Do you believe it's possible to be in love with 2 people at once?
It's a long story and I'm not getting into it here, but I have an ex-fiance of 5 years (we broke up in the summer...another long story, but honestly he didn't do anything. I was having a "quarter-life-crisis" and basically let go of everything, including relationships) and then there's the current beau of 6, almost 7 months.
There's qualities in both of them that I absolutely love. I feel a deeper connection with my ex (we've been close for 10 years...dated for 5) and my bf now and I have SO much in common.
My ex came in for a visit over the weekend and we really hit it off...and I wasn't expecting such a connection.
So now I'm wondering if I made a rash decision over the summer...all these months, my ex is still very much in love with me, and I can honestly say I love him too. But I do love my current bf very much.
I'm very confused right now...I know it's a decision that I have to make on my own, but I'd very much appreciate any insight you all can give!
You can absolutely be in love with more than one person. But I believe that you love one person just a bit more to make a difference. I have also believed that once a relationship is over it is usually over...but you say that he didn't do anything wrong, so not sure on that one. I wouldn't say that dumping the current guy for a past guy is good too because you may not be giving the current guy the chance he deserves.
I agree with disgruntled. You're still young and shouldn't be too tied down. I'm 28 and have already had one divorce and one broken engagement. I've given my ex three chances....but he really did do things wrong. LOL
You need to decide what and who makes you happier. Agree with ace, follow your heart.
Thanks you guys...it's really tearing me up badly. I was barely able to get out of bed today...and I have such puffy eyes from the tears and a nasty migraine. Ugh...
I've never been a "casual dater" type of person. Ever. I've only done the whole long-term relationship thing. My shortest relationship was 6 months. I just don't feel comfortable with it, and I wouldn't feel right if a guy was "casually" dating me, either. I know, to each their own!
And I don't see it as being tied down....I'm happy being with one person! I know what I want/like and when I find someone (or if someone finds me) who fits that, I'm so happy! But I'm completely torn right now with these two...
I know how you feel- Ive been there before... but here is just a few questions... do you think your current boyfriend could have been a rebound? and.. could you just be in love with the memories of your old boyfriend? there is a big difference from loving some one and BEING IN LOVE with some one..... If you thought about it long and hard enough could you maybe love them each in different ways?
Also we don't always fall in love with the right person for us... who if you stepped out side the box as if you were an outsider looking in would you think is better for you? which relationship was healthier?
these are all things to consider
good luck!
Last edited by mariamherrera; 01-27-2009 at 12:16 AM.
courtney u have a bf right now- and honestly if he was "the one" i don't believe u would have all those feelings for ur ex. u and ur ex have been split up for months and the fact that y'all still have such strong feelings for each other says a lot to me.
We broke up due to a few unresolved issues (depression in the main) but even after spending months apart we were still as in love, fit as perfectly when together, still loved to spend time in each others company, were still the others confidante...
Long story short we got back together (and I had been dating other guys in the meantime...one in particular).
For me it was just that everything with my BF just felt RIGHT - sure we still have ups and downs and we still annoy one another with bad habits but thats life. Fundementally though we click.
That is something you need to sit down and decide for yourself.
I agree with one of the other ladies above - the current could be a rebound. Even those of us who prefer "relationships" to "dating" can still fall into a rebound trap. You may be projecting feelings from your last BF onto the new one.
I deft. know how it feels to be there...its very possible to love more than one person, but the fact that you are with someone now and have such strong feelings for someone else may mean that you wish for that which you dont have more...
In my opinion, relationships seem to change after the one year mark, so if you were with your ex for so long and things were great maybe thats saying something. I know your in between a rock and a hard place and how difficult this must be. Hang in there!
I've done this. My ex Isaac, who lived 5 hours from me, had trust issues. He really didn't do anything wrong, but I just couldn't deal with it. I trusted him, so it only seemed fair that he trusted me. We broke up and I started dating this guy Patrick (FOR A YEAR AND A HALF). I can tell you a part of me still loved Isaac. As time past on, it still was there but...I couldn't do it. Patrick didn't treat me well and I really missed having a caring boyfriend. I think that is why I stayed attached to Isaac for so long. I never did go back to him and I am now with my fiance and haven't been happier! I no longer have feelings for Isaac, either.
There's 2 things you could do. You could leave your current boyfriend and get back with your ex OR continue things with the current guy and if things don't work out - move on. I wouldn't advise going back to your ex, even if the feelings are so strong. I completely understand you don't mind settle down but who knows what else is out there.
ugh, no, this is the story of my life. i've dated ppl before, and when we broke up, i didn't care to know them.
but there's one. my first real love. we've been in each other's lives for a few years now. we dated twice. he broke up with me both times. we didn't see each other for 2 years until a month ago. it's safe to say there's still a connection there. and i do love him. in a different way from my current bf.
i love my current bf, he's really nice and fun, but the romance and passion is not there, unfortunately.
Aww thanks ya'll. I love reading about your personal experiences...it really helps me out to see what everyone did in my situation. It breaks my heart knowing I'll have to break one of their's.
I'm going home this weekend, and I plan on spending time with both of them during my stay...hopefully my heart will know the right thing to do...
Sorry but I disagree with most. I DON'T believe you can be truly in love with two people at once. Maybe you are interested in both, but true love? It's either one or the other. If you TRULY LOVE somebody, you wouldn't even entertain the idea of being in love with someone else. just my two cents....
i dont think you can be in love with two people. being in love means commitment and giving your heart to one person fully. can you find other people attractive or have interest or a passing flirtation? sure. but those things aren't love. at the end of the day your love for this person takes precedence over any of that stuff.
i think you can LOVE two people at once....bella did it in twilight, lol. but i guess i agree with rachel and megan....does that mean i'm changing my opinion?? i'm confusing myself.
i think it's a good thought that you could just be loving the memories with the ex.
i'v never been much of a casual dater either so i know how you feel there.
i think you should spend the time with each of them this weekend. you're heart will definitely know what's right....but listen if your head has anything to say. sometimes your head is smarter than your heart. see if your gut has any opinions either
Opinions needed...
