Trazey!!! - Of course I remember you! You write the funniest, most down-to-earth posts. And you maintained for SO LONG. Glad to see you're getting an early handle on this, and excited you've chosen to join our corner of 3FC.

Nancy - Yes. Fibromyalgia is super-tough. Glad you're taking the day off today. Thank you for the kind words. And you're right -- dessert does not a diet kill. It sounds to me like you're making all the right choices.

Mandy - Fifty pounds is awesomely awesome. You have rocked that, through teeth drama, sickness, and the parenting grind. Despite the holidays, cold weather, and lack of access to a "proper" gym. I loved your post. It's that kind of thing that will help you continue to rock this.

Diane - Glad you're consulting your medical professional. It is often so hard to determine where we need to be in the spectrum of pushing ourselves appropriately versus pushing ourselves into injury (or aggravating injury). Hope the magic that you found for food control is still working. That is probably the more important element anyway.

Carter - It sounds like your work is both complicated and rewarding -- which can be pretty stressful. Glad you're on target to meet your deadline tomorrow. And so happy to see that the scale still loves you. I have been thinking a lot about the Ubergirl post you linked to. I feel myself wanting so desperately to slip back into that haze where I eat because I want to and know that I am still much thinner than I have been in years, even if I gain 15 or 20 pounds. It is so easy to fall into that trap. Thank you for the reminder of how delicious it seems, but how dangerous it truly is.

I did run yesterday, and it went well. I also ate a reasonable amount after I got home. But I still wanted to eat everything. I traveled with my husband today, which means stopping for lunch instead of just eating a protein bar or a packed lunch. And it went okay, until we got home, where I tried to eat everything in the house before leaving for the end of my work day. I didn't actually eat much, but I really, really wanted to. And now I want to skip the gym tonight. But I won't. I am going to white-knuckle it. And maybe I am going to start weighing daily. My biggest problem right now is that I want the immediate reward of food, even if it means a bad weigh-in next Tuesday. Cuz now is now and next Tuesday is a long way off.

Deep breath. Mandy, you're right. If I value myself enough, I will take care of myself, even when it's hard. It's not the food that I want. It's whatever high I get from eating what I want when I want it. Often, the food's not very good. So . . . I will go to the gym tonight without eating anything when I get home. I'm not hungry anyway, so that simplifies things. And I will sit quietly for a full minute if I decide I want to eat mindlessly and make an actual decision about what I want.

Hope everyone had a great day! It is fantastic to see this thread so active again.

Good morning. :coffee: :coffee: :coffee: <-- extra needed today.

Oh, am I tired. I usually feel a bit happy on deadline day - because it's finally over - and I do feel that, except I have some dread of what comes next, and I think that's weighing me down. First I've got a weekend though, and I'm hoping to spend that writing and pushing some of the work anxiety out of my mind.

Laurie, if memory serves you are an attorney, is that right? If so than you know all about work that is complicated and rewarding. I used to be an attorney. What I do now is, I think, as technically difficult, though not nearly as psychologically difficult: It isn't adversarial, which was so exhausting about practicing law, and the stakes, thank goodness, are lower - no one's business is on the line if I make an error.

Anyway, I am sorry you're struggling. Dealing with the instant-gratification aspect is so, so difficult when, as you note, next Tuesday is so far off. If daily weighing helps you keep your focus maybe try it for a while until you feel that what you are going through now has passed. Just remember (as I know you do) that more goes into the scale number than just how close you hewed to plan the day before! And lots of it is out of your control.

Nancy, I do love my coffee, as well as needing it in the morning. Hot black coffee is my beverage of choice, even in summer, which gets me funny looks at coffee shops sometimes. These days I have to switch to decaf after my second cup or I get jittery. Sorry to hear about the fibromyalgia - hope you're feeling better today. And don't ever feel guilty about a dessert - just mark it down, learn from it if there is something to learn, and get back on plan with your very next bite of food! What kind of diet are you following? Intuitive eating diets are so fascinating to me, but I suspect it takes a lot of learning and thinking and discipline to learn how to do it.

Diane, I hope the doctor has some helpful advice and that you start to feel on the mend soon. You made me laugh with the suggestion of patting my scale the way I pat my cats. Good boys, all of them. :D

Carter - Happy Deadline Day! I am curious about your job. I'm not asking for details because of the need for anonymity here, but I always think it's interesting to hear about the careers of reformed attorneys. Glad you made it through this one, and hope you have a great weekend to recharge before facing the next deadline. Interestingly, I love the adversarial aspect of it. I think I may be the only one.

Yesterday wasn't awful. I went to the gym and had a half-decent work-out. Today is running, and I need to do that soon. Putting it off a bit because I am dreading the treadmill a bit. I may try to bluff my way into a gym with a track. But I don't really want/need a third gym membership, so I'm going to need to come up with a better solution to my treadmill dilemma. I have also been dealing with a bit of constipation. I have tried milder methods without success, so today, I finally just took two dulcolax on my way to work. No meetings. No hearings. And access to a bathroom I don't typically use. It actually just produced a single "normal" BM, so my life is seeming much better right now.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hey all!

Just a quick check in.

Busy day today with hair cuts, and car repair, and lots of cleaning because we're all well again. Lunch was McDonald's. I only had a sandwich, and dinner is baked fish and some steamed veggies, so it isn't too awful. And the car repair was only $120 instead of $1200 (which, in my experience, is about where unexpected car repairs fall), so that was nice.

Trying hard not to snack, TOM is kicking my butt this month, coming on the heels of being sick. I'm doing well with food, considering, but I'm slacking hard on the exercise because I'm so tired and the cramps are so awful. I'm sure I'm getting at least a little bit of something with all the cleaning I'm doing.

.... And as I was typing this the baby suddenly needed a bath after not chewing, causing a coughing fit, and then throwing up his entire dinner. It was exciting.

On that note, I need to go prepare dinner for me and the hubs. I will have a better update eventually.

Good morning all :coffee:

Yesterday evening I had dinner at the home of an Armenian colleague, and the table was set with a lovely array of interesting food from Armenia and Russia. I don't have any way of knowing how many calories I ate but I was pretty pleased with how I handled the meal and the choices I made, and especially how I handled the tableful of desserts she put out when dinner was through. I considered the advice I've given (and followed) for travel, and thought about which of the foods on the table were truly special and unusual, and which less so. I did drink my first alcohol of 2017, a couple of shots of Russian vodka. I'm going to assume I hit or went slightly over my calorie allotment for the day, and not worry about it. I really did not overeat. I'm very pleased.

Laurie, when I quit law, I became a technical writer. My practice had been in patent law, and technical writing was what I liked best about it. So I found a way to make that more of my job, and arguing with people (including with clients, ugh) less of it. Now I write documentation for mathematical computation software for engineers. Well, after 8 years I do less and less of that, and more and more of management and project leading and what have you. But that's the job.

(And if that description does compromise my anonymity, then, hi there :) come stop by my office.)

I think many lawyers enjoy the adversarial part of the work. I only did on paper - literally. I loved writing adversarial and argumentative documents. I just hated doing it on the phone and in depositions and whatnot. And, as I said, I was happy to ratchet down the stakes of my work as well.

Mandy, so glad the car repairs were less costly than you feared. Don't fret too much about exercise when you aren't feeling physically well - it's best to give your body rest when it's asking for it. Sticking to your eating plan is great!

I hope you all have a delightful weekend planned.

Oh my goodness, Carter. I can imagine the temptation. My husband's step-brother is half Armenian, and his girlfriend is also Armenian. I have seen photos of the spreads of meals at her family's house. And my husband's step-mother's ex husband (step brother's dad) is often invited to holiday meals so his half brother doesn't have to choose where to go (his dad is single with no other kids). He brings bottles of wine, prime rib, and other goodies. I would have been in over my head!

Today, I've done well. I had my oats for breakfast, and the planned dinner. A few snacks during the day that fit into my calories. And I managed to get some exercise in. For the first time in a few days because of TOM and sickness. I worked hard, put some effort into it, and my Fitbit told me I burned 654 calories! I'm sure that's pretty generous, but it sure makes me feel less guilty about the cookies, lol.

Still need to get some water in to battle the sodium of a dinner made with smoked sausage, but otherwise, I'm on track for a pretty good day.

One day at a time.

I've got this.

Good morning. :coffee:

Well, It seems that after 10 fun days of quick results, I've hit the slogging portion of this adventure, and now I have to buckle down and muster reserves of patience and discipline. I was back up to 198 this morning.

I had an okay weekend. I overate a bit on Saturday night but not by a lot, and I was all right with it after two weeks of on-plan perfection. I also drank a fair amount this weekend, which probably accounts for the 198. I didn't overdo it any night but still, a two shots of vodka on Friday, some sake on Saturday, and my beloved dirty martini last night - oof.

On the plus side I did not snack, at all, and I even went to the movies yesterday (Hidden Figures - wonderful and very moving and stories that very much need to be told) and was not even tempted by popcorn.

Today will be a trick. My company's annual meeting and party is today. Controlling myself at the buffet will not be difficult, but the open bar and the desserts are going to be a challenge!

Mandy: I am delighted by the food of just about any culture, but there does seem to be something especially inviting and comforting about Armenian food culture, doesn't there?

Good luck and good strength to all today and into the new week.

Good morning!

Carter - I would love to pop in and say hello! Interestingly, I went from being a technical writer (grant applications) to being a lawyer. I loved being a grant writer, especially when I got the calls from clients saying their Senator's office had called, and they would be getting funding (and by the end, I was only writing grants for hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars) for important and worthy causes. But man -- those deadlines were serious, in a way that legal deadlines never seem to be. I think you did fantastic with the Armenian food. If I couldn't go "off-plan" sometimes, I don't think I would have any chance of making a long-term commitment to weight control. The scale bounce, as you know, may or may not be related to your lack of perfection. But you are still under 200! And not only are you on your way, but you have your experience to tell you that scale bounces are inevitable. Hope you had a great weekend and are recharged and ready for your next challenge!

Mandy - Glad your crew is feeling better, even if your sickness has given way to the cramps from ****. Sorry that your baby boy forgot about the chewing part. And WTG on getting the exercise in, despite cramps.

Weighed in yesterday and today. Yesterday morning, I saw a surprising drop of about 2 pounds. This morning, the scale had bounced up by 2.2 pounds. So, I am now 169.8. And, at least for now, I could not care any less. I am feeling more in control of my food. I ate reasonably yesterday. I allowed myself to eat an entire pint of Arctic Zero "fit frozen dessert." It's a bit pricey, but the whole pint is 150 calories. I then wanted to eat the whole house. But, I took a deep breath, sat with it for a minute, and made the decision to have some herbal tea and take a bath. I ended up making the herbal tea and taking it upstairs, then deciding to clean out my closet and drawers. I have purged my closet a few times, but never my underwear drawer. It felt great to get rid of the clothes that are huge on me. Even better, I realized that I only have one or two items in my closet that are too small for me. For a decade or more, I have had clothes that either used to fit, or clothes that I had confidently decided to buy because they would "fit soon." It was fantastic. I forget how smaller clothes tend to be more attractive. (Thank you, clothing designers of the world that think fat women all covet the fashion sense of Lulu from Dukes of Hazzard.)

I am also doing a weight loss competition. Two of my friends and my husband are also doing the competition, so we met on Saturday to work out. We ended up doing a kickboxing video at the gym. It was pretty tough. But I had forgotten my jogging bra when I packed my work-out clothes on Friday. I will run in jeans and a sweater, but I will not run without my D cups being secured. So, I stayed at the gym after the kickboxing video and did Friday's planned running session. I rocked it, baby. Even though it was on the treadmill. Though I had a few walking intervals totaling about four minutes (per my training plan), I ran for 4.52 miles.

No matter what the scale said to me this morning, and despite the fact that I always will deal with a binge eating issue, I feel good about my progress. I am wearing size 10 bottoms, and medium tops. I can run for miles. Running is not easy for me still, but in the very recent past, I struggled to be able to run for a minute straight.

For today - I am going to run for four miles straight with no intervals. I am going to avoid the kitchen unless I need to be there, and take a minute out to "sit with" my compulsive feelings if I find myself inclined to binges. And I am going to go replace some of my relatively sparse wardrobe by taking a trip to the Salvation Army.

Happy MLK, Jr. Day! I may also try to see Hidden Figures this evening, Carter. I have heard fantastic things about it.

Well, evidently I never did come here on Friday. I was way behind the conversation!!! Ha!

Laurie: Sounds like you are doing really well. Of course there are the hiccups along the way, but you seem to be handling it very well. Good to hear! Good luck on the running!

Carter: I am so glad that you are back! I love reading what you post. Your views are awesome! Glad you made it through the deadline!

Mandy: Good for you for getting in your exercise, even with all of the stuff going on! You have that extra battle of having a small child, and while it is wonderful to be a mom, it can certainly make things more challenging in the world of diet and exercise! You're doing so well!

Nancy: So sorry to hear that you have Fibromyalgia. What a tough thing to deal with! Do what you can, but I'm definitely glad that you are smart to take those rest days, too!

For me, I went to the sports medicine doctor and he thinks it is also muscle strain. We talked about a lot of options, but basically, I'm using a topical over the counter cream containing Lidocaine. That seems to help. And I'll continue with physical therapy for at least the last appointment I have already scheduled. If I think I need more, then I will schedule more. But, on the workout and running, he said to go ahead and do it. There might be some discomfort, but I need to just keep going. I'll have to watch my posture on the spin bike, and if it gets too painful, I'll just need to stop. But there might be a little discomfort that I can work through. I was afraid that I was doing more damage than I should, so I had stopped. At least now, I feel confident in continuing with workouts. I am so glad. Even though I'm not where I was, I need to get back to it. It helps me stay disciplined in food areas too, and I have to work on getting this weight back down!!!

We do have a wellness challenge at work, geared more toward fitness, workouts and steps. I think that will be helpful, too.

I earned my 50 pounds lost badge on FitBit today!!! :D :D :D

I think that's worth a few exclamation points and happy emojis. Especially since I was sitting at 48 and 49 lost for so long.

It's been a really long, winding, path to get to this weight (again). The lats time I was this weight was back in September 2014, right after moving so my husband could start here at his first church. Well, stress of moving plus super generous congregants, plus all the holidays (birthday, Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Super Bowl - it counts, so much food!) had me gain almost 20 pounds. Then I was trying to get it together, and ended up pregnant. I got the positive on the stick right before Valentine's day 2015. Gained almost 50 pounds. Had the baby, all 9lbs 12oz and 23 inches of him, in October. Dropped all the baby weight and then some within 2 weeks (it was all water and baby). But because he was so big, and I was nursing so much, I was insanely hungry all the time and trying to restrict calories messed with my milk production, I ended up eating quick food instead of healthy food a lot of the time. When I tried to focus again on weight loss in July of 2016, I was 315 pounds. And there were plenty of issues between July and now, too.

Summary: It's taken me 2.5 years to get this 50 pounds finally gone. It took me 6 months for the last 35.

I may not be getting there fast, or in a straight line, but it's infinitely better than not getting there at all! And I wouldn't trade my son for being at goal, anyway. He's totally worth the delay.

Now, we're into the time of the year where I've always been really successful at losing weight. I would LOVE to see another 30 gone by my anniversary (May 21). My next mini goal is 270. Which is where I was when I got married!

I hope all of you are having a great a day as Monday can be!

Hi again

I'm back. Had a really rough holiday. I was pretty depressed for a lot of it and spent two weeks literally moving between bed and the couch and eating non-stop. I gained twenty pounds. Since then...has it only been two weeks?? I've been up and down - battled through the weeks and just when I've started feeling more stable (after having a few days healthy eating under my belt) I've hit the weekends and faceplanted. So. Scale said 225 this morning. Which is what it was post holiday. It's hard not to feel defeated.

Upon reflection, all of 2016 was a big stall for me. The two years previous were big "on track" years for me. Even though there were bad periods. 2016 was pretty even good and bad, and I just bounced back and forth between 225 and 195 all year. Exhausting. I'm feeling full and disappointed tonight...but also determined for this to be it. If I'm truly at 225 (desperate to believe at least some of it is just bloating), that gives me 35 to within healthy range and then it's a hop skip and a jump to my goal weight. I'm moving in June and I really want to be maintaining a stable, healthy, lifestyle and weight by that point because I will have a lot of new challenges to deal with and wont have space for food bullshit. It's scary, but also galvanizing.

I have to do it.

My two main challenges are a) getting through the first week or so of grumpiness and, b) sticking with it when I feel like I can handle a 'day off' (by which I generally mean, sitting on the couch stuffing my face with bags and bags of junkfood), because even if one 'day off' were healthy-ish, it is NEVER EVER EVER just one day. I need to get that through my thick head. And I need to get junk foods out of my regular diet. 1500 calories isn't healthy either, when 800 of that is sugar. >.<

Good morning all :coffee:

Well carter's long weekend of semi-indulgence as at an end, and I'm ready to settle in to a productive and on-plan short week (I'm taking Friday off too). Last night at the company party I did all right except for these delicious mini-whoopie-pie-like cookies. I won't say how many of them I had. :lol: But that's behind me now.

Bookmark, I'm not sure we've met before - hello! :) Sounds like you know what you need to do. I also struggle with the day off --> days off issue. That "oh well, I've already blown the day / week / month / entire diet, may as well go all out" slope is just too easy to fall onto. One thing I try to do is to focus on even smaller units than a day - one meal at a time, one eating opportunity at a time, one bite at a time. Even if you go off plan during one meal - whether considered or not - try not to think of it as a "day off". Instead think of it as one off-plan event and get back on it with the very next bite of food.

Mandy, congratulations on that 50 lb milestone. From what you have said I can't quite tell whether you think so, but 35 pounds in 6 months is a really terrific rate of loss, one that can't be achieved without sustained effort and discipline. Could you have lost more with even more sustained effort and discipline? Maybe, who knows - but what you did achieve is tremendous and don't sell yourself short about it.

Diane, thank you. <3 I'm glad to hear the lidocaine is helping and that you're feeling able to exercise a bit. Injuries that get in the way of exercise when you are raring to go are the absolute worst.

Laurie, I think because our stats (and, oddly, our career paths) are so similar (oh, and also our chose of mid-century feminist icons as avatars), I'm looking to you as the one I want to catch up with. ;) I went for a run this weekend on a route I used to take when I was trim, and I really didn't feel up to doing more than 2/3 of it - I did ~3 miles instead of ~4.5 miles. It made me feel lousy, to remember that I am carrying around an extra 40 pounds relative to my best, and that's why I can't do that run any more. When I saw that you ran 4.5 miles, and weigh what I'd like to weigh again, I got fired up!

All right be well everyone. Have a great day.

Mandy - FIFTY POUNDS!!! What a HUGE accomplishment that is, especially because life didn't stop so that you could focus on your weight. Now, you have successfully transitioned to your husband's new congregation; you have a gorgeous, healthy baby boy; started a new business (I type as I take a minute to apply your lipbalm to my chapped lips); AND you lost fifty pounds. AND you are here, plugging away at the next ten to get to your marriage weight. You are a ROCK STAR. CONGRATULATIONS!

Diane - It always seems to be good news/bad news with your back. But it sounds like the good news is that you can be back in the gym, maintaining the fitness level you have worked for years to maintain. Glad you have a diagnosis and a treatment regimen. Sad that it's not gone yet. You have been fighting it for so long, it seems. Sending healing thoughts your way.

I ran yesterday for four miles, as promised. I took far too many "breathing breaks." (I have asthma, and occasionally, I'm legitimately concerned that if I don't stop for a few seconds and catch a breath, I will die. Other times, I know I am using it as an excuse to take a quick break.) But I didn't quit, so I'll count it as a win. I also did pretty well at restricting calories and snacking yesterday. And I am wearing a size 10 skirt with a medium shirt that I think look good and flatter my shape (which is not round!). Things are good. Still have to struggle to restrict calories, but not fighting the way I have been for the past week or so.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Mandy: Congrats on the 50 pounds!! That's definitely something to be proud of!

Bookmark: Glad you are back. I'm sorry it has been such a rough time for you. I can't imagine how that feels to go through that. But, looking forward to hearing from you again. You can do it!!!

Carter: Good job on getting back to the running!!! I know it is hard to look at where you were and that you aren't quite there yet. I totally get that!! But, you'll get back to it!

Laurie: Yeah, sometimes it is hard to tell if we really need a break, or if we're not pushing enough. I really do think it is a fine line. Sounds like your asthma is a pretty good reason to take a break, though! Good job on the running!

For me, I made it to the gym and Body Pump today. When I got up, I had the debate on whether I should go or not, as I was still feeling pain. I pushed myself to go. In general, it went well during the class. I was so very disappointed in having to go so much lower on my weights. But I know I had to do that. There were a couple of times that I felt pain, but I do think it was good to be there. I grabbed the shower that has the really hot water and stayed in there for quite a while after class, and then I felt kind of stiff when I got to work. But, that's just the way it is. Hopefully this will help it go away. Everything I read encourages keeping up with exercise to help with stiffness. So, there it is.

Not a great food day yesterday, but working to stay on track today.

Hi all!

Bookmark - Welcome back! I totally get it with the days off thing. One thing I have learned during my weight loss roller coaster ride is that I cannot handle a cheat day. I have to get them out of my mind. There are no cheat days. No cheat meals. Just treats that I fit into my plan. Dinner out? Eat lighter during the day, and get a good workout in... If I'm planing on a particularly indulgent meal (like an anniversary or a birthday celebration with the hubs), I might eat lighter the day before and after, or 2 days before. I do my best to have an average calorie intake during the week, so if it's low one day and high the next it averages out. I struggle mightily trying to get back on plan after being off plan. It's why the holidays hit me so hard. HOWEVER, if I completely eliminate something from my diet, I start to crave it, which leads to binges. So, I've had to learn how to fit those things in. Which is good. Because moderation is an important skill to have. My new plan is to eat like I'd eat at maintenance, for the most part, and reestablish a healthy relationship with food. Good luck finding the right balance for you. :)

Carter - I am pretty happy with 35 in the last 6 months! I know I can usually lose faster (I've averaged 8-10 pounds per month when I've put my mind to losing weight and tracked my calories and exercised properly), but the last 6 months have presented so many challenges (the biggest being dental issues) on top of the normal multiple-holidays-with-so-much-food issue I have. The second half of the year is always where I get off track. The fact that I lost instead of gaining or maintaining speaks volumes, I think, about my determination this time.

Laurie - I have already gone through an entire tube of that balm and half of another. I am so glad I found the recipe to make it! The regular peppermint version seems to be the most popular variation! It's awesome stuff. :D (Side bit of fun, some of the same ingredients can be used to make a natural vapor rub that was excellent during my illness!). And thank you for being such an awesome cheer leader! I am seeing your struggle and progress in spite of it and saying "I want to do that, too!" I currently have a goal outfit hanging in my closet that is a size L shirt and a size 14 pair of jeans that I am hoping to wear some day (Currently 3X tops and size 22/24 pants). The shirt isn't that attractive, but my snooty MIL bought it for me as a Christmas gift before I got pregnant, with a condescending comment of "I just hope you can wear it some day." She has always had a hang up about my weight. I've been in her life for 8 years now, married to her son for more than 5, and even gave her a grandson... and she still only sees a fat girl. Frustrating. (I got off track, sorry lol)

Diane - Your gym stories and fitness triumphs are always motivating. :) I'm sorry you're still feeling pain, though, and hope it gets better for you soon. I'm a big wuss when it comes to pain, and have been known to use the silliest little pain to avoid exercise. I can't even imagine trying to work through something that has required medical attention. Kudos to you!

Nothing much exciting to report here. Rain cut my walk short last night. I had to put new batteries in my scale (and still got a new low weight this morning!). We're having pasta for dinner tonight so I'm probably gonna have a bit of water retention bloat tomorrow. Trying to drink extra water to keep the bloat to a minimum. Thinking about getting a Qalo silicone ring to wear temporarily so I don't get my ring resized multiple times. Boring stuff. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. :)

I hope you all are having a great day!

Double post!

I was going to say something earlier about "my willpower being like a muscle needing serious strength training!" and then I read this thing over at MFP and had to share!

http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/lack-wi...me-diets-fail/

Hi, Carter: Nice to meet you as well. I've been off and on this site for the past year, not posting tonnes outside of check-ins. Good point on the smaller focus. It's too easy to get stuck into that all or nothing mindset.

Thanks everyone else for the welcome back.

Ferafilia: I've learned the same thing about myself. Cheat days are just playing with fire. At the same time, completely cutting things out doesn't work. A hundred times, I've learned this. And then I go courting danger! I really need to get some serious months of habit under my belt again to build up that mental strength. But I also do legitimately need to cut way down on my junk intake and set some reasonable rules for myself.

Today sucked again. Hopefully I wont be saying the same tomorrow.

Sounds like things are going well, for the most part, here. LaurieDawn: You've come so far! Seriously well done! Huraah for size 10 and medium.

Bookmark - I don't know how I missed seeing your previous post, but I know EXACTLY what you mean. My "days off" are almost never "I earned this, I will enjoy it and get back on plan tomorrow" events. They tend to be, "I'll just have a bit of that. And a bit of that. And . . . " And then I commit to "tomorrow," thinking somehow it will be easy then, but it is even harder. Glad you're here. Glad you posted two days in a row. Glad you're here to say, "Today sucked again." Because we have ALL had days that sucked. And I want to bury my head and give in when I get too embarrassed by the fact that I can't control my food, and then I want to avoid this place. This is HARD. But we do hard here. And we do it well.

Mandy - First of all, I LOVE your new profile pic. I need to learn how to take pictures that don't look awkward and weird. Can I suggest that you donate that top that your MIL gave you RIGHT NOW and replace it with an attractive top? I cannot believe she gave you that top and then made that awful, hideous comment to you. You owe her nothing, and if it was me, I would resent the **** out of that shirt. (Of course, it might be exactly what you need to motivate you, in which case you should keep it.) She does produce attractive children, though (with good taste in wives) and does have an adorable grandson. =) You are rocking this right now. I am in awe of your progress, and hope to be replicating it soon. You are right. This is the time of year that things start to get easier, and I need to take advantage of it too.

Diane - Glad you are back in the gym, and that you are making progress. I agree, though, it can be SO FRUSTRATING to have to grab lower weights. But we're always progressing, even if we have to progress again after a set-back. I am glad you are making educated decisions, and that you are able to exercise again. I cannot wait until the time when the back is no more than an afterthought. And thank you for helping me justify my little breaks. =)

Carter - You totally Ninja'd me yesterday, and I didn't notice. I often take hours to write my posts, as I frequently get interrupted by "real work." Also, my posts are often too long. I read about your path and your running three miles, and I am in awe. I have been working up to where I am now since August (and about 220 pounds). At that point, I was literally struggling to run for a full minute at a time. And yet, you attacked that path and ran 3 miles! I am going to cheer for you every step of the way, but I am going to try really, really hard to stay ahead of you. =) I am going to struggle to do that, as I thought I would die after running four miles without any walking intervals on Monday. But I WILL stay on my training plan, and you and I will be posting about our "long runs" of ten miles on the weekends soon.

I had a complete meltdown yesterday. I know what triggered it (candy that I convinced myself I "couldn't" stop eating). I know what factors contributed to it (too much confidence that I could shut down the binge, so I didn't fight hard enough on the front end, when it would have been easier, combined with too little sleep, too much junk in the house, and a fatal decision to not avoid the kitchen when I knew it was getting out of hand). And I went on a full-on binge, complete with eating until my stomach hurt (although, slightly helpfully, I chose generally healthier options), heartburn that prevented me from sleeping well, AND a choice to resume the binge after I went to the gym and had some success at burning through the discomfort of too much food in my stomach. Ironically, the main benefit of the gym for me last night would have been putting myself in a situation where eating was not an option, then using that as a restart point.

But that was yesterday. I put on a skirt this morning that I bought two years ago. I love it, and it fits. I always think that one day off-plan will put me back to my starting size, so I am always mildly surprised when my "smaller" clothes fit, and then I want to start wearing stuff with elastic waistbands that are not form-fitting. I fought that urge, put on my skirt, and came to work. I want to get lost in an interesting, knotty legal problem and avoid this site, cuz who wants to admit that she screwed up so royally when she had been doing so well? But I didn't. I am here, and will tackle the legal problem after I take care of myself. (I always feel the need to add that I put in way too many hours, so I never feel guilty when I post here during "work" hours.)

I have decided, until I get a handle on things again, that I will do three days of a liquid diet. I have had some success with this in the past, and I did a two-week version of it to jump-start things when I found myself back up to 263 pounds last spring. My husband is traveling for work, which always makes compliance with plan easier for me. Today is my "speed day" for running, and that's always easier for me than steady state for 48 minutes (which is how long it takes me to run four miles). I am going to push my speed to 6.4 mph today instead of the 6.2 I have been doing, and add an additional cycle. Last week, on my "speed day," I stuck to my plan, even though I knew I had more in me. And I will get rid of the temptations in my house. I don't even have to throw it away. I can just send it to my ex-husband's house. =)

I feel much better after reading all of your posts. If you've read this far, let me emphasize how much your words and your judgment-free responses to my messed-up eating help me.

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Mandy: Love your new picture! Very flattering and your hair is cute like that! I love the way you plan around times when your food might not be what you normally eat. Way to go on that!! I need to do that more, too.

Bookmark: I agree with Laurie (usually do!), and I'm glad you came here to post even though the day sucked. We need to be in the habit of coming here to post even when things aren't going great. That's how we get through it and move forward. Way to go!!!

Laurie: So, yesterday's meltdown was in the past. Thanks for sharing it with us, but we'll just focus on your running now! ha! Glad you didn't let it get you down today.

For me, I went to spin class this morning. It was hard, and my back hurt some, but it wasn't too bad. So happy to be back in there. Spin is such a good workout to me, that I really missed it. If I keep doing well, I hope to add running back to the schedule next week. I'm so far behind Laurie and Carter!!! I need to catch up. :)

Food was on plan yesterday and my weigh in was great this morning. It was nice to see that finally, instead of the increases over the past few months. Long way to go, but at least it is trending downward, at least for today.

Laurie - I refuse to ditch the shirt (which is a pretty color, just not a huge fan of the cut, and the pattern isn't my favorite, and it's a sorta shiny material) because that's what she expects me to do. One of these days I'll be able to wear it in front of her and make her eat her nasty comments. It's probably not a healthy motivator, but sometimes the anger at her nastiness is the only thing that keeps me going and that's better than not going at all. I see it every day when I go in my closet (I do have a lovely walk in closet in the bedroom, one of my favorite things about the house). And next time I visit them, in July, I want to shock the h*ll out of them by going for a run. They have no idea I'm starting to train to run a 5k. That's a thing only my husband, my bff, and my online weight loss and fitness friends know.

Laurie and Diane - Thank you for the kind words about my new photo! I took that right after getting my hair cut, in the car on the way home. I will never look like that again, lol. I can never get my hair to do what it does after visiting the salon. Though I saw what she did and how she did it, so I might give it a try. :)

Not much going on here. It's been cloudy, and cold, and rainy for the last few days but I've been outside walking. Still waiting to get out and get my running shoes, which, with any luck at all, will be when we do our bi-weekly errands that require us to another town 30 minutes away. We just have to figure out when we're gonna go because my husband has a visitation and a funeral during our "regular" shopping time. I didn't get them 2 weeks ago like I'd initially planned because of icy weather and illness in the house. I feel like the delay means I won't be able to do the 5k I was looking at at the end of April. I am going to look for one happening Memorial Day weekend, because I'm sure there will be several and we will be able to get family in town to hang out with the munchkin. I know the program is only 9 weeks long, but I feel like it will take me multiple repeats of several days to complete it.

I can do it. I'm not giving up. I'm just looking at reality and time. I want to be ready, not struggling. :)

I hope you all are having a great day!

Good morning :coffee:

My scale is a digital scale with 3 digits - no decimal point, no misleading precision. I get to record my weight in 1-pound increments and that's it. The scale, though, does have to do some rounding, because while its display is quantized at 1 pound, its sensor is of course continuous. And so sometimes when I get on it takes a moment to think before giving me its final answer. I suppose these are the times when another scale might show something-point-4 or something-point-6.

This morning, it thought rreeeaallllyy hard about giving me 195 before settling on 196. I can live with that. :dizzy:

I'd like to clarify something in one of my earlier posts that I think some of you misunderstood - when I went out on my old running route the other day, it wasn't a three-mile-run picked up after a long hiatus or anything like that. I hadn't been on this particular route in a while, but I have been running pretty regularly since the spring, when I started a C25K program. Three miles (3.2, in fact, 5k) has been my standard for a while, even though I didn't lose any weight in 2016 because my eating wasn't under control. I didn't mean to give the impression that I just up and ran 3 miles without any buildup.

Still I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. :)

Mandy: I think your cautious approach to training for a 5k is right on. I find it's better for me to set modest goals and achieve or exceed them than to set ambitious goals and fall short. This certainly varies with personality; some people are inspired by what my boss would call a BHAG (big hairy audacious goal), and aren't particularly bothered by not making it all the way there. For me, though, failing to meet my goals can set me into a fun mental spiral of "oh I never finish anything" and "why am I such an undisciplined slug" and "what a wretched waste of potential I am" and "hey why don't I sit down and think through all the goals I have ever failed to meet throughout my 45 years of life on this earth, that's a good idea" and so on. And when it's a physical goal, a training goal, pushing too hard is too likely to injury and set you back far enough to put even the modest goal out of reach for a while. So for the 5k, I think you're right on to set a realistic goal, like expecting it to take you 12 weeks to get through a 9-week program, and if you find you exceed it, so much the better.

Diane: So many nice things to see in your post - back not too bad, food on plan, scale giving you a friendly result. I'm glad you had a good day. Here's to many more.

Laurie: Oh, Laurie, I'm so sorry about your meltdown and binge day. It's just the worst feeling. Your comment about our judgment-free responses made me smile, because I feel not just judgment-free when you talk about your struggles, but compassion for you and comfort for myself, knowing that other people can be exactly where I sometimes find myself - having lost loads of weight, even mostly succeeded in keeping it off, and STILL diving head-first into sacks of candy from time to time. Keep at it. I know you can put the binge behind you and get back on track.

You made another great point that I want to highlight - you mention that stopping the binge "at the front end" would have been so much easier. This is so, so, SO true. I often say, "I don't want a piece of candy - I want a pound of candy." It is much, much easier for me not to start on any delicious food than to stop once I have started. No matter how difficult, how much white-knuckling it might take not to start, stopping once I've started is just that much harder. I try to think about all the opportunities I have to cut off a binge - I don't have to take the candy off the shelf in the store, I don't have to carry it all the way to the register, I don't have to pay for it, I don't have to take it home, I don't have to open it, I don't have to put the first piece in my mouth. If I haven't cut it off by then, though, all bets are off. :dizzy:

Bookmark: Striking that balance between setting yourself some reasonable rules and not treating yourself like an inmate in a Soviet gulag is incredibly tricky. It's so great that you are thinking hard about it. All I can say is - as I think you already know - it takes loads of practice and missteps and self-pep-talks and game-playing and strategizing and being tactical. Be compassionate with yourself and keep experimenting with how to do it and how to think about it. :hug:

All right, I am off to the gym for strength training - I ran yesterday. Then I have to apply my laser-like focus :dizzy: to my work, because I have a lot to do today in advance of my lovely and indulgent day off tomorrow. Have a great day, all.

PS I just noticed that when I updated my signature the other day I said "Current weight: 175" - what the heck kind of wish-fullfilment typo is that? :lol: I'll go fix that right now. That's hilarious. Shaved off 20 pounds just by saying so!

Mandy - That shirt is going to look FANTASTIC on you. I am really glad you're able to use it for inspiration to make changes that you really want to make. Will you do me this favor, though? Never tell that woman that she helped to inspire you. That, she does not deserve. And I am totally with you and Carter about postponing the C25K. The program is, I think, targeted to reasonably fit people that just want to add running to their repertoire. If I hit all my targets on my half-marathon training program, I will be ready to run it by the end of March. But the one I am completing is at the beginning of June, for much the same reasons as what you're saying. Having the target and the schedule, though, have made me much more committed to running than when I was just doing the C25K without a race date set. IMHO, you have struck the perfect balance. Now to get the shoes. . . .

Bookmark - Hope that things are going better. Even if the eating and exercise goals are not on point right now, I hope that the depression is in check. I struggle with depression, too, and it is hard.

Diane - I am so excited that things are going well for you again. The back pain has got to just go already, though. Forever. And soon. Cuz the running and hiking and spin class and body pump, etc. etc. etc. you do are always so inspiring for me. (And I know. I am your sole motivation for all of this. =) Really glad you're finding your way with food, and very happy that the scale is showing you some love in return. 2017 is our year, baby!

Carter - Oops. I should not make assumptions about people. I actually have even more admiration than I did before for your casual three-mile run, though. That is the kind of consistency that I need. I tend to either be in the gym/on the trail six (or even seven) days a week, or not at all. And thank you so much for your kindness and your perspective. It is an important reminder to me that I have many, many decision points, even after I am deeply into binge mode. I also am a member of the "I'm the only truly crazy person" club too often. I know I have "disordered eating" issues, and I sometimes shame myself and use it as a springboard to "imposter syndrome." "I have this responsible job and people think I am smart/talented/whatever, but if they knew how a piece of candy can throw me into a tailspin, they would never be comfortable with me handling [insert legal problem]." It is often so much easier for me to be compassionate and realistic about someone else. I view you with such admiration (always have), so when you say that you, too, struggle with disordered eating, it's easier for me to be compassionate to myself.

Yesterday went much, much better. The candy is still here, right outside my office. I avoided it all day, then when everyone else was gone (I am almost always the last one working), I grabbed a huge handful of it and threw it away in the bathroom garbage can. I feel no guilt. I will do it again today, and then tomorrow, assuming there's any left by then. =) The Unjury chicken protein broth that I ate yesterday was delicious and soothing (100 calories, 21 grams of protein), and I felt in control enough to eat dinner with the children. It helps that I got to choose dinner, so it was high-protein, low-fat, high-fiber, low-calorie. Unfortunately, I didn't get to the gym until 8 p.m. Still, I went because I need to stick to my training schedule. It was my "high"-speed interval day, and I was scheduled to do three cycles of 3 minutes running/1.5 minutes walking/5 minutes running/2.5 minutes walking. My usual pace is 5.2 mph, so my goal was 6.4 mph. I did the first interval without incident, but decided I probably needed to adjust for the 5-minute interval, so I did it at 6.0 mph without incident. In the middle of the second 3-minute/6.4 mph interval, my chest started hurting. I started walking and googling, and discovered that heartburn is a likely cause of chest pain while running. This explanation makes sense to me, as I do have heartburn issues and I was running within an hour after having eaten, which I try to avoid doing. I have an appointment with my doctor next Monday, so I will ask her about it. I did not go back to my planned routine, but did continue some short intervals, including running for a full minute at 7.2 mph, until I reached 2.75 miles. The path to victory is not always smooth. =) But I am going to continue moving forward. I lift tonight, but tomorrow is another running day, and perversely, I'm looking forward to it.

Have a great day, everyone!

Mandy: What a great idea! I need to take a picture right after the salon so that I can have a good profile picture, too! Like it! And, I'm with everyone else, take it slower on the 5K goal. It is never good to push and then have an injury!!

Carter: Any day now, your scale will give in to that lower number! You're doing well!

Laurie: Good to hear that your running is going well. I think you're right about the heartburn, but I'm also glad you are checking it with your doctor. Never a bad idea to make sure!!

For me, I went back to Body Pump again today. It went pretty well. Kind of fighting soreness all over just from getting back to it all. My back was pretty tight when I got to work, but it feels better now. I was thinking about going to Body Flow tomorrow, but I'll make that decision later, so I can see how I feel.

The scale stayed the same today. I was glad since I went over a little bit on calories yesterday.

Thank you all for your kind words on my decision to push back my 5k goal, and understanding that it's not giving up. I really want to do the Super Run. It's a super hero 5k. You get a cape and stuff as part of your packet. But I think April 29 is probably going to be pushing me to finish the program a little faster than I'm capable. It's 14 weeks away, and the program is 9 weeks, but I'm assuming I will take much longer than 9 weeks to finish. I can currently jog, slowly, for about two and a half minutes, before I need a break. My fitness is going up and my weight is going down, and that's going to continue, but I would have the little hooker in my head saying all the things Carter pointed out. If I set that goal and didn't complete it, I would feel like a failure and it would probably be the thing that made me give up.

Part of me wants to plan for Mid-July, and surprise my MIL when I say "oh, hey, you get the kid Saturday morning, we're running a 5k" and register for one in her area that weekend. I know it will be hot, but they are normally in the morning which would be much more comfortable. We'll see. Getting the bib and a photo at the finish line is just the official sorta HEY LOOK I DID IT thing. The goal is to finish the C25k program, and be able to run for 3-4 miles. I will probably look for one that's a month out when I get to the last week of the program. Give myself a full month or more to get that last week under my belt. I want to do this, and I want to do it right - not fast (okay I want to do it fast, too, but reality is not going to let that happen). I need to get all my ducks in a row before I start looking at specific dates. It will happen. I am going to make it happen. :)

I hope you all are having a good day! :D

Mandy - So glad the little hooker reference popped up again! It's my favorite. The Super Run sounds like a lot of fun. I just talked to someone yesterday about doing the Color Run or the Bubble Run. I hadn't thought about doing other races this summer, but barring injury, I should be able to pop in and do a 5K any time I want, so long as I continue my training. That is something I have longed to say for years now! Most people say that you don't need to do a full 5K in training to be able to do the 5K in the race. The adrenaline and group energy will push you to finish. In fact, I've read advice that those prepping to do a full marathon never do more than a half-marathon in training. I actually struggled more in the middle of the program than at the end, though. What I'm saying is -- you have a lot of time to think about it. For me, though, it took actually determining a race date to give me the extra incentive to push through running sessions when I just didn't want to run, which I never had when I just told myself I was going to finish the C25K. Lots to think about, is what I'm saying, but I know you are gonna rock this. That little hooker never had a chance.

Diane - SO happy that you are able to do both spin and body pump now, and only have some stiffness to pay for it. I hope that the stiffness quickly becomes a thing of the past as well, and that you felt pumped and ready to take on Body Flow this morning. It sounds like the food is still going well, too. Not perfect (cuz who wants perfect?), but consistently good. That's why you're a rock star.

Carter - Hope you're enjoying your well-earned day off!

Today at work is gonna be crazy crazy. Just waiting to receive some stuff, and then it will be off to the races. I am debating whether to do a late run (before meeting some friends to do a kickboxing class) or to do my run tomorrow. I really, really like having two solid days off from running, so I may just fit it in before my kickboxing class. It's Pizza Friday anyway, and it will give me a chance to skip having to smell the deliciousness of the pizza and trying to fit it into my calorie budget, when I would be just as satisfied with a lower-caloric option.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Mandy: I think that sometimes if I push to do something when I'm not ready, the pressure makes me cranky. And then you don't enjoy it as much either. So good for you! You'll make this goal!!!!

Laurie: I did some kickboxing many years ago. I thought it was fun, so hope you have a good time with it! Kudos on the running commitment!

For me, I didn't go to Body Flow this morning. It was more that we got more snow last night and I wasn't sure how the roads would be. So, I just decided to wait one more week on doing it. The roads turned out to be pretty good, so not a horrible drive into work. The extra sleep was really nice, too.

I saw a little more of a loss today on the scale. That was good to see. I had gained so much over the holidays, I am grateful to see it going back down. It is getting easier to stay on track with food, and for that, I am also grateful. And.... yay!.... my back felt a lot better this morning. Maybe I'll get past this thing yet. I do hope to get back to running next week, so happy to have a little relief.

Hey Everybody! It's ubergirl here! So happy to see familiar faces--Carter, Diane, Mandy, Laurie! And hello to anyone I don't know. Hope you all remember me. :-)

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been around, but a long time for sure!

So, where do I stand? Between 2014 and 2015 I had a pretty tumultuous time-- lost my dad, had to separate from my husband due to some issues he was having, and went through a period of financial difficulty. Had a pretty significant regain from my low of 180s in 2010-2011, and went up and down between high 270s and 250s about five times, but was still maintaining a loss of 10% from my original high weight of 295.

Happily, my life is back on an even keel. But unfortunately, 2016 saw me regain the last of the 30-40 lbs I had managed to keep off since 2009. As of the last couple of weeks, I'm actually back to within 3 lbs of the high weight that pushed me on the journey of weight loss in the first place.

One of the things I had been doing was avoiding going to the doctor-- kept thinking I could get some of the weight off first. When I finally went in, she referred me to the bariatric center-- I was told that I was being sent to "explore my options" but it's pretty clear that the bariatric center has a surgical focus-- but they also offer choices, like a medically supervised liquid diet. Fortunately, I'm still pretty healthy, but I'm 55, and my doctor pretty much said-- it's time to get that weight off. She told me that WLS has changed a lot and is getting better outcomes, but she didn't pressure me to do it-- just to consider it among several possibilities.

I almost did lap-band surgery in 2008, but after my insurance company turned me down, I lost the weight the old-fashioned way, and did have quite a bit of success keeping it off for a while. But it just felt as if I got mentally exhausted--and it gets harder and harder for me to restart. I don't know why. But I've always been really hesitant to consider WLS. I'm just not sure it's right for me. I'm wondering if trying a combo of the medically supervised diet and CBT for eating issues might work better.

So, here I am, back with you guys-- just sharing my story, and wondering how you old-timers are feeling about things. 2017 marks six years since I decided to try to deal with my weight (after just going up and up for the previous seventeen years) and 2017 also finds me at my highest lifetime weight. Part of me thinks I'll never get the weight off and should consider surgical options, and part of me thinks that since I'm able to usually maintain a weight around 260, I should just focus on getting back there. I really don't have the confidence that I can drop back below 200 by my efforts alone.

Happy to see you all here! Kudos to all for all SVs and NSVs and for just hanging in there!

xoxo Uber

Hi Uber!!!

I was hoping we'd get an update from you soon. :) I am sorry about the regain, and the difficulties in life that had you put weight management on the back burner. But I am glad to see you posting again, and happy to hear (read?) that things have settled down a bit for you.

Welcome back!

Ubergirl! - I am so excited to see you here again! Interestingly, Carter linked to one of your older posts about two weeks ago (January 9) on this thread -- if that gives you any indication of how much you've been missed and how much we continue to value your wisdom and perspective. You and I have somewhat of a similar history. I had gotten down to about 160 in 2008, but went to law school from 2009-2012 (plus a divorce, so I was a single mother of five kids for most of that), and bumped up to my highest weight of 278. You have been there for much of my subsequent journey, with included three significant losses followed by large gains. By last April, I was up to 263. And the last time I weighed (Wednesday morning, I think), the scale said 167. I am trying to compose my next sentence of encouragement, but I realize how much I have gleaned from your wisdom and am acutely aware that I will likely be parroting something I have internalized from you. Intellectually, you not only know that this can be done, but you know that you can do it. I would not discourage you from looking closely at the surgery option, but whether you have surgery or not, you have to start again. And the good thing? You don't need confidence to start. You just need to start. I am, fortunately, in a place where I have made significant progress and believe I will continue to make it. But, as you know, it is a fight, and will always be a fight. And, at least for me, it's a fight I cannot ignore. I want to be the grandmother who takes her grandkids on adventures, not the one who they have to come visit because I can't get out of the house. There's only so much I can control, and I acknowledge that. But I love that, right now, I can challenge my kids to a footrace or take them on a bike ride or school them in a game of one-on-one basketball. For me, that is worth the fight, even though I know I will never "win" the fight. Rather, because of my compulsive eating issues and genetically slow metabolism, it is a fight that I will have to engage in every day. Some days, that feels overwhelming. Other days, it's something I accept about myself. I am hoping more days will fit into the latter category than the former.

Diane - I am so thrilled that your back felt so much better this morning! The weather challenges are so much more temporary. And yay! on the scale continuing to move down. You are rocking 2017.

I came into work for just a little bit to catch up on stuff, and I am so glad I decided to check in. Getting Carter and Ubergirl back within a month is beyond incredible. And Trazey, too! And, of course, Diane and Mandy are always inspiring, and I hope Bookmark stays with us long-term. I may not always be winning this battle, but I have done a million times better because y'all have been in my corner.

I ran yesterday, as planned. I decided to do 5.0 instead of 5.2, and it was nice not to have to struggle every minute. The first 17-minute interval was fairly easy, and I didn't really start struggling until I was almost halfway done. Between warm-up, cool-down, and the two 1-minute walking intervals, I was on the treadmill for exactly 1 hour, and I covered 4.8 miles. At that pace, I'll finish the half-marathon in time. I went to the website again, and they had updated with an open date for registration, so I have that marked on my calendar. I am glad to have had a training session that was not as painful as the previous few have been. On Monday, I will do the steady-state again instead of the intervals, and I am going to try to run continuously for 4.75 miles. The weather is nice here, so I might find an outdoor track and do it tomorrow instead of Monday so that I don't have to do the treadmill. If I am able to run outside on a track in temperate weather, I will try to tackle five miles.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Little hooker in my head was being really loud and mean yesterday. Telling me I was getting nowhere. Telling me this whole thing was pointless. She was particularly loud when I walked out of the shoe store without shoes. She didn't care that they didn't have the color I wanted. She didn't care that I tried them on, walked around and jogged around in them. She didn't even care that I ordered them in the color I wanted when I walked out of the store. She was just happily telling me "I knew you'd chicken out! You can't do this. Why did you even come in here?!" She was loud enough that I bought a couple boxes of pop tarts in a flavor I've been craving. When I got home and was putting groceries away I looked at those stupid boxes and was really tempted to dig into them (It didn't help I was shopping hungry).

Instead I went and found an old picture of my face from July 2016 when I was 315 pounds. And I used an app on my phone to put it side by side with a picture I took yesterday, at 277. Almost 40 pounds. I needed to see that there was a difference.

http://i66.tinypic.com/2ij25gh.jpg

That little hooker voice won, temporarily. But what I am doing is working. And I will be keeping those stupid pop tarts, and I will be finding a way to fit them into my calories for the day. I'll have one for dessert or something every now and then. Hubby will help. It'll be fine, and I won't feel bad for wasting food or money.

My shoes will be here Monday. :)

Hello everyone! :coffee: <-- it's late in the day, so we'll call that decaf. 2222222222222222222222qa <-- that was one of the cats.

First things first: UBERGIRL. Such a treat to see you back here. I look forward to more of your insight and humor.

Mandy: Congratulations on ordering those running shoes! You underplayed that fact in your post, but you have been talking about it for a while and stuff kept getting in the way so it's pretty darn great that you've ordered them.

Laurie: Thanks for sharing your story, though I am sure you have shared it before. It's always interesting to hear people's ups and downs, the challenges that are similar to and different from my own, and the way they reflect on their own peregrinations. When is the half-marathon? I don't think I will ever have the attention span to run that distance.

Diane: A little loss, the back a little better, and a little easier to stay on track with food - sounds like a terrific week!

As for me, I had a pretty nice weekend. I went to NYC to see family. I also saw a college friend and went to the march with her and her teenage son, which was a thrill for me. Then I ran (literally) across town to meet my mother, sister-in-law, and niece for a show, and then dinner with the rest of the family. I ate pretty carefully, probably drank a bit more than ideal, but I don't mind it. I haven't weighed since Friday so I'll see tomorrow where the numbers are.

Good morning!

Mandy - Yay on the shoes! And the progress pics! And on telling that (way too loud) hooker to shut up. Also, you continue to be too adorable for words in all of the pictures you post.

Carter - A weekend trip to NYC sounds fantastic. I, too, went to a march on Saturday with my daughter, and I was very glad I did. The way that you handled this weekend smells a lot to me like someone who is very good at integrating events with a healthy lifestyle. Not always ideal, but good enough that it doesn't sabotage your progress, but does not make you miserable. Your ability to do this is probably why your gain was about 20 pounds, whereas mine was about 70.

I have a super busy day at work, and I need to figure out how to fit five miles of running into it somewhere. I almost decided to run yesterday instead, but I decided instead to work for a few hours. I also have a doctor's appointment today, so that makes today even more challenging. But I am going to opt for working as though I am under serious deadline pressure (I'm not, but things can get out of hand if I don't get some of it cleared) and/or getting less work done than I otherwise might instead of skipping my run.

Hope everyone has a great day.

hi Ubergirl I remember you too!!! I'm back after a small gain but trying to get a handle on it early. It's always inspiring hearing everyone's struggles - you seem to have had your fair share! but good for you for coming back and trying again :) we can do it!

Uber: So glad you are back!! You have been missed!!! Boy, this weight loss thing is really tough, isn't it? I'm glad you're taking time to assess your options. If I may, I'd like to encourage you to try all options before doing the surgery. If it turns out that surgery is the best option, then you know you have exhausted all other efforts. I am 53, so I understand how tiring it gets after a lifetime of battles. But I also know too many people who have had surgery and it just isn't the answer either. The most recent one, my cousin, has actually done fairly well with losing the weight after surgery about a year ago. But some of what she tells me about what she has to give up in her life to avoid pain is just beyond what I would want to do. I feel bad for her in that she still can't be active physically even after losing weight, because of her lack of energy.
No matter what you decide though, just know that I'm glad you are here!! You are a valued cyber friend!!

Mandy: Good for you on ordering the shoes! You will win this one, for sure. And, definitely, you can see a big difference in your side by side photos. You look so good!!

Laurie: Wow, 167! That's so awesome!!! Very proud of you!

Carter: I love that you left your cat's typing in the post. I'm sure he/she had something quite profound to add!!!

For me, I had a little step backward on my back/neck. It is very stiff today. I didn't go to the gym this morning, but I think I might try going after work, just to get a little work in yet today. I have PT tomorrow, so I won't be able to go in the morning either...

Look what the mail man brought me today! YAY! :D :D :D

http://i66.tinypic.com/2yudes9.jpg

That's pretty much all I have for today. I'm hoping my new goodies will give me the push I need to get out of this mood I've been in the last few days.

My husband agreed to adding a treadmill to our home gym! :D :D :D

I can order it in 2 pounds! It has a max weight of 275 (which I know has a huge safety cushion built in, so 2 pounds probably doesn't matter BUT STILL), and once I get below that, I'm ordering it. Hubby said it was okay to order it whenever I wanted, but maybe that little extra motivation will help me get back on track.

Good morning!

Mandy - WOOT! You are totally ready to go now. Exciting about adding a treadmill to your basement gym too. Bye-bye, pounds 277 and 276!

Diane - Ugh! This injury is the one that does not just stahp. already. Hope you were able to sneak in a post-work gym visit, and that PT goes well today.

Trazey - Just seeing your avatar makes me smile. You have always been an inspiration.

I missed posting yesterday because of work commitments. I had a really rough day with food, and for the first time, I just completely blew off a scheduled training day for my half-marathon. I am really getting into work lately. I have a government job, which means that I am asked to do way more than I could possibly handle. It takes discipline to walk away when I want to just do "one more thing." I've done well about making sure I work out, but it's hard. I need to recommit myself to being able to walk away and take care of myself. I also went way overboard on food, and bypassed the skirt I had planned to wear and put on some baggy pants with an elastic waistband. And, of course, I didn't want to come back here. So many signs of the apocalypse. So many indications I'm heading for a serious relapse.

The way back, for me, is hour by hour, choice by choice. I am going for my morning walk at 10. I am going to run today, Friday, and Saturday to get back on track with my running schedule. I will hydrate consistently, and if I am tempted to eat something stupid, I will read an article or will read some of the posts on this board.

I picture all y'all reading my never-ending "This is my plan to get back my mojo" posts and rolling your eyes. I really struggled to make myself come here this morning. But it's just the hooker in my head trying to sabotage me. I think my posts can get to be super annoying. I know I annoy myself. But my only alternative is to try to fight my relapses and almost-relapses without posting, and that has not proved to be a winning strategy for me ever.

Mandy: Oooo! A treadmill and new shoes. You'll be really hitting it now!! Way to go!

Laurie: I am pretty sure that I can speak for all of us that we do not roll our eyes with your posts. It isn't easy. This is a daily/hourly struggle for all of us, so we know what you're going through. I'm just glad you came back and posted today!!!

For me, I just keep struggling with back issues. PT was so painful. We've decided to try "dry needling", which is basically acupuncture. If that doesn't work, then I'll start going in to PT twice a week. I have not been to the gym this week, just struggling with pain again. Today seems slightly better, so maybe it will start to improve again. It makes me so frustrated because I had such great plans for this year. I just want to get back to doing what I want to do. I guess the good thing is that it is still winter. At least I'm not yet missing out on summer activities.

Hello folks :coffee: <-- we can all pretend that is a martini.

Very jammed up week at work so I haven't had a chance to stop in here. Food has been fine so far this week, and I can't really complain about the numbers - though I want to :dizzy:. I got to see 194 yesterday but was back up to 195 today. Still, it's all good.

Diane: I'm so sorry the back issues haven't resolved yet. Don't worry too much about your long term plans - they will come together. I hope you can focus on getting better.

Laurie: You did a great thing for yourself by staying here with us. There is nothing wrong with your posts - to the contrary, it's so helpful for all of us to be reminded that other people struggle with the same problems we do. I think it's shame that makes it hard to come back to the board when we've slipped up or had a rough patch. Your courage in coming back will help us when it's our turn to struggle back in from a setback!

Mandy: Between the shoes and the treadmill you are set up. :carrot: Enjoy them.