I don't want to lose weight because it makes life easier for me in some ways. If you are a 200lb chick if you gain, says 2 lb, it doesn't make a difference. But if you are a 110 girl, gaining 2lb will surely make you look bigger, and then a lot of inconsiderate ppl will make comments like "gosh did u eat a cow or something". Happens before with my sister, unfortunately it's our aunts who say that so she can only smile and let it go.
I agree with you on that! I also feel the same way. People are so quick to judge us on looks and what we have. The media says we should be happy in our own skin; later say we are unhealthy and skinny is beautiful.
I never thought of my size as intimidating. Sometimes I feel like men took me more seriously at work because they didn't see me as female, though. I guess that's a perk of being fat, sort of.
I agree with your statement. It does seem that people take me more seriously.
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.
FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.
Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.
I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.
As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.
FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.
Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.
I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.
As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
Sorry for the rant...but he really p!$$3d me off!
I'm sorry if I pissed you off, Kate. I understand why you are upset, and it wasn't my intent to do that. As I wrote in some of my previous posts, I guess I didn't fully understand the purpose of this thread... that it was for venting frustration about fears we have. I understand more now. I understand that the people posting here are not giving excuses for possible failure, but expressing their fears about it. I get the difference now. I don't think that going in to credit card debt is trivial. Until recently, I had quite a bit of it! The reason why I think I took aim at your post more than others is because -- again, I was taking the title of this thread literally --- and it seemed to me that you were saying that a reason not to lose weight would be that you would have to spend money to buy new clothes. In my head, that translated to "I'm better off staying overweight so I don't have to spend money on new clothes." What also went through my head was ways of getting clothes without having to incur debt (i.e., thrift stores, etc.) I've learned - and am still learning -- that one of the differences between men and women is that when a woman is venting about something, she usually wants emotional support, whereas a man's first reaction is to problem-solve and reassure the woman that "things are not as bad as you think they are" -- which is not always the reaction that a woman wants! I have noticed that many times a women just wants someone to listen to her feelings, her fears, her concerns -- and just have a sympathetic response. I suspect that is part of why my reaction, as a male, was out of touch with what everybody else was writing.
Anyway, I hope this explanation helps to explain where I am coming from.
I accept your appology. Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster for me and if I had read your response any other day it may not have struck such a sour cord with me.
I do try to shop thrift stores, but they do not always have what I need to wear for work. Call me a diva but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to buy used bras and panties. It's just too icky for me! A typical bra runs about $32, just one weeks worth of bras gets pretty spendy. I even took some of my clothes to a tailor to have taken in. By the time I got them back I had lost enough weight so they were still too big after being taken in.
As far as being hit on. I am not afraid of being hit on...I am afraid of my reaction. I am not going to try and pretend my marriage is all roses and sunshine. We have been through so much in 23 years. Somethings have brought us closer, other things not so much. Thirteen years ago my husband had a stroke. it left him with a few minor physical limitations, mostly fine motor skills in his left hand. However the portion of his brain that controls his emotions and personality was profoundly affected. To say he is not the same man I married is a HUGE understatement. Now our level of intamacy has been affect by his prostate issues, and will likely be adversly effected even further. Unfortunately my husband sees intamacy as an all or nothing thing. I have been getting hit on more and more. I am really afraid I will not be able to resist the bit at sometime, especially as I gain more self confidence.
I realize that makes me sound like a cold heartless biotch, but it is a concern I have. It is something I will have to deal with, I pray I make the right choices. But again, will not let it stop me from losing this weight.
I realize this post got long and rather personal, but I really need to sort all of this out in my head. And I find sometimes if I just let it go and put it down in words it starts the 'sorting out process."
Hi ,
I have lost "the weight" and put some back , but if I was 175 lbs or 110 lbs ,I was never satisfied with myself or how I looked. I never believed that if I really put in the work , I could change my body shape . At any weight , I was always a " fat-bottom girl ." I am the original pear shape ,small top ,big hips big butt.The healer , Louise Hay ,says excess weight in hips and things is unreleased anger at the father ,There is truth in that .I know I have unreleased anger at my mother as well .And this is after a lot of therapy .
Try as I may , I guess I just don't really believe that I am worthy .
When I am successful for a bit of time and do experience weight loss, the next step for me is some kind of sabatoge.That is a pretty sad comment. I just realized that my fat has been with me most all my life . It has been a constant and I am 67. So here and now ,I let all that go .
I realize that makes me sound like a cold heartless biotch, but it is a concern I have. It is something I will have to deal with, I pray I make the right choices. But again, will not let it stop me from losing this weight.
I realize this post got long and rather personal, but I really need to sort all of this out in my head. And I find sometimes if I just let it go and put it down in words it starts the 'sorting out process."
Actually, I don't think that makes you sound like a cold heartless biotch. You're being honest about a fear you have. And your situation is somewhat unique. I'm sure there are plenty of people - myself included - who would give you a lot of credit for standing by your husband. A cold heartless biotch would not have.
I haven't really thought much about it before, but now that I do think about it, I think I understand. For most of my adult life I have been morbidly obese. And its not like I have Brad Pitt looks, so even if I lose weight, I am not sure women would be throwing themselves at me. So, while it would be easy for me to sit in judgment regarding people who cheat on their spouses, and while I would never seek out somebody to cheat, I have never been in the position of being the object of desire for women. So, I have never been tempted to cheat either. I would certainly say that I would never succumb to such temptations, if they presented themselves, but its never happened.
Until very recently, I've had severe anxiety issues. And I've found that finally finding a way to deal with them properly has given me more hope to lose weight and keep it off. Not that the anxieties have completely gone away, but it's so much easier to cope now. I know I've already gone over certain concerns through my earlier posts, but here's a major issue I had in the past:
Attracting the opposite sex. Life has changed a lot for me in the past 5-10 years; for example, I didn't even go on my first date until I was in my mid-20's. Given that I was molested throughout my childhood by a trusted family member, I reached a point where I was absolutely petrified of men. I spent all of my teenage years and all of adulthood being obese or worse, and most of that time it was definitely a cushion to keep the leering men away. In fact, the second time I lost any significant amount of weight, guys suddenly started to notice me; I freaked out so much that I reverted to old habits and gained everything back. And when I finally did start dating, I felt that because I was already 100 pounds overweight, it was "proof" that the guy loved me for my mind and not my body. Yet at the same time, I was extremely bitter that someone else I was totally into only saw me as a friend because of my weight. It gets so confusing sometimes.
I've since broken up with the first guy (he ended up being a complete jerk despite the fact that I thought he saw me beyond my weight) and married someone much more compatible with me. So I think I have a different sense of security now when it comes to men. I don't have to worry about any issues of dating someone new, or over-analyze how my weight plays into any potential relationships. I also no longer carry the fear of being taken advantage of even if I get down to a normal weight because I'm a lot more confident now. I was was 285 pounds when I first met my husband, and while he's happy to see me work on getting healthier, he honestly doesn't care what size I am as long as I'm happy. And that's such a relief! The ex was afraid I'd leave him for someone "better" if I ever lost enough weight, but at the same time started to complain that he'd be more attracted to me if I did.
Good morning lady's & Joe I had a new fear pop up...gaining the weight back. I will not buy new clothes until goal weight . I wear uniforms so it will be ok. I've done this so many times before the lower I get I get a little scared & happy @ the same time.
Last edited by 1spunkygal; 10-27-2012 at 09:50 PM.
First off - To KatieB - Hang in there. I hope all goes well with your husband's treatment.
Secondly - I'm glad we all finally can agree that men and women probably look at the emotional side of losing weight very differently. We have to admit it - Joe is from Mars, the rest of us in this thread are from Venus.
Thirdly - I think many of the fears/reasons that have been expressed will take care of themselves as we progress in the weight loss process. It's sort of like a pregnancy - it goes pretty slowly and gives you a lot of time to get used to the changes. If we were 300 pounds one day and 132 the next, there would be no adjustment period. But we have time to realize what's happening and deal with the emotions one at a time as they pop up. I know that we all would rather be at a healthier weight. That's why we're here supporting each other. But I also believe that positive energy gets positive results and we all have to look at our reasons given here and figure out how to knock them down and allow the fantastic reasons for losing to be what drives us to our goals.
All that said, it's an eye opener to think about the answers to the original question. We're all doing pretty well, I'd say.
1spunkygal-I TOYALLY understand that fear, In fact I fought with the fear of regaining for 3 months before I started dieting this time. It still scares the **** out of me! I have taken all of my clothes that are too big out of my closet and dresser but still haven't hauled them to Good Will. I did that the lost time I lost a significant amount of weight, thinking if I didn't have larger clothes I wouldn't regain. That didn't work out the way I planned. I hope that I can use that fear to keep me from gaining weight rather tan keep me from reaching my goal.
Losing weight is very expensive...mentally..physically..and especially on my Pocket book!!
I do not like to work out--or count calories..I need a different plan--HELP!!!
Reading through all this and have to add that as far as I am concerned there is absolutely NO reason why I don't want to lose weight! I hate hate hate being fat and want rid of it. I'm fat because I like food too much and have eaten it without proper control. It is my own fault and it is my own responsibility to do something about it. I cannot WAIT to have more pounds off!!!
1spunkygal-I TOYALLY understand that fear, In fact I fought with the fear of regaining for 3 months before I started dieting this time. It still scares the **** out of me! I have taken all of my clothes that are too big out of my closet and dresser but still haven't hauled them to Good Will. I did that the lost time I lost a significant amount of weight, thinking if I didn't have larger clothes I wouldn't regain. That didn't work out the way I planned. I hope that I can use that fear to keep me from gaining weight rather tan keep me from reaching my goal.
Thanks & by the way I love your signature line . We MUST plan
Tht signature is a love/hate thing. Years ago when I was a leader for my son's Cub Scout pack we had a Scout Master that was....well, I used to refer to her as "Little Hitler". The woman drove me stark raving batsh!t crazy. And she was ALWAYS saying "Failing to plan is planning to fail."
After I had completed my "tour of duty" with the scouts I realized just hwo true that is when it comes to weight loss success. If I have a plan for my breakfast and lunch, pack my lunch the night before I have no problem staying on plan. It is when I let those things slide that I end up making bad choices.
So, while it would be easy for me to sit in judgment regarding people who cheat on their spouses, and while I would never seek out somebody to cheat, I have never been in the position of being the object of desire for women. So, I have never been tempted to cheat either. I would certainly say that I would never succumb to such temptations, if they presented themselves, but its never happened.
