So i'm not really one to look for sympathy, but I've grown to love the support that this forum gives, so I figured it was a good place to just look for piece of mind.
I've been stood up for a date tonight- one that I was so extremely excited for, I can't even begin to explain. There's nothing worse than a void, empty feeling of not knowing why someone has rejected you- no answer, no explanation. I haven't seen this person in years, so it was more of a getting back together kind of thing (he was the one who called and asked), but nonetheless, it was even more of an event for me because with every pound I lose, I feel that I gain more in confidence. I'm by no means skinny yet- even though I'm feeling great, fitting into smaller sizes, old clothes, etc., I'm still heavy and want to lose so much more. But back to my story...
So as I'm sitting here, thinking about how I should take this- as a personal attack, he's an idiot kind of thing, don't worry about it, etc. It's hard not to take it personally, though. He made an effort NOT to return my call, not to see me and honor our plans, and that's hard- especially when I have image issues lately anyways. All my hard work about feeling great about myself lately has just been completely abolished and I'm not even happy with myself for allowing someone to get at me that way.
Wow, I'm sorry for ranting and making many of you read this.. but I just feel that that no matter what the scales say, will I always inevitably be the chubby girl with a smile on the outside to cover up the broken heart on the inside.
I don't know what to say, it's a horrible thing that he's done... Honestly I can't imagine it being anything to do with you, it's just cruel of him. You deserve better than someone who would behave like this anyway. So just keep doing better.
That feels terrible no matter what size you are. What a jerk. My best friend recently went on a date with a guy that we went to high school with. He was immensely popular and about five years older. Well, ten years later my friend asked him out on a date. I know, ballsy; right? She was so excited, and word had got around our small town about this as well. He showed up for what she thought was a first date. They have a beer and the first thing he says is, "My girlfriend wasn't too happy about my going out with you tonight." What the --
She was really mortified. She made me swear to not tell anyone. Anyways, a month later she started a torrid affair with her neighbor. He's not married or anything; I just love the way that sounds. They have been dating for about four months and he is so awesome!
I guess what I am getting around to is that sometimes love sneaks up on you when you least expect it. You have already come so far. Stay focused; don't let this deter you from becoming what you want on the outside to match the obviously beautiful you on the inside.
You have every right to feel sad. It was wrong for him not to call you and to stand you up. You don't deserve that. You are better than that. I don't care if you weighed 600 pounds and had trouble getting around, you do not deserve to be treated that way. Many people feel that losing weight will fix all of their "issues" about themselves. I don't believe that is true.
You have hurts and feelings and just "stuff" that you have been through. You don't need to just stuff it down.
Why are you losing weight? To please others or yourself?
I know this sounds cliche, but forget what everybody else thinks. People become jealous when you do something to improve yourself. (The haters come out from everywhere and it's sometimes the people you least expect it to be.) It's like you shine a flashlight and they are suddenly aware of the issues they need to fix too.
Do something nice for yourself. Get a pedicure, go buy a new book. So this guy's a jerk that's ok, at least you won't settle. Sometimes you got to go through a bunch of frogs to get to the prince.
...but I just feel that that no matter what the scales say, will I always inevitably be the chubby girl with a smile on the outside to cover up the broken heart on the inside.
Not true. You will be the the fit, fabulous girl with a smile on the outside that reflects all the self-love you feel on the inside. And some wonderful guy is going to see that and be absolutely smitten.
Hang in there!
Last edited by UrsusMaritimus; 08-01-2008 at 07:01 PM.
I agree, the least he could have done was called, even if it was with some lame excuse. The guy needs to learn some manners, so realistically, it's best that he did it now really, you don't want it to have been months down the line when you realised he was an insensitive, impolite moron. I know that doesn't help your hurt now, but, it's the truth.
I'm sorry you feel so let down.
Why don't you still get dolled up, call the girls and go out?
but I just feel that that no matter what the scales say, will I always inevitably be the chubby girl with a smile on the outside to cover up the broken heart on the inside.
Even if that were true (which it is NOT) at least you're not a nasty, heart breaking a**hole who gets their kicks out of making other people miserable Sounds like the kinda guy you dont want to be around anyway. You probably had a close escape
I understand how hurt you feel. Once I met someone on a blind date and 10 minutes into it he basically said "nothing will come out of this." I knew it was my weight. I stood up and walked to my car as he insisted to walk me out... All I could do was feel the tears build up in my eyes....
I swear men are so clueless. Most of them are idiots--they don't know what they want, they don't know how to read a woman, they don't know how to act, what to say----ARGH!!
Thanks so much, everyone, for your kind words of encouragement. It's comforting to know that everyone has dating horror stories- many of these made my jaw literally drop- the girlfriend thing, the blind date- as IF!?! i guess these are a right of passage, to which I'll never understand why we need to pass through them.
It's just a reality check, too- Losing weight has made me feel so great lately that this is quite the opposite- a feeling that I have no control over, and let me tell you, I don't like being out of control! I can shut the door and move on, all while working on being fit and fabulous. I have a bit more clarity now, probably since the girls rallied and the tears have stopped.
I am doing it for me mostly. Men want me. All they want to do is sleep with me. They don't want to marry me or anything cause I have a mental illness and mild brain damage but they see nothing wrong with using my body till something else better comes along.
Yes I am bitter. I am about 15 lbs overweight. I want to lose it not so that men will want me. Because wanting my body is not the same thing as wanting ME.
I want to see a photo of myself and say hey...I look good. So it is mostly for me.
I just need an outlet to vent
Sounds like the kinda guy you dont want to be around anyway. You probably had a close escape 
