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Old 06-29-2004, 11:37 AM   #1
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Default Risk taking

Hi everyone,

I enjoy putting my bathing suit on as much as I enjoy a root canal. It causes me great anxiety and self-loathing each time I look at a bathing suit let alone put one on. I guess I am a turtle neck, sweater and full pant person. Not necessarily because I want to be but rather because I am embarrassed by my body shape and have been for most of my life. I have spent a great deal of time thinking about this over the past year (things I hold myself back from due to my weight). With the confidence brought on by a small amount of weight loss and toning from exercise, I wore a BATHING SUIT in public (my local community nonetheless) today. I am not sure if this is a NSV or a traumatic event but it happened

So, why would I feel compelled to post this? Because, I hope for each of us as we journey towards a healthier place we become in touch with what we want in life and don't let anything hold us back. As small as this event was, it was a HUGE milestone for me. Getting nearly naked in an environment where I would run into people I know is something I would not have considered let alone done a year ago. If this freedom is the beauty of what it will feel like to be at my ideal weight, I am going there! Even better, I am going to enjoy the trip to onederland and do all the things that I want without letting weight hold me back.

Who is going to join me? Anything you have been wanting to do but not doing because of weight and feeling self conscious?

Thanks for letting me share this milestone in my life. I am inspired and off to do my kick boxing. I must tell you that I have also ditched the pants and full neck shirts - V necks and shorts for this chick. I may even decide to wear a tank top one day...oh, simple pleasures in life!!

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Old 06-29-2004, 12:47 PM   #2
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I know exactly what you mean. I've taken my son to the pool and had to change with about a zillion other women and it is scary when you don't want anyone to see you without clothes. I didn't feel too bad about having the bathing suit on, it was the change room that scared me most.

It is sad that we feel this way, don't you think? A couple of hundred years ago we would have been the sexiest things around and today we feel ashamed and embarrassed.

I'm glad that you feel good about yourself for overcoming this phobia. I really do believe that we are our own worst critics and that most people are more forgiving than what we think.
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Old 06-29-2004, 12:54 PM   #3
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Jenaya, what you did took tremendous courage!! What a brave woman you are! I don't think it is a small NSV at all, I think it is huge!! I hope that one day I can have that kind of courage and do the same thing. I know I am not ready yet. Maybe in a few more weeks I will be able to work at it. I still feel paranoid being naked in front of my husband. Being in a bathing suit in public would be even worse to me.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful NSV.

If you learn from your suffering, and really come to understand the lesson you were taught, you might be able to help someone else who's now in the phase you may have just completed. Maybe that's what it's all about after all...

~ Anonymous ~

Highest weight: 261
Starting weight: 248 August 26
Current weight: 193
Current pounds lost: 55 lbs
Goal weight: 145 by August 26, 2006

Smoke Free as of July 1, 2004 (Started back smoking)
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Old 06-29-2004, 07:42 PM   #4
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Jenaya-- that is totally WONDERFUL and I feel THE SAME WAY!! Why not enjoy this journey and make it positive.. Not only are you changing your physical self but also your mental self-- becoming more confident in yourself is a great, great thing and I applaud you for getting into this frame of mind. People think I am crazy but I'm tellin' ya, if you have a positive attitude and ENJOY this journey, it will be a wonderful experience for you. Congratulations on this HUGE milestone, we are all very very proud of you and you are a real inspiration.. Keep up the great work!!
On this rollercoaster ride for the last time!

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Old 06-29-2004, 08:26 PM   #5
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Good for you Jenaya!! I envy your courage. Thank you for sharing this with us. I also have a temendous fear of feeling over exposed in public. Even now, I'm still having some body image issues and find it very difficult to even wear shorts in public. Which goes to show that this really isn't all just about weight. There is so much head stuff that comes along with the extra pounds. I am so proud of you for tackling issues that are on the inside as well as the outside because that is the only way we can truly heal our whole selves and hopefully break this horrid cycle. Good job Jenaya, you are my hero!

New goal: staying binge free and losing those last few again, but for the last time!!
"Never trade what you want at the moment for what you want the most." -unknown
"Your power is in your ability to decide." -fortune cookie
"Hope; after a storm birds always sing." -unknown
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Old 06-30-2004, 04:01 AM   #6
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Thanks so much for sharing your bathing suit story.....you're a very brave woman for facing that particular demon and conquering it! For me, on this whole journey I have found myself having a completely different relationship to my body - and a much more enjoyable one! I feel so much more comfortable and in touch with my body, mainly because of the exercise I do, and because I know I am looking after myself so much better - I remember how much courage it took to go to the pool and gym for the first time - and this was a women only gym! I completely applaud and agree with your attitude - I have also been taking this journey with a stance of doing all the things I want to do, rather than leaving them until I have a different body shape. (Well, OK, I confess I am leaving the water-skiing and surfing until I my muscles are stronger, and my body is lighter....!!!!). So good on you girl, and I hope you enjoy many more swimming sessions!
C l a i r e

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Old 06-30-2004, 09:32 AM   #7
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Jenaya--You should be so proud of yourself for taking this leap of faith and just doing it!! Yay!! What you did took an amazing amount of courage and YOU DID IT!! Now you've got me thinking about my own situations....

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Old 06-30-2004, 12:01 PM   #8
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I agree that this is a huge feat for you and you have every right to let us know about it. Luckily for me I've never had that problem--I love the water too much to let a few fat rolls and cottage cheese legs stand in my way.
The next time you put it on, stand proud and walk confidently and know that each time you put it on it will be the last time someone see you just like that as you go down in size.

Halloween Goal

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Old 06-30-2004, 04:06 PM   #9
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Definitely courageous and a HUGE NSV!

get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
180 (driver's license weight):
170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
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Old 06-30-2004, 10:21 PM   #10
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Jenaya - You go GIRL! I am sooooo proud of you! What a huge accomplishment! Like some of the other ladies have said, I envy your courage... You took a huge step and should feel unbelievably proud of yourself..

Unfortunately, I'm not there yet... but hoping to be soon. I'm still at the point of letting this extra weight "control" my life... I sometimes don't go out with Steve to meet friends I've never met before as I feel embarrassed about my weight and I'm just the "fat girl with a pretty face". I feel like everyone's looking at me wondering why a hottie like him is with me... Well I was a hottie when he met me, and he loves me now too - I know that. I just have to take the leap that you did and be proud of who I am and that I'm working on it...

Again, high 5 girlfriend.. YOU ROCK!

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Old 07-01-2004, 12:20 AM   #11
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Jenaya, good for you, girl!! That certainly took a lot of guts and is symbolic of a lot more than the fact that you're committed to losing weight, but also to accepting yourself. Like many above posters have said, I envy your courage. Be proud!

Br00klyn, I have the same problem with my boyfriend. Meeting ANYONE of any kind of importance to him, I always have the sinking feeling that they're thinking "what's he doing with a fat girl?" It certainly doesnt' help matters that he's skinny! Bah.
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