Ugh guys, someone took my photo yesterday while I was at an event for Black Lives Matter. I "know" the photo itself is super unflattering just by the angle and my expression (looking into the sun). And I know that dress I was wearing yesterday is probably my least flattering outfit, but still, I hated seeing how huge I was and looking at it I thought, "Man, and that is with 20 pounds GONE!!!! That dress was tighter a month ago!"

So, that was a bit depressing. Not triggering, but I swear I never look that huge to myself in the mirror as I do in photos! (not posting it here, but it's in today's blog if you're dying of morbid curiosity).

Today is my day off too - I have had three 12-13 hour days this week, so I need some major decompressing time!!! Think I'll work on getting my craft room in order!

Well the scale was kind to me today 224 I will take the 3 pound drop. Tomorrow is my official weigh in but I normally do not lose 2 days in a row.

Went to spin this morning. It was a tough one with high rpm's most of the way through the class. I'll go running today after work. Kind of looking forward to that. Not doing great with staying on track with my food plan. I'm not horribly off track, but just extra calories here and there. I am about a week away from TOM, so I'm wondering if I'm starting to retain a little bit, too. That always happens right before it. No excuses though... I need to buckle down.

fuct: Welcome! You are not butting in at all. Feel free to start posting a lot with us!

BerryBlonde: I agree. Photos are the worst. Just when you think you're looking good, you have to see a photo that isn't what you thought you looked like!! Keep plugging away at it though. We'll all keep working toward that magical photo moment!

Jenni: Yay on the 3 pound drop! That's great!

I did not think I would lose more this week but I did!!!! Total of 4 pounds this week!

10000 steps 3 days in a row :)

Go Jenni! Awesome to see action on the scales.

Oh berry blonde bad photos suck! There is nothing worse than being confronted with that, I'm sure it was just a bad angle, and hey at least you are doing something about it.

Diane I hope TOM is treating you okay!

Thanks for the kind words, was in a bit of a funk on my brothers anniversary.
Well nope can't be trusted to eat well at kids parties! ! Then me and my girlfriends decided to go out dancing on a whim - something we NEVER do. So 2 for 1 cocktails and early morning Mcdonalds it was! Wouldn't have missed it for the world though, really made me love my life all the more. That and when did the youngins start wearing such little clothes?! Made me feel old and want to hand out thermal underwear! Now I have been struck down with a really bad stomach flu, the sadist in me can't help thinking it will reverse the partying damage, always a bright side right ;) oh scales I can pull a swifty too :p

Okay so I missed posting on Friday although I did check in and my day went well. I'm a little overwhelmed with work and it's my birthday this week, my last one in my 20s (eeeeeeeeeee!!! where has time gone!!! how is this possible... surely I'm not a day over 24! Except... I am!) and then I have a weeklong work trip to the REAL back of the beyond next week so... anyway a lot on my mind. Even as I view it with mild trepidation, I am excited about my birthday and to a lesser extent, the work trip because getting a year older isn't like something I'm owed, life is a gift and so getting older is a blessing... AND the work trip is a new place I've never been (mostly because I've never wanted to go) and a new opportunity to learn something and do something good for other people.

Plan-wise, I'm doing meh. Not dramatically bad, but not awesomely brilliant. The weather over the weekend was monsoon-y, it rained for 10 hours straight on Saturday which caused major flooding and it's been raining since yesterday till today. There was a brief respite this morning so I was able to go running, but it was kinda wet and puddly and really I should have just gone to the gym except I got up REALLY late and only went running at all to keep up with my running buddy from the 20-somethings board who ran EVERY DAY this weekend whilst I sat and ate bon bons... No I'm not being sarcastic, I actually did sit and eat bon bons instead of y'kno... actual food. #tsk #sigh

fuct: Heyyy! Welcome!!! I hope you stick around. I had the same thing happen to me last year where I regained about 40 lbs. I thought I had maintenance down but obvs, I didn't. On the bright side, I've learned a lot by regaining and now working my way back down again. Cmon, you're on your way! You KNOW you can do it!

Melissa: Sorry about the bad picture experience! I agree! I always think I "look good for xyz lbs" and then I see the pictures and it's like "whoaaa-kay, then!" The mind is a funny thing... when I was 275 lbs, in my mind I looked like how I did at like 220, now I'm 170ish, in my mind surely I look like I weigh 125 at most and when pictures show that no Toasted, you don't weigh 125, it's like :( :'( !!! It does, as you know, get better. And having seen the pic in question, I don't think you look huge or at all bad. I like the dress and I think you look good in it. It is what it is. If you weren't busy doing important things like working a bajillion hours, looking after your family and fighting for equal rights, I suppose you could marathon watch America's Next Top Model for body bending posing tricks, but your are busy and it's not that serious, so "eh" to whomever doesn't like it. I hope you had a great day off.

Jenni: Woooahh Jenni! 4 lbs down in 1 week AND 30,000 steps in 3day!!! C'mon, get it!!! You put in the effort and the scale HAD TO bow down! #Flawless

Diane: I'm kind of in the same zone as you with food where I'm not like horribly off plan, but there are unnecessary extras creeping in here and there and it adds up. It's a little frustrating and not as easy to solve as putting the extra snack down... Okay it IS that easy. But it's not, if you know what I mean.

Kelly: Sorry about the stomach flu. I hope you feel better soon. And fun nights out with the girls seem to be rarer events the older I get and I imagine more so for you with your little ones. Savour them, guilt free, please!

My weight is sticking at that 170-172 range because I'm not digging deep enough and it's getting a little annoying seeing the same number on the scale over and over but I'm also thinking I want to start losing a little more slowly and maybe start doing more strength work to hopefully tone my body up and focus more on that as I continue to lose. (This is mostly stemming from a bosom crisis I had last week where I looked at my girls and saw what they're becoming #RocksInWrinklySocks and had a mini meltdown till I pulled myself together because they're healthy and that's really the most important thing... But #vanity y'kno). I haven't yet wrapped my head fully around what I want to do exactly mostly because I've never wanted to "lose more slowly" (and I'm not yet convinced that's what I really want) and I'm not exactly enamored with strength training but I'm still plugging away as I try to come up with a plan. Suggestions very much welcome! Here's wishing everyone a fabulously blessed day!

Good morning!

Melissa - I clicked on the link to your blog, saw the picture, and thought - Wow! That woman is beautiful! She is overwhelmed at work and dealing with so much else, including restarting weight loss. But she carved out time to let the world know how important it is to her that things like Charleston never happen again. Her voice is being heard. How can that not be beautiful?

Also, Toasted is right. (And really, when is she not right?) That's what 240 pounds (or so) looks like. You are not tiny. But you are proportioned well and you look good. There is so much room for beauty at any weight or age, and you have achieved it. It is not just the 90-pound 16yos who are gorgeous (although they are too!). We 40+, 200+ women can glow, and you are glowing here. The sign you're carrying is a much more attractive accessory than anything they sell at the jewelry store.

Jenni - WOOT! Four pounds is a great loss! I am so happy for you and your success.

Diane - Paraphrasing your post - "I had a grueling spin class this morning, and now I'm looking forward to running this evening." I just think you're freaking awesome.

Kelly - Yay for not waiting to enjoy life until you're skinny! Even now, I find myself wanting to jump on that pointless treadmill. Sorry you're feeling off, though. Feel better quickly. There's really no good time to be sick when you're responsible for all those little ones.

Fuct - So lovely to have a new face joining us! And so great that you are getting close to obtaining some major goals in life. Can't wait to hear about your progress - weightwise and otherwise.

Toasted - I love, love, love your attitude about your birthday. And I am shocked that you are so young. I knew you were younger than me, but I didn't realize (although I am sure I should have) that you were still in your 20s. How can you be so young and in such a responsible position and be so very, very wise? Yay for strength training. It should not make you lose more slowly, though, or at least not much more slowly, at this stage. Maybe if you go very intense for the first week or so, you will retain water. But unless your body fat percentage is very low (and it may be), any weight from the muscle you build should be offset by the fat you lose. The pounds should still go down for a while, but if you build good muscle, you will probably weigh more when you get to "goal." So, for example, you might weigh 140, but look thinner than what you would look at 125 if you had less muscle and a higher body fat percentage. Does that make sense? If, however, you increase your calories so you can support your weight training (which is something many trainers recommend, but I never have done, choosing instead to redistribute my calories so I eat more after weight lifting), your loss will likely be slower. I hope that makes sense? Also, the #RocksInWrinklySocks thing probably won't go away, even with pecs weight training. With good bras, your girls will still look good in clothes, and there are lingerie options for more private moments. But I could be wrong about that. (I hope I'm wrong about that!) After nursing five children and lots of weight loss and gain, I am sure my issues are about 50 times worse than yours. But it is what it is.

So, I have been inspired by Toasted and Diane. I have a short work day and a million things to get done. I am leaving at 3, then driving 45 minutes one way to assist my son with something, then driving back in time to host a get-together at my house at 7. So, I don't really "have time" for exercise, and my stepson misplaced my Fitbit, so I don't even have that extra incentive. Nevertheless, I am going to go out after our get-together for a walk. That's it. No big exercise plan. But I'm done with my excuses.

I'm 230.2 this morning. My goals for the day:

1 - Provide (and only eat) healthy snacks at our get-together.
2 - Go for a walk at some point today, wherever I manage to sneak it in.
3 - Be ultraproductive at work today so that I can have more flexibility during the workday tomorrow.

Have a fantastic week everyone!

Someone sent me an email with the following included, and I just thought I would share it here as a reminder to me. Cuz I really am going to get some exercise in today!

If you don't want to do something, one excuse is as good as another. ~Yiddish Proverb

The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse. ~Author Unknown

Several excuses are always less convincing than one. ~Aldous Huxley, Point Counter Point
You can make excuses or you can get the job done, but you can't do both. ~Hap Holmstead, The Biggest Loser, episode 248, original air date 1-21-2014

No one ever excused his way to success. ~Dave Del Dotto

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse. ~Jimmy Fallon

Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing. ~Steven Grayhm

And oftentimes excusing of a fault
Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.
~William Shakespeare

I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse. ~Florence Nightingale

“Well, excuuuuuuse me.” Steve Martin

You all are too kind. I did have a more flattering photo taken of me on next day. That helped - angle and timing and so many things make it better or worse. And, as usual, when I'm taking better care of myself, I stand taller, walker straighter, hide less. It's like I KNOW people can see through me when I'm being bad to myself and that affects my appearance too.

Toasted - I really like the approach of "New Rules for Lifting". Any of them are good. For Women and For Life being the two newest (I think). TRX is also great for weight training and that can be done ANYWHERE. But good for you!

LaurieDawn - good for you in getting a walk in. Have to admit - I'm struggling with finding ways to move more. The heat and humidity are nasty now and there's not enough light in the winter months. It's so hard to feel good with being OUTSIDE much of the year!

MissLoud - those moments are important and feeling good about your life makes it easier to make better decisions about your life! And dancing is GREAT exercise anyway!

JenJen - Man... I need to start exercising more. it's amazing HOW FEW steps you can take in a day when you work in front of a computer all day every day! keep up the good work! And way to go on the weight loss! Woohoo!

Slashni - reading what you are doing for exercise makes me realize what I used to do and no longer do. Parts of me miss it. Parts don't! Way to go!!!

Fuct - welcome!

For me, I think my husband is beginning to notice. He hasn't SAID anything, but I think he's seeing things are changing for the better at least with my head. And our romantic life is getting better (like there is one again!)

Not in a good mood today. The scale went back up, and even though I should be able to rationalize it with being about 5 days away from TOM, it doesn't make me happy. Then, I just don't know where the weekends go. I think I need to scale back how much I think I can get done each weekend. It seems like Sunday afternoon comes around and I'm unhappy because I didn't get done what I wanted to get done. I think it is just being a Monday for me. I'll get over it, but even driving to the gym this morning was a struggle. I had the questions in my head of why even bother with this?? I told myself that there isn't an option to quit, so just keep going. I did go to spin, and I'll make sure I run after work. I'll get over it, but this is one dark mood today.......

BerryBlonde: Glad to hear that your husband is starting to notice!!

Laurie: Thanks for sharing the excuses. I need to reread that today!

Toasted: I think lifting is great. I know that the one part of lifting I never liked was for my shoulders. I am just not that strong there. But since I've been doing it, I really like the way they look. I can't say it is easy, but it is getting better.

MissLoud: Good to hear that you had a good time! It is important to enjoy!

Jenni: Nice job on the weight loss, and the 10,000 steps!

berryblonde - One bad photo really call weigh down our minds. Yesterday was Father's Day and I didn't want to take any pics but then I thought "I'll need the befores for later" ;) Glad you had a better photo taken!

Jenjen - Congratulations on the steps and the weight loss!

MissLoud - Sounds like you had a great night! Good memories.

Toasted - the rain has been a bit annoying here too. Thankfully not in the last week. I'm not brave enough for running yet, so I settle for swimming :)

LaurieDawn - Planning for success! Yay! Small steps still cover ground!

Slash - I hope your day got better. I'm thinking of only weighing on Wednesdays just so I'm not so upset about scale fluctuations. Because they really get me down.

AFM: Well, I didn't die. I just have been avoiding being accountable. I played around with this diet and that diet. My husband following along agreeing to support me in whatever. I've given up trying to find another solution when I know what works for me and that's Paleo. Began Saturday morning and so far it's been pretty easy. We even had a huge pot luck with church friends and I ate 3 things that were prepared just so I could eat them. (Sourkraut, broccoli, and tomato.) I thought if I was hungry when I got home then I could eat my dinner leftovers and fill up on something heavier, but I wasn't hungry then. So then we went swimming all afternoon. The sun is feeling so good. Saturday night I got really upset with my husband. He said, "I'm going to let you get a handle on eating for a week, then I'll join you." It just made me mad. I felt like he was abandoning me. Or throwing his hands up that I'd fail again. He says dieting with me hasn't been working for me, so maybe I needed to just focus on me for a bit. So that's what I'm doing. I'm still angry at the situation because I feel bad for even needing to diet. But I'm focusing on me. Juicing my breakfast, eating healthy lunch and dinner. Drinking only water. Feels good.

OK, reading some posts put me in a bad mood for this morning. ACK!!!!

Today is my work from home day (LOVE THOSE DAYS!!!!). But it's gonna be super duper hot and we are expecting deliveries today for our basement remodel - YUCK!!! Unloading a truck in 100 degrees is always fun!

Bleh... not feeling it this morning... (diet is good though!)

Hey guys! So it's Tuesday, drizzly, wet and I ran and so my mood is a little better. I woke up annoyingly early this morning, even before my alarm, and so I felt a little gyped by the world, y'kno, not having squeezed out the last minutes of sleep from sleepy time? A normal person would have gotten up all "huzzah, let's go, world! So much more time to be productive!" Not Toasted. I lounged in bed, did my daily devotional, read a romance novel, basically just chillaxed till I was once again scrambling to get a run in at the last minute before I had to start getting ready for work. Why can't I just be cool and organized?

Anyway, I made it to work... my tardy record intact. Sighs at self. I'm going to do better, that's my birthday resolution.

Laurie: You're an absolute sweetheart!!! Thank you for all the lovely things you said about me. It's funny because I was talking with my colleague yesterday (she's 31 with a birthday soon as well) and we were saying how it's not like we MIND getting older, it's just that we thought we'd be more... MORE if you know what I mean... I dunno maybe more self-assured, more accomplished, more wise? And then we decided that everyone probably feels that way and we'd probably always feel that way and to just get over ourselves... So reading what you said was really sweet and nice and thank you!!! #WrinklyBoobSobs I guess I'll have to find acceptance with what I have OR get to the point of considering elective surgery... As I always say, they're healthy is what's important. What you explained about weights make sense and is actually super helpful. I'm thinking I might up my calories a bit (maybe to 1500-1600 per day vs 1300ish) and figure out some kind of strength training plan. The goal I'm hoping for is to have a lower body fat percentage so that hopefully, I can be a more toned and hopefully hopefully, not lose that much more bust fullness.

Melissa: I was actually going to start with strength training last year and got NROLFW on Kindle... Yeah that didn't work too well with navigation, I think it's something I may need to get a hard copy of. The TRX looks intriguing. I doubt I'm ready for that now. I'm comically (or pathetically, depending on how you look at it) weak in anything not involving cardio. Maybe if I start now, the TRX is something to look forward to for Christmas. Boo the bad mood gremlins. Don't let any posts ruin your day, nobody's opinion is worth your joy and peace of mind. Take a moment to eyeroll and then swerve and move on is what I always think. It sounds like you've got exercise sorted as well what with unloading the truck and a basement remodel!Yay staying on track even when you're not feeling it!

Diane: It's okay to be in a funk especially with the scale acting the fool, the weekends racing away and that beast, TOM around the corner. What's awesome and amazing is that you still found the strength and will to go to your workout when it would have been much easier to wallow! Well done you!!! I will give lifting another go. It seems to be the most common and straightforward way of getting real strength exercise in. I've sort of tried it from my brief flirtation with New Rules of Lifting for Women last year, and it hurt, so either I wasn't doing it right (likely), or the weights I used were too heavy (very sad because they weren't very heavy), or it's supposed to feel that way (also possible).

Nagazim: Heyyy! Welcome back! Sorry the time away has been blah. I've struggled with accountability too and always find it helpful being here. At least playing around with diets gives you ideas about what works for you and what doesn't etc. We're our own biggest experiment, how do we learn if we don't explore (or something), eh? I'm glad being back on paleo is going well and the weather where you are is encouraging. The dreariness is beginning to be a little wearing for me. Don't feel bad about needing to be more focused and intentional about your way of eating. The way global stats are, many people "need to" be and the fact that you are means you're way way wayyyyy ahead of the curve. So rather than a point of defeat, it's a point of victory that you're trying. As for having to go it alone, it's just as well, all the better to be able to say "YOU" did it and own your success when you get to goal. All the better to not get thrown off track by anyone else on your journey. This journey is too hard to be thinking about anyone else's choices in it, please focus on yourself and keep on rocking it out. You sound well on your way. Oh and I'm not much of a juicer but my brother is and I like the idea of it and I'm always curious as to what people have in their breakfast juices. What do you do for that?


So I've been thinking about starting my strength journey in July when I get back from my work trip. I have the Chalene Extreme program unopened somewhere so maybe I will dust that off and finally do it whilst I try to sort out getting a hard copy of NROLFW. That's my 2nd half of the year plan for now. For today, I've run and I've mapped out my meals, my goal is to stick to the meal map.

Getting ready. We are about ready to have 4 days over100 degrees which is not typical for us and with no ac yeah lol. Yesterday we rented a bounce water slide for kids they loved it.

4 days over 10000 steps now....feeling good. Trying to figure what day my rest day will be. I am going to plan doing this and when I feel comfortable adding small weights.

My Aunt has saved time shares in Lake Havasu so she has invited the family there for thanksgiving. It is nice to have a goal to work for.

Hope everyone is doing well.