I hope you're able to find some resolve and get yourself back on track. It's difficult when a relationship ends, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet. In time when you do find it, you'll be happy you didn't let things get out of control. The damage is done.. don't let "her" be the reason you throw all your hard work away, because the only person your hurting is yourself.
Matt --
Remember me, Matt?? This is your scale. You know, the one you put in the back of your closet some weeks ago, next to those disco boots and red satin shirt from the 1980s...
Well, you need to take me out and dust me off and remember that no matter WHAT happens in your life, I will tell you the TRUTH about what is going on. And, my friend, it isn't pretty...
So, from one friend to another, you need to trust me and to treat yourself properly. You need to take care of yourself and understand that broken hearts heal and that life will go on. And that self-destructive behavior won't make you feel any better and it won't "get you through this". It'll just make things worse, because you'll feel miserable and depressed for more reasons than just a broken heart. If you can do just ONE thing to help you feel better, every day, you HAVE to do it. Make a good food choice. Put down the beer. Stay home and deal with the pain. Get some help if you need it. And soon, the choices will add up and up and up and things will look SO much better. You WILL be stronger for this, Matt. We all have faith in you.
Your scale
Breakups can be so hard. :-( Unfortunately, only time will heal the ache. Fortunately, regardless of anything else going on, the time WILL pass.
I totally understand the "oh who cares" attitude and the bingeing and drinking and the general numbing out when you feel so bad. However, you came here to the forums for a reason, and I think you wanted the (loving) kicks in the butt to get you back on track. I admire you for that! You don't want to backslide and welcome the old bad habits in your life.
Stay strong and find your comfort there. Comfort in knowing that above all, YOU come first, and that YOU have all the tools and strength and support you need to be your best.
I'm new here so I don't know much about your history, but you sound pretty awesome and I think you'll come out of this sooner and even stronger than you think.
I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen. You have every right to want to numb and comfort yourself, and I know from experience how well that works. But can you maybe find something else to use? Crappy TV? Ranting to friends? Online shopping? I know they don't work as well, but at least they don't have too much by way of negative consequences.
Again, I'm so sorry, and I wish there was something that we could say that would make it less awful.
Break-ups are painful and in the most personal way --- it' really, really hard not to feel like there is something wrong with YOU instead of just that there was something wrong with how you two meshed. So, it's no surprise that you came back from Florida with some extra weight.
But here's the deal: her leaving in no way changes all the amazing things that you have been doing or the really extraordinary man that you are showing to the world these days. Commitment? You have it in spades! Strength? More than anyone who hasn't faced this kind of weight loss will ever, ever understand. Good looks? That picture in your post shows a real cutie! Great personality? Your posts sparkle with humor (often wryly aimed at yourself), insight, and honesty and you are quick to reach out to other people here on the board to try to help them. You know that you are a work in progress and always will be, and you are striving to make that work the best that it can be.
Like I said: IT'S HER LOSS!
Maybe you should whip up a special challenge for yourself as a place to channel the emotional fall-out: take a cooking course or go vegetarian for a month or set up a hiking trip for you and a couple of friends or take up kick-boxing. If there is anything we can do here, you know you just have to holler --- you will have more caring, interfering female advice and support than you can shake a celery stick at!
The ladies above said way more than I ever could but I can offer support in the way of positve thoughts and hugs. We are here when you need us. Take care of you right now.
Matt -
An "aha" moment, relayed by a friend who was seeking some help from a counselor after a really ugly divorce:
Counselor: Let me ask you this. Everybody has a food they don't like. What's yours?
Friend: Carrots. I really hate carrots.
Counselor: That's fine. Now, does that make carrots bad for everybody else? Are they evil, or wrong?
Friend: Of course not - they're just carrots. I simply don't like them.
Counselor: And do you get mad at people who do like them?
Friend: (puzzled). No - that's crazy. I'm sure I like stuff that they don't like.
Counselor: Well, I've got news for you - you were just your ex's carrots. It has NOTHING to do with you. And somewhere out there is somebody who loves carrots - just the way they are. The carrot won't change what it is because you don't like it - so just ... move ... on.
I think that's brilliant in a delightfully simple way. Now get back to work!
Life is pretty suck-y sometimes, isn't it? But you can and WILL get through this. Like you said, one day at a time. Require more from yourself. You'd hate to look back and think, why didn't I put the brakes on earlier. Put the brakes on NOW. Like you said, one day at a time. You string a few of those back to back and before you know it, this will be past history, old news. There are bigger and better things just ahead of you.
Thank you all for the positive comments! Last night I had a good day and so far so good for today.
Tonight is a mutual friend's b-day party. This is going to be the test because 1) she will likely be there (and I'll try to avoid her) and 2) because it will be in a bar. My plan is to get there late, give my gift, and leave early. I'm going to drink a diet coke!
I'll probably report back how it goes sometime later tonight.
:. I know it's hard,but life is no picnic..Believe me I know!
to get moving on to a new chapter in your life!
