It's a wonder no one never taught you if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, Joe. I wonder if you could have expressed your opinion without trampling on the feelings of dozens of others?
I'm sorry if trampled on anybody's feelings. That was not my intent. But you are right, I don't keep my opinions to myself if I don't have anything nice to day. I won't apologize for that. As I said, weight is a serious issue. People DIE from being obese. If the issue of weight loss was merely about aesthetics - which it may be for many people with a small amount of weight to lose-- then giving reasons for not losing weight wouldn't seem so insane to me. But because it is so serious for most people who have posted here (whose weights are in excess of 275 pounds), I cannot fathom why anybody would seriously entertain this question. Now, some have prefaced their statements by saying "I know this is crazy, but ..." I understand that. But some people really had misgivings about losing weight. I won't apologize about commenting about that. Whether you like what I have to say or not, the importance of being healthy outweighs any inclination I might have to bite my tongue when someone says they are considering staying fat because what, in my opinion, are trivial reasons. If you had cancer and were going through chemotherapy, would you stop doing the chemo because you feared that if you grew back your hair, men would hit on you? I hate to make such an analogy, if we continue to stay fat as we age, we might as well have cancer. Because we are not going to be long for this world if we do nothing about it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you are not a woman and you aren't aware of how intimidating male attention really can be. Because it seems pretty obvious to me that women who put on a lot of weight are pretty commonly doing so in order to shield themselves from this attention, at least partially. Whether that be because of a history of sexual abuse or unhealthy relationships or fear. And if you think that the point of this thread is to make excuses for why we aren't losing weight, why don't you take a look at our tickers? Because I think you'll find we've been pretty d*mn successful. I didn't even post in this thread originally, but I can understand the exercise.
ETA: I think your third comment is a much better example of how you should have started your first. I understand what you're saying, as does everyone here. This list isn't meant to be a pro/con list. We are all here for the same reason, and writing out what we're scared of won't keep us from that goal.
I am serious. I realize that these are the feeling of other people. I am not "discarding them." I am commenting upon them with my opinion. Am I not entitled to do that?
The issue of obesity is serious. I realize I am not in the same position as everybody here, but as someone in his 40s who was over 400 pounds, I am in fear of my mortality. I fear not being around for my kids for too much longer unless I do something about my weight. So, when I see people actually giving reasons for staying fat -- like that just might actually be a GOOD idea - I think that is insane. When I see people say things like "If I lose weight, I'll have to spend money buying new clothes", it sounds pretty trivial to me. Actually, it sounds kind of pathetic. 1spounkygal, you said that these are "REAL issues" to other people. Do you think that is a REAL fear ? .
That's fine & you are entitled to your own opinion & join us in the same fears that we have. I understand you are sorta (men are different than women) the same as us. I have 5 brothers & women ARE different than men . Join us with your concerns Joe DO NOT beat us up.It was suppose to be a thread that we could tell our inner secrets & be safe with whom we tell. You know lighthearted & fun (sorta) I think your delivery had alot to be desired that's all.
Last edited by 1spunkygal; 10-25-2012 at 12:57 PM.
I guess it's ok if Joe doesn't get the point of this exercise. Identifying and expressing the things that are holding you back isn't pointless. If you never admit to the ideas, thoughts, and fears getting in your head and in the way of your success, then it is a lot harder to move past them. Once you know "your demons" you can start working on how to get rid of them.
I think I do get it... kinda. I do know that many people who have wrote about their fears have expressed that they sound irrational, and I do realize that most, if not all, of you are trying to lose weight despite those fears. I also understand the therapeutic value in discussing those fears.
However, what struck a nerve was some of the so-called "fears." To me, some of them were not really "fears" at all. I think some of them are just the excuses that some of you are preemptively giving yourself for failing in the future. All I am saying is that it doesn't seem particularly healthy to me to list reasons why its not good to lose weight. I think it would be much more healthy and helpful to concentrate on all of the good reasons to lose the weight. But, that's just me. Maybe it takes a women to understand this and I don't fully understand it because I'm not a woman.
Again, I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. That was not my purpose for commenting. Because of my situation, I just feel very strongly about the importance for losing weight for health reasons. So, to me, other reasons don't really register with me.
That's fine & you are entitled to your own opinion & join us in the same fears that we have. I understand you are sorta (men are different than women) the same as us. I have 5 brothers & women ARE different than men . Join us with your concerns Joe DO NOT beat us up.It was suppose to be a thread that we could tell our inner secrets & be safe with whom we tell. You know lighthearted & fun (sorta) I think your delivery had alot to be desired that's all.
Ok, point taken. I apologize for beating anybody up on this. I guess I let my passion on this issue get the best of me, and did not get the light-hearted nature of it. You are correct that women are different than men! I don't think men would have a conversation like this about their fears, and some would not even admit that they have them.
But some people really had misgivings about losing weight. I won't apologize about commenting about that. Whether you like what I have to say or not, the importance of being healthy outweighs any inclination I might have to bite my tongue when someone says they are considering staying fat because what, in my opinion, are trivial reasons.
Joe, not all of the things mentioned are trivial. Just because they don't apply to you doesn't make them trivial. There are lots of women who have suffered from sexual abuse and gained weight as a coping mechanism. Those are the kind of issues that can keep you from success.
For a lot of us, this isn't our first trip to the ball. A couple of years ago, I lost 50lbs. Life issues (job loss and a suckish economy) got in the way of my success and I gained 55lbs back. It isn't as easy as just losing the weight and moving on to happily ever after. The fear of failure I mentioned that is very real to me because I have lived it.
If a women was sexually abused then she may have a VERY REAL fear of men's attention and because of that fear she may gain weight ON PURPOSE to become invisible. It's real and it's not trivial for them.
Hey Joe,
So, I see where you're coming from...you dont want people to throw away the life they are granting themselves because of reasons that ultimately wont trump the benefits of losing weight.
But I think that for most of us, we're here in the first place because we're not happy with being overweight, we want to make a change, and we are taking it very very seriously. But as with any lifestyle change, especially those that are vitally important, there are fears that linger around in the back of our minds trying to trip us up. Sometimes we don't even realize they are there because we never give a voice to them, and instead the fester and linger.
So for the other 99% of threads, we're saying that yes we're going to fight, we're going to beat this, and that we're taking it seriously. For this one thread, in my opinion, we're saying 'however silly or crazy these fears might be, here they are, out on the table' in hopes that they can be exposed and dealt with in a healthy manner.
I highly, highly doubt anyone read these reasons, or typed their own reasons, and then said 'man, they're right, forget this weightloss business, it's for the birds.'
For me, it was a way to say 'hey, here are other people that have the same irrational fears that I have...I'm not alone or weird or crazy even if some of the thoughts might be.' and it becomes just one more thing on this forum that gives me the strength to keep fighting. Does that make sense?
***Edit: I was typing this at the same time as some of the other responses, so sorry if it's a repeat of what people have said. Glad you are taking your weightloss seriously, Joe, and best of luck to you!
Last edited by LebenAlles; 10-25-2012 at 01:07 PM.
Ok, point taken. I apologize for beating anybody up on this. I guess I let my passion on this issue get the best of me, and did not get the light-hearted nature of it. You are correct that women are different than men! I don't think men would have a conversation like this about their fears, and some would not even admit that they have them.
YOU are correct men DO NOT discuss stuff like this & they should it doesn't make them a wuss further from the truth. I have more respect for men / people if they do talk about what's bothering them inside deep down. The world would be a much better place.
Please join us anytime everyone is welcome. Sometime's women make the best friends because we DO talk about this stuff.
Joe, not all of the things mentioned are trivial. Just because they don't apply to you doesn't make them trivial. There are lots of women who have suffered from sexual abuse and gained weight as a coping mechanism. Those are the kind of issues that can keep you from success.
For a lot of us, this isn't our first trip to the ball. A couple of years ago, I lost 50lbs. Life issues (job loss and a suckish economy) got in the way of my success and I gained 55lbs back. It isn't as easy as just losing the weight and moving on to happily ever after. The fear of failure I mentioned that is very real to me because I have lived it.
If a women was sexually abused then she may have a VERY REAL fear of men's attention and because of that fear she may gain weight ON PURPOSE to become invisible. It's real and it's not trivial for them.
Point taken. I didn't see that aspect of weight gain.
YOU are correct men DO NOT discuss stuff like this & they should it doesn't make them a wuss further from the truth. I have more respect for men / people if they do talk about what's bothering them inside deep down. The world would be a much better place.
Please join us anytime everyone is welcome. Sometime's women make the best friends because we DO talk about this stuff.
Thank you. I have definitely found everything you've said to be true. There are not many men on this site, so if I only had men to rely upon for support, I wouldn't get very much! I find it very helpful to discuss feelings -- and other things - on this site, and I greatly value the feedback I get.
Thanks to you -- and to the others who have commented - for enlightening me and being patient with me while I vented.
Hey Joe,
So, I see where you're coming from...you dont want people to throw away the life they are granting themselves because of reasons that ultimately wont trump the benefits of losing weight.
But I think that for most of us, we're here in the first place because we're not happy with being overweight, we want to make a change, and we are taking it very very seriously. But as with any lifestyle change, especially those that are vitally important, there are fears that linger around in the back of our minds trying to trip us up. Sometimes we don't even realize they are there because we never give a voice to them, and instead the fester and linger.
So for the other 99% of threads, we're saying that yes we're going to fight, we're going to beat this, and that we're taking it seriously. For this one thread, in my opinion, we're saying 'however silly or crazy these fears might be, here they are, out on the table' in hopes that they can be exposed and dealt with in a healthy manner.
I highly, highly doubt anyone read these reasons, or typed their own reasons, and then said 'man, they're right, forget this weightloss business, it's for the birds.'
For me, it was a way to say 'hey, here are other people that have the same irrational fears that I have...I'm not alone or weird or crazy even if some of the thoughts might be.' and it becomes just one more thing on this forum that gives me the strength to keep fighting. Does that make sense?
***Edit: I was typing this at the same time as some of the other responses, so sorry if it's a repeat of what people have said. Glad you are taking your weightloss seriously, Joe, and best of luck to you!
Yes, it does make sense. I've learned a lot from what you and others have written in response to my posts. Thank you.
I think I do get it... kinda. I do know that many people who have wrote about their fears have expressed that they sound irrational, and I do realize that most, if not all, of you are trying to lose weight despite those fears. I also understand the therapeutic value in discussing those fears.
However, what struck a nerve was some of the so-called "fears." To me, some of them were not really "fears" at all. I think some of them are just the excuses that some of you are preemptively giving yourself for failing in the future. All I am saying is that it doesn't seem particularly healthy to me to list reasons why its not good to lose weight. I think it would be much more healthy and helpful to concentrate on all of the good reasons to lose the weight. But, that's just me. Maybe it takes a women to understand this and I don't fully understand it because I'm not a woman.
Again, I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. That was not my purpose for commenting. Because of my situation, I just feel very strongly about the importance for losing weight for health reasons. So, to me, other reasons don't really register with me.
See, if we had a like button, I'd like this. You are right that a lot of make excuses. But, even listing our excuses can be a good exercise. It isn't giving power to the excuses. It is like giving them a name and admitting what we need to work on. Women are complicated, Joe. lol You are right, we like to talk about our fears and shortcomings. You might never find guys discussing that sort of thing. Mars. Venus. We can learn from each other, though.
See, if we had a like button, I'd like this. You are right that a lot of make excuses. But, even listing our excuses can be a good exercise. It isn't giving power to the excuses. It is like giving them a name and admitting what we need to work on. Women are complicated, Joe. lol You are right, we like to talk about our fears and shortcomings. You might never find guys discussing that sort of thing. Mars. Venus. We can learn from each other, though.
I hear you! Its amazing just how different we are. And, yes, there is definitively learning opportunities. I've learned a lot already.
Thank you. I have definitely found everything you've said to be true. There are not many men on this site, so if I only had men to rely upon for support, I wouldn't get very much! I find it very helpful to discuss feelings -- and other things - on this site, and I greatly value the feedback I get.
Thanks to you -- and to the others who have commented - for enlightening me and being patient with me while I vented.
ANYTIME Joe.....see NOW you kinda get it vent anytime that's one of the main points of this place . After a while our mates get tired of hearing us or just DO NOT GET IT. I know mine tries but he has NEVER been fat a day in his life. It's like I've never smoked cigs I have no idea how hard it is to quit. BUT I do know if you leave me alone w/ a box of twinkies they would be GONE in 5 minutes flat & deny I ate the whole box !
Last edited by 1spunkygal; 10-25-2012 at 01:29 PM.
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.
FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.
Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.
I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.
As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
