Tammy, you didn't "push him too far"......you just stood up for yourself and your kids. He'll bluster, huff and puff and threaten to blow the house down. From what I've read, he's a BULLY.....(and probably doesn't have an original thought that isn't connected to his groin). He obviously hadn't covered all the angles or given the matter clear thought.
Duh, How dumb is he? "OK, here's a bright idea! I'll move my new girlfriend in with my wife and kids! Doesn't he think you would run to the nearest attorney and charge him with everything under the California Sun?
But is he stupid enough (big chorus of YES from the group) to risk courtmartial? or other military restriction for misconduct? That could go on his permanent record and wreck his career or chance of advancement? You've got the big guns behind you now. You are his LEGAL WIFE and mother of his child. He can't yank the rug out without everyone seeing what he's done, like his commander. He MUST pay interim support (I think it is called Pendente Lite--I had it during my separation). He must pay for both you and the child. The amount will be based on his salary. BUT, I don't know how the housing part works if it is included.

I hope the counselor will give you some insight as to your legal rights. Asking for a divorce is one thing, but this is above and beyond civility. His constant acts of emotional torture and abuse towards you and the children should be scrutinized and brought to the attention of his commander. It must be illegal in some way.



Is this new *Love* even allowed on base housing? Can he live off base? She has no legal claim, she's not married to him, you can file a restraining order against her also.

Can he really face a court-martial for that?! Geez, men! Can't even get his head out of his pants long enough to consider the implications of his actions to his life's career, let alone the wife and children who obviously love him so. What a sad, pathetic man-child. Tammy, you have leverage, use it! Just as he would do to you without a second thought. You have the power here, make him sorry he ever opened this devastating can of worms.

Beverly

Tammy, check this out: Domestic Violence in the Military

This, too: Military Q&A

I have a temporary commanding restraining order til Oct. 31 so I have enough time to get a restraining order through the court. He is not allowed at the house at all. I get half of each of his two week checks. THat won't be crap since he has so many allotments out right now. I guess better than nothing.

He has to live out of the home til the divorce is final. His command thought what he did was awful. They thought he should have divorced me and then brought her here. The comman ordered him to put her back on a bus. He had told them she was going to be our nanny...What a joke!! And he told them the reason he took leave to get her was to go help his dad. What a liar he is. I guess I am lucky that I have such a great command here to help me. They did more than they had to.

Now the only issue left is the housing situation. I don't know if I am going to have to go or be able to stay. That will come in time. I have to let all this sink in.

So, great news, but it still tears my heart up.

Fantastic, I'm glad to hear things are happening. Where do you live? Are you in housing? Are you on base?

As for him lying to his command....oooooooooh my. There's dumb, and then there's D-U-M-B. Lying to his command about going to get his mistress...WOW. I mean, that redefines dumb. I'm boggled.

Tammy,
I am here for you. I was in the same situation as you are. My ex husband left me and the kids 3 years ago. It does get easier however there are going to be times that he pushes the buttons and not necessarily in a good way. I have just developed a backbone with him and it has felt wonderful. Take care and remember God is with you where ever you go.

Tammy, I know this has been terribly hard for you but you've really accomplished a lot and I hope you are proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself and your kids. I'm proud of you! Don't let anyone tear you down.

Hey there! I am so proud of you Tammy. I've been following your story and have thought of you a lot even though my posts have been few. Way to go

You are such a strong woman and devoted mom. You deserve a medal you've come so far in this journey. The "x" now has incredibly stupid added to his list of descriptors. What a fool. I am so glad you have turned the corner. Stay strong.

Tammy

I am so glad that you have found the strength to claim your rights - you are doing so well to have taken such strong steps to protect yourself and the children. As you can see, we are all here for you - as are the people you are reaching out to for help. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, girl, day by day, and slowly slowly things will get easier.....

I can not tell you how much your words of support have helped me. They are one of the reason I decided I was not going to put up with anymore. I needed to know that I was not the blame for this and what he was doing was wrong. Cause somewhere in my head it was just not all computing and I was thinking with my heart and not my head. A deadly combination sometimes. Each and everyone of you has a special place in my heart and will til the day I die. Thank you so much.

Wow, Tammy! You sound soooo much better today! I'm so glad to see you posting, it gives me hope that maybe you're turning a corner in this whole nightmare. You sound so much more confident in yourself, and generally more enthusiastic about life. It's because you stood up for yourself and your children, Tammy, you did it!! And I am so proud of you!

Beverly

I got some bad news today that legal is going to try to screw me so my victim's advocate is going to help me go to court for a tempory support order which will pay out more than he would have to through the military.

My son leaves tonight for his real dads. I am heartbroken.

Tammy

You just hang on in there, girl. It must hurt very much to have your son leave, but it also sounds like a strong, and brave decision at this point. I am really glad you have someone to advocate for you through the legal proceedings - that is really important.

It sounds like really good news too that you are finding a way not to blame yourself in all of this. I do think it kind of speaks for itself that everyone who has responded to you has been outraged and astounded by the way your husband is behaving - I mean we are a pretty diverse, mixed bunch of people, but, whatever our perspectives on life, we can all see that your husband has been totally unreasonable and out of order in his behaviour.

So just you stay strong, take one minute, one hour, one day at a time, and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Tammy,

I have been following everything that is going on. I am in awe at how much strenght you are gaining al0ong the way. You can do what you need todo to get through this. I know you can.

Well I just put my son on the plane. It feels like I've lost a limb. I am once again devestated. I feel so f'ing bad right now. I already miss him. God, I love him so much.