[mrsgeb2]

good morning ladies!!

last year i lost 41lbs and this year i've gained 20 of them back and i just can't seem to get it right! i'll lose ten and then gain it right back! for some reason this is getting harder and harder! i tried on a pair of pants that i bought about 20lbs ago and they no longer fit! i was so devestated! i can't believe i let this happen and i don't know what to do!

all of my excessive eating is emotional eating. i started purging around may and it started out as just a every once in a while thing but it's starting to happen a lot more and it's getting much easier. i actually feel good about it after i do it and the only thing that bothers me is the fact that i just wasted $ on food i ate, then threw up and i could have skipped the middle man and just save the $ and skipped calories.

whenever i see a 'skinny' person all i can do is think about how much i wish i could be them. i hate the size i am and want to be someone else so bad i can taste it.

i've gotten lost people and don't know where to turn.

how do you get back to the beginning when your so lost you can't even see the light let alone follow it?

[carinna]

Hi Jana. First of all, . I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now. The important thing to remember is that you are still down 20 pounds from your starting weight, so not all is lost! Don't be so hard on yourself. We all relapse from time to time. You have to forgive yourself and move forward, because you can't turn back time and you'll never make progress if you wallow in it.

What concerns me is that you have an eating disorder. Have you given any thought to seeing a therapist? You need to get to the bottom of that before you can truly be successful.

I wish you all the best, and please take care of yourself. You're not alone, we are all here to support you. Don't forget that.

[Lovely]

Jana -

Have you checked out the Chicks in Control area? There are so many other women who are struggling with binging and purging.

I also suggest seeing a doctor that you can talk about these food issues with. Bulimia is a serious condition. Without proper treatment... I worry that the future holds even more binging and purging.

Forget your old beginning. This is your new beginning. It means starting here, quickly seeking help for the food and emotional issues, and then working to lose weight.

Losing weight doesn't make us a new person.

[Spoz]

Hey! Dont fear...you can definitely control those binges.

It's always more difficult to lose lbs over again, and I'm doing just that, so that we tend to feel more frustrated because it's not as easy as we found prior and start to feel like nothings changing. You need time and some soul searching. Just keep trying and eventually you will reach that place mentally where you can say 'Ok, I can and will do this, it's just going to take determination, time and perseverance'

[caligirl98]

Jana, I was exaclty where you are two years ago. I lost 50 lbs and then I got laid off and was having touble getting a job and gained 35 lbs back. I started making myself sick after I would binge and I would only feel bad about the money. But I knew that if I kept at it, I could hurt myself seriously.

I'm still struggling with it, but for me, it helps that I'm super strict during the week and then I give myself Saturday to indulge. Not saying that I don't feel guilty about it later, but since it was a planned binge, I'm not going to purge. I always feel the worst when I binge on a Tuesday and that's when I make myself sick becuase I feel like I have messed up my whole week.

I got back on track by watching what I eat and trying not to have any bad stuff in my house unless it's not too bad. If I want french fries, I eat french fries and just work it off later. I don't deprive myself because it will only make the binge worse. Don't beat yourself up. It's destructive to think about what could have been. Think about the fact that you lost that weight and you can do it again.

[mrsgeb2]

thank you ladies for all your words.

i don't see myself as a bulimic...i guess because i'm not skinny and most of them are...

i made a call one time to see a therapist but she had no openings until december and i just hung up and never called back...it took me months just to make that one call and it was for nothing...

and to be honest the only time i feel good is when i skip meals or possibly a whole day of eating...it's easier for me to not eat than it is to worry about trying to eat right and excerise...

i went to some websites with ed memorials and some of those girls sound just like me...i keep laxatives and diuretics on my nightstand and diet pills are always in my purse...i know it sounds crazy but i'm trying to be honest because i've never told anyone these things before...i've always keep it to myself...

[Lovely]

Originally Posted by anajjana

i don't see myself as a bulimic...i guess because i'm not skinny and most of them are...

Most bulimics are not skinny. And even if most did happen to be, that doesn't rule it out.

i made a call one time to see a therapist but she had no openings until december and i just hung up and never called back...it took me months just to make that one call and it was for nothing...

and to be honest the only time i feel good is when i skip meals or possibly a whole day of eating...it's easier for me to not eat than it is to worry about trying to eat right and excerise...

Please, please, please call around different doctor's offices. Get a referral from a regular physician. Anything. The ladies (and gentlemen) in the Chicks in Control section may have better direct advice. They may help to point you in the right direction. http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=64

[Mommysince21505]

I agree with what everyone is saying. I do worry about you though, because you do sound like you have an eating disorder. Just hang in there, you can get help and you can feel better about yourself!