Vladadog: I see what you mean! Things I would normally be too lazy to do I'm now motivated for because I'm trying to get those few extra steps in on the fitbit. Mine tracks my sleep, as well...it's the Charge HR? I used to utilize MFP but I haven't in a long time...I'm thinking the trifecta of MFP, FB, and 3FC sounds like a pretty solid tracking support system. :)

Laurie: Generally, I get embarrassed if I take the stairs and end up all out of breath and trying to talk to someone. I think for now, I'm going to take the stairs when I'm not gonna have to talk to someone immediately after lol. At least until my body stops panicking at the sight of them. My fitbit tracks flights of stairs too! I'm so glad the counseling is doing y'all good. Getting to the root of the fear is always the first step to resolving it. Good luck with your runs!

Slash: Hope work goes well and you get a break!


So today was a pretty decent day. Since I stayed late and closed last night, I didn't come in to work until about 1pm and got a great night's sleep last night AND a relaxing morning! Work was kind of crazy, but it always is. Had banana/walnut steel cut oats for breakfast and two chicken fajita tacos with cheese for dinner. Skipped lunch since I went like two hours after I got to work and wasn't hungry. Work tomorrow at 7am and I'm definitely not sleepy right now. Gonna regret this in the morning. -_-

Woke up this morning to my new low: 263.2! I knew I had a good feeling yesterday. I have a good feeling about tomorrow too, but I'll be too sleepy in the morning to weigh myself. I'll probably wait until Monday morning to weigh myself again. I'm officially setting my first mini-goal: under 260 by the end of next week. My body is starting to feel a little better already, less bloated and just blah (although that definitely might be a placebo effect). I'm drinking what feels like a crazy amount of water, although I still feel dehydrated most of the time and I know the actual amount is still only about half of what I should be drinking. I still have some bad habits, like drinking Red Bulls and continuing to smoke cigarettes; however, I've completely cut out sodas and sweet tea. Baby steps, guys. I can do this.

Laurie - I decided to use the fitbit footstep tracking to do the Eowyn Challenge (http://home.insightbb.com/~eowynchallenge/). There's a google spreadsheet where you can track your miles and you can compare your miles to a chart that shows where the Fellowship was at the same mileage. Very LotR nerdy but i've been a LotR nerd for over 40 years and its fun to pretend... It's 458 miles from Bag End to Rivendell so I'm not even a quarter of the way there yet. But it's been an eventful winter for me. I hope in another couple weeks to really start getting some miles in on a more regular basis.

Dread - congrats on the new low! You can link your fitbit app to MFP so it knows how far you've walked. I don't let MFP delete exercise calories from my daily goal but i like seeing how my exercise *could* count against my daily calories. And the fact the two apps "talk" to each other makes it super easy. I think mine is also a Charge HR - I got it free last Fall from work for managing to last there for 15 years... I was kinda doubtful at first and I'm not keen on wearing things on my wrist but I've gotten used to it and it really does motivate me. For me, tracking calories is the only way I can stay accountable. I cheat if I'm just tracking in my head but if I'm writing it down I'm pretty honest (but not insane about figuring it down to the very last calorie... ). And MFP update my 3FC tracker automagically too....

Hey, everyone! Went to work today; had a fruit shake for breakfast, more chicken fajita bowl for lunch, and a little more just now that I got home. Got into our first "Food ****" fight today over breakfasts. Boyfriend wants me to continue just having a shake for breakfast, but with my birth control making me nauseous in the mornings, I told him I want to have a small portion of banana/walnut steel cut oats instead since it settles my stomach and makes me more full for a longer period of time. We fought, I cried, and we made up. Our compromise is the oats in the morning but a smaller portion than what I've been having, taking the brown sugar out, and using almond milk in it instead of the regular milk. Our fights tend to be rare, but when they happen they're short and intense. We always make up within about 10 minutes of the end of them, which is nice. I'm no good at holding grudges and being angry makes me exhausted. I don't take being told what to do easily, but I know the diet he's set up is the right track and I'm doing my best to abide by it and make good choices.

Y'all would not BELIEVE how much free fatty food is offered at my job. It used to be amazing before I started attempting weight loss, and now it's just a constant torture upstairs. Today I turned down Whataburger twice. Ugh.

Anyways, assuming I don't go food crazy for the rest of today, I'll probably weigh myself again tomorrow morning. Results should be promising.

Vladadog! You post ninja-ed me while I was typing mine out lol. I'm gonna go link the two apps right now and see what's up. ;)

Made it down to 261 as of this morning! That makes 8lbs since 03/10. Today's our cheat day (within reason, not going all that crazy), and Shark Week has officially begun (UGH), so I'll probably hold off on weighing myself again until like Wednesday. It's just gonna make me depressed otherwise lol.

Cheat day is going great. We grocery-shopped for the next two weeks and the house got cleaned a bit. Breakfast was a bowl of banana/walnut steel cut oats, morning snack was some low-fat chocolate milk, lunch was a sushi roll, snack will be some string cheese, and dinner will be steak with onions/mushrooms and mashed potatoes. Tomorrow, it'll be back to strictly on-plan foods. We've also decided to move away from most of the dairy in our diets and substitute almond milk for what we can.

Hope everyone's weekend is going well!

Hey All

Happy to hear that everyone seems to be doing well! I'm impressed with all of your running and fitbitting and literary references!

Dread Eight pounds! Hooray! And boy do I hear you on the free food. UGH. I work from home now, but I used to absolutely hate the constant free food free-for-alls. I had to either pass by every single thing or EAT every single thing. No middle-way for me. But it is great that you get so many steps in at work.

Laurie Good! Good! Good! You are maintaining, and best of all you are telling the hooker to SHUT UP!!! I really appreciated your little talk through about how you would see an obese person giving a talk. Interesting. I think my usual thought process goes something like this. "Wow, that person is really FAT, and yet, look how confident he/she looks..."

Vlada It is a great feeling to know that you've been eating right and you don't dread going to see the doctor. Having surgery is no fun! But knowing you are on a healthier path is a really great feeling!!

Diane Waving! Hope things have calmed down a bit at work!

Everything going well for me. Am hovering around 282 right now. Felt like I ate a lot yesterday-- went out for dinner and chose a tuna melt and fries-- not exactly low-cal, but what I really like about the way I'm eating now is that when I really try to stick to just two meals plus coffee with milk for breakfast and no snacks, which is quite manageable, I can only do so much damage from a single meal. So yesterday, I had some cut up tomatoes and chicken breast and an orange for lunch, the tuna melt/fries for dinner and weighed in down 0.4. I think that I was JUST SO TERRIFIED when the doc recommended WLS that I'm not having that much trouble sticking to healthy eating-- and because of that, I've lost the first 15 without having to count calories, track on fitday, etc. And I'm finding it a bit freeing, as in the past, I always logged religiously, counted calories, and had a tendency to start to over-restrict to push my weight down when I got impatient with the scale. I'm also managing to stick to the plan without thinking about it 24/7 which is also good. The thing is, right now, my motivation is HIGH (avoid WLS) and my general stress level is LOW. The problem for me is that sometimes the high motivation starts to lag over time, and then when my stress level goes up, that's when I lose it. Working on finding an eating disorder therapist to work with me so that I'll be better equipped when that moment comes. For some reason, I got a horrible leg cramp during my last 2 treadmill sessions, even though I slowed my pace and the incline, so I took two days off. Am hoping it will be better tomorrow.

I just went back through my 3FC blog posts from 2011. I started at 287 then. From around Valentines day to Labor day I went from 265 to 215 and lost 50 pounds through calorie tracking and exercise. That was 6 months of hard work.

This time I did 265-215 in less than 3.5 months. Which is insane.

I have to come to grips with the fact that the next 50 pounds will not be as fast or as effortless (not that the last three months have been easy but the weightloss has not been my focus and in fact I started tracking calories to make sure i got enough...). Last time it took me 3.5 months to get from 215 down to a steady 195. And nearly 3 more months to get down to 180.

I'm hoping to be in Onederland by June. That's 15 pounds in about 9-10 weeks. More than a pound a week but less than 2 pounds. That should be do-able right? I know weightloss happens faster at higher weights and the closer you get to goal the slower it goes. But I'm still feeling like 15 pounds in 10 weeks isn't impossible or unhealthy.

What do you guys think?

Vladadog - Love the idea of following Frodo's quest! I am a LotR geek, too, so I'm rooting for you! Yes, 15 pounds in 10 weeks is both possible and well within the "healthy" range. Your track record is pretty impressive. If you were able to lose 50 pounds in 3.5 months, then 15 in a little over 2 months is well within your ability to lose. But it's really hard to say if it will happen. So many elements come into play. But it sounds like you do a great job of tracking calories and activity and weight, so you can figure out pretty accurately how to modulate your behavior to achieve the results you want. You may need to adjust your calories down a bit to get there in that amount of time, but unless you have a health issue, the scale blips should even out over 10 weeks to get you where you want to go. I think.

Uber - I LOVE the idea of getting a therapist to help you sort all of this out. I saw a therapist who was also a dietitian from about June to October this year. She was crazy, but she was also helpful. The interesting thing, for me, was that she did not tell me much that a lifetime of reading about weight loss and eating disorders had not already informed me about, but it was still very helpful. It focused me when I needed focusing and gave me a sense of confidence. I didn't quit going to her because I was cured. I just neglected to make appointments. I may go back to her, but for now, my marriage counseling is a priority and is meeting some of that need, and I don't want to have two weekly appointments that take me out of my office.

Diane - Glad to see you here, even if only for a minute.

Fire alarm just went off. I may be back.

I had a pretty good weekend. I just did not want to do my long run, and didn't. I quit just short of five miles. I need to get serious about my training again, as my half-marathon is scheduled for a little over a month. I am feeling pretty blase about all of it, actually. I took an "accidental nap" last night (about four hours) before dinner and woke up at about 8:30. I was not hungry when I woke up, but I ate a small portion of chicken, three bags of popcorn (110 calories each) and two pieces of toast as a late, unneeded dinner. I almost never eat bread, and if I eat the popcorn bags, I will typically eat half of one, not three, as I know it's recreational food. I try to save protein for when I am actually hungry. All weekend, I craved sugar, but chose not to buy it and not to bake anything, so my unneeded dinner was not terribly surprising, but still a bit discouraging. But it's Monday, so routine has been reintroduced to my life, and I escaped the weekend far more unscathed than I would have expected, given my blase, unfocused, undisciplined days. I am at 153.8, same as yesterday morning's weigh-in, so I am hoping to drop lower in the coming week to get at the bottom of my 150-155 maintaining range.

I scheduled my "mommy makeover" surgery (tummy tuck, breast lift) for May 10, three days before my birthday. Happy birthday to me? I am vacillating a bit on it. It's so much money, and I worry that I will become addicted to plastic surgery. I sort of want a face lift now, as the weight loss has made my neck look wrinkled. I know I have lots of extra skin on my arms and upper legs. But even at my thinnest, my calves are disproportionately large, and plastic surgery can't solve that, so a "Vogue-perfect body" will never happen for me, and I have never really hoped for one anyway. When did vanity become such a huge part of my life? But I am going to read everything I can about tummy tucks, including all the potential side effects and the things I need to do as a patient to minimize the dangers and be able to recover well, and I think I will go through with the surgery, but promise myself not to even consider any additional surgery for at least six months, if not a year. Some of this will resolve itself, and I know I need some time to become more chill with extra skin.

Today's plan: I am volunteering after work from about 5:30 to 8:30, so I will make sure to plan my meals and run accordingly. I am looking at trying to do six miles outside today -- on streets and sidewalks, like a "real" runner -- so I will go after my 1:00 meeting this afternoon. I will just do protein shakes and fruit/veggies for snacks today, as I don't want to take the time to get dinner before my volunteer activity. Also going to avoid the candy jar. Interestingly, I am not really interested in sugar today, but I don't need to press my luck.

Laurie: Hope you can get your mojo back on the running. I am not a fan of running in scheduled races, so I can't really help with that part. I can understand what you're talking about with the surgery. I am sure it isn't cheap! I really hate doing stuff like surgery or taking medications, etc, but I really think you'll love it when you get it done. I also hear you on the wrinkly neck. I have that and I'm sure it will get worse. So fun.

Vladadog: I don't think that 1.5 pounds a week is too much. It may be difficult, but I don't think it is unhealthy. It would be awesome to reach onederland by June!!

Uber: I think that is smart to prepare for the time when motivation isn't high, and finding the help you need now. You're doing so well and you definitely have a good reason to keep going! But, we all know it is not easy!

Dread: Glad you made it through the disagreement. My husband and I are like that. We really never fight, but when we do it is intense, but ends quickly. You should definitely wait to weigh!! No one needs that negativity in their life!!

For me, I had to step back a little bit from workouts for a few days due to a sore foot. That is irritating. But, back at it today with Spin. I did some yardwork over the weekend, and I could tell that I'm not in as good shape as I was last summer. I didn't like seeing that, but it is what it is. I just will keep working to get back to what I had. Staying on plan with food is still challenging, but working through that.

Hi everybody! I have a few minutes to check in before I have to pick up my kid at school.

Diane Those aches and pains are a pain, aren't they? And so frustrating. I took three days off due to travel, and then had two bad workouts due to a leg muscle that sometimes cramps if I don't warm up slowly enough and ended up taking two more days off. I'm going back to my normal workout today and I'm hoping my leg won't start cramping this time. It's so frustrating to have the general stamina for something and yet have one body part screaming NO!!!! I really hope your foot is better. It's so much harder to focus on NOT eating which is sort of the absence of doing something, as opposed to exercise, which is a positive action.

Vlada I love looking back at my old stats and comparing! My first time around, back in 2009-2010 I dropped the first 50 really quick! Being in ONEDERLAND by June sounds totally doable and I think 1.5 per week is achievable even if, as you know, it will probably be 2.5 then stall, then 35 then whoosh... etc! It seems like weight loss always feels so irregular unless you look at big chunks of time.

Laurie the unplanned dinner, the bags of popcorn... ugh, and ugh again. I'm always so vulnerable in those moments when I don't exactly have a plan or am delayed, or don't quite start with the right things or.... oh, well.... anything. Any decision that is food-related is always worse than no decision for me. As far as the TT is confirmed, I think it's a personal decision, but I really think in my own case, I wish to heavens I had looked into when I was maintaining because it messed with my head. In my case, my legs, arms, butt, neck, face, etc were all completely normal sized-- even thin-- but in profiled, my stomach stuck out like I was nursing a little pregnancy. The roundedness got smaller and smaller but it never changed shape. Probably 4 kids and being obese through all 4 pregnancies was enough to do it. I think just acknowledging that the "fat phase" of your life is over and that you can move on as a normal-sized person is probably a great idea! We'll never stop being post-fatties in our minds, but we don't have to be reminded at every turn.

Dread I hear you about the oatmeal breakfast. I have never found it equally satisfying to drink my meals, and one thing that always helps me A LOT is to eat volume at meals-- that's why, for me, lots of little snacks is never the best way to go. Somethings are just more satisfying than others and it helps to stick with what leaves you feeling good. Glad that the fight was quickly resolved!!! It's awesome that your boyfriend is supporting, but it can be such a fine line between support and feeling food policed. Seems as if you guys are striking a balance.

I'm a bit worried that today is going to be a challenge because I waited a little too long to eat lunch, was over-hungry, and used up more than half of my calorie allotment. I need to plan for a satisfying dinner that won't push me over the edge. I finally logged my weight into FITDAY and realized that I was down 10 since 2/21, so basically ten for the month, fifteen overall. I'm not quite sure when I got started, but I believe it was sometime in January. I'm going to keep going on a fairly loose plan as long as I can until my loss stalls. I'm focusing on getting off the next 20, hopefully by mid-June, although that may be a bit quicker than is realistic.

Uber: Haha, I'm impressed with the lot of us too. It seems like everyone is finding their own personal swing of things! Yeah, dude, my work buys us a stupid amount of food every week. I'm having to just avoid the break room altogether to not binge every day! I'm glad you're looking into therapy to prep for the times ahead. Better to be prepared and recognize the problem right away than to be knee-deep in it before realizing what happened! Hope your cramping gets better too!

Vladadog: 50lbs/3.5 months...that's about 3.5lbs a week? That's AMAZING!!! And 15lbs in 9 weeks is super doable if you just stay on it. Adjustments might have to be made here and there to keep from plateauing, but you can totally do it! I'll be rooting for you ^_^

Laurie: Super glad the fire alarm was apparently nothing lol. Glad your weekend wasn't too crazy food-wise. Congrats on scheduling the surgery! It's smart to give yourself a good amount of time before scheduling more. You'll want to see how your body settles into itself after you healed up before planning on shifting or taking off more. Hope your running motivation makes a come-back! And if it doesn't, hope you can push through it and get it done :)

Diane: Your "no one needs that negativity" comment made me laugh SO HARD this morning lol. Hope your foot cramps get better!

Soooooo, today went pretty great! Breakfast was a fruit smoothie and a hard-boiled egg (which def seemed to give me the boost I needed to get through till lunch), lunch was a ham and swiss sandwich/banana/string cheese, snack was an orange/hard-boiled egg (I loooooooove eggs), dinner was baked chicken legs with corn/green beans, and dessert was a chocolate greek yogurt popsicle. Reached 10,000 steps, and walked on the treadmill for 30min today. Drank lots of water and after another bottle, I'll hit my water goal for day. I haven't had a redbull in four days. I feel awesome.

And now my thoughts about everything above:

- I joined the LoseIt subreddit on Reddit, and they had a great recommendation that I buy a food scale and start using it religiously. At first, I was kinda iffy on needing it this soon (I mean, obviously whatever I'm doing is working, right?), but thinking about it more and more, I'm warming up to the idea. Right now we're just sort of putting whatever fits into sandwich-size tupperware containers. What with us food-prepping on the weekends, it would be super easy to just measure things out using the measuring cups and using the food scale for the meat. I want to start counting calories and the food scale would make logging everything much more accurate.
- The 10,000 steps doesn't include the 30min on the treadmill.
- The treadmill made me feel pretty ashamed of myself. I mean, I was sweating and out of breath just from WALKING for 30min. Ugh. I feel like such a fattie. I mean, I feel awesome that I went and the soreness is nice, but I still feel kinda bad about myself at how out of shape I am.
- Drinking this much water makes me pee, like all the time. It's annoying.
- I miss redbull, but I felt great today without it. No afternoon crash!

Diane - UGH on the sore foot. The injuries must end! Thank you for your thoughts about the surgery. It is helpful to get some perspective. And I know what you're saying about losing fitness levels you worked so hard to achieve. As I contemplate surgery, I am embracing that as a reality. I'm trying to believe that as long as we keep moving forward, we are winning the battle.

Uber - Thank you for fleshing out your thoughts on the tummy tuck. I'm trying to work through the whole "I buy the expensive shampoo for my daughters and the cheapest for me" mindset and get to the place where I'm willing to dump a huge amount of money into this surgery. Thinking of myself as a "post-fattie" feels really liberating, though. I am actually really fortunate that my stomach itself is pretty flat, despite six pregnancies, but I put on my size 8 skirt this morning and had to wear a longer shirt to hide the pouch of loose skin directly opposite my generous backside. And, of course, the waistband is loose, as it always is, since the challenge in covering the lower half of my body is always in the booty/pannus area. The only way it gets better is with surgery. And I have worked long enough and hard enough--both in terms of the weight loss and making and saving money--to have earned this. Right? Look at you, though. So glad you've taken off the first fifteen! Hope you were able to find something satisfying and delicious for dinner that fit into your decreased calorie budget. Or . . . I hope you enjoyed your extra-calorie day and are even more pumped to be on plan today.

Amanda - I love what you said about the running motivation. There are three choices, right? One is that the running mojo can magically return. Two is that I can quit and fail on this goal that I've had since (roughly) the beginning of time right when I'm knocking at the door of achieving it. Or three - I can just push through and get it done, motivation or no motivation. Hmmm.... Perhaps I'll opt for door number 3. Good for you on quitting Red Bull. I have a Red Bull habit - I drink the sugar free version four or five times a week. I'm not quite ready to give it up, but I think about it. Yay for you! Sounds like everything else is going nicely as well. Interestingly, I purchased a food scale a few days ago for an entirely non-weight-loss-related purpose, but I'm interested to see how your experiment goes. I hate tracking, but may want to do some intermittent tracking as I'm figuring out what I want "maintenance calories" to look like.

Carter and Mandy - Very interested to hear what's going on in your worlds. Huge projects, new treadmills, etc...

Had a good day food-wise yesterday. Ran for about 3 miles. Not ideal, but something. And gained two pounds overnight to be back up to 155.6. I was also really hungry when I woke up, and I had all of the "let's give up" self-pitying thoughts. And then I started contemplating what that would look like. I could stop for fast food, or pick up something from the gas station. But as I considered it, I realized that there was nothing that would give me that "overfull feeling" that I was craving that would not simultaneously make me feel sick. Weird that I had never realized before that the same feeling that makes me finally feel sated is also the feeling that makes me feel unable to physically function. Weird that this far into the process, I'm still having epiphanies for things I should have realized years ago. And again, I conclude that my relationship with food is not, and never will be, "normal." So, I am back on my old reliable routine, and feeling quite blase about it.

Today's plan - Track calories. I hate tracking, but I am going to do it for a few days. I am scheduled for weight lifting this evening, but I may run instead. I am going to get my 11K steps in, and going to be super focused on work today. I will continue to avoid the candy jar.

Uber: How nice to put it in writing, recording in FitDay, and seeing your progress! That's so awesome!!! Thanks, too, for your thoughts on aches and pains, injuries, etc. That's so true that dealing with eating is always a negative in that you're trying to cut out calories, or whatever. Exercise is a good thing if you "go over". Ha! Unless you get injured.......

Dread: Yeah, I'm avoiding the scale for a while, so no negativity for me either. I'll get back on it soon, but just wanted a few days to focus on eating well and exercise, without seeing something I don't want to see. Avoidance at its finest. I also have a food scale and I like it. I should probably use it more often. I think it helps with being realistic on food portions and calories.

Laurie: I don't drink Red Bull, but I have a love for Xyience, cran raspberry. It is 0 calorie, but it also gives me a nice little boost in the afternoon. I am sure it isn't the best thing I could do, but I like it. :)

For me, I went to Body Pump this morning. It was good and I feel like I'm getting better. I'm still trying to be patient and not push too much. But I think I'll do a little more next week. I plan on running tonight, and then back to spin tomorrow. I am also going to go back to the Body Flow class on Friday (the yoga/tai chi/pilates class). I know that my flexibility is not very good now, so I've been avoiding it. But I need to try to make it better, so I'll give it a go.

Food has been better the last couple of days. Hopefully I can hang on to that!!!

Happy day everyone!

Amanda I have a food scale and I did use it religiously the first time I went through a big old weight loss, but now, honestly, I am SO GOOD at eyeballing that it seems unnecessary-- whenever I double check myself, I'm right on the money. I have a friend who is even more neurotic than I am and she weighs every ingredient she cooks so that she gets a precise view of the calories in her recipes, whereas I tend to gravitate toward single ingredient foods-- like a piece of chicken on salmon-- and you can get very good at assessing serving size for simple foods. If you use it for a while, you'll get an idea of whether it helps you or not.

Diane I like the idea of the body flow! I'm glad that you are back to running and spinning even if you're not pushing it. Glad that the food has been better. You're doing a GREAT job of hanging in there!

Laurie That conversation in your head is SO FAMILIAR to me. The hardest hardest thing for me is to realize that when I feel that "need to stuff" that the alternative is just to wait it out. But that really is the key to the whole problem!

Re the body image and pannus, and covering up, and etc. I think the big fat HOOKER of maintenance is the little voice that tells you that you are still fat. Because if you are still fat then it's less important to maintain, because the HOOKER seductively suggests that you might as well eat x,y, or z because that's what fat girls do. And while I know that anyone could become obsessed with plastic surgery (if they could afford it, LOL) and never be satisfied, I think that the pannus, which makes the clothing fit weird, is just a daily reminder of membership in the "fat girls" club. And the "buy stuff for the kids, not for yourself" problem? Well, that is one hundred and fifty per cent me too!!! One of my biggest insights from last time around was that when money got tight, I economized on myself, feeling guilty about every single tiny splurge, no matter how insignificant, until guess what was left to reward myself with? Duh? Binge Food. I am not ashamed to admit that I have spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on fancy cosmetics this time-- but you know what? A five step nighttime beauty routine gave me something to do at night that was relaxing besides eat. In short, I think sometimes binge eating is a weird attempt to take care of ourselves.

So, as for me. Having a bit more trouble with hunger yesterday and today, so I'm reaching the point where I think I may have to add breakfast. Today, by 11:30 I had a headache, and it's no good to be that hungry because then I start wanting to overeat. Down another pound. Think I should soon be leaving the 280s goodbye, and while the 270s is way above where I want to be, at least I should be able to hit the 20lbs gone mark pretty soon! :carrot: Work out wise, after two days off I hopped back on the treadmill yesterday and I went back to my pre-leg-cramp workout, and it felt ridiculously easy. In retrospect, I think I realize the problem-- I think I was dehydrated. I tend to get really dehydrated when I'm traveling and I'm taking a new med that also is dehydrating. I thought something was wrong as I was struggling to get through a workout that was about half the intensity of my normal-- I'm pretty sure that was the problem! Phew!

Laurie: Lol option #3 is what got me back to the gym today! I had zero motivation and just ended up gritting my teeth and doing it. I can relate on the "overfull and sick" feeling. It's satisfying and shameful all at once but I want it, and the most difficult part of all is trying to not give into it.

Diane: I think that's why I want the food scale. I know theoretically how much I should be eating of food, but realistically I have no idea what those amounts look like. That Body Flow class sounds like fun!

Uber: I want to get to the point where I can realistically eyeball portion sizes without overestimating like I do now! I want to measure everything out (except for spices, etc) for a while until I feel comfortable doing that. Glad you figured out the workout issue! Water is boring but definitely makes us feel good. ;)



Whelp, I'm on Day 2 of getting to the gym this week. Did another 30min walk on the treadmill but at a slightly faster pace today (my calves are definitely paying the price). We decided that any day I get out of work on-time or early, or have a good/easy day, we're going to go to the gym for at least a walk. If I work late or have a hard day, we'll see how it goes. The goal is to go at least five times for the week, with at least one rest day. Had a good food day: banana/walnut oatmeal and a cup of coffee for breakfast, ham/cheddar sandwich with pickle and string cheese for lunch, strawberries/hardboiled egg/string cheese for post-workout snack, and fish with rice and asparagus for dinner. This whole meal-planning and buying lots of healthy snacks to keep around the house gig is working awesomely. If I get hungry and eat a little too much for a snack? It's fine, because it's within reason and healthy snacks anyways.

I weighed myself this morning even though I wanted to wait till tomorrow. I couldn't help myself! Got too curious. Came out to 261.2 so I gained a whole 0.2lbs since Sunday morning. This means that either my cheat day Sunday wasn't as bad as I thought is was, OR I'm being that good the rest of the time. I'm quite pleased with myself either way and can't wait to see how much I weigh tomorrow morning. :D

Was going to write a lot more but y'all, I'M TIRED. I passed the **** out last night after dinner and I've got a big feeling I'm going to do the same tonight. Had 8 amazing hours of sleep last night and I know it's all because I got my happy butt up and out and went to the gym. Had forgotten just how well I tend to sleep when I'm working out regularly. I should make it to 10,000 steps again today, will definitely hit my water goal, and hit my goal of 10 flights of stairs. Pretty damn proud of myself right now lol.

Diane - We have twin vices! I also drink my energy boost in the afternoon. I largely do it because I want a treat. Like you said, I quite enjoy it, though I probably could make better choices. One thing at a time, though, right? Body Flow actually sounds pretty awesome. I think I am going to try to incorporate something like that in my week, too. I feel like I could use it. Hope your flexibility is better than you think it will be, and that your sore foot is recuperating well.

Amanda - I love listening to your honeymoon phase excitement! It is such a fantastic place to be. And I am so impressed with the level of planning that goes into your routine. You're eating well, both in terms of nutrition quality and the ability to just enjoy your food. I have thought quite a bit about the "option 3," and I am going to have a great run today, even if I have to do it through sheer will power. Glad your sleeping is improving with the increased exercise. Sounds like things are really falling into place.

Uber - This is why I love having you around! Binge eating as self-care is an interesting concept, and one that I feel like I should have invested more time in considering, given that I have been to counseling about this very issue, but I really hadn't. Yay for the expensive cosmetics and the self-care beauty routine, BTW. That's a great idea. I actually think I am going to try to introduce this idea of self-care into our marriage counseling tomorrow. My husband's insecurities have been driving me to intentionally neglect self-care. I love going out for evening walks, but he sees it as me trying to escape from him, or in his crazier moments, sees it as me sneaking out to cheat on him. Maybe this type of self-care would negate the need to binge, at least to some degree? The whole "post-fattie" thing also has me thinking a lot. Whereas I was wavering about the surgery before, I feel very committed to it now. Glad you figured out the dehydration thing, and think adding breakfast sounds like a good idea. It's the tweaks, in my opinion, that make plans work long-term. And woot on the almost-20-pounds-gone milestone and rocking the treadmill!

I'm maintaining right at 155. 155.6 again this morning. Going to just eat well today and do a hard-core 5-mile run on the treadmill this afternoon. Going to avoid snacking in the evening by avoiding the kitchen. Maybe even go to bed early. Things are actually going very, very well with the husband, but that has led to a lot of very late nights too many nights in a row.

Uber: I think you're right, you probably were dehydrated. I'm glad that the treadmill was better, and easy! That helps keep you going!! Just a thought on the breakfast issue... I used to eat an egg, cheese, and green chili mixture for breakfast. It was great, and not too bad on calories, but I wanted to go a little lower on calories in the morning so I had more room at night. I eat a protein bar most mornings after workouts. It is lower calorie, about 190, and it gives me protein that helps me through until lunch time. It might just take a little something so that you don't get a headache!

Dread: You have every reason to be proud! You're doing great! It is hard to get back on track, but then you realize how much better you feel, and how much better you sleep, when you're doing it right!! That's so cool!

Laurie: That's the thing about the energy drink. I like the little boost, but I also like the taste and the little bit of carbonation that it has. I drink a lot of water, but with this drink, I can have a little "treat" without blowing the calorie budget. So glad you are maintaining so well and that your marriage is doing better. Sometimes recognizing and acknowledging the problem is half the battle. Then you can at least talk about it and move forward.

For me, I went running last night. It was pretty good, but not great. I woke up this morning really sore from the weights and running, so I decided not to go to spin. I had to fight the feeling bad about it because I think the rest is ok, too. It just feels like slacking even if it isn't. I'll go back to body pump in the morning.

Oh and about Body Flow.... I don't know if I would call it fun. I think it is beneficial and does seem to work, but I don't know if I really enjoy it that much. :) I think it is really hard, but that's probably because I'm not that flexible. I know that it will get easier, but it just about kills me to start it back up again. It helps with balance, which is another area that I struggle in. UGH... I just prefer the weights or cardio because I'm used to doing that type of workout. Must.Step.Out.Of.The.Box......

Diane Thanks for the protein bar idea. I know that I do well in general with single-serving items. It's easier for me to control what goes in. I drink coffee with about a cup of milk, so I'm getting about 120 calories in the coffee, but adding a protein bar, or maybe adding the protein bar right when I get hungry, which is usually about 10 am, would tip me over while keeping the calories low. In general, I find that eating more earlier in the day doesn't help me eat less later and my hungriest time of day is lunch. Thanks for the advice! And kudos for pushing yourself to do body flow. I really would like to do something like that, but I'm crippled by self-consciousness.

Amanda I love that you don't count your treadmill steps in your 10k steps! That is IMPRESSIVE. I used to run around for work, but now I sit for work, and if I don't get my treadmill in, my steps are super low. It sounds like you are doing GREAT!

Laurie I really feel for you about the feeling that you can't go do something that you would feel is fun and relaxing because of what is going on with your husband. I am super-duper prone to that kind of thinking. I have such a habit of feeling guilty whenever I do anything for myself. It makes it worse, when it's laid on me from the outside, but I do a pretty good job of policing myself. I'm so happy with my new doctor!! She is really great and we spent a long time talking about the binge=self-care thing today. And I know in my heart it's true. When I need new clothes but don't buy them, when I avoid the hair stylist, when I'm just generally not doing anything nice for myself, that's also usually when I'm up to my elbows in the cookie jar. I hope you get things sorted with your husband. Early maintenance is a fragile period and you need to be thinking about yourself!

So, as for me. Went back to the MD for a BP check today. BP normal. Down a total of 13 pounds on docs scale, which is a bit less than the 15 on my scale, but I think it's just due to me starting myself at a slightly higher weight, as our scales are the same. (good to know mine's accurate). New MD so nice, so willing to listen and work with me. Very encouraging. We had a long chat about WHY it has been hard for me to lose weight and keep it off even though I CAN lose weight. She's very interested in helping me add tools to my arsenal so that when I do hit the skids, I'll have more resources. I'm really happy to find someone this understanding and flexible!!! So basically, I'm losing at a solid 2 lbs a week, which is a good pace, and I'm not going to ratchet down my calories unless my current plan stops working. Feeling pretty good about everything!

I've lost 10lbs!
Work is insane. Be on later :)

Uber: Yeah, that's actually what I do with the protein bar. I'm usually not hungry after working out in the morning, so I don't eat it until about 9:30-10:00 or so. Glad you are happy with your doctor!! That is always a good thing.

Dread: Congrats!!!

For me, went to Body Pump this morning. I was glad to be back this morning. I know that it is ok to take a day off every once in a while... in my head. But after not going yesterday, I felt bad about it all day. That's just stupid to feel that way, but I just dragged the rest of the day because of it. Sometimes.... So, I don't know if it was the bad feelings for the day, but I didn't do well on food yesterday. I got back on track today and I feel in control, but yesterday wasn't good. I am hoping to run tonight, and then be ready for Body Flow in the morning.

Laurie: Ha! Probably just as much as I love being in the honeymoon phase lol. Half the credit goes to the Boyfriend - we both worked really hard to make the food both sound and taste good. Keeps us from losing interest too fast. Pre-planning all the meals for the week also makes it easier to just go with flow since eating something different would actually take *more* energy than just eating what's already made. I'm so glad to hear that Option 3 is working for you and that things are looking up for you and the Hubby! I love it when people have good news. :)

Diane: Thank you! We've been working so hard and it seems like for whatever reason, this time has just clicked for us with the weight loss and working out. Everything is just so much better now - we feel better, we sleep better, we feel better about ourselves...it's quite nice lol. Get out of that comfort zone, girl! It sounds like Body Flow will open back up a whole new world of fitness for you again! I miss doing yoga and pilates. I think that might be one of my rewards to myself for losing a set amount of weight - I'll get myself some classes at a yoga studio (or maybe kickboxing!). Good job pulling it all together again today!

Uber: Why, thank you :) It feels like cheating to include the treadmill steps in the 10k lol. My normal step count is also why I don't feel *too* bad when I don't quite hit the full amount; I normally average about 8-9k each day so it's not that big of a jump for me. That exercise, though. UGH. THAT'S a big deal to me to make my goal of five days for the week. I'm glad you're being good to yourself. You deserve nice things and you deserve for your body to feel and look nice, no matter what weight or fitness level you're at. I'm proud of you for realizing that! It's so awesome that your doctor is supportive and helpful!!! It makes everything so much better to be surrounded by supportive people, and medical people especially. Congrats on the loss!



Man, I was so freaking grumpy yesterday. Work was long and hard and terrible, I was tired, my muscles hurt, and my weight still hadn't budged from 261.0. So I retaliated by going home, sitting on the couch, eating the rest of my strawberries and not working out. Watched the last episode of Iron Fist, ate a reasonable dinner and went to bed. I didn't eat fast food, I didn't go for the cheese and grease, I just sat on the couch and pouted, ate my regular food and went to bed.

And in return....I woke up to 259.8! Apparently, I just needed a day off to recover and everything magically fixed itself. I feel awesome again today lol. Had a smoothie for breakfast, spinach and chicken with whole wheat pasta for lunch, banana/hard boiled egg/string cheese for snack after the gym, and dinner tonight will be fish and veggies. Overall, a good day, a long week, and tomorrow I start my five day vacation from work, THANK YOU BABY JESUS.

Life is good. :)

Crazy coupld of days. Work has been insane, and I only have a couple of minutes, so I am posting what I was working on yesterday and will come back to respond to the rest later today, hopefully. I wanted to just skip weighing this morning and 3FC today, but I am not going to do it.

Diane - I know EXACTLY what you mean. The exercise part of it for me is less about burning calories and more about helping me with food discipline. It's hard for me to work out after I have eaten a lot or eaten inappropriately, so I modify what and when I eat based on making sure I can work out. It also really helps me with the mental part of it. Do I really want to eat [this] when I know it takes an hour of running to burn off the calories from it? Glad you got to Body Pump this morning. Hope your foot is all healed up, and that your back/shoulder issues are being kept at bay.

Uber - Two pounds a week is a really good pace. I know you've said you tend to be a slow loser, so I am hoping this pace continues for a long, long time -- at least to goal. =) I love the idea of having new tools in your arsenal, and really glad you have a sympathetic, helpful doctor who listens rather than dictates. They seem far too rare these days. I am really struggling right now, and think that the self-care issue is something I really need to consider.

Hey everybody! You all are working so hard, and here I sit in my bedroom office with a BIG OL manuscript in front of me and I'm procrastinating. I have a question for the group: how do you guys feel about cycling calories-- going up and down more on some days, less on others? I ask because I'm offering myself a more relaxed, cheat-meal friendly plan this time, and so far my weight loss has been as good or better than usual, and I'm not sure if this works just as well, or if it's just because I was up above my normal weight-- I've never really maintained a weight that high for any length of time. After the WLS doctor told me that former fatties have slower metabolisms, I'm wondering if there is any truth to the idea that cycling calories could mitigate against that.

Amanda Woo-hoo! Congratulations on getting to a new decade! Somehow 259 sounds A LOT smaller than 261, don't you think? You are doing great, and I'm sure all the steps really help with that. I'm going to have to think a little bit more about my lack of steps that aren't treadmill steps. My life just doesn't require much normal moving around-- I sit when I work, I drive my kid around, and I treadmill, so there is nothing in my life that really gets me moving besides formal exercise. I love the thought of you doing all your steps then hopping on the treadmill. Something for me to aspire to. Also, isn't the food-planning ahead of time the best? Reducing decision making is the most helpful thing of all. I've thought about ordering in my groceries just so that I didn't have to risk an in-store impulse buy.

Diane Ditto for me one hundred per cent about the exercise and food issue. I lose just as well when I don't exercise, but I don't manage my stress as well, which leads to eating, which leads to... well you know. Clearly for you, exercise is a terrific healthy mood-booster as well as something that you've gotten so much pleasure from seeing so much improvement. Keep with your exercise and the food will follow!

Laurie Hope things calm down for you at work, and definitely-- think self-care!!! For me, it's mostly a money thing. I feel guilty if I spend a cent that isn't for something practical-- that means that anything else, beauty products, vacations, hairstyling, car, you name it-- falls under the rubric of "frivolous." I've been having so much fun with my crazy new beauty routine, with fourteen different skin care products morning and evening, AND I just got a brazilian blowout. Crazily over expensive, but I have curly hair that has sort of lost its mojo as I've aged, so now it works better if I wear it straight-- and with the BBO I've got silky pretty straight blond movie star hair. My daughters, who have curly hair think my straight hair obsession is funny and slight ridiculous. And okay, maybe it's the hair I wanted but didn't have in seventh grade, and I don't really need it now that I'm so old, but it makes me feel terrific. You earn money. I earn money. Why shouldn't at least a little bit of that money go to keep us happy and sane-- and pretty?

So, yesterday morning, I woke up and was surprised to see 280 on the scale! But yesterday, my son won the school spelling bee (so proud, as I'm a total word nerd myself!) and so we went out to dinner to celebrate, so this morning it was back to 281. I think it will be another week before I see anything in the 270s, but that's not so bad. Workout-wise, I'm super happy to report that I did reach a new milestone, maintaining a faster speed with harder intervals throughout my entire 30 min session. I'm still walking .2 slower than my former moderate pace, but I can see being back there before long. PROGRESS!

Dread: Good news on the scale for you! Awesome! I do think that a day of rest can help with weight loss. I think it is really tough during the rest day because I feel out of sorts when I'm not doing an exercise. But mostly everything you read says that it is best to have a rest day.

Laurie: Glad you posted today. It is tough sometimes with work being busy or whatever else might be happening. I'm just always glad to see your name!

For me, yes I went to Body Flow this morning. It was really tough and I can see that I have lost some flexibility and balance. But, it also pointed out to me that I need to make it back there each week to get that back. I felt so stiff! But, I made it through. I also went running last night. I was pretty happy about it just because I was so close to not going. Work has been so busy and I was just ready to be home to watch the basketball games. But I was able to run, even though it felt like somewhat of a struggle. I made it for a good amount of time and felt good afterward.

Food has been on track again, so that's good. I hope to get a good hike in this weekend if the weather is decent. I've purposely been staying away from the scale, but I think I'll get on it Monday to see how the week has been. Have a good weekend everyone!

Uber: We posted together. Nice that you are taking care of yourself with some extra beauty care!!! Glad things are going well for you.

Laurie: glad you pushed through and posted! :)

Uber: I've read a bunch of articles about the slower metabolism thing and cycling calories, and tbh, I'm not sure at all. It makes sense that by changing things up, it can keep your body on its toes...for instance, when your weight plateaus it means you gotta shift things around, right? Wouldn't doing that from the start prevent that sort of plateau? I've also read that the slower metabolism is a myth - that's it's really just a mental phenomenon where in reality, people of higher weights just simply don't MOVE as much as skinnier people. Which also kind of makes sense. Part of my weight loss is making myself simply move off the couch more often. Either way, I honestly have no idea which is correct lol! It all makes sense if you take a step back. Congrats on all your progress!!!!

Diane: Yes, I totally agree about the rest days. I feel kind of guilty about taking them, but my body always thanks me for it afterwards in the form of a lower weight. I read something about how when your muscles are hurting, it's the acid from breaking bonds in the muscles and forming new ones, BUT the process of that also tends to hold extra water in the muscles because of it. It makes sense why when the soreness goes away, so does that bit of extra water. Congrats on making it through Body Flow and getting food back on track!!


I had a pretty big epiphany this weekend! I even made an entirely new thread about it, I was so excited lol. Ate stuff I've cut out of my diet (nachos, BBQ, cheese, etc) this weekend because I spent most of it with family and friends. I enjoyed myself, and when I weighed myself Sunday and realized I had gained four pounds in water weight, I just sighed and drank an extra bottle of water before going to breakfast (where I had eggs, toast and hash browns) with my best friends. It was a nice weekend.

The epiphany is that I'm not mad at myself! I'm just determined. I was good the rest of yesterday and I've already lost a pound of the water weight. It's not about the weight, guys! It's about being healthy and how exercising and eating well makes my body feel SO GOOD, but relaxing a bit and eating fun foods with my friends does too. All those heavy foods made me so exhausted afterwards, which just reinforced my wanting to eat healthy. I'm actually *glad* to be back to eating on plan.

It's honest to God about being healthy this time. About my body feeling good, about *me* feeling good and feeling good about myself. This is gonna be the weight-loss that sticks! I can feel it! My attitude is so different this time, it feels amazing! :)

Good afternoon! It has been so hard to find time to post at work, and I have started and not finished both Thursday and Friday. Gonna do better, cuz this has to remain a priority for me.

Uber - I'm really glad to hear that you're having a good time with your skin treatments, and love that you got a Brazilian blow-out. Honestly, after Googling it, I kind of want a Brazilian blow-out. The Google tells me that it lasts ten-twelve weeks. You'll have to let me know if that's your experience, as I'm trying to figure out some sort of hair solution. And, honestly, I fully intend to look way hotter at 45 than I ever did at 35 or 25, and way, way hotter when I'm 55, then 65. At about 75, I'll consider "aging gracefully." Maybe. As for your calorie cycling question, my honest answer is that I have no idea. I have read SO many scientific studies on weight loss, including stuff on calorie cycling and the "whoosh phenomenon." The authors of the pieces I have read about the "whoosh phenomenon" (where people who have been on plateaus suddenly push up their calorie count for a short period of time and "break the plateau") have frankly admitted they do not have scientific data to back it up, but empirically, they have seen it in lots of clients. This is the reason I get so impatient with medical personnel and dietitians who sit us fat people down and explain whatever flavor of weight loss they preach without taking into account my individual needs/tendencies/history. I really think the best way to do it is to continue to do what is working for you until it no longer works for you, then switching up strategies. And, I think it is critical to consider the mental/lifestyle component along with the physical one. If a certain way of eating works without fail when it is followed religiously, but I am unable to follow it, it is not the solution for me. It sounds like this is working for you, and that it isn't making you crazy. I think that is perfect, and calorie cycling has worked for a number of people. So, whether the advantage is that it's easier to maintain the diet or it actually does the "confuse the body" thing (that I personally think is probably as ridiculous as talking about how "Mother Nature" will fix the environment, as neither the "body" nor "Mother Nature" is sufficiently anthropomorphic to assume those reasoning powers), I am a huge advocate for doing what works.

Diane - It sounds like everything is falling into place for a long and victorious climb back to where you want to be, and where you recently were. I can't wait to hear an update on what the scale is reporting. Hopefully, it will be kind and reasonable, as you deserve. I have been dreading the exercise portion of my day recently, which, fortunately, is unusual for me. Your enthusiasm for it reminds me of how grateful I need to be that I am able to get to the gym and do what needs to be done. Thank you.

Amanda - I read your new thread and your post here. I love that you have made this less of a "diet" this time around and more of a "lifestyle." I also love that you ate toast - toast! - with no thought of guilt. I actually ate a slice of toast made with Ezekiel bread this morning as I was leaving the house, and I fought with the desire to go back home and eat the whole loaf of bread. I may actually have to toss the rest of the loaf because I cannot be chill about toast right now. I cannot tell you how much I love reading that this has morphed from a "have to eat this way to lose weight" to "get to eat this way and enjoy all of the benefits from it" attitude. I am so excited that you have found the winning formula! It won't be struggle-free, of course, but that's why we're here! And, as I am working through my thoughts of "This is really and truly a forever commitment if I don't want to have to lose a significant amount of weight ever again," it is really reassuring to be reminded that I am not embracing a lifetime of misery.

Big things happening in my work life and in my marriage. Like -- overwhelmingly good, if challenging, things at work. And my husband has become almost perfect, which is defined as "so perfect that I've become terrified." This was my epiphany this morning. My husband texted me to let me know that the scuba diving class I'm starting on Wednesday (which he bought me as a Christmas present) required me to purchase the gear beforehand. Ugh. I should have bought the gear months ago. Now, he's texting me with pictures of the gear at the different stores he has gone to in an attempt to purchase it locally, knowing how crazy things are at work for me. I am having mixed reactions. I am simultaneously grateful that this wonderful man is taking care of me so graciously and discovering that part of me is terrified that he will win the "relationship tally." -- meaning he is doing more things for me than I do for him. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to be on this side of it. It's startling and a bit unsettling, and I am starting to become even more convinced that I need to go back to counseling. My whole life, I have been expected to be the strong one--the one who helps rather than is helped. It started with my mom, who was clinically depressed when I was young. I was expected to understand her difficulties and take care of myself and my younger siblings. In other words, my marriage is proving itself to be robust, and I am struggling to feel worthy of a robust marriage.

And this might also explain why I am kind of / sort of sabotaging my weight control struggle. I keep wanting to give up. I am not, and actually had a good run on Saturday, so I am starting to regain my running mojo. But there is a part of me that embraces the big effort / big results. The effort of maintenance is still pretty big effort, but small immediate results.

Going to try to go running this afternoon. Going to try to maintain a good calorie balance today, and eat some fruits / veggies instead of exclusively protein and junk, which is how too many of my days go. I am a little north of my range, which I want to be 150-155, as I weighed in at 156.2 this morning. I am also holding off on buying any new clothes until after my surgery, as I want to make my next thrifting adventure my last in buying lots of clothes. I have mostly size 10 stuff, which is pretty loose, but the size 8 stuff really showcases my pannus, even as it's loose around the waist, which is not ideal for me.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Hey everybody! Happy Monday!

Thanks for weighing in on the calorie cycling debate. Regarding the metabolism thing. When I was at the obesity center, the surgeon quoted me from the NIH study where they took some of the Biggest Loser contestants and measured their metabolisms 5-6 years AFTER the end of the show in a very closely monitored and well-controlled setting, and what they found was that across the board, people who had lost large amounts of weight tended to have slower metabolisms, even long after the weight loss was completed-- and they said that was true whether the person had kept the weight off or gained it back. The supposition is that massive weight loss permanently slows the metabolism, making it harder not to gain the weight back. This also explains why WLS patients tend to only lose to a certain point, and then normally plateau, and then regain some. Their bodies seem to adjust to the lower caloric intake by slowing the metabolism. Most WLS patients never reach a "normal" BMI even with their radically reduced input-- they used to think it was because the patients were "cheating" or "stretching out their pouch" but there seems to be a post-obese metabolic factor as well. This totally rings true for me. During the two years I maintained a weight of 190, I had to stay below 1300 calories a day AND run 3-4 miles a day. So, I'm thinking that if I can't maintain 180-190 I may just try to pick a more workable maintenance weight. I'm tall with a big frame, and at 190 I looked thin. But 210 is WAY more workable for me than 295!!!


Amanda I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU about the being healthy thing. I've been thinking about that a lot myself. I went through a REALLY BAD PATCH for most of 2016, and eventually I ended up feeling awful and being sort of scared-- scared that I my health was deteriorating, that I was never going to snap out of it, and yet here I am just about two months later, and I am seeing big progress with the scale and with my workouts and I feel much different and better. I tend to get into a spiral where I don't exercise because of the weight I see on the scale discourages me and then it's a spiral of eating more and moving less. I'm so glad things are going so well for you, and HOORAY for not beating yourself up or getting caught up in the scale. It's so hard, as we are all conditioned that way!

Diane RUNNING!! So happy to hear it! I think it is super-empowering to feel that we are able to do things even if our weight is not for the moment where we want it to be! And good insight about the body flow as well. I'm not doing anything that promotes flexibility and I definitely need to add that to my regimen. I'm hoping that you stay injury free now that you are hitting such a good groove!

Laurie As for the Brazilian Blow Out. Two words DO IT!!!!!! Just make sure you find someone who does it a lot, as the first time I tried it, it didn't work properly. I find that it lasts a lot longer than 10-12 weeks, and it's too expensive for me to repeat constantly. My hair is very curly, but as I've aged, it's gotten finer and FRIZZIER. I have to go through a whole gelling, scrunching routine to get it to lay right and even then, if it gets messed up I have to start again from scratch. The BBO makes it way easier for me to style it straight. As far as your other problems, getting used to the difference between 275 and 155 is pretty heady stuff. I really applaud you your desire to really understand yourself. And I really get that about "being the strong one". It's no good. We can't live like that. It's exhausting.

So BIG NEWS FOR UBER. I've been walking on the treadmill but pushing my speeds and incline on a interval pattern, and yesterday, I decided to start C25K. Now, that was kind of an emotional thing for me. Back in 2009, I hadn't run a step in YEARS and I was convinced I couldn't do it, and then I started C25K. I found it quite difficult and had to repeat several weeks, but when I finally mastered it, it was the beginning of quite a lot of running that was something I was really proud of. But, I have never tried running at the weight I'm at now. I was worried it was going to be way too hard. But I think the interval walking on the treadmill has pushed me along a lot more than I realized. I breezed through the first day with a moderate running pace. I know the first day is really easy, but just doing that felt like a big accomplishment, and I got a giant endorphin rush!Foodwise, I've been a bit loose with a lot of kids in and out of the house for spring break, and so the scale still sitting at 281, but i'm sure to see a change soon!

Good morning, everyone!

Uber - Yay on day 1 of C25K! Like you, I was reluctant to want to run at my higher weights since I worried about my knees. But I also started to run at about 250 this time, and never regretted it. My 250 is pretty comparable to your 280, I think, though I will concede that I would likely lose the badass battle. But not by much. =) Yay for the feeling of accomplishment and the giant endorphin rush! I am so excited for you! And now -- you have talked me into both a tummy tuck and a brazilian blow-out. If I hang out with you much more, I may be filing for bankruptcy soon. =)

I am not keeping up with life right now, and I am still in the "want to eat everything" phase of this "trying to learn maintenance." I was up to 156.0 this morning. My biggest concern is that I was able to be pretty reasonable about food last night, even conceding to be hungry for an extra couple of hours so I could eat a lean-protein-based meal rather than the free pizza at the event I attended. But I woke up hungry, and proceeded to eat leftover shrimp and chicken and some cereal. Not horrible, but I am alarmed at my all-consuming need to eat everything. It was better this weekend when I actually got my scheduled exercise in, so I am going to try to focus on that. I am also going to do two difficult things. 1 - Be super focused on a number of tasks. (I'm good when I have a single task, but when I have a list of important, but ticky-tack things, I tend to get off-task between to-do items.) 2 - Accept that some things will go undone so I can exercise. I CAN do this. It's just hard.

Love that I can come here and vent and learn. Thank you, everyone, for being such a vital part of my support system.

Oh - and I wanted to add one last thing related to what Uber said regarding the slow metabolism. Yes, I think it's a fact of life for me right now. I will never be able to eat normally. I gain on small indulgences, and small indulgences tend to be significantly less what someone else my size and age and gender would eat normally. I field constant questions about how much I [don't] eat, which can be annoying. But I suppose the upside is that my grocery / restaurant totals will be relatively small, giving me more money to get sucked up into Uber's expensive beauty treatments.

Ok, so I'm way behind on everything. It has been crazy busy at work. We had one coworker who was unexpectedly gone for 3 weeks due to her husband's heart attack. And now another coworker is gone because her mother died. So, of course they should be gone, but boy is it busy.

So, I'll just go with this for now. Glad to hear that there are so many successes going around!

internet at home has been iffy so i brought the laptop to work and did some shout outs - but the wifi died. So i retyped them and it died again. so these are brief...

Dread - great epiphany. Being able to relax around food and neither obsess nor lose control is so hard for so many. I may go back and read your separate post a bunch of times while i try to get there myself.

Laurie - I don't think your "mommy makeover" surgery is vanity or a luxury. I guess technically it is cosmetic but there are also health benefits to getting rid of layers of floppy skin that's just waiting to grow all kinds of yeasty unfunness. You'll be glad you did.

Slash - sorry work is so crazy busy! I'm sorry for your co-workers but i hope everyone manages to come back soon to help spread the workload around a bit.

Uber - I did calorie cycling last time I made the hundred pound journey. I hope to do it again but right now I'm still struggling to just make sure i hit 1200 a day. But I'd like to cycle between 1400-2000. Maybe there's no hard data to back it up but i sure seemed to lose more easily when i cycled plus it gave me some breathing room on days i was more social and had more food choices. Very heplful as I try to attain Dread's newly gained insight into food sanity.

Mandy and Carter have both been pretty absent.... Even more absent than me. I hope they're keeping up the good fight. And also anyone else I'm missing....

I'm still healing and walking and losing in varying amounts... but further updates will have to wait. I'm posting this while the wifi is still up!

Good morning!

Vladadog - Really glad you got some internet access, but it's got to be incredibly frustrating that it is so inconsistent. I HATE losing work, and you lost it twice. But you posted anyway. And the persistence in the eye of the frustration is likely why you have had and are having so much success! Thank you for giving me a valid health reason for wanting to remove the excess skin. I'm feeling pretty good about my decision right now, but it might be a struggle to continue the optimism when I am writing the insane check.

Diane - UGH! Work craziness means general craziness. Glad you still found time to check in to let us know you're still around.

For me, things are falling apart completely. I have been fighting an insane desire to sabotage everything and to eat everything. This has resulted in me feeling physically wrecked, and I have not been exercising with any of the enthusiasm that makes me feel good. So, this morning, I bought a [*insert $12, 15,000-calorie monstrosity here]. Hear me out. I have been craving this particular item for WEEKS. I have been avoiding it because indulging in the craving often doesn't break that craving for me. But nothing else has worked, and even when I'm on track--like this weekend--it involved way too much white-knuckling. So I bought it on the way to work, ate a relatively small portion of it, and arrived at work feeling sugar-sick and pukey. But no longer craving this particular monstrosity.

Today is a crazy, crazy day at work, and I am driving three hours this evening so that I can be on location for 9:00 depositions in the morning, and I am going with my husband. So, I am going to test my newfound detente with him to ask that he help me be smarter and more responsible about food choices. Fortunately, he likes to minimize food intake when he travels because he wants to avoid GI issues, so it may work out well enough. I am not going to be able to run today, probably, so I will at least try to make sure I get in my 11K steps walking. And on the drive, I WILL make time to either listen to a podcast that focuses on binge eating or healthy food or whatever or read something on these topics. Gotta get my head back in the game. Especially because my all-day sugarfest yesterday resulted in a FIVE pound gain on the scale this morning. Yes, I am officially 161 pounds now, and that was before I ate some of the monstrosity this morning. I am deciding between throwing it away and sharing it with my coworkers or kids. I think the right option is throwing it away, actually.

I feel like this is my moment of truth. And part of me wonders if I have been craving a moment of truth since I started this "maintenance" thing. In some aspects of my life, I avoid drama at all costs. But I have lived with weight drama for so long that I don't know that I know how to function without it. I love the thrill of losing weight. It is not nearly as exciting to maintain weight loss.

Back to work now. I need to focus on work stuff, then commit to investing the time to work things out in this rambling headspace of mine devoted to food and binge eating and dieting and exercise and overexercise and the desire to purge (though, thankfully, I have not ever actually intentionally vomited to "make up for" a binge). Thank you all for indulging my crazy. I feel hardcore crazy right now.

Vladadog: Glad to see that you posted after all of that! I probably would have given up. Ha! Always good to hear from you.

Laurie: I can see that maintenance might be tough after having spent so long on the weight loss track. It's a totally new thing to learn and get used to, so give yourself some time to get it all figured out. Good luck on your trip! I hope it all goes well for you.

For me, still crazy busy. I actually skipped running last night so I could work late. I wasn't really feeling the urge to run anyway, so I figured I might as well make some headway. I haven't been super motivated lately. I don't know if it is because of the weather being a little colder (and I'm sick of it), or if it just me. I went to spin this morning, and that was really good for me. This instructor talks the entire time, which normally would bother me, but she at least kept me out of my own head and more focused on the workout.

Man, I don't post for a day and there's already a bunch to catch up on! Obviously, I just need to get on here more lol!

Laurie: Okay, so, (a) I'm really glad you and your husband are doing so well, and that you're learning how to accept the fact that you completely and utterly deserve for life and your relationship to be good, and (b) it's got to be incredibly hard to switch from the intense drama of huge weight loss to the everyday efforts of maintaining it. I imagine it has to be a different kind of motivation. In my head, I kind of relate it to dating and then marriage. Like, you're in it for the long-haul now and it's a vastly different way of thinking and negotiating and reconciling. And (c) you should definitely spoil yourself. Take care of yourself the way you take care of others! Get that surgery and that Brazilian Blowout! Health benefits to getting the excess skin removed: psychological benefits (those who lose the skin are less likely to gain the weight back), and physiological (chafing caused by the skin rubbing against itself, yeast infections).

Uber: CONGRATS on starting C25k!!!! I'm so proud of you for being brave and just *trying* it! I'm super scared to try running right now, I've never run at this high a weight without injuring myself. I think I'm going to wait until I'm down to like 230 to start running again. Shin splints just KILL me. I think it's good for you to seriously consider a higher maintenance weight. You need to be healthy, but you also need a weight that is actually workable for you. It's no good to get that low and regain it back rather than just stop at a slightly higher weight and keep it off for good. I'll be sending you lots of good juju to get the scale below 280!!

Diane: Omg! Sorry your coworkers are having such a rough time right now. I can totally relate to having to pick up the slack in the meantime. Good job for still managing to get to the gym and get those workouts in even when you're drowning in work! Your motivation never ceases to impress me. Like, even when you're not motivated, you're still going to the gym and staying on plan. One of my goals is to be as dedicated as you and Laurie lol. I'll be sending you lots of good juju also to get your motivation back. :)

Vladadog: Yeah, I would have totally given up on posting lol. I'm super impressed with your motivation to type all that out multiple times. I keep re-reading my post too to try and burn that euphoria into my brain. I don't want to lose it!! Always glad to hear from you. Hoping your recovery is going well!

So today I woke up to 261.6. I'm steadily losing between 0.5-1lb each night since my big sodium gain the past weekend, which is nice. I'm hoping to be at 258 by Friday, and the goal is to be mostly good this weekend so it should carry over into new lows next week. Went back to work after my little staycation this past weekend, and it felt like my day was just dragging on FOREVERRRR. Everything is good. Boring and good.

Non-scale victory of the day: the stairs are still tough, but I wasn't completely and utterly out of breath and dying when I took them today. Also, I took 12 flights of stairs total today lol.

Hey Everybody!

Nice to see lots of activity here.

Amanda Stairs! Good for you! It's such a great feeling when you can march up them without being winded, and 12 sets of stairs is awesome! Good work! And happy that you had a looong boooring day! I'm a former nurse and I used to relish the slow days because they were SO RARE!

Diane Yikes, sorry you are being slammed at work. It's so hard when people are out and you have to pick up the slack. Glad to hear that you made it to spin and hope that all the extra work leaves you with at least some time to focus on yourself!

Vlada I've totally had that happen-- written a long long post and then whoosh it disappears. So frustrating! Glad you are walking and healing! Keep up the good work.

Laurie Deep breath girl. Seriously. Ok, so you purchased and ate a binge food. I have done that more times than you can imagine. I know what it feels like to get that worm in your ear and it just doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm sure you have a bunch of techniques you use, and sometimes giving into the craving is a strategy that works. So you are taking care of yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it. White knuckling is awful. Exercising is awful. But you are doing a GOOD JOB. Do not freak about about your weight. If I could share a single pearl with you it is that it is WAY WAY better to weigh 160 than 280 whereas the difference between 155 and 160 is tiny and could be explained just by normal fluctuation. It is just not possible to alter your basic weight very much in a single day or even a single week. I know it's terrifying, as it always feels like we are either on our way UP or on or way DOWN and just hanging out feels weird. But give yourself time to find a maintenance style. I know you can do it!!! And you will feel so pretty with your Brazilian Blowout! Smooth shiny hair just works wonders for your self-esteem!

So, as for me. I had a disappointing scale morning. Saw 279 on the scale yesterday and then bounced all the way up to 281.8 this morning for no apparent reason. I have not been super-tight with food as one of my kids is home from college and so we've eaten a couple of meals out. I've been eating conservatively, but maybe no conservative enough to actually move the scale down. Did Day 2 of C25K today. It was considerably less euphoric than the first day. I don't know what is with my left leg that I've had on and off problems with it cramping up. I was able to finish the workout by keeping my pace slow, but I felt heavy and awkward... but, hey, I did it. My fitness has already picked up quite a bit, and I'm just trusting that the weight will follow. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to go a bit tighter on calories, but I'm resisting the urge to tighten down too much. If I could lose at 1400-1500 that would be really great, as I will for sure have to drop down to 1200 before long.

Hey all

Quick check in. The good news? I finally hit 279 on the scale today. This gets me back to about what I weighed in October, before I put on fifteen pounds over the holidays.
The bad news? Got a message from my doctor that I have pre-diabetes. I'm kind of shocked as my dermatologist called me two days later with the results, but my regular doctor-- I'm just hearing now, two weeks later? It's especially odd as I was in the office for a follow up last week and she didn't say anything. At the time I was a little surprised she didn't go over my lab results with me, but I assumed they were all fine. Anyway, I'm not exactly happy because my mom has diabetes so this is definitely something I had been worrying about. This also makes me wonder if I should take a fresh look at the WLS to help me from progressing down this road. Sigh... so much to think about. On a brighter note, I did day 2 of C25k yesterday and lived to tell the tale.

Hope you guys are all doing well!