I would say go for it, but then again I am NOT a homebody and I tend to enjoy my friends and family best when they're at a distance. I get along with people a lot better when I catch up once a week or a month as opposed to seeing them everyday. DH included. LoL.
I can make new friends, so leaving people behind is never a primary concern of mine (if I couldn't take my cats I would die, so that's the only factor I ever take into account. They're the only 'people' I am obligated to) and I'm one of those people that just likes to drop everything and go somewhere new every few years. I just get the itch and i'm not happy until i'm somewhere else. The boyfriend would be a happy perk, but not the main factor in my decision to move.
IF this is you, you need to carefully consider your educational opportunities, whether or not you could get a job to support yourself as well as attend school full-time (It is possible. Plenty of us do it) and your personal ability to handle being away from home on your own.
Do you get lonely?
Do you get homesick?
Are you 100% self-sufficient and adventurous enough to make it by yourself and be happy, or do you need support and guidance from familiar people around you just to make it through the week?
Would being away from the people you know and love make you miserable? What if things don't work out with the boyfriend, would you be able to support yourself and grow some roots there or would you want to go home?
Have you ever lived on your own?
Could you get a job so you could make ends meet if you had to?
You need to think long and hard about it. If BF doesn't understand, then unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be and maybe in the future when you're more stable you can work something out.
But from what you've posted here right now, I would say absolutely not. You WILL NOT -- and I stress this with the most stern intonation I can muster over the internet -- YOU WILL NOT rely on this man financially. He has no obligation to care and provide for you, and you yourself are not even remotely financially independent. You would be depending on the generosity of him and your mom, and that in itself is not kosher. I understand you're working on your education and everything, but you are at the mercy of other people. Without them you could not survive on your own. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you even PONDER the idea that someone else would? That is the single STUPIDEST thing I can imagine a woman doing. Ever.
If you can get a good stable job (ideally before you get there), you can pay all your bills AND even hypothetically be able to rent a place to live in a safe decent neighborhood that's in reasonable proximity to your workplace, still be able to put money into savings every month, AND be happy on your own then go with my blessings.
I just have to say that Nishkitten has hit it on the head. There are ages of wisdom in every aspect that she touched on. Ultimately, the wisest decisions are based on being independently financially stable.
It doesn't mean never... just maybe not right now.
Good luck hun. no matter what, i'm confident you will find your happiness.
Update:
I told him today that my mother and I had looked into some career colleges... it would mean that I'd only have a year more of school instead of two.
He essentially got very, "...so you've decided you're not coming then."
"Well, I'm trying to compromise here... I think I really need to get some kind of SKILLS. Ireland's rockin' a pretty good recession, they don't need more unskilled labourers, it'll be hard to find a job."
"But you've decided you're not coming for another year. Which doesn't really work for me."
"... so... if I don't come right away... that's it?"
And he never replied.
Awesome.
Thanks to EACH of you. I appreciate the brutal honesty in a way, lol. Painful. Brutal. But honest, and likely true. Maybe things with boy and I just weren't meant to be.
jelbb hunni i'm sorry. He sounds like he's being very selfish. What you came up with was a good compramise. And your logic is completely right. things over here right now are really bad and jobs are not going easily. So it might not be the best idea to move here without some sort of skills as you said.
I'm sorry hun, I hope things do work out for you and the boy.
Though actually if I were him and I thought my SO was moving to be with me and then told me he wasn't coming for at least a year... I'd be upset too. Actually, I'm positive my initial reaction wouldn't be good.
Maybe some time apart (not as bf/gf) would help see things more clearly.
My friend always wanted to live abroad and her bf didn't. So she signed up for the Peace Corps and said "bye!" as it was her dream and she wasn't going to let a man stand in her way. She had only been gone 4 months when he flew to Siberia (seriously, she lives in Siberia!) and they are back to making things work out. She'll be there until November '10.. but they're "together"...
Just do what's best for you and what's meant to be will fall into place.
Thanks ladies. Still haven't heard from him one way or another.
Joyra: I know you're right about needing time. My roommate also noted that if her boyfriend told her he was leaving for a year, her immediately knee-jerk reaction would be "That's it, we're through." She said she'd need some time to think and realize that that's not what she'd want.
I know I'll be fine if things do end. I think the end of a long-distance relationship would be SLIGHTLY easier than a normal one... considering your day-to-day activities wouldn't change. You don't see them on a regular basis anyhow, so it might not be quite as painful...?
Either way, it's great that you're able to take it so well. Sometimes these things just aren't meant to be, and if they are they'll find a way to work themselves out.
Lol, I usually take breakups REALLY REALLY badly. I become a wreck, I cry for days...
But I just bought a book called, "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken," it's by the same guy that wrote "He's Just Not That Into You." They have something called "The Psycho Confessional" in the book and it's ex-girlfriends talking about doing stupid things, like.. breaking into their ex's MSN accounts and fending off girls' advances, or calling non-stop, or sneaking into their houses.
Compared to that? I take breakups VERY well. And I've got a LOT of pride, and thus will never be that psycho ex, lmao.
But I just bought a book called, "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken," it's by the same guy that wrote "He's Just Not That Into You."
I read that book during my last big break-up as corny as it can be at times, it was SO helpful. I recommend it to everyone going through any sort of break up.
hah i just looked at that book on the google preview. it's pretty funny. and well accurate. the truth is, breakups do suck. im going to be breaking up with my current bf in a few months when i move, and i'm not even completely over my last bf. it's funny, in that book, the girl mentioned her ex being "her kryptonite" and that's exactly what i called my ex.
I'm sorry honey. Give him a few days to throw his stupid temper tantrum and see if he comes around. If not, then I suppose he's made up his mind and you'd best be moving on.
There is a whole proverbial sea chock full of em'. Dust out the cobwebs, put on some heels and go get a new one. Or a few new ones. Or just repeatedly turn down the advances so you can practice saying no. I don't judge.
...
no matter what, i'm confident you will find your happiness.
