I have had this conversation a few times recently and want to put it out there to you...
Is it possible to be friends with someone once he or she is engaged or married (and you are the gender of his/her sexual preference)?
My current life example: I ran into a guy I met in college about 6 years ago and he's back in town for grad school. I emailed him to see if he wanted to catch up more and/or hang out. (We saw each other at a bar and couldn't really talk.) I even used the phrase "...hang out, mix social groups". So I think the email should come across as looking for friendship.
But I just found out he's engaged. So now I worry.
I am admittedly neurotic about many things and something tells me this falls into that category.
But how do you guys feel? This is new territory. Friends are only starting to get engaged in my life.
For me it depends on the friend - some think that being in a serious relationship or married means that they can't have any contact with the opposite sex, and sometimes they're fine with it. It depends on the trust between the couple too - but I figure it's their problem, so it's up to them to decide about the friendship. A lot of my friends are pairing up/settling down, and I've seen it go both ways.
I always like to invite the SO along to things, because it clears the air. Who knows, she might turn out to be tons of fun too!
I think it definitely depends on the other person. Some people honestly believe you cannot be friends with the opposite sex (or same sex if thats your preference) without being attracted and want to mess around with them. On the other hand many people feel strongly the opposite. I've had guy friends that thought both ways and the ones that thought they couldn't be friends with girls don't talk to me anymore now that they are hitched and the other guys are still my friends! I also agree you have to be in it for the right reasons as well.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You were friends before she came along. If you guys just met and wanted to be friends...well, then...that's just odd. Old friends = good, new ones of the opposite sex = not so good, potential threats. My ex constantly met new females...and he always ended up messing around with them. Hence why he is an ex. Even though he did this with females he knew too....There's a less likely chance and less likely his fiance will not mind.
As a married women I can tell you I personally don't like my husband (nor did I when we were just engaged) having close females friends.. friends he was with prior to me I'm ok with him still being friends with as long as it's not a private friendship meaning we can all do something as a group or for example when one of my husbands friends call to talk to him on the phone they always say hi to me and see how I'm doing and ask if they may talk to my husband I respect that.. and now were all friends.. any females who were not ok with that I did not allow my husband to remain friends with ... WHy not invite him and his fiance to hang out? SH'e really appreciate that and it will acknowledge that you are respectful of her place in is life and you might make a new friend out of it
My DH has friends of the opposite sex... not many, but a couple. I like them and know they aren't out to "steal my man" or anything. I also have friend from childhood that I'll go hang out with when I go back home without DH (which is rare). They aren't exclusive friendships and we all hang out together. I also have male acquaintances/friends, but I don't really "hang out" with them on my own.
That said, you might want to make a point to meet his fiance and include her in your re-acquaintance with your friend so that everyone can feel comfortable
it depends on the security of the woman. part of the reason i fell in love with my husband is bc he works long hours, a job where he comes in contact with a lot of ppl/women, and he's very successful. of course he gets hit on regularly but what i adore about him is i don't have to worry about who he's friends with, i don't have to read his emails, text messages or monitor his calls. i love him bc it would b easy for him to cheat but i KNOW that he chooses not to. i don't want a man who doesn't cheat bc it's a challenge i want a man who doesn't cheat bc he doesn't want to. hopefully she's the same kind of wife/fiance.
I personally would think it was ok if my husband met up with a former friend, IF he is open about it. And is ok I tag along if I really wanted to cause then I would know that nothing else was going on.
Yeah see, my husband doesn't get hit on. Or if he did, he would never know it- that would be a better way to put it I think he's attractive and adorable, but he has no idea. I practically had to smack him upside the head and shout "Hey! I like you!" before he got it. He's dense. Smart, but dense.
oh yeah james is the same way. completely ignorant to it, lol. when we first started dating i was bartending my way through college and this waitress where i worked hit on him relentlessly and i just laughed it off and never said anything to him. well one day she came into work and had dyed her hair the same marilyn monroe blonde that i do mine. she came up and was standing beside james and kinda wedged herself between his and his friend's bar stools and was right in his face and said "so when the h e l l r u gonna ask me out" i've never seen his jaw drop so far. he had no idea she had been hitting on him for weeks.
oh yeah james is the same way. completely ignorant to it, lol. when we first started dating i was bartending my way through college and this waitress where i worked hit on him relentlessly and i just laughed it off and never said anything to him. well one day she came into work and had dyed her hair the same marilyn monroe blonde that i do mine. she came up and was standing beside james and kinda wedged herself between his and his friend's bar stools and was right in his face and said "so when the h e l l r u gonna ask me out" i've never seen his jaw drop so far. he had no idea she had been hitting on him for weeks.
That's when you know you've got a good one, I suppose!
I think you can be friends with members of the opposite sex. I understand how this can seem like a dangerous thing but if you and your spouse love each other you will not be compelled to cheat regardless of how attractive/interesting a friend is.
Now if a relationship is rocky then it can be dangerous.
I have been with my husband since we were 16. We have many of the same friends and therefore I guess that is one reason why I am not jealous because his friends are my friends and they wouldn't want to hurt me. Although I was at University when he wasn't and made many male friends (all of which I introduced him to) and he knew I would never cheat.
It is good to invite the GF too because she might be totally cool and you could all become awesome friends.
Ultimately it is up to them but I feel like if you have to tell your man he can't hang with a friend maybe the relationship isn't that secure or maybe she herself has insecurities.
Being Friends with Engaged/Married Others
A lot of my friends are pairing up/settling down, and I've seen it go both ways.
I think he's attractive and adorable, but he has no idea. I practically had to smack him upside the head and shout "Hey! I like you!" before he got it. He's dense. Smart, but dense.
That's when you know you've got a good one, I suppose!
