Angela, sweetheart - this had nothing to do with you. This was a sick weirdo acting out a twisted fantasy - he'd probably rehearsed every minute of this in his head. You will do great things because you are strong and in control. Love yourself, love the journey of health, and you will attract the kind of man who can be your partner. Has NOTHING to do with your weight!!! Keep in mind, as Ron White said in a comedy routine - all this physical stuff is changeable. But stupid (and mean) is FOREVER.
Inkabetty:
I wanted to add my own words of support. I work on issues around this issue and have a couple thoughts to share.
First, you actually show your own depth because of your own ability to see amazing things in people and reach out. You seem to have such great sensitivity and warmth. Second, this other person is very much a sick person who seeks out and takes advantage of the good in others. Third, unfortunately, for many reasons, folks who are are sensitive and warm don't want to think it's his weirdness that is at fault but turn it inward.
I'm not the best at remembering quotes but there are certainly many out there that say it's not the trials we will be judged by but by getting up afterwards. I believe that wisdom only comes from experiences that help us to see the depth and breath of our world's humanity--the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Focus on yourself--you can be what you want to be. I remember when I was a kid with my school marching band visiting a big underground cavern in Kentucky. The guide told us that she "always hit her mark" when she was about to throw a huge torch in to a darkened area to show us the topography. She lit the torch and threw it as far as she could then said "yeah, I hit it exactly where I planned" (though she never told us in advance where she was going to throw).
Pick your target and throw. You CAN make your goals--step by step.
I'm so glad you weren't hurt physically! That's just so scary!
That's not to belittle the fact that being hurt emotionally can hurt just like getting punched in the face. And I'm going to echo what everyone else says: It's not your fault the guy was a jerk. Cry with your girlfriends for a few days over your bruised ego, and then pick yourself up 'cause he's not worth A MINUTE MORE of your tears and time!
I've heard there are websites where you can post warnings about internet Lotharios like him...sometimes revenge is the best medicine!
I bet you a million the jerk is married and was having an emotional affair with you. Once he crossed the line from emotional to physical he freaked out and bagged you the quickest way possible... in a way you wouldn't be tempted to look him up and try to get back. I'd bet the farm this a-hole has a wife and kids.
PS: I'm really sorry this guy hurt you. I have ways of finding out things...if you want to PM his name and birthday, I can tell you in a few minutes if he's married. Not that it really matters now, since you are moving on to a better place
What an absolutely HORRIFIC ordeal you have been through. I am so, so very sorry that he was such a jerk. What a flake! Is there any chance this guy was married? He sounds very suspicious. Why would he do that?
Ugggg this is a jerky thing for him to do... However, I've herd storys like this time and time again. I've done tons of internet dating, find someone close to you. These long distance things don't work and usually end in heart ache because one or the other is not attracted to each other or maybe don't get along inperson, etc. This guys is a class A jerk, it's not you it's him. Your better off without him and he's not worth your time. I'm heavy and I still manage to find guys that do get interested in me. My husband is very attractive and skinny and I couldn't figure out what the **** he wanted with me, but we've been together 3 years and have a little girl. Our relationship is far from perfect though. It's easy to have long distance relationships because you don't have to truely interact with them day in and day out. I know, i've done my fair share of them, then when it comes doen to truely being together it never worked. keep you chin up, you are beautiful in your own way and there is someone out there that will feel the same. Unfortunatley we have to go through all the a$$holes to find them. Good luck.
He left the hotel that night and never came back leaving me stranded, 2 hours away from my next destination, no idea where I am, having to fend for myself. All because he wasn't attracted to me physically.
If the mind and person not enough anymore?
Now I am depressed and realize how much I need to lose weight because I don't feel worth anything much less able to attract a partner.
I REALLY, REALLY don't think this guy's main issue was not being attracted to you physically. That may have been part of it. Could have been a big part of it. But the fact he's a class-A jerk is a much bigger part of it.
Don't ever think you can't attract someone of quality just because you weigh more. Yes, physical attraction does come into it. It may be easier to find a partner if you are slim. But don't you dare doom yourself to a life of dipsticks like this because you don't feel you deserve better. YOU DO. PERIOD.
As for this one. Man, two years is a long time. I have no explanation or theory other than the fact that he is a selfish jerk and although it might be ripping you apart now, you are really soooo much better off without this one.
I agree that this wasn't because of your weight, regardless of what the man (and I use that term loosely) may have said to you. I've been in a situation similar to this -- talked to a guy for a very long time long-distance, went to visit, and he freaked out at the last minute and left. Turns out he had a girlfriend for most of the time that we were chatting it up, and when he met me he bumped up against his own guilt -- guilt that he was stringing me along, guilt that he was at the very least emotionally involved with someone other than his girlfriend, and he took that guilt out on me by acting in a way that was (in my opinion) vicious and stupid. He explained later, but I never responded -- life is too short to waste time on people who can't be real.
I'm sorry that you went through this, but don't take the blame for things not working out. You had high hopes, and it turns out that the guy was far less than you deserve. Learn from it, and move on. There's much better out there, and you deserve the best. Don't forget it.
Oh he was totally married. Has absolutely nothing to do with you my dear. Block him, don't let him apologize if his sick twisted fantasy life becomes appealing to him again. Unfortunately I can't type out the names I'd really like to call him. You are a beautiful woman inside and out and don't waste another second worrying about him!!
i too would bet on him being married or a serial game player. doesn't make you feel any less wretched, i know.
but here. i have a bag o' baby carrots and some homie made hummus. and good strong shoulders. we'll sit and munch in quiet companionship for a bit hey?
Hi there!
This has nothing nothing NOTHING to do with your weight or your appearance. This was an excuse. Pure and simple.
The same thing happened to me. Seriously. I met a guy, in person, had a really intense but CELIBATE relationship for 4 weeks, he went back home, we hooked up again 3 months later. I travelled on his invitation to his hometown to stay with him -- no worries, he said -- we just need to get to know each other better before becoming intimate...I was on a tight budget. I saved up. I went.
In the intervening 3 months between our first meet and our second, I LOST significant weight and I looked hot. We got together, he said I looked hot. We continued our CELIBATE relationship, no problems. 5 days into it, he said that I was fat, ugly, unattractive, and since I wouldn't "put out" I had to leave his home right NOW. Not that he would touch my "ugly A**" but I clearly was far below his "standards". It was 10 pm. I had enough cash to catch a cab to a motel, and enough for motel costs until I could get out of there (that night and the next night). But I had exactly $2.50 to get me through the next day and a half. I couldn't change my ticket without a huge fee and I didn't have the money! I had enough for the motel and that was it.
I had no credit cards and literally no money in the bank. And I was too embarrased to phone anyone for help...
Totally humliating. Totally soul-destroying. But really, it made me stronger. Because this wasn't about ME but about CONTROL. And I never, ever put myself in that situation again.
You will get through this. Just don't take your anger out on yourself...
I bet you a million the jerk is married and was having an emotional affair with you. Once he crossed the line from emotional to physical he freaked out and bagged you the quickest way possible... in a way you wouldn't be tempted to look him up and try to get back. I'd bet the farm this a-hole has a wife and kids.
This was my first guess as well.
My sister and many of my friends have dating horror storries. These are women who are attractive, mostly confident women, mostly not overweight.
I have a few minor weirdos in my past, myself - but fewer than most of my friends, even at nearly 400 lbs. I think my better track record, is only because I've always been very picky - I'd rather be alone than with someone who is bad for me, and I guess I never blamed anyone's bad behavior on me.
Obviously he was VERY attracted to you, but didn't want to be - that's not your problem.
What you can do, is be choosier. I'm not saying you did anything wrong - but when you have the attitude that you're looking for someone good enough for your amazing self, bad behavior on a man's part doesn't reflect on you. He's the jerk, he's the idiot, it's HIS loss. You'll also be more likely to spot the signs of a jerk, before they occur (but some guys are just very skilled at hiding their jerkitude as long as they're getting what they want).
Unfortunately, there is no way at any weight, or level of gorgeousness to prevent jerks from entering your life. Look at some of the celebrity dating horror storries.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and there are some pretty great ones. I do think that if you think of yourself as the fisherman rather than as the fish, it isn't quite as painful to be "thrown back." It's more like snagging on the line of another fisherman - you didn't want to "keep him" anyway. It was a hard way to find that out, but it definitely says far, far more about him than you.
WOW, I want to smash women in the head sometimes -- a creep 'is intimate' with you and THEN dumps you, leaves you stranded in a hotel room miles from where you need to be in a different city, wastes 2 years of your life, AND YOU'RE CRYING THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU???????????????????????????????????? WTF????????????????? Good lord girlie, I'm sorry this happened and all the soft fluffy things everyone's saying, and glad the creep JUST left you when he could have chopped you up and put you in his trunk, BUT COME ON, the guy was a loser! You're older and wiser now, and that's that. It's not like you pretended to be Cindy Crawford or something, he knew what you looked like, so obviously the guy's a creep. End of story. No need to lose weight to prove you're worth NOT BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP! everyone is, no matter what size or shape. Don't let this a$$hole steal even MORE from you - don't let him steal your confidence and self-worth, that would be even more horrifying!!!! Be sad for a while, sure, but don't wallow in it - it's a crappy thing that's happened to hundreds of people i'm sure in this day and age, there are predators everywhere!!!
lose weight for your OWN sake, not to prove something or you'll fail fail fail and feel even worse about yourself!!!
WOW i used a lot of !!!!!! points LOL sorry, but I've got a touch of rage-a-hol right now!
Reminded of a thing my girlfriend told me her therapist told her after her divorce. I'll try to recall it as close as I can. "Everybody has something they don't like. Let's say, it's carrots. They don't like carrots. It has nothing to do with the carrot at all. It's just their opinion and taste. So when you're rejected, it's a similar thing - it has nothing to do with you - it's just that you're their "carrots". Move on - because somewhere out there is someone who LOVES carrots." Terribly simple ... and it might appear that I am excusing his behavior (I am so TOTALLY not - I think that ought to be a jailable offense) but maybe that perspective might click with somebody.
Not that it really matters now, since you are moving on to a better place 
