor and mo liquor. It was too much for me! I am totally out of the loop on the cool drinks!
Nish: Love your new pic! And as far as the trip goes, one of my friends used to say, "if you can't be good, be good at it!!!" As for the man stuff, I can't say whether you should go or stay. That's a major life decision.
What I can tell you is that I think your happiness should be a priority. When the good days outweigh the bad days with someone, you two have to decide to change the way you've been approaching the relationship or move on. If you've already tried to change the situation and it didn't work, it may be time to move on. And WTF is wrong with a dude that's not attracted to you anyway?!?! No homo, but you're freakin hot!!!
Starmac: Sounds like a fun date! I see great times ahead with this guy. Oh, and I get mad props.
Vephra: I want you to never eat super whole wheat bread ever again.
Taylor: I saw a commercial for Cook Yourself Thin!!! I thought it was new and hadn't started yet!
Heather: I heart you. You're a heaping spoonful of awesomeness.
As for me, one of my friends is in town for a conference. She just texted me and she's going to a dinner and just wants to go get dessert now. I have to resist temptation. I'm gonna workout when I get back or early in the morning and then it's off to Nashville I go for the weekend. So you ladies may not hear from me tomorrow.
Beaka -- It's the age-old addage, "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and i'll show you the guy who is sick of f*ckin' her."
Actually, I don't even know if that's an addage. lmfao. But thank you! Yeah, it's from my birthday. I was wasted laying on the floor. English Boy took that exactly three seconds before he got lucky.
Wow - the orange I am eating right now is getting juice everywhere but it is so yummy. Oh, and I am enjoying a skinny vanilla latte cause we are having some rainy weather and I really wanted one...so I just made a few adjustments in my calories. SO good. I am a starbucks wh0re.
My workout with the trainer went well - I got an extra 30 minutes before out session so a total of 90 minutes today.
I love the rain but Chris (from England) hates it. I am like "OOooo rain!" and he is like "Oh, bugger off"....really funny. This weather does make me want "comfort food" but I got a latte instead..
Other than that my life isn't all that exciting today...
nish You are too wonderful to stay in that situation. You are an amazing women and I really look up to you - I would say get out. I would say yes to the trip and to the move! And I love your new pic - I agree with beaka - you are freakin' hot!
beaka Have a great time in Nashville. Oh, and I don't think that show started yet - I am so excited for it! I am sure you can resist temptation! If you find yourself wanting dessert - than share some and have a few bites -- or some fresh fruit. The sweetness of fruit really works for me - but I almost always have a WW ice cream bar every night because I make it worth within my calories. It's all about give and take. I am sure you will do great in Nashville
luvja I hope this guy is pure of heart - you really only deserve the best...and if he is not I will kick is butt. I have looked at many of your pictures on facebook and you are so pretty - keep us updated on this guy! Oh, and let us know how your WI tomorrow goes!!
heather I think the same about you. You are so amazing and you are just pushing through whatever life - and the scale - throw at you. I really look up to you. Good luck on your run.
bee YAY! Congrats on being down 1.2lbs this week! I know how much you needed that...I am so proud of you for getting back on the wagon and kickin' some booty! --- How is your friends mom? Everyone okay?
Blcarter I am jealous of your weather! It is crap here. Enjoy the sunshine for me.
cake Hold cr@ap, girl. I cannot get over how awesome your WL is going -- I am so happy/ excited for you!! I did ask my trainer about my legs and we talked and the treadmill at my apartment complex is very.."bouncy" and doesn't work well with me so I think I am going to start working out at her gym because I like the treadmill -- I did 5 minutes again with zero problem. Thanks for inspiring me to start running. How did you WI go?
sxul I am so excited that you are moving in together! I really enjoy living with Chris! I am really happy for you. How long have you been together?
starmac I am glad your date went well! He does sound like a fun guy - I am glad you are letting it "roll with the punches" I always think that is the smartest way to be. How was your first day at work?
brie You look so beautiful! I love your dress AND your hair. I am glad you birthday was so great!
I agree with the other girls nish, sounds like you at least need to take a break. Sticking in that for another 5 years or so sounds like torture to me Dont think you should put yourself through that
Arrrgggggg water retention. I am so buying one of those fancy fat measuring scales next pay day. Seriously
chele - how do you do it? Seriously. i need tips. I got up at 6 this morning and thought i was going to die. Like there was no sun, no light, and i almost stepped on my dog who wanted to attack me for waking him up. I was gone before anyone woke up.
ashlan - yay on WI that is awesome. see that burger did not set you back. and i know it was good. but now its on to the healthy stuff. keep on rockin it
sxul - that is so exciting. and wow Niagara falls. i have always wanted to go there. wanna trade for a day? haha
Carter - dominate the scale. i love to bowl but hadnt in a while. and way to go with the air force
Taylor - thatis hardcore with the trainer. 90 minutes where did you see this new show? i could use it
Nish - it would just remind them of college. sunday morning drunk frat boys on the treadmill. As for the boy, life is way too short to live it for someone else. You should want to be with someone. Yeah a relationship takes work, but i was under the impression that the "want" never goes away if you are meant to be. Correct me if i am wrong people. I am new to this. If you are that unhappy, move on and find the guy that will let you be yourself and nothing less.
Beaka - resist i say resist. have fun in nashville. behave lady. Dont do anything we wouldnt do
So my first day of work went well. But I can tell you that I am going to have to put my foot down with the food. I got there and 30 minutes later they were deciding where to go to lunch (5 guys or chinese). I opted for the cafeteria which has a great salad bar. And its cheap.
I did some training today. And by that i mean i watched this other girl work and i pretended to mentally run through the steps before she did it. I think i will get the hang of it, but i dont have a desk or computer yet so i think i will just be observing for right now.
Okay i am going to do something a little crazy. It involves me going to bed before 9:30 and waking up at 5 to go to the gym. I didnt go today and i felt sluggish.
Taylor: Yes I did need it the WL, its not what I wanted but I know how bad I ate this week so all things considered it was good. I haven't heard an update on her today, and I consider no news good news. Thank you for asking!
Beaka: I love me some Nashville, it is the next city I want to live in besides the one I live in now. Have fun this weekend!
Nish: Interesting addeage there.
Luvja: Thats alot of back and forth there with the boy. Good luck.
I am so glad tomorrow is Friday that's all I am sayin'.
I ran 4 miles today in 50 minutes. I'm so excited!!! I have my 5k race this Sunday.
Can I just say I do not like judgmental people!! Some of you know that I moved out to cali to get out of an abusive relationship. I submitted to counseling and that I wouldn't date for a year. That year is up... And I'm in a relationship. I had sexytime with him. I told my ex counselor so there would be no secrets. Well everyone who knows from church or family is freaking out. They think I've gone off the deep end.
Now my friend from church just tells me that she can't be my friend anymore b/c I'm sleeping with him. Oh my goodness! I can't believe this. Why would people claim to love you and be there for you and then judge and condemn?
STILL hovering around the same weight...I'm like DAMN, who do I have to pay to drop 60 lbs around here? Life is normal..chilling, being buried by homework. I leave for my Florida trip in about a week and a half...
HWGA: goodness, I've been gone for a minute. Who did you hook up with?
Anyway, yeah, going to Florida and driving back to Cali. What the **** was I thinking letting my friend talk me into this? the only good part is the week and a half from work. I can get with that.
So i did read of all that. Everyone seems so busy. Me too.
As part of a seinor project, I'm sewing a corset. It's getting so close to being done. I'm so excited. I'll definitely take pictures when it's all finished.
I'm almost down to my pre-easter weight. I'm sure when my period ends, I will be. I've been kicking major @ss at the gym. I've cut my mile time from 21 minutes when i first started in January to 13:59. I'm so excited. That even included my warm up walk of 5 minutes at 3.5. The weight lifting has also been awesome. My body feels so much better, and I think looks better, even though I haven't lost any more weight, or inches.
We had some fun today. Our ResLife had a zombie program and ghost tour of the campus today, and they asked the theater department to help out. Well, I got paid to do the zombie make up (It's what I do, prosthetic make up. I work at a haunted house in Octobers) and me and couple friends haunted the ghost tour and scared the cr@p out of people. So much fun. and so much running! I have some fun pictures from that, too.
We had smores after the haunt, and i'm pretty proud of myself for only having one. And still well within my calorie range.
Blah...
Really, though, I wish you both the absolute best and I know you'll do great. 
Thank you for your encouraging words. They are exactly what I needed during this time of great trial. Now, as long as the rest of things you guys talked about me were good.... 
Lol Do you know what I'm talking about?
I have to resist temptation. I'm gonna workout when I get back or early in the morning and then it's off to Nashville I go for the weekend. So you ladies may not hear from me tomorrow.
How did you WI go?
