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Old 08-16-2014, 02:40 PM   #451  
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Jen - So sorry about your ginger sun problems. Oof. WTG on resisting the food. I actually don't have that hard of a time around people. But if someone had handed me a box of cookies for my kids - that would be really dangerous for me. The whole "develop a positive relationship with food" thing is such a key part of this, and yours sounds like a great step in that direction.

Mandy - I know exactly what you're saying. I have gained and lost these 20 pounds so often that I find myself believing that it is only now that the "real" weight loss starts. I recently read Lean In by Sheryl Sandford. She says that women in general tend to discount our own accomplishments. And we live in a total fat-shaming culture, so we hear the message all the time that being at a normal weight is not an "accomplishment," but a minimum requirement to being accepted as a human being. But 36 pounds is PHENOMENAL. Even if you never lose another pound, you have improved your mobility, established great exercise habits that will always positively affect your health, and you are more nutritionally-aware. You are doing great. The seeing family/will they comment thing is a double-edged sword. And frankly, thin people often just label us 200+ folks as "fat," and don't really notice the difference between 200 and 350. Who knows what their reaction will be? But here, where we have watched you handle this struggle with grace, persistence, humor, and hard work -- we know how amazing you are. Good luck with this tricky step.

Lotus - It is really great to have you around and posting. Thanks for the understanding and the encouragement. I really do feel crazy even thinking some of these thoughts. It's great to have a place where people understand and relate.

Diane - Isn't it incredible to have such powerful motivation to go to the gym? I think the "active rest day" is a great idea to not let it throw you off. I do it, too, actually. And you're doing so well scale-wise, it's wonderful to have that added tool in your belt, even if it's a surprise tool and a not-always-pleasant one.

Jessica - I really feel like I am watching this incredible flower bloom. You started this journey with a huge weight loss goal, a broken marriage, a challenging job situation, and living in your brother's apartment. Every day, it seems like you are moving and changing and making your life better. I am excited to be a small part of it.

My tiger seems to be re-caged. It was a weird day yesterday. We had a potluck lunch, which I successfully and entirely ignored, even when people brought food to share right outside my office. I was largely satisfied with my blueberries, which staved off the extreme hunger, but did not lead to a binge. I had a not-very-good hamburger for dinner, and then 2 not-very-good pretzel M&Ms later that evening, just to try them. Today, I have successfully transitioned back to nutritionally-dense, low-cal foods.

The scale showed 220.0 today. Because that's how it goes sometimes. And I am working to convince myself that I am happy at 220. And I am certainly happier at 220 than I was at 240. And not gaining is a huge victory. And even though I am working hard at just maintenance, I would have to work equally hard if I was trying to maintain at my goal weight.

I am not in Kryptonite right now, but I am also not really wavering right now. It's not easy today, like it is when I'm in Kryptonite. It is not hard, like it was when I was engaging the tiger on Thursday and yesterday. I guess I'm just feeling a little out of sorts, and staying on plan doesn't feel "good" like it's supposed to, but going off plan isn't even all that appealing. Of course, sometimes I'm more enthusiastic about brushing my teeth than other days, but I brush them every day, because I've committed to it. So, I'm committing here. I will stay on plan today. Because I'm an adult who has learned to do hard, inconvenient, and even mundane things to achieve desired results, and I can do this hard thing. (I have to say, though, that tackling hard things with passion is a lot more fun than doing the mundane things that just need to be done.)
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Old 08-16-2014, 04:13 PM   #452  
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Mandy - Hey! Stop that! Wasn't it you who said they were gonna sympathize with my 220.0 stickiness and then decided against it in favor of celebrating the fact that I'd lost 40 lbs!? Celebrate it for yourself, you nutjob. I know what you mean and I can relate. There are moments where I stand there and I can see the changes and there are moments where I don't. There are also moments where I see the changes but the dark voice in my head tells me that no matter how much I lose or how healthy I get that I'll never be pretty enough for it to make a difference. I hate that voice with a passion. It's the same voice that makes me want to cry inside for no good reason. It's the voice that tells me I can't be okay being on my own and that if I ever decided I wanted to pursue a relationship with someone that no one would want me. That's usually when I tell the voice to stuff it because I'm not losing the weight and getting healthy for anyone but myself. I don't eat lots of fruits and vegetables to lose the weight. I eat them because I want to. I'm not running, albeit in small doses right now, because I want to be skinny. I'm running because I enjoy it! I think the point of all that is my way of trying to tell you to tell your dark voice to go suck on an egg.

Jenni - Congrats on resisting temptation. As for your lobsterness, I wish I could say I feel your pain... but I can't. The Native American in me has given me the great blessing of never having to know the pain of a sunburn. I do, however, get really really really dark and then I peel. Usually on my forehead. And I look funny when I do.

Laurie - You are a much bigger part of my journey than you give yourself credit for. You all are! Yes, I was having success on my own and yes, I could do it on my own but there is something to be said about the comradery of having people to share the journey with that make the hard days just a little bit easier to handle. So thank you for that. Thank ALL of you for that. <3

I'm so happy that you managed to get the tiger back into its cage for the time being. Stay strong!


Scale varied as usual. The average came in at 217.6 lbs. In other news, yesterday was the day of two lovely, fantastic non-scale victories. First, on my run, I hit the distance Iíd been aiming to reach by the end of September! There are two bridges on the loop I use for running. I start at one bridge and today, I hit the second one which is about half-way through the loop. It was fantastic! I only got to do it once, though, because our last two got rained out. Iím thinking Iíll fix that today by just walking two full loops (1.769 mi) around Blue Lake.

My second victory was even more hugeÖ I got to work a bit early (Iíd been expecting road work that wrapped up for the day before I got to town) so I decided to pop into Ross to try on a pair of jeans. The last time I tried them on was about a month ago when I could squeeze into a snug size 18 Ė regular, not womens! Ė but couldnít quite rock a size 16. Well that changed yesterday. I slipped into a pair of size 16s. I got them buttoned and for a moment I thought that was all Iíd be able to manage but, not so! They zipped up like a champ! At about $14 I know exactly where Iíll be going the next time I have a little extra cash to drop on clothes. I thought about getting them yesterday but they had one of those tummy inserts that makes your lower abs slim down a little and while thatís awesome for that area, itís not as awesome how huge it made my gut look. Damn muffin top, one day I will be rid of you. I know I will!
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Old 08-16-2014, 04:31 PM   #453  
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Jessica....congrats on the weight loss, and the run, and the jeans!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!! I am jealous of your skin. My girls are half black from daddy and half white as can be from me...I am so jealous of their skin it is so caramel perfect I don't have ANY jeans that fit. at 220 I was a 14 and so now I can hopefully get there before fall hits!
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Old 08-16-2014, 06:08 PM   #454  
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This coming week is what is called my slingshot week high carb all 7 days its suppose to reset the body. I am nervous that I will not have a loss but willing to try because this has been the best plan of eating healthyvi never feel deprived
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Old 08-16-2014, 10:21 PM   #455  
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Jen - I went and picked up a 38lb case of cat litter that we just purchased to get an idea of what I've gotten off of my bones, and felt a little better after that.

Laurie - thank you so much. I teared up a little bit reading your post. When we got here, my mother in law pulled me aside and said she stocked up on Greek yogurt and string cheese (my 2 go-to snacks) because apparently my husband called and asked her to. At first I was miffed because he told them, but then I appreciated the fact that he was trying to help. She didn't make a big deal about it, so that was nice. They had steaks on the grill, and lots of raw veggies for dinner. I avoided the mushrooms in wine sauce she made to top the steaks though. 1) because I don't like mushrooms, and 2) she's very liberal with oils/butter when she cooks and I had no clue what might be in there. I could at least guestimate that my ribeye steak was approx a 6oz piece. I think I've done okay for tonight.

Jessica - I think that was Martini you're thinking of, but you're probably still right in calling me a nutjob! Honestly, my mood has been so weird lately with TOM (showed up today, of all days) looming. I'm all weirdly weepy and then so quick to get angry/annoyed. Ugh. Hating that part. I'm hoping the fact that everyone here seems to know I'm trying to lose weight doesn't make me go IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! But, the fun thing is, my 5 year old nephew is here, and he'll want to run around and play. I'll get some extra exercise chasing him around. Fun times.

Don't know when I'll make it back on... but I'll be back eventually.

Oh. And. I finally got to update my ticker! Either the internet repairs took care of the issue I was having, or the fixed their website.

Have a great weekend!
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:48 AM   #456  
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Hi all! Checking in for the weekend. I seem to be up in numbers on the scale. I'm not totally surprised. I think my last weigh in was down so much, that I wasn't sure I could maintain it. Then, I just got TOM yesterday. I'm not being very regular right now, so maybe that had something to do with it. I was supposed to be having a colonoscopy tomorrow, but that's not happening. This is the second time I've had to cancel. I'm sure they'll be happy with me. I've just about decided to forget it and try some other time.

Today is a planned rest day. Yesterday I went and ran/walk on the treadmill and then went to BodyFlow. It was a good workout, but I kept looking in the mirror and although I'm so much better than I was, I kept seeing "fat". Maybe it is in the air since a few others have mentioned it. It may just be TOM. Whatever. Not giving up, just wasn't as happy with it as usual.

My son is a freshman in college and he plays football. He was pretty lucky all through high school and never was injured. Well, he has a concussion, so he's out for a while. He was not a happy camper, so I had a talk with him about it and explained that he needs to do exactly what they want him to do and to rest as he should. It isn't a sprained ankle!! He seems to be more accepting of it today.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:02 PM   #457  
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Hope everyone is in a good place today. I went and visited my horse yesterday. I took Luna with me so she got to get out of the house for a good six hours or so - not counting the walk. I've still got an additionally three little laps to do to finish making up for getting rained out the other day, but it'll be okay. I'll get it done today.

The visit also yielded a conversation that could potentially be really awesome for me. The people who board my horse, aside from being awesome, do a lot of traveling hauling horses for people. They've been talking and they're looking into potentially having someone move into the living quarters so that when they're out of town, there is still someone on site at all times. They're interested me potentially being the one to do that. I told them of course I'd be interested but I can't pay rent and they said it's more about the piece of mind than the money. Not only would I be able to see and ride my horse whenever I wanted, I could end up saving some cash in gas money as a result to. They're going to talk some more about it and get back to me. The biggest thing would be that I'd have to get online and figure out distances and such for the road by their house so I could maintain all the miles I do currently.

In scale news, I'm a little frightened. My average for today was about 215.4 lbs. That's a huge drop from last Tuesday. I'm expecting it to jump back up either tomorrow or Tuesday.
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:05 PM   #458  
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Diane - Even people who are very thin see fat. It's inherent in us, I guess. It's tricky. I hope, though, that you also saw an incredibly strong body that handles your exercise classes and completes tasks at work and provides for your family's needs. You give great advice to your son, and I know he's grateful to have you. Pretend it was your son struggling with his weight. Would you see fat? Or would you see an amazing person dealing valiantly with this challenge? Cuz you're definitely the second one.

Mandy - So wonderful that your in-laws stocked up on your go-to items. Even better that they didn't turn into food police, which is always my fear when people (particularly my kids) realize that I'm focused on weight loss. I have even had my now 18YO son grab a fountain Coke that I had planned for (because I had been craving it for weeks) and throw it out the window. But your in-laws sound supportive but not overbearing. And yay for almost making you cry! I get so much from your wisdom and your persistence here that I hope that I also make a difference for you sometimes.

Jenni - 14 at 220, eh? I am fitting most size 16s now (but not all of mine even), but I am miles away from 14. You must be pretty muscular. That's awesome! Glad your plan's working for you. Interested in seeing your results. Hope you recover from the sunburn soon.

Jessica - Wow! You're on a great run. I keep thinking that I am going to keep up with you, and you keep pulling ahead. It's inspirational to me, and it sometimes helps me put in that extra effort to keep up. Yahoo on the running thing especially!

I am at 219.8. Not feeling relieved about it the way I thought it would. Still way too close to 220. But I went for a morning work-out with the hubby, ate a reasonable lunch, and then mowed the lawn, so it was like a bonus work-out. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a sub-220 day as well. But after 10 days of 220.x (with that one peek at 219), I am getting used to thinking positive thoughts about this weight and fitness level. It is a bit wearing on me to always see that hated number, but I can do this. Not really fighting with the tiger today, so that's helpful too. I have been thinking about that image a lot, Martini, so thank you again for 1 - understanding the craziness that is my mind, and 2 - giving me great imagery for trying to manage it.

Hopefully, I survive the day without being tempted to take the tiger for a spin. Then, tomorrow, back to routine.

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Old 08-18-2014, 09:21 AM   #459  
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Jessica - You ninja'd me yesterday! That sounds like a great arrangement with the horses. It would be nice to stop living with your brother, I would imagine, on top of all the other benefits you mention. Hope it works out.

219.2. Not ready to really celebrate yet. I'm still too close to 220. But things seem to be moving in the right direction. Ate twice with the hubby -- both times reasonable food that I enjoyed, with lean protein, fruit, and veggies involved. He has consistent digestive issues, and he commented last night that he's feeling much better since he started working out consistently and stopped eating fast food. I suggested that he might also be benefiting from eating more nutritious food with me, and he agreed. If he starts really enjoying eating healthier, life gets much easier for me. We'll see how it rolls.

As for the tiger - she's pretty much caged now. I did have a moment after the hubby had gone upstairs to take a shower where I attacked the chicken in the fridge. Not that I was hungry or even particularly wanted it. Late night is the worst for me in terms of avoiding eating for the sake of eating. But I convinced myself to put the chicken down and walk away from it, and I was able to do so. However, if the scale keeps dropping and I am done with this mini-plateau that I have been on for about 10 days, I think I might be able to revisit Kryptonite. That would be incredibly welcome at this point.
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Old 08-18-2014, 10:28 AM   #460  
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Hey everyone, I hope your weekends all went okay. I survived the wedding and the unfortunate, too small dress. I'll post a pic below.

jenjenangel027: I'm definitely going to look up carb cycling. It sounds like a much less "mega" way of eating lower carb. Yay on the new signature and being able to mark your progress more clearly!

FeraFilia: All that packing and the "quality time" with the in-laws sounds like A LOT. If it was me, I'd be stress-swimming in a binge pool filled with all the wrong foods and yet through it all, you're still doing your meal prep and keeping on, you're awesome! I think taking a maintenance break is a sound idea especially with the upheaval of the next few weeks just for your sanity. Not that maintenance is easy, either, but at least you'll have more calories to play with. Losing 36 lbs is not "only" in any way. I don't know how good you are with weights but I'm pretty much a weaking who can maybe at best carry one of my 25-lb dumbells at a time (with BOTH hands). I don't know if you'd want to walk around with a 36-lb suitcase strapped to your back! That's a lot. Yes maybe it's a percentage of what you want to lose but it's a percentage you don't have to do over again.

LotusMama: Sorry about your own sizing debacle. It's never easy to go back and let the world know you need to size up. Strangely enough, requesting a smaller size is something one wants to shout from the rooftops... I totally empathize about the sucky internet. I'm on my 4th internet service provider of the year and so far so good, but keeping my finger's crossed.

martini: Thanks so much for the support. Yeah nothing makes one feel as vulnerable and awkward as being too chubby for your clothes in public. I struggle with being all or nothing and I know that's not a lifestyle that will work for me in the long run but I too struggle with going off plan and then returning on plan like clockwork. Having a day scheduled once a week helps but it's also like playing with food addiction-fire because one never knows if one will just slide all the way down into a mire of fried and sugar.

LaurieDawn: Sigh! That is totally me every "off-plan" day. Eating myself into discomfort and then still wanting to eat more in secret because I've already eaten QUITE a lot. And the sad part is that it's so hard to reign in. I've scheduled Sunday to be my off-plan day because Monday is usually a rush for me and I have a scheduled meal plan I feel the need to get back on. However, this only works if I'm busy and going to be out of the house. If I'm home with the temptation, all bets are off. I'm glad about Momzilla as well. The wedding is over and I'm still here and still on plan! So yay! The tooth-brushing analogy is spot on, sometimes in this journey, you just have to put one step in front of the other- that's the truth! The joy does come back though, when we hit milestones or find a particularly tasty healthy meal, so it's not going to be a drag forever so maybe that's another encouragement. Don't feel bad about sizes, I'm anywhere between a 10 and a 14 at 184.5- we're all different- I for example am the appleiest of apples. Yay about the 2-teens (you've got to start somewhere and you'll be way down in them pretty soon) AND on caging the tiger!!!!

Slashni: I think active recovery is a great idea. I'm of the belief that doing something is always better than nothing and half-a**ing a workout is always better than no workout at all especially if it's so closely linked to your mental health. Your dedication is inspirational especially when I still can't find consistency in working out yet. Plus, you're also like my new workout guru, I keep going to hunt down what all the workout classes you mention are and I'm learning a lot and have a long list to try out next time I'm somewhere with... innovative gyms. I hope your son's concussion is better.

Jb1975: Welcome back. I've regained about 40 lbs back myself and am just getting over kicking myself for it. It's done now and the important thing is how we move forward. I too am looking for consistency to stick with a workout regimen now that I'm back on plan (as of 10-ish days ago). I've been pretty laid back with myself workout-wise because I've been working on sticking with being on plan with food but the workout plan is next. Maybe we should come up with some sort of challenge to ensure we do at LEAST something every day, even if it's just stretching or body weight exercises. I'm not married, but I actually didn't tell anyone I was on a diet or trying to lose weight when I started my plan. I guess I was worried they'd try to police me or judge me if I didn't succeed. As I lost weight, people began to notice for themselves and that was even more gratifying than if I had primed them to be on the lookout.

garnetrising: (Not) Your scale is a real character. And I thought I had it bad with my scale occasionally varying between 0.5-1 lb when weighing multile times. That would drive me batty! I still think you're a star for not taking the 214.0 lb reading as gospel. I would have snatched that reading right off the scale in a heartbeat. If the scale says it's true even once then it must be. (Of course it would lead to tears the next week when the scale bounces upwards inevitably). Re losing weight and feeling pretty, getting to goal and maintaining for a while, one thing I realized is that feeling pretty is not necessarily a size. Yes maybe I felt less conspicuous and self-conscious in the 150s but I also became more hyper-critical of myself and my body, in ways I wasn't at my highest weight. I guess what I'm saying is that losing weight and getting to goal and beyond wasn't the magic "pretty and confident" bullet I thought it would be. The voices in my head were still there and it turns out they had nothing to do with weight, they'll always find some insecurity if one doesn't deal with them for what they are. Yay on the NSVs and the SV!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you with the new housing situation! AND I think you should totally own your new weight- if the scale bounces up, recognize it for what it is and move on, especially since you already know you spike early in the week.


The wedding was beautiful and everything went well. I felt and in my eyes-looked fat in the dress- the belly roll was showing (you'll see what I mean) but it's what it is. I stayed on plan all the way leading up to the weekend and I'm doing okay with being on plan today. Yesterday was my free day and I ate quite a lot but I'm not feeling bingey or struggling with the tiger today.

I saw my cousin's wife yesterday. She is a formerly thin person who gained a lot of weight after she married my cousin but subsequently lost weight throughout her pregnancy and now that their child is a year old is I suppose slim-ish once again? I hadn't seen her in maybe a 8 months? ANYWAY, the first thing she says to me when she saw me was "OMG you've gotten sooooooo fat again! What happened? You used to be my inspiration!" #tearsforyears y'kno!! I made some kind of jokey, polite reply acknowledging that I had indeed gained weight but totally at odds with the catty, tearful reply I had in my head! I don't really even know her that well in that we don't call each other on birthdays or to chat or anything- we are merely civil to each other at family gatherings. I am however really close to my cousin even though he was the most obnoxious weight tease my whole life till I actually lost weight. Now that he's married, he struggles with HIS weight so he's shut up a bit. I know my culture and I know how people like to bring up the most obvious things like weight so I'm not going to make a big to do about things, it just stung and I wanted to vent and you're my hopefully-sympathetic audience. #LeSigh

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend! Have a wonderful on-plan week. I'm including below, the pic of me in the dress.... In all it's ingloriousness (I'm the one with the belly fat on the left).
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Old 08-18-2014, 12:49 PM   #461  
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Hi all.

I might need to change to checking this site when I get home at night. I've moved to a new area of the office, and while I like the view and all, I don't feel like I have as much privacy as before. So, this might be quick today and I'll think about when best to reply to all.

I went up on the scale today, by 1.4 pounds. I'm kind of ok with it, because it isn't as much as I thought it would be. I felt kind of bloated all weekend. As long as I don't go above 239.9, I won't panic.
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Old 08-18-2014, 03:42 PM   #462  
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Laurie - I think it would be really, really great to stop living with my brother. As much as I love my brother there is a lot of tension between him and his fiance, well, a lot. It is not something I enjoy being around and I certainly don't want to be a part of it. I don't mind trying to offer advice, but she literally tried to drag me into the argument the other day and use me to testify to when my brother instigates. I answered with an honest and diplomatic "You both instigate."

As for your drop beneath the rubber floor, I know you're not ready to celebrate yet - I was in the same situation - but know that I am so excited to see you reach that point where it feels permanent. Once you hit that mark where you realize it's not going to bounce back up - it is so satisfying.

Toasted - I'm hypercritical about myself in just about every aspect of my life as it is. There was a lot of pressure put on me by my mother to be this perfect person so that she would have something about herself to be proud of (the whole that's my daughter! or my daughter this, my daughter that). My weight has always been a big one, though. And I know that no matter how thing or fit I get, I'm always going to be super critical about my body. That's what comes from your mother lashing out because of her own insecurities and calling you fat when you're in first grade. For the record, I wasn't. If I had been, I wouldn't have been a child model for a time (at the time she called me fat, actually). But I did blossom early. I had curves from a very early age as a solid C-cup and a full head taller than most girls in my 6th grad class. That's neither here nor there, though. I love my mom and I don't blame her for it. I know exactly where I get my own crazy from and that's her so I know what she's going through. The difference is that I am acutely self-aware of all of my falls and my empathy circumvents the possibility for me to say something cruel without meaning to.

By the way, I think you looked great. I know you felt fat, but even when you have a slight belly roll, you can still look beautiful. Own that. It's one of the reasons that I'm generally against shapewear that could make my giant loaf of a muffin top look smaller. Because when I take all of my clothes off, that loaf is still there. It is still a part of me and I am okay with that because I love me no matter what my size is and as long as I can maintain a loving relationship with myself, I can be supportive, avoid depression, and eventually reach my goals. <3

Diane - I know what you mean. When I'm sitting at the computer and my brother, or his fiance, or one of their friends moves to sit next to me or see what I'm doing, I'm always sliding my computer to the side or minimizing the chat. I don't mind if I'm just poking around fb - though there might be some interesting looks if they read a chat between myself and a few friends who have no qualms with discussing pillow talk. Anything related to my weight, though, and I'm just like "eeeeeh". This is where I can go to share some of my deepest insecurities and I know that you guys do the same sometimes. You're trusting those feelings to people who understand and can relate, not just some Joe Shmoe who happens to walk by and take a peek. LOL.


My scale has been banished to the nuthouse today. It started with 213.x-214.x. That's a lot since last Tuesday. On the one had, it might be water weight finally coming off, though my tape isn't giving up the inches as much as I'd like. Anyway, I decided to move to the concrete floor in the garage and try for a more accurate reading. 209.0 lbs. I had to fight to get it to take a reading at all, but that's what it wanted to give me. I rolled my eyes and moved it back inside where I discovered it was now "zeroing" on 4.2 lbs. You stupid sorry piece of whatever you're made of. After subtracting the "zero", it gave me 217.6 lbs so I'm going to play it safe and stick with the 217.6 lbs today.

In non-weight related news, I did SO MUCH WRITING yesterday. I'd written myself into something of a conundrum a few months ago. Yesterday, with encouragement from some writing buddies of mine, I managed to write myself out of the problem. I ended up doing over 2k words on my manuscript, firmly putting it at over 15,000 words total so far. Needless to say, I'm pretty pleased. <3

Last edited by garnetrising; 08-18-2014 at 03:47 PM. Reason: Because I replied but forgot to post about myself like a dork.
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:19 PM   #463  
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Tosted: Oh my gosh; you looked so beautiful! I mean it! As far as your cousin's wife goes, I am stunned by what she said to you. On what planet would that be okay to say to someone?! I am really sorry that happened. You have worked so hard to get to where you are and have so much to be proud of.

I am still hanging in there! I am not weighing myself until I feel like I am picking up a bit more momentum. I am traveling again this weekend and the following weekend, which is challenging, but I am really going to focus on making good choices.

The internet at my house is still coming and going, so I am posting from work. I hope to have that resolved, but not sure when.

Hope everyone is having a good Monday!
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Old 08-19-2014, 06:53 AM   #464  
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Hey everyone, thanks for the support and encouragement on the pics. I am still NOT a fan of them and dread them showing up on Facebook but it is what it is, that's the body I have now and it's a blessing to have it and be able to work on it everyday towards health. I know if I keep on keeping on, I'm going to wear that dress at the end of the year and it will be hanging off me. That is an NSV goal for sure!

garnetrising: I'm sorry about the parental pressure you've faced ALL your life particularly with weight. It's amazing how our parent's issues can rub off on us and influence our whole lives. My experience with my mom is opposite in terms of her expressing pride in me etc but is the same in how her issues have influenced me. My mom has been supportive in a "you're beautiful the way you are" way all my life but her own issues with weight and obesity have rubbed off on me in that one of my earliest memories is being 3 or so and having my 5-yr old brother put my mom's "Jane Fonda's New Workout" video in the vcr for me so I wouldn't be so fat because obviously since my mom hated being fat, it was something that even as a baby, I felt was hateful. I am now doubly praying that you get the alternate accomodation knowing some of the backstory now- no matter how much you love them, it can get awkward staying with a sibling long term especially when they have a partner. AND your scale is still crazy! Ooh and yay about progress in your manuscript!!! In college, I took a "Creative Writing: Writing The Novel" course as an elective and we only had to turn in 10,000 words of a novel at the end and it was soooo hard to work and commit to that even over 3 months with the motivation of a letter grade hanging over one's head, so 15,000 words is impressive! What sort of book are you writing?

Slashni: Booo about the new lack of privacy at your desk at work. My theory is that procrastination clarifies my work thinking... Unfortunately HR doesn't seem to subscribe to that theory.

LotusMama: Thanks for the support! I think it's the "you USED TO BE my inspiration" part burned the most. It's like by regaining I'm letting others down somehow which strangely hurts more than the fact that I let myself down. I never weigh myself after a trip for at least a week because of the massive trip-related water retention I always get especially after flying.

martini: There's nothing worse than those resentful days where one is just not in the mood for being on plan! Maybe you can plan a special meal ahead this week and fit it into your plan one day, so you get at least a little controlled fix of what you're craving so you don't feel so deprived and resentful. But only as long as it won't be a trigger.

I ate a really spicy lunch yesterday and it triggered my irritable bowel issues and so I changed my dinner plans from spicy to bland and because it was so last minute, it through me off and involved a lot of grazing-type behavior that ended up really adding up although I stayed under 1500 calories so it wasn't altogether disastrous. My next big challenge is getting back into working out regularly as opposed to occasionally here and there. I don't know if anyone wants to do a fitness challenge of some sort maybe starting September?

Anyway, here's wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday!
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Old 08-19-2014, 09:45 AM   #465  
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Toasted - I concur. You looked gorgeous. Since you directed my attention to the belly roll, I did see it. But it was not prominent, and beauty does not require perfection. Maybe part of it is that I'm looking through my 219-pound eyes, but I would kill to look like that. And your cousin's wife sucks.

Martini - I feel like I could echo your words to me back to you and be absolutely responsive to your current struggle. Hang in there! You'll get back to Kryptonite. For now, going through the motions, even with a petulant attitude, is all you need to do to see good results.

Lotus - Your internet is as bad as Jessica's scale! Traveling is tough, but your continued focus on this process is what will make all the difference.

Jessica - You continue to make life-improving choices, and I am in awe. Like Toasted said (and as I'm sure Uber can attest), that amount of writing is an incredible accomplishment. And I so desperately want you to get a new scale! It's doing what it needs to do, I suppose, in keeping you moving forward. But it brings the whole scale mind-screw to an entirely new level.

Diane - Good luck with the work situation. I know people who keep their screens turned out, but I have never been one. I work long hours, and feel absolutely no guilt about taking time in the morning to read and post here. It makes my weight loss efforts more manageable, and I am generally a more productive person when I'm eating well and exercising.

I was 219.0 this morning. Third day under 220, so it's starting to feel like I may have actually broken through the barrier. But it's still so very close to 220.

I did C25K, Week 4, last night. Ended up taking an unscheduled pause in the final 5-minute running block, but I finished it. After going 1.9 miles with that, my hubby suggested we go for a walk. (!!) We ended up walking about 3.4 miles. I woke up at 3 a.m. and had to take ibuprofen. It was odd. I routinely walk about 5 miles once a week without more than mild soreness, but maybe it was running at the beginning that triggered it. I am at my standing desk feeling lingering soreness in my lower back and hamstrings. But I am also noticing the gap between my waist and my formerly-too-tight-to-wear-size-18 dress pants. =)

Toasted! Fitness challenge starting in September! I'm totally in! Do we want to make it running-specific, as in how many miles we're logging, ticker-style? I know Diane and Jessica are both doing some running, and I know Uber has said she enjoys running.
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