Hey, Tammy - thinking of you, and you're in my prayers tonight.

Tammy, are you okay? Please, at least a short post so we know nothing drastic has happened. A lot of people here really care about you.

Has anyone heard from Tammy??? I hope she is alright. The last time i messaged her she said she was doing ok but that's all i got. I hope she is alright!

Mousie, have you been in touch with her?

She posted an updated on her blog.

Where can I find her blog??

No, she PMed me for my number and I sent it to her, and never heard from her.

Thanks, Mousie. I was wondering where her blog is, too.

Ok, for the update. Seth and I are giving this a second shot. Our counselor Dawn thinks this is a good idea as long as Seth gets help. He started taking Zoloft today and has seen Dawn once. He swears he is willing to do anything to make this work. He sees a psychiatrist here in the near future. Never know when you might get your appointment when it involves the military. I know not all will agree with this, but I married this man for better or worse. Now, if this ever happens again it would be over.

Seth sent the girl back home. I guess they never slept together but for me he thought he loved her and that hurts more than if they had been intimate. Now he says he did not feel what he thought he felt for her. I guess how he trys to explain it is pity he felt for her. I'm not sure he will be able to explain what really happened until he gets further therapy and can figure it out in his head also.

Seth has mental issues that run very deep in his family as well as I did. I'm thinking it is a good thing he is working on this now while he is young as opposed to me taking so many years to get on the right meds. I guess I kind of look at it as he stood by me before I got on Lexapro and I can at least stand by him and see if counseling and meds will work. It's really hard to think that in your head that something could be wrong and he was in denial of that for so long. This certainly does not mean I will take any emotional abuse though. He knows this also.

He told his mother the whole truth. I still feel a bit bitter about that situation though. I guess maybe now she knows her son is not as perfect as she thought he was. That does not make me feel any better though.

There is just so much to work on. It is going to be one day at a time. Lots of therapy and for him lots of parenting classes. All of which he is willing to go to. I still have my guard up though, and I think I will for a good while.

I still can't keep food down though. I have an appointment next week to see the doc again. They were not alarmed when it was 20 pounds but are certainly alarmed now that it is over 40 pounds.

The kids are doing well. Hannah is happy. Seth is treating her like she should be and he is doing well with Kara also. I know this could be all temporary, but I have to give it a shot.

Grrrrr...I keep defending my reasoning. Just plain and simple. I think he can change and I think he can make a good husband and father.

There are still some hard times to come. I know that, and I am ready for that. Thank you all for being so concerned about me. I am just so exhausted it is not even funny. Some days I don't even have the energy to look at the computer. I know that not keeping food down is causing this exhaustion along with the emotional stuff. I'm afraid my doc might say I need a couple of days in the hospital with some fluids and I don't want that. I'm trying my best but my stomach does seem to want to cooperate.

I am ranting now. Here is my blog Tammy032.blogspot.com

It's graphic though. Just a warning. It is where I write when I am having my hardest times.

Tammy, don't feel like you need to justify your decisions. Make them and stand by them.

My hubby, also, was fighting demons he didn't know he had on his back. And he, also, had an "emotional affair" with someone on the internet. He, also, has gone to counselling and accepted his role in the things that have happened in our marriage, and he's taking Zoloft now. If Seth is anything like my DH, once he gets used to the Zoloft you'll be able to tell when he misses one day--the change is that dramatic (if you know the person well). I am still married to DH, despite the **** we've been through, because I truly believe that the demons on his back were in control. Now that DH is in control, life is much, much, much better. We still have an issue or two to work on, but it's a night and day difference.

I truly, really understand what you're going through. These are things I have faced before, too. Please know that someone out here really sympathizes.

You most certainly do not need to defend your decision, Tammy. My hat's off to you for being brave and doing what you feel is right for you and your family. It's good to read that Seth is admitting his issues and taking steps to deal with them, and that you're supporting him through this. I hope he appreciates what a lucky man he is to have you by his side.

I love that you've made it clear to him (and yourself) that you're not willing to accept any further emotional abuse. All of this has proven what a strong lady you are, and I hope you continue in this vein.

Just remember not to neglect your own emotional (and physical) well-being. If it takes a short stay in the hospital to get you stronger, so be it. You need to keep your strength up.

Here's wishing the very best to you, Tammy. :grouphug:

Good to see you posting. I hope Seth's repentence is true and his changes are lasting. He sounds like a smooth talker when he wants something.

You don't need to defend your decisions -- you're a capable adult and it's your marriage. I just hope his turn-around is genuine and not just playing you; he's been good at that.

Tammy, thanks for posting to let us know how it's going. You've made a decision that works for you, and you did it thoughtfully--no need to justify that to anyone. I'm glad to hear that you are not going to stand for any more emotional abuse from him. Good luck to both of you! I truly hope that you have a long and happy life together, and will learn to overcome any obstacles that life will certainly throw you.

Please keep us informed about the doctor visit, Tammy. I hope that the docs can get to the bottom of your eating problem.

Tammy, I just went over and read your blog (the first page). I think it would be a really good idea for Seth to read that. He needs to know that his actions did that to you, and that you responded with those feelings. You can't shield him from those things. For him to take full responsibility, he needs to know and accept the whole of his actions.

Just a thought.

input
 

My sister found out her husband had another woman.
Basically he has been selfish and mentally abusive their whole marriage.
I respect her decision to stay with him and work on the marriage. Just like I respect yours. I am new to these parts but since the conversation is here...

The age old ann lander/ dear abby??? question:

are you better off with him or without him?


only you know the answer!