Good morning ladies, I'm afraid on the exercise front I have not been doing so well at all. Although I do watch 7 kids throughout the day. Guess that counts for something. I am still not able to eat or drink because of what is going on.

I'm gonna kind of give the short version for now. My husband informed me that he no longer loves me and does not want to be married to me. I don't even think devestation could even compare to what I am feeling. I was in the ER Saturday night close to a nervous breakdown. It's taken me a few days and I am getting back into the groove of things. Today is the first day I have not cried all day long. It's a start. I feel mostly just lost and lonely. Oh geez, I'm trying not to cry.

We have decided to try to live in the same house for the next six months to give the kids stability. I took the kids immediately to counseling yesterday and , Dawn, our therapist is going to help us learn on making out situation work. I really don't have many other choices as I am a single mom and I really don't have anything to fall back on.

We are being civil to one another. We have decided that we can be friends and we can make this so that the suffering is miminal.

He is young and I am not quite sure he ever knew the true meaning of love and I can't blame him for that. Any blame game is over as it only hurts the both of us and we both are already hurting. He hurts not for me but for the kids. Soooooooooooooooooo....I am trying so freaking hard to just hold it together and do the best that I can. I can't yell and scream at him and say all the nasty stuff I want to. There is nothing to gain by that. I'm reaching to god right now, but I almost feel betrayed by him. He keeps giving more and more, Stuff that happens each time that takes me straight to the edge.

Last night the mental pain tortured me so bad that I cut. I am a cutter. I know that for some of you that might be to much info but cutting is a part of me and always has been and it is something I try very hard to control. My husband was outside on the phone with his "friend" and I just needed a ounce of compassion and there was none. The worst part of it was that I was bleeding everywhere and my son saw all that. I feel so much shame and guilty that he had see that.

I know I need so much work on myself. I will be looking up a psych doctor in town today. I know that I need weekly maintance with him to keep me in check so that I don't let my mind get out of control.

I'm just so unsure of myself right now. I'm a very strong person and right now I am very weak. I need help being carried through this. I know that time will help this, but right now I am just caught up in the newness of it. The utter shock of it.

I know alot of you don't care to hear that much persoal business but right now I need a really big support system. I don't ask for help hardly ever and I know this time that I can't do this without help.

Oh Tammy. I am so sorry. You are going through a lot right now. I am hoping that they helped you at the hospital some. Were you able to get ahold of someone to talk with (You mentioned you were going to call a therapist today)? I think that is of the utmost importance -- for you adn your kids. I am glad to hear that you found someone for your kids to talk to.

This is such a difficult time for you and I hope you find the support you need.

@Tammy,



Sorry to hear about the bad news. Very hard to hear that the person you love does not feels the same about you. Since I’ve been there a few times myself, I DO care about your situation. Feel free to post any time you want……there will be someone listening:listen:

Tammy - Watching 7 children would be a workout! I can barely keep up with a very active 7 month old! I'm so sorry to hear about you and your husband splitting up. I can't imagin the pain your feeling right now. Just know that I'm here to lean on. Tammy cry!! I'm all for crying don't push those tears back. They help us deal with our feelings. I'm happy to hear that your going to be civil to one another but it must be hard living in the same house. My best advice is to keep busy. I would ask him to try and not chat with "friend" when you or kids are around. I would think they could handle that for the next 6 months. I'm happy to hear you and the kids are going to counseling.
I have a strong faith and I truely believe that God will be there to help hold you up. Things happen and we don't understand why or how any good could come of it. Time give us these answers. Tammy I haven't heard much about cutting. I know it must of been very scary for your son to witness that. I would talk it over with him.
Tammy I had the feeling from past chats that you are a strong person and everyone gets weak not matter how strong one is. You have to fight for yourself and the kids! I'm here for you. I'm going to IM you my yahoo name. I hope you use yahoo. I have AOL but I don't know if I recall my password it's been ages since I used it. I'm sure Many DO CARE to hear bout it! If you feel it type it! If it's going to help you deal, sometimes seeing it in writing will put things in prespective. Just know I'm here for you and I'll do what I can to help.


My workout
WATP - 3 mile

Oh man.
 

Oh, Tammy. Tammy, honey, I'm so, so sorry. :grouphug: I feel just so awful for you. :cry:

And I agree with Mez.....I think you do need to try to talk to your son about it. :grouphug:

We really care about you, Tammy. You DO have the strength to get through this. And you're not alone. You have friends here. I'm going to call you again tomorrow. Here's another :grouphug: for good measure.

Tammy, I am so sorry to hear about you and your husband. It is so hard when you recieve a harsh blow to the heart like that. I've been in a similar situation and while it does, eventually, get better over time it is important to let yourself cry and grieve. Crying helps your body release stress hormones. If your kids see you crying, just let them know why you are crying so they are reassured that you're not crying from something they have done. :grouphug:
Don't have any advice regarding the cutting. I am so happy you are seeking professional help for it though
We are here when you need to talk. :grouphug:

Tammy I am so sorry that you are going through this. I really don't know what to say except I will be praying for you and I'm here if you need someone to talk to. As far as the cutting goes I think you are doing the right thing in talking to a professional who can help you deal with that. I would not know where to begin with something like that. Don't be too hard on yourself you are going through a bad time in your life and I can understand how that would drive you to drastic actions. I know you know that hurting yourself will not get you what you want or need so please do continue to seek help for that. You have a lot to offer and allthough things look bleak now I'm sure time will help and you will find yourself in a better situation.

Tammy -

I am so sorry to hear that about you and your husband. I can't even imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be going through. I know you can't yell or scream at him, but maybe take a walk in the woods and get some of it out. Maybe take a boxing class or something to relieve some of the stress. And let the tears fall, this is certainly something to cry about.

I can say that when bad things happen, it just takes time. In a week, you won't feel as bad as today. In a month, better. Two months, even better.

About the cutting. Tammy, please seek out the counseling you had mentioned. I don't know anything about cutting, but I know that it isn't something that you want to leave unresolved.

We are here for you. (((HUGS)))

Tammy, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I know it must feel like the whole world (at least the one you know now) is ending. I can only imagine the range of emotions you must be going through. I'm with the others, though: it may be wise just to let it out, cry if you need to cry, yell if you need to yell. My sister used to cut herself, and i think it only got worse when she turned all her emotions inward -- the cutting helped distract her from the horrible emotions she couldn't deal with. Is there somebody who perhaps could watch the kids for a few days while you cope?

I'm glad you're getting some therapy - it can help a lot if you are willing to work and really open up.

Anyway, just know we're here for you. Feel free to PM me at any time.

Tammy! Sweet Tammy!

The internet, for some, can be very impersonal. But NOT here - 100lb is a bond. I know that all of us are all over the country - and all over the world. BUT - we are here for you. Close your eye... yes, I mean right now.. close them. Now .. imagine there are about 30 really fat chicks (okay - not all fat - but I am!) sitting in your living room - giving you support. Being with you - listening to you. Being your friend.
That is what I want for you right now. Right now at this moment - you are loved - by all of us. Don't ever forget that. When you feel really low - know that you are loved by us.

Tammy, I sent you a PM but just wanted to let you know that we definately are here for you for any kind of support we can offer.

I know that a lot of people may find injuring yourself on purpose to find relief may be rather strange but it is quite common, generally starting in the teen years. I have some experience with something similar so I can relate. Really it is no different than going out on an alcoholic or drug binge or even eating a quart of Ben & Jerrys.

>>>>HUG<<<<< Tammy girl, what a horrible situation to be in right now. It's just not fair. It sounds like you're having a real hard time with this. I am here for you. I wish this was easier for you and your kids.

The therapist has told the kids that mommy is going to cry and that mommy might cry for a long time. She let them know that this is normal and is part of the healing process. They seem to be doing ok. Seth (Husband) is set up for an appointment with her also so she can help him learn how to make our house peaceful while we are still all living there. I think this was wonderful. None of us really know how to do it. Seth has agreed to see a psychiatrist. I am almost sure he needs to be on Paxil. Everyone in his family is on similar medication. He as also agreed to go to anger management and parenting classes. I know that there is not a chance that this marriage is going to work, but I do know that I will not let him treat Kara bad when he has visitation.

My doctor gave me clonipam(spelling) to keep me from being hysterical all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I did not sleep any last night. My home no longer feels like my home because it is filled with things him and I shared, things that I thought were out of love. I came to my neighbors at 4 this morning cause emotionally I was dying. I ended up doing her laundry and dishes. I was to afraid to let my mind get out of control.

I am will be seeing a new psychiatrist soon. I have to deal with my past. My past is extensive and ugly. I know that I need intense psychotherapy. I'm 33 years old and it is about time that I dealt with my past. I think this is going to be more painful than even my marriage but I can't be the real me until I get the nastiness of my past gone. I have to deal with it. Mourn it, get angry at it, and then accept that it happened to me and it is ok cause I was strong and lived through it.

I am going to see the chaplain today. I need a bit of religious perspective right now. I thought before I did not believe in God but over time I have accepted him into my life. I'm just going to use every tool that I can get my hands on to heal. Right before I cut up my wrists I screamed for God to help me. To help me not do this to myself. It happened anyway. God knows that I have intense inner strength and will get past this.

I know that many people may not really understand cutting so I'll just give a brief explanation. Cutting normally happens when a person can no long control there emotional pain and inflict physical pain to t momentarially mask the emotional pain. Cutters do not want to commit suicide. They just want to feel some relief from the mental anguish.

I know this is a long post. But I also know that so many people here suffer in silence and I just want everyone to know you don't suffer alone.

:grouphug: Ohh Tammy I too sent you a PM and I'm glad to hear that the counselor helped explain to the kids what is going on and that Seth is going to go to counseling. Just know that we are hear for you.

Tammy, you can see the caring going on here and I'm sure your PM inbox is full by now (mine's in there somewhere). We're a pretty supportive bunch who are opening our hearts (and cyber arms) to you ~ let us help in any way we can. Better days are ahead. Please believe that.

Tammy, I've sent you a pm as well, but I just wanted to say thank you for the update and brief explanation of cutting. And to say thank you again for coming here and allowing us to help you with such a deeply personal part of your life. I hope you know that you are loved and supported no matter what.

Beverly

Ah, Tammy, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such sad life circumstances. Please know that you will always be supported here no matter what. You can always, always come here and let us know how you're feeling, and how we can help.

I'm glad that you're working to find someone that you can talk to professionally. My DD was a scratcher (i.e., instead of cutting, she scratched herself), and it took a lot of counseling to help her overcome that. You might consider starting a journal where you can write all the nasty things you want to say because getting the emotions out in a healthy form will help. Exercise helps, too--I like the idea of a boxing class.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us. We will always be there for you.

Tammy,

I second the thought that exercise is helpful when emotions are so strong like right now. There is nothing like a really strong bike ride or kick butt weight workout. I know that it can be tough to do something like that at a time like this, but you really will feel better - if even for a short while. It can help keep your emotions and hormones in balance right now as you work do sort through your strong emotions and the stressful situation.

You are right that it is a long, hard process to sort through your past. At 33, though, you are not actually old to be doing this. Prior to staying home with my kids, l was a Lutheran pastor and I counseled many many people in their 60's and 70's who were just beginning the process; For them -- there were many more years of pain to sort through. At 33, you can look ahead to a long future, one that can be so much more bright and healthy once you have a good dose of reflection and interaction with helpful professionals -- and a support system surrounding you.

In terms of your faith and the struggles you are having, I encourage you to seek out the manifestation of faith that most reflects your own personal values and needs. It is particularly easy at a time like this to participate in a faith community or philosophy simply out of a desperate (and understandable) desire to belong. Often, though, that community/philosophy might not be the most centering/balancing/healthy/nurturing for you (so often it is one chosen because you grew up in it or because of the friendly faces you see upon entering or the convincing literature etc.). I guess what I am trying to say is this -- I hear you struggling with your relationship with the Divine (whomever/whatever that might be to you right now) at this difficult crossroads in your life. I encourage you to search for some clarity where your spirit is concerned as that can help you find clarity in all matters in your life. That spiritual clarity might be totally outside of your normal spiritual box or it might be exactly what you've known forever. Often times, though, when we cannot find spiritual balance in the face of dispair, it is a good sign that we might be trying to force a particular theology onto ourselves. It might be a good time then to look outside of your normal spiritual box.

Does that make sense? I am trying to type with a sick baby on my lap.

Peace to you,

Oh Tammy baby... :group hug: I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice, but know that I'm here if you need me. You are a strong, strong, STRONG, resiliant woman who will do what is best for her children and herself. Please be as good to yourself as you can. You are deserving of love, compassion, and happiness, and never forget that. I hope that the new therapist works out well. Take care of yourself, love.

Today my I walked/Jogged for 1.75 hours. It was a battle since my Nortic Track is very stiff after much spaying and trying this and that. I could only stay on it a minute at a time it was so hard to move my calfs were killing me. When I broke out in a good sweat from that. I hopped off and did WATP moves to music videos that I had ready for the tread mill. Then back on the tread mill off and on the whole time. I got one heck of a workout! I'm sure I did at least 3 miles. I planned on taking my treadmill apart tonight but didn't find time.

There's my Dana!! I missed you so much. I tried to look at your blog the other day and there was nothing there. I'm glad you posted cause I was thinking that when times are tough you are always such a good friend. Thank you.

WATP - Walk and Jog.

Don't you just feel those lbs melting!!! Keep up the great workout!!!

Tammy - Women ROCK!!! :)

I had to go to the doc again today. I am now taking Valium and Zofram(sp). I had a panic attack in the doctors office and then when we got to the pharmacy there was going to be a two hour wait and once again had anxiety and collasped. Not a good day. Seth was good to me though. He helped me through it all. It's hard just being friends but at least he is really trying hard.

Wednesday I weighed 238 and today at the doc's office I weighed 236. In less than one week I have lost 12 pounds. I still can't keep food down and liquids come out the other way.

I do housecleaning for my neighbor so technically I am getting some exercise. I'm just doing my best to keep it all together and then I will worry more on the exercise part.

Great job ladies. You are doing a great job working out.

Tammy - Don't worry about workouts. Keeping it together is most important right now. :grouphug:

V, you are such a wonderful friend. I have so many friends on here that are helping me get through this rotten time. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It is just uplifting that so many of you thought of me and took time out of your day to send me encouragement.

I know that without this support I would be a very bad shape. Not to say I'm not now but it it would be just awful without all of you.

V, We do ROCK!! And we are special and important no matter what others in our life might think.

Tammy...I'm glad to see your still posting. I think that'll help too. It's nice to know that this board is about more than weight loss. I've been thinking alot about you, how one day we are just going along in the "everyday" and then everything's different.

I know that it's hard to keep anything down, but I am worried about your strength. Is there anythingh that you think you can keep down right now? Anything that doesn't sound particularly yucky. Even something like a boost, just to get some vitamins.

Tammy,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Everyone here is supporting you. I think situations like this are so bad because they leave you feeling completely helpless! I'm sorry I don't have any advice... but it sounds like what you're doing is good. When my parents got divorced it was terrible! We watched my mom lose TONS of weight. She's 5'10" and looked like a skeleton. She went a little crazy too (left us for over 24 hours without knowing where she was) and ended up on anti-depressants. Ten years later, she's pleasantly plump and in a relationship again (for the past 7 years). It's awesome for your kids that you're having them do counseling. I can't use their divorce as an excuse anymore since it's been 10 years but it's the reason I gained weight to begin with. My first experience with emotional eating. Anyway, I don't want to ramble about my problems but just wanted to add that I'm here for you!

Originally Posted by Tammy32:
My doctor gave me clonipam(spelling) to keep me from being hysterical all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I did not sleep any last night. My home no longer feels like my home because it is filled with things him and I shared, things that I thought were out of love. I came to my neighbors at 4 this morning cause emotionally I was dying. I ended up doing her laundry and dishes. I was to afraid to let my mind get out of control.

I am will be seeing a new psychiatrist soon. I have to deal with my past. My past is extensive and ugly. I know that I need intense psychotherapy. I'm 33 years old and it is about time that I dealt with my past. I think this is going to be more painful than even my marriage but I can't be the real me until I get the nastiness of my past gone. I have to deal with it. Mourn it, get angry at it, and then accept that it happened to me and it is ok cause I was strong and lived through it.

I know you don't know me, but I'm so sorry you're doing horribly. I'm glad the doctor gave you Klonopin. It should help. A good amount of SI is done because of major anxiety and Klonopin is a benzodiazapene <it's in the same family as Valium and Xanax, but not quite as strong> so it is very good on anxiety. Take it exactly as prescribed, and it should really help you cope better. Klonopin can safely be put under your tongue to dissolve <although it's not the tastiest of the benzos, Ativan is> to rush it to your system faster if you are feeling the need to c*t RIGHT NOW and ergo need the relief from anxiety.

I'm bipolar and have had my share of c*tt*ng problems and have been on more drugs than I care to count, so if you have any questions at all I'd be happy to help. I'll pray that this situation works out in exactly the way God has planned for you.

Shalia

Tammy, I'm so glad that you're posting here!! I'm also SO happy to see all the support you're getting. :)

I was sorry that we didn't speak last night -- now that I read about how much your day sucked, I totally understand! :^: You poor sweetheart. :grouphug:

I'm going to call you again tonight. I would have called you earlier today, but first I was at the hospital with Lorraine getting a PICC line installed in her arm for intravenous antibiotics (for her Lyme Disease) and then the home nurse came over to teach me how to inject the drugs, etc. She just left.

I'm really glad that you're getting some good meds -- God bless pharmaceuticals! :lol: I'm also glad to hear that Seth is on good behavior. He better keep it up. :s:

Sending you more and more and more love -- PLEASE TRY TO EAT SOMETHING!!!! Don't MAKE me start nagging -- you don't want to see that. It's not pretty. :p

Talk to you later, I hope....:grouphug:

My goodness Sarah, I am such a s**t. I'm doped up most the time and then by the time I want to call I have to account for the time change. I'm not sure how late that you stay up at night.

Poor Lorraine. Still smoke free? I feel so bad for her and what she is going through. Tell her I am sending her good vibes through her ordeal. The poor thing.

Sarah, I am trying so hard to eat. I had some corn bran last night and that only lasted 20 minutes and then was back up. I am taking zofram (i bet you know what that is since they give it to chemo patients). It's not giving me an appetite though. And this might be tmi but everytime I throw up I pee. My bladder sucks. It's humiliating.

There's nothing I can say or do to make anything better, but know that you're in my prayers. I too am a cutter, trying to recover, but I've been cutting since I was a child. If you need any support at all in that area, feel free to PM me.

oh tammy. i am sooooooooo freaking sorry for what is going on! i can't believe this is happening. i know all about hurting yourself physically to try to get rid of the emotional pain. i wish there was something i could say or do to make it all better but i know there isn't. please know i'll (we all will!!!!) be thinking about you and the kids.

Hi Tammy, just checking on you and hoping things are starting to get at least a little easier to handle. I imagine the initial shock has started to wear off, so how are you doing with returning to a new sense of normalcy? May not even seem possible at this point still, but it is. Remember, minute by minute, hour by hour, you will get through this, I promise. It looks as though there are others here who can relate to the cutting aspect more so than the rest. I do hope you'll reach out to them and accept their offers of support, I'm sure it will help. In the meantime, just be good to yourself and continue to provide that awesome support your kids so desperately need right now.

Take care,
Beverly

Tammy,

So sorry to hear of the pain and turmoil you are in. It WILL get better - I know it's hard to believe that right now. I think therapy /psychiatry is an excellent idea - you need to start healing yourself from the past hurts. My only worry is that when treatment starts you can start to feel worse ,not better as all the crap is coming to the surface - but your psychiatrist will help you through it and stick with it and you'll emerge a much happier person.

All the best

Love Amanda x

Tammy, I'm not part of this group, but when I read your post I was compelled to reply. My husband also dropped the "I don't love you anymore" bombshell on me, and it was the most incredibly awful shock of my life. Of course he also had a "friend", as they all do, which tipped me over the edge. My only advice is to see a therapist as much as you can; understand that you will find so very much kindness and support from those around you, which you should accept and ask for; don't beat yourself up about not "snapping out of it" - you won't, because someone has radically changed your life without your knowledge or consent. It might help to see a therapist as a couple: not to get back together, but to get a better understanding of what's going on. (In my case, I now realize it was a combo of his mid-life crisis, a predatory and much younger woman, his inability to communicate, and his cowardice which prevented him from talking to me before it all went too far.) It will be difficult for you to stay in the same house together, but it will give you a chance to get some of your frustration and questions out at him. He has no business calling his "friend" from anywhere near your family. He's a married man with children and responsibilities; if he can't honour his marriage vows, he can at least put a knot in it while he's still living in your home. Why doesn't he just rub your face in it, the louse. He needs to know just how selfish and unacceptable his behaviour is, and how he's toying with your sanity and survival right now. Grrrrr. Right now he's probably feeling like a hero for staying with you and the kids to help you out. He isn't, he's a self-centred pr**k who has the gall to destroy you and then make you feel grateful for a few crumbs of kindness when he's not too busy with his "friend". (Yes, I'm still a little angry...)

Tammy, if you want to rant to a stranger who has survived (barely) the same unfair and cruel treatment, just PM me. At this point it's better to feel anger than defeat!

Tammy, I am wondering if him staying in the house is really the best thing. Having him around can't be helping and if it were me I would want him out of the house and all his crap with him to make a clean break of it. I encourage you to start back with eating very slowly, start with a clear fluid diet ie gingerale, jello, broth, tea or coffee with no milk. Take your zofram 1 hour before you are planning on eating. When you are tolerating clear fluids then go to full fluids ie milk, soup, any kind of drink, ice cream, pudding, yogurt. When you are tolerating those then try regular food. At present trying to eat regular food isn't going to work, start with clear fluids and work your way up.

Tammy

I am relatively new here but am really touched by your situation and the support that is here for you here and in your community. I am certainly not new to working through a very painful past. It takes time and has its ups and downs. Ultimately, you will hardly recognize yourself when you get to the other side. It's awesome. Also, a very close friend was a cutter for many years. She hasn't felt the need to due that for many years now so there is hope on all fronts. Wishing you a good nights sleep and food that stays in your stomach. Denise

Tammy, I am so sorry to hear about the very painful time you are going through. Just know we are here for you, thinking about you and wanting the best for you. You will survive this - it is hard to see it with clarity when you are in the middle of it. However, I think there is something to be said for the old adage of whenever a door closes a window opens. There will be better things for you past this horizon although it doesn't take the pain away. No way around it, just through it but you are not ALONE...we are here for you. Keep on with your good supports (professional and friendships and us) and take care of you and that wee one. Keep well and I will hold you in my prayers.

Oh my gosh!! You all have been wonderful medicine for me. The Valium keeps me from crying all day now but when it starts to wear off it is really obvious. My doc gave me Zofram. It keeps the nausea away but does not help me keep my food down. And I had a most humiliating experience the other night. I ate food. I laid down. and woke up covered in diarrhea. I was so sick my husband had to clean me up. To make it even worse it happened two more times. I could not control my bowels at all. So, in eight days I have probably managed to consume less than 300 calories that would stay down.

I know the debate on living in the same house is a hard one. First of all I have been an at home mom. So, I don't have anywhere else to go or income to go anywhere. I have to have a place to stay so that I can save money to assure that my kids have a safe place to go after this. My kids come first in all this. He is being very good to the kids. And as much as I don't care to admit it he has been helping me when I am breaking down by showing some compassion. He lacks alot in the compassion department. Our household has been pretty quiet and peaceful and the kids know from the therapist that mommy is going through the grieving process and she showed them the five steps of the process. Seth was supposed to see the therapist this Friday but since his grandmother is going to die then he is going to have to reschedule. She is going to give him techniques and tools on how we can all live here and still have a moderately happy household. She believes that we can make our situation work. I believe we can to. IT's just so damn hard living with someone you love that does not love you back!! I honestly thing he wants a friendship. I'm just not ever sure that he loved me to begin with and just now started to realize it.

I'm so thankful that some of you opened up to me about your cutting. Sometimes I think I am the only one and I must be crazy. I've just decided I can't hide this anymore. It's a big part of my life and I want an honest life. Not a life shrouded in secrets. I will be going to psychotherapy. My childhood was far from being a good one, and I think that maybe I've not resolved that and until I do that I am not going to be able to move forward.

It really motivates me to move forward when I know some of you ladies have been through this also. I just think this first month or so is going to be the hardest and then things should settle down.

This morning my husband left with my baby to go to NC...His grandmother is dying. I've never been away from her. She is almost 2. I'm having a heck of a time with that. All you moms know how hard it is to be away from your kids for longer than a day. But I'm thinking this might not be such a bad thing. It gives me a little more time to focus and work on myself. We all know that 2 year olds consume alot of what you are thinking in the day since they are constantly on the go.

Wow..this was going to be a short update. I'm kind of long winded though.

I thank all of you for taking time to help and support me. It really does help and I don't feel as alone as I would have. I've never had the support of so many people and it overwhelms me and sometimes makes me cry.

Ok, I know I just posted and everything but I need to vent. My husband and I used to know each others passwords for email accounts and he has changed his. I think now I am sure that he was messing around, or is now, or at least wanted to. THere are so many cusswords I want to say about him right now. I am very angry and hurt.