My sister and I have a good relationship. We're mature adults (I'm 50, she's 47), but I can't believe what happened last night.
I live in North Carolina now, so only see her 1 or 2 times a year. When I was last visiting her in Michigan last October, I was down 45 lbs, which while a definte improvement, still had me in plus size clothing and nowhere near "normal" sizes. However the last 35 lbs have made a considerable visible difference. I'm now wearing size 14/16 pants while I'm guessing she is wearing size 10/12.
I had teased her a bit before I came that I was working on being the skinny sister but knew I wasn't going to make it in time for this visit. Maybe this bothered her more than she let on because when I asked if I could take an old pair of her pants back to NC with me to work toward as my goal, she agreed but said "sure, you can have them, but why would you set yourself up for failure?". Like I would never, ever fit into her clothes!
I will admit this stung just a bit, but on the other hand somehow the dynamic between us has now given me the ultimate motivation to reach a particular size and not just stop at 100 lbs lost. I thought my competitive streak had died long ago, but somehow family can sure push the buttons!
omg! How rude. I wonder if she realized how mean she sounded. So.. When you get into a smaller jean size than her, give her a call and ask her if she wants some of your jeans--you know, as a goal to work towards.
I pretty much avoid conversing about weight in ways that would put me and anyone who might see me as "competition" into competitive mode. That includes my sister, mom, best girlfriend, stepmom, etc. Sometimes, some of them try to go there--for example, on Easter my stepmom asked me what size I'm in now, then a couple weeks later she decided to try to get back to her goal weight again. Maybe our conversation was part of the impetus, maybe not...but I'm not interested in being anyone else's before or after or inspiration or what-have-you.
I love my sister, we have a decent relationship, but if I wanted to there is SO MUCH I could be envious over, with her. She's rich, a successful banker, well-traveled, owns a beautiful home in a beautiful town, is a semi-professional musician when she wants to be, is pretty and a "normal" weight, etc. I just can't afford to go there, emotionally. All I have is what I have, and it has to be enough for me.
I had teased her a bit before I came that I was working on being the skinny sister but knew I wasn't going to make it in time for this visit.
So she zinged back:
Quote:
she agreed but said "sure, you can have them, but why would you set yourself up for failure?".
So why be surprised?
I'd continue with your getting healthier efforts, and if this motivates you, yay.
But keep it to yourself or share with the folks on the board here. But don't zing your sister any more. It's not kind. Give her the chance to just be supportive of your effort without having to deal with "sibling rivalry weirdness" too.
My sister and I are almost exactly the same ages as you and your sis but the "mature adults" never seems to come up when describing our relationship! We're very close but we are sisters and claws do come out sometimes.
Right now I weight twice what my sister does. She has struggled with disordered eating, too. However, she went the opposite direction. She is about 5'7" and barely wears a size four jeans!
I do love her but she has:
1. Broken out in tears when she saw me because I was so fat (as she explained)
2. Denied that we ever wore the same size - NO! Couldn't be! Yes, in the early 80's she swiped a pair of my size 8 jeans. I was feeling skinny in them - she thought that was huge.
3. Has laughed herself sick looking at pictures of us together because I (and our brother) have big, fat heads and she has a little, pea-head!
So, I agreed that family really can push our buttons. Probably because they programmed them!
I have three younger sisters, and I have always been the biggest one, by a long shot. One of my sisters has always been the beautiful, skinny one. She's an opera singer at a very prestigious music school back East. She's 5 years younger than me (28 and 23), but I still feel the horrible sting of jealousy when I think about the differences between us. She's the great kind of beautiful woman--the ones who are truly beautiful inside and out--and I love her dearly. She is kind and sweet and even-tempered. Somehow this makes it worse!
Anyway, she has been incredibly supportive during this whole process, but one of my other sisters is quickly becoming the heaviest in the family, and where E. is beautiful and sweet, M. is vindictive and beastly. I'd love to be immature as your sister behaved and tell her I'll give her all of my large clothes when I am out of them, but I'd rather take a page from E.'s book and encourage her to become healthy herself.
"Family...can't live with 'em....it's illegal to shoot 'em..."
Fine. But what if you just aim to sort wing 'em?
hee!!!
My sister and I are both heavy right now, and we've alternated times when one or the other has been the heavier. I guess I am the smaller one now, but not dramatically so yet. We are built so differently it's sort of hard to tell - she is very pear shaped and I am the exact opposite and am bigger on top. I think she is competitive enough that when I do get dramatically smaller, she might be motivated to try to catch up with me! But other than her somewhat generic acknowledgement of what I've lost so far, we don't really talk about it a lot.
And reading this thread, I'm thinking that's probably just as well.....
What a little witch! That seriously sucks that she said that... it does say that she is insecure about the thought of you becoming thinner than her. People struggle to adjust to change and she has probably identified herself as "the skinny one" for a long time and takes that as a part of her identity...
Sisters, arghh!!
