well, you know me, Aimee, I'm the slow plodder, slips up, gets back on track, slips up, back on track. life throws me fast balls, and they always seem to be different fastballs, and I'm figuring out how to handle them with the diet and exercise and coping without turning to food.
it makes sense to me that in changing and learning there are ups and downs, so it's a little misleading to think of it as "falling already", you know? It's more like, ok, that happened, why did it and how do I handle it better in the future.
weight loss is a funny process, so many aspects to it. I feel like the more I learn, the less I know, ha. but if you keep plugging at it, you'll find the right combination of things for you, I'm sure of that.
You know, Aimee, it pains me to hear you say that you are failing.
Failing is not looking at the situation, not doing anything, just pretending it doesn't exist. If you don't show up to the starting line, there's no way you can finish the race.
If I've learned ONE thing on my journey, it's something that I've heard a lot of other 3FCers say....and it's that the most important thing is what you do after the slip-up.
We eat at least three times a day every single day. It's simply not possible to be absolutely perfect all the time.
On the other hand, when you are trying to lose big amounts of weight, like a hundred pounds or more, like we all are, then we have to think in LONG amounts of time, like months or even years....
And in the course of a year or two, a day here and there of not being perfectly on plan won't make a difference.
I LOVE what KAPLODS said above... that she's failed her way to a loss of 80 pounds.
What's different for me now, is that when I slip up it's usually by mistake-- and that's a far cry from when I used to just go into denial mode and start binging on everything in sight.
So, be kind to yourself. You WILL be able to achieve this if you just give yourself time and lots of hugs and loving kindness.
There is no one way that works best for everyone. You've got to find your best and most doable way.
For some folks that is having to hold themselves to an extremely rigid standard, "be all that you can be," and all that stuff.
All my life I thought that the rigidity was the only way. Everyone was telling me I had to be MORE committed, and put MORE focus and MORE effort into it.
And I kept trying to do it that way. Punishing and berating myself for not having more willpower, more drive, more committment, more of everything all the dieting books, friends, family, acquaintences, doctors, magazines... were telling me I needed.
I wan't just trying to go over the mountain, but to burrow through it. I never thought of going around the mountain, because no one ever told me that anything but perfection could work. There were plenty of people telling me that imperfection wouldn't work - that the tiniest slip meant I was doomed to failure.
There are plenty of people that will tell you that you have to work harder, commit more intensely, ruthlessly even. That weight loss needs to be your top, or even only priority. If that works for you, you'll find out fairly quickly - because it's still the most common approach that is advocated.
But if you find that pushing yourself hard isn't working, and then you try to push yourself harder and that still isn't working, and so you try to push evne harder and it STILL is not working - maybe than answer is NOT to try to push yourself even further.
Maybe instead it's a sign that you're trying to go THROUGH a mountain, and haven't considered attempting to find a way AROUND the mountain.
Sometimes the easy way is the most effective way. Doing things the hard way doesn't always guarantee that it's the best way. It doesn't even guarantee that it's the fastest way.
Many pioneers died crossing the mountains because they thought going over the mountain was the fastest way because it was the shortest way (well, actually to be technical about it, the shortest way would have been to burrow through the mountain, but that obviously was not the fastest way). Those that survived often found that those of their wagon trains who went around the mountain actually arrived at their destination before those who took the short cut.
The first thing to remember is that you need to find your own way, and that if it's working for you, don't let anyone tell you it's the WRONG way.
I still struggle with that. I've never been so successful for so long with so little effort, so little suffering or sacrifice - or with so many people telling me I'm doing it wrong. It's working in a way that has never before, so how can that be wrong?
It isn't. It may not be the route that some people would take. It may not be the route that most people want or need to take - but if intense, fire-powered approach isn't working for you, consider the possibility that a gentler path may be the one for you. It's not one that has a lot of support, so you'll face a lot of people telling you you're wrong or weak for taking it, but results speak for themselves. You'll find what works best for you, by experimenting and paying attention to the results (short-term and long-term).
There is no one way that works best for everyone. You've got to find your best and most doable way.
The first thing to remember is that you need to find your own way, and that if it's working for you, don't let anyone tell you it's the WRONG way.
So very, very, very true!!
OF course we all have different definitions of what "it's working for you" means. Sometimes you really have to stop and think, "is it REALLY working for me?". Or am I just being complacent here, (Complacency can be a dangerous thing.) Is there a better, easier, more effective way to do this?? Sometimes your plan needs to be tweaked. You can't get stuck in the rigidness of your own plan to your own detriment. I think it's important to recognize what you think is working for you and perhaps it really isn't it. Sometimes we lose sight of our original goals and that's a shame. We also start to think this is just too hard - so forget about it. Instead of really thinking through and defining what hard is and looking for ways to make this easier - whether in the actual plan itself that you think you must stick with and with ones mind frame.
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For some folks that is having to hold themselves to an extremely rigid standard, "be all that you can be," and all that stuff.
Oh I never said anything about being rigid. Adhering to a healthy lifestyle has nothing to do with rigid-ness in my book. It is no burden to live this way. I just don't get why people feel that it is. To me, the burden was remaining super morbidly obese.To me, my former life seemed rigid and restrictive. I was so unbelievably limited to what I could and could not do. I guess it's all perspective.
I finally decided I wanted to be healthy, finally realized that I DID have the power over this - so I went for it. *For me* the health-iest thing one can do for themselves first and foremost is to get down to a *healthy* weight. Period. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but that is the reality of it - for me. And no, I was no longer willing to settle for *good enough*. We are all different. I don't know yours or anyone else's circumstances, but I have three children that depended/depend on me. When you decide to have children you're no longer in it just for yourself. Now mind you it took me a long time to wake up and realize that. Well, that's false, I probably always realized it but never acted upon it. And that's unfortunate. But I try to not dwell upon that too often as I think it's pretty pointless.
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I still struggle with that. I've never been so successful for so long with so little effort, so little suffering or sacrifice - or with so many people telling me I'm doing it wrong. It's working in a way that has never before, so how can that be wrong?
Me too!! I mean that's exactly it. This was amazing to me. I have never been so successful for so long with so little effort, so little suffering or sacrifice. Who knew? You said it perfectly for me. And yes - people telling me that I'm doing it wrong. And yes - it's working, it's working - it works!!! And I'm ecstatic, healthy, happy, energetic, satisfied, off of medications, living and loving life like never before - but here you have people telling me that I'm doing it wrong.
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But if you find that pushing yourself hard isn't working, and then you try to push yourself harder and that still isn't working, and so you try to push evne harder and it STILL is not working - maybe than answer is NOT to try to push yourself even further.
You see it *works* if you make it work. If you work it. This can never work it you don't make it work. It's really not a matter of pushing yourself all *that* hard. It was just a term I used to get past that initial discomfort stage of changing ones habit. It's not like any one is bleeding or life is on the line due to it - well just the opposite in fact. My life WAS on the line prior to this.
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Sometimes the easy way is the most effective way. Doing things the hard way doesn't always guarantee that it's the best way. It doesn't even guarantee that it's the fastest way.
There are plenty of people that will tell you that you have to work harder, commit more intensely, ruthlessly even. That weight loss needs to be your top, or even only priority. If that works for you, you'll find out fairly quickly - because it's still the most common approach that is advocated.
This was true for me too!! Once I stopped doing it the hard way - it became - dare I say - easy. This WAS hard for me in the past. It wasn't until I fully committed, made it a top priority, put it on the front burner, that it BECAME easy for me. It wasn't until I finally realized that treating myself/abusing myself in that way was the hard.. How I was living (not really living) was HARD. Oh my g-d. Talk about hard!!!
Adhering to a healthy lifestyle, no that's not hard. I didn't dread this. I looked forward to it. I don't see this as hard. It's a joy and a blessing to live this way on SO many levels. It's indescribable. And as for the actual losing part - I had a BLAST losing the weight. It was FUN!!! Tons and tons of beyond belief fun. It was one of the best periods of my life.
I guess it's all perspective.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 02-09-2010 at 08:52 AM.
Nthing the "losing weight does not require perfection". For me, demanding perfection leads to deprivation which leads to overeating which leads to guilt which leads to more overeating which leads to giving up.
Whilst you will probably up a couple for the next couple of days because of the salt, you overate by 240 calories, which means that you will lose <0.1lb less this week than you would have otherwise. This is not the definition of failure. Try to turn it into a positive by reflecting on what you could have done differently, and make a plan to avoid this situation next time.
OP, don't call it failure. It's all a learning experience.
Kaplods, thank you. I am also on the slooooooow train. 3 and a half years to date. I used to use the excuse that I didn't have time to lose weight, I already had a life, thank you very much. I also thought it had to be the top priority in my life in order to work. And then one day it occurred to me (why did it take so long?) that if I changed my unhealthy habits for healthier ones I would at least be in BETTER shape. And I did that: one habit at a time. I turned that battleship by degrees--because I couldn't do a 180.
But that's me. For some people a complete U-turn is the way to go.
It's good to have it out there though, that gradual changes CAN work if you're patient. I wish that had occurred to me earlier.
kaplods - I think for where I am right now, your path is where I need to go. I am very good at beating myself up over not doing things perfectly and then giving up because if you aren't giving it your all, doesn't it mean you aren't trying and don't deserve it. That's not healthy for me, and it makes me hate myself. And how does one become successful at this while hating yourself, I know it sure hasn't worked for me in the past! I appreciate hearing that it's possible to lose weight in more than one way, because I've proven to myself I can't eat 100% healthy things, 100% of the time, but at the same time, yes, I think I'm finally getting that 2 slices of pizza isn't what made me the size I am, it's what I eat the next day.. and the day after that.
rockinrobin - I am definitely of the mind to always be striving for more, going outside of my norm and being a better person. I think we all need a little rockinrobin on our shoulder reminding us we can be better, because that is really what life is about.
Lori Bell - I live in a really WEIRD city! On Sunday's grocery stores are only open from 12-6pm! But yes, all the take-out places still deliver in the snow.. next time - PIZZA HUT, because they make a great salad
Marge - I guess I feel like I'm tired of struggling with this, however I suspect that I'm going to always be dealing with it, I just need to stop thinking of this as such a difficult process. It can be easier, and thats my decision. Being 30 is making me think about things in a new way
ubergirl - I always watch your process and am so impressed, you are just blowing through the number, and all the numbers that I get stuck at. I feel like you are doing it, so I can too.. so thank you! I agree, I'm not in denial of what I ate, which I so often did in the past.. so I must be changing a little. Which feels good, thanks for pointing that out.
Thanks everyone, all your posts really made me think, and I didn't just forget what happened.. but I am moving on. Just making note of what happened, why, and how I can avoid the situation in the future. I guess more importantly, realizing I can be successful at losing weight while not being 100% perfect 100% of the time.
ubergirl - I always watch your process and am so impressed, you are just blowing through the number, and all the numbers that I get stuck at. I feel like you are doing it, so I can too.. so thank you! I agree, I'm not in denial of what I ate, which I so often did in the past.. so I must be changing a little. Which feels good, thanks for pointing that out.
-Aimee
Just remember Aimee... I have more years of failure behind me than you've probably been alive. It never worked for me until finally it did. And it will work for you too, and sooner than it worked for me because you have us to help you along!!! A history of not succeeding is just that. A history. And the past does not predict the future just as yesterday does not predict today.
And that's the one great thing about this process. We always get another try!
