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Old 07-12-2001, 03:33 PM   #16  
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Like Casey, I've gone both routes before, too. Eventually, someone says something, right? However, I don't need DH asking me if I "can have" a certain food or if I "should" it whatever. I don't need that Food Police. Whether that is his intention or not, I take it the Food Police way. (I'm sure there's another issue imbedded in that, too.)

Now about the mom issue. I've been to counselors before and only recently have I found one who I think is really helping me. Instead of her saying, "Just because" when I ask a question, she is explaining it so that even I can understand.

Well, to get to my point, I'm finding out that how I feel about people in my past is directly AND indirectly related to stuff that's going on inside me now. Significant relationships are not things that are put on a straight line, where X happened back then or back there and now I "should" be able to get over it and move on. They are more like webs, where X happened over here (as opposed to back there or back then). And now instead of "shoulding" myself to get over it, I need to realize that what happened is woven into me and my web and that it is not easy to just move on. Afterall, if you cut a piece of web apart, it may unravel . . .

2oM (Annie)
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Old 07-12-2001, 06:01 PM   #17  
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Default that web thing

>>Afterall, if you cut a piece of web apart, it may unravel . . .
>>

Yes... exactly. And the web, for all of it's problems is MY web, and it's familiar, and I know my way around it.

Losing weight threatens that security. BIG time.
Letting go of a relationship with mom that I have little control of threatens that security. BIG time.

Part of the reason THIS time is different is that I'm seeing that clearly, and frankly, I'm not as afraid as I've been. I'm excited. I'm looking forward to seeing what new things will come about from the decisions that I'm making.

::::sigh::: Of course, I had ice cream for breakfast and lunch, but still!!! I'm at least journaling it and being honest about it.

Keep on Keeping ON!!

303/299/135....
going for 290 by Labor Day!!
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Old 07-15-2001, 08:08 AM   #18  
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I am enjoying this thread so much and the discussion I am hoping we can keep it going and maybe more people will join in.

I was to think about what I do "get", because there are some things that I have learned but am having trouble puting them into action.

I know, for me, that am exercise starts my day off better. I am less hungry and have more energy thru-out the day. That high fiber foods stay w/ me longer which helps with snacking.


I know that any change in my schedule "gives me permission" to go off OP.

I know that if I am not rested, that too sets me up for overeating.

And I know if I can't manage my feeling, I overeat or eat the wrong stuff.

Reading the August edition of Oprah, there was an article about giving advice to friends. To make a long story short it stated we all have the answers we need inside us. We just have to listen or feel it is OK to let us answer ourselves.

I think my answers include:

I don't give myself the seriousness, determination I need to fight this.

I am doing it for the "attention" i.e. the pats on teh back, the looks and comments etc. and not for me.

I am lazy or looking for the quick answers results

I am willing to be defocused by anything, people, events, etc.

It is not OK for me to have feelings, much less manage them.

I am more worried that if I focus on me, I will somehow disappoint, upset, anger someone.

So I need to work at overcoming these beliefs or learning to cope with them.

thanks for listening

PAT
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Old 07-16-2001, 10:49 AM   #19  
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Pat... I like turning this on it's ear and thinking about what I *do* get (even though I may not actually do it.. I do get it!!)

I get... that if I drink my water for the day, I'm not as hungry or infatuated with food.

What goes hand in hand with that is that when I drink more I retain less and my feet don't swell. I get that. I really do.

:::heading off to kitchen for water bottle::::

I also get that if I start well, I have a better chance at finishing well. For me, Kashi or some other cereal of substance fills me far more than a donut or slices of toast.

I get that I'm an emotional eater.. and have learned that I really can't have foods around that I can snack on that are high in calories... because I'll reach for those first. So now I give my daughter $$ to buy goodies at camp to supplement her lunch so that I'm not tempted.

There's more... but this is good stuff to ponder!

Karen

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Old 07-17-2001, 07:38 PM   #20  
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Hi

Emotions are very hard for me to have, accept and deal with. I have spent much of my life denying that I have them or worrying about the otehr person, that i just stuff them and my face. It is so important for me to be in control of everything and that's a set up from the start.
I also spend alot of time rehashing the Past. "I shoulda, woulda etc"
What a waste of time. It's over. Nothing can change it. Or alot of time projecting the future, planning what I will say or do. Another set up. Other people rent alot of space in my head and sometimes it's pretty crowded in there. LOL

Pat
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Old 07-18-2001, 08:49 AM   #21  
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Thanks for this thread. What an excellent discussion!

I think I don't get it for many of the reasons already stated. Fear of success, fear of being noticed (for bad or good), just plain laziness (a BIG one). I'm not afraid of people noticing, because I lost over 30 pounds one year and only a few people commented on it (I guess I hide it well (sigh)).

And, with the new baby and the new house and a whole new life, even the THOUGHT of making drastic activity/food changes seems altogether overwhelming. So I start where I always start. With lists. Why I am unhappy with my weight. What does it give me? What does it take away? What am I afraid of?

And then I begin to list easy, gradual steps I can take: increase veggie/fruit intake, lower sugar/junk food intake, incorporate more easy activities into my life (taking stairs, parking farther away, gardening more often).

Sooner or later, I begin incorporating the steps, and begin losing and feeling better (that's my main motivator -- I hate feeling the backache when I wake up and the kneeache when I stand up from a couch or easy chair). I'm kindof at this point now, the beginning of starting these easier changes.

It's not like we don't know what's going on! Most overweight people know more about calories, nutrition, exercise, muscle, and health than "normal" weight people. It's in actually doing it that we get messed up -- in making it a lifestyle and not something "special" that you do once in a while then drop.

Ah, well. I'm rambling. That's what I get for posting before I have my morning coffee...
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Old 07-18-2001, 10:06 AM   #22  
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I have been gone several days, but have enjoyed reading the posts to the thread.

I can totally relate to whether to tell people or not. My MIL is the food police. I came in yesterday after being gone for 4 days in the heat with my daughter and her show cattle. We stopped at Burger King on the way home and got something for the road. When we got home, she saw the Burger King sack and started spouting off different fat grams of various items. I turned around and walked off. She is totally obsessed and is driving everyone else crazy as well. I don't need someone to tell me what to eat and what not to. I don't need for her to announce to the whole family that she has made me some low fat and low calorie foods,(and she does that).

Other members of the family are also irritated with her as well, which helps.

I did pretty well this weekend considering we ate fast food or at "Granny's Diner" for almost 5 days. Lost two pounds which was probably sweat and work.

I hope everyone is having a great week!! I am totally confused as to what day it is most of the time, we move from one fair to the other, but I will check in and read the new posts. You are a great bunch, and I enjoy sharing the "journey" with you!!!

Elaine
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Old 08-14-2001, 01:26 PM   #23  
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Lightbulb Getting More...

Ah... and after I've been away and munching during vacation, etc....

I "get" that it's hard to start again because I enjoy food and how food makes me feel.

I "get" it that I'm not much of a delayed gratification kind of person... and food is only ONE aspect of that.

And I "get" that it's really up to me.

Me.

:::sigh:::

I'm back, and starting again.

Karen
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Old 08-14-2001, 03:01 PM   #24  
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What scares me now a days is a health scare..I am 41 now and I think the time has come where I can't keep shoving fattening foods in my mouth and it makes me happy..I currently weigh 320 and started a 1200 a day diet yesterday..Heart problems run in my family and right now I can barely walk without aches and pains in my legs..A heart problem does scare me now a days..My dad had hearat surgery at 51 and I can see that coming for me at a earlier age..I just can't stand looking at my big ole belly anymore and feel happy about myself..I have lost and gained weight all my life and need now to focus on health issues more than the desire for sweets and fattening foods..As God is my witness I will succeed this time and keep it off for good..I have 150 pds to lose and I don't care how hungry I get I'm staying with my program and losing it for the last time..I see so many really overweight people at Walmart using the electric wheelchair and thinking to myself I better motivate myself soon or I will have to use one also..As a matter of fact I did yesterday use one..My legs were hurting too bad..I know its the weight..I know when we lay our heads down on our pillows at nite we feel good about not cheating that day..But worry about the next day to much about cheating or going off..Losing weight is very frustrating we all know that..Just wanted to vent off what is scaring me now a days...A heart attack..And the truth is scaring me..Take care friends..Don't worry about any compliments that come your way..You deserve attention and should make you feel so good about yourself..It use to embarrasse me when I worked..Now that I think about it I was stupied..Should of smiled ear to ear and enjoyed the attention at the time..Losing weight is tough..More than thin people would ever know..Take care new friends and I wish u and me luck on our journeys to losing weight once and for all..Your new friend Sherry
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Old 08-14-2001, 03:27 PM   #25  
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It's been a long time since I have read a complete thread through. This one has a lot of meaning.

Many of you wonder and speculate about why you are not "getting it". I am getting "it" this time but sometimes I have a hard time defining what "it" is and where "it" is coming from.

I know that I am successful for the first time in many years on WW. I have lost 52 pounds so far in 25 weeks/6 months. My eating habits have completely changed...and I mean completely. I am one third of the way to my goal. I have no desire to stop exercising, or to stop eating well or drinking water. However, I do not know where this desire is coming from.

I really and firmly believe that the support of absolutely everyone around me helps. This time, I have told everyone that I am on WW. In the past, I told few people because then if/when I failed, no one would comment. In the past, if I had a binge or overate, I thought, "no one but me knows so it can't hurt." Now I understand that I hurt myself when I do that. Bottom line is that I have to want to do this. Me.....

Yes, you will begin to receive a lot of attention. I am a high profile teacher/administrator of at-risk children so always have received a fair bit of attention. Sure, there will be people who think, "she's losing weight -- about time." But those are the people that you don't bother with. If they are becoming too much, look them in the eye and say, "Yes! It is about time. I'm now in control of my life." Chances are, they have some problems in their own lives that they need to look at if they are busy judging others. There are obstacles to overcome. You take them one day at a time.

There are still some things to work on. I had a big let down today and the first thing I wanted to do was eat. I made some homemade almond brittle and had a few points worth of it and I am cool now. When I am bored, I want to eat. I'm working on improving myself. I know that one of my reasons for wanting this weight off is that I want a child. I want to be healthy. There are lots. I just know that this time, I am going to do it.

Thanks for reading my rambling........I wish you all the best.
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Old 08-14-2001, 04:17 PM   #26  
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Spinsky... thanks for your response. This has been a very good thread, dealing with some stuff that is pretty deep.

You write: "Yes, you will begin to receive a lot of attention. I am a high profile teacher/administrator of at-risk children so always have received a fair bit of attention"

For me, at this point, I've begun to discover that it's not my colleagues and friends... but it really is my parents. Again, it seems to revolve around this need to NOT please my mother. Where I need to make the separation is in understanding that it's about me... not about her.

And that's soooo hard.

Right now I'm trying to lose some weight before going to Japan. I really don't care how much or how little... I know every pound will make that airline trip a little more comfortable. However, my mom will be coming to watch the kidlet and critters... and whenever I begin to think of her "approval" at that time, when she sees a noticeable weightloss... I get this wierd nasty feeling inside. It's the kind of feeling that makes you want to chow down to make it go away.

I need to learn to put that aside. I'm working at it. Every day!! But it's a loooong haul.

"People like you help people like me go on...." Keep on!!

Karen
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Old 08-14-2001, 04:46 PM   #27  
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Hi Karen,

Ahhhhhhh......the mother issue. My mother weighs 120 pounds, a perfect size 8-10 and wears nothing but the best. She is sharp and elegant and if I look half as good as she does when I hit 60, I will be proud. She doesn't understand what having a weight problem is about, though and figures that you just decide to lose the extra.

Believe it or not, after losing 52 pounds, she says she can just barely see me starting to lose! I've gone down 2-3 sizes and she can just barely see? Come on.

I am 33 years old, a married professional with a great income and my own home. Why do I still think I need my mother's approval?

It's nice to think that she only wants the best for me and I do love her dearly but wish she'd smarten up sometimes!!!!!!
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Old 08-14-2001, 06:03 PM   #28  
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I am 33 years old, a married professional with a great income and my own home. Why do I still think I need my mother's approval? >>

::ointing to nose on face::::

Pre-cisely. That particular tape, however, has been playing since the moment I was born. It's interesting how this need to please can be converted into a need to annoy. ::laugh::: It's as if I never really *lived* my adolesence, so I'm going to prove I don't need her approval by weighing 300 plus pounds.

Uh huh.

What I really need to convince myself of is that I don't need her approval... nor do I need her dis-approval.

Regardless, this thread has helped me to sort out a whole mess of stuff, and that gives me great hope.

Karen
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Old 08-14-2001, 10:38 PM   #29  
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Wow what thought on this thread. I wish i had the time to reread it but i must get running. I just wanted to add that I too am scared of loosing the weight. I do not know what i will do. i think that i am more scared to regain the weight and then be thought of as a failure. so why try in the first place. I have lost about 50 lbs and droped from a 24 to a 16 - 18. there is a difference but i have been at this weight for almost 6 months am i afraid of going lower??? yes i am. i have not told my parents about the weith loss ( have not seen them since december) I too am 41 and am looking for approval from them but as i am not telling them i am doing this for me. i have decided that it is for me. and when i get down to where i want to be i am going to flaunt my new sexy body!!! I have decided that it is for me and nobody else except to show my kids an example, as they are falling into the same thing i did at their ages!!!

well i will reread this tomorow. I love this!!
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Old 08-15-2001, 09:59 PM   #30  
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Hi all,
I am so glad that this thread has renewed life.

The mother issue is difficult. But I think that we can substitute any significant person in that as, we seek approval of ourselves from other people. This is a set up from the get go.

- If I don't or can't accept me as I am now how can I ask others to do this?

-If I don't like my self how can I ask other to do this?

- If i don't make myself my #1 priority how can I ask others to do so.
I think
Self esteem is something that comes from inside. A feeling that I am OK right now. An acceptance that I am human , I make mistakes, I am a work in process. And this is OK. When I draw my self worth from out side sourses I run the risk that Those sourses won't be there forever to support my self image. Then I fall or have self doubt. I have to be happy with myself, career, stuff , If I am not I have to work on change. I need to surround myself with positive people I need to set limits and boundaries and stick to them. I need to take risks. I need to accept failure as a life lesson. I need to not be overcome by fear.

I need to do whatever it takes to meet the goals I have set. Or accept the consequences

This is what I know/ get right now

I need to practice these things daily.

I am worth the effort,time, dedication fear

Pat
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