Hi all. I need your opinion on a non-weight issue. My dh's best friend had his own business last year but money was tight so we lent him $3000 with the understanding that he would pay back something every week, at least $100. Now he and his wife had to sell their house and buy a smaller one because they were having a lot of financial problems but my understanding was that her salary would cover the new mortgage. I don't think she knows that we lent him this money for his business or if she does she doesn't know how much. He paid back about $600 right away but then his business went under. Since then he has paid off some of the loan by doing work on our cars (he is a mechanic) and right now he still owes $2000. My dh says that his friend has said many times that he will pay us back and today my dh told me that his friend takes home about $600 a week from his job. Now I am really po'd. We are starting to struggle a bit because I am not getting that much in maternity benefits and my dh is doing contract work and not getting paid regularly. We've had a couple of tight times and starting to use the credit cards when we shouldn't. My dh knows that I am upset about his friend not giving us any money yet of course he has money for booze and cigarettes. My dh doesn't want to say anything to his buddy, doesn't want to upset him but of course doesn't seem to mind that I am upset. I have bit my tongue so many times. I don't know what to do. I am certain that his friend is sincere, we have known him and his wife for years, they are really good people. But still I think he should be paying us back something. Also and he doesn't know this, we borrowed the money off a credit card so we are paying interest on the money but not asking him to pay any. I don't know what to do. If I go and talk to him my dh will freak out.
Can I get anyone's ideas on how I might handle this differently or should I just keep my mouth shut? Believe me I will never loan money to anyone ever again!!!
Wow, this is a tough one! I think you and your hubby should sit down and talk with your friend and his wife. Maybe they just don't realize how tight money is for you. Also, you absolutely should tell them you borrowed the money on your credit card. If he is truly a friend, he'll feel badly about that and will make a more concerted effort to pay you back.
If this doesn't work, you could either pursue legal action or just not have anything to do with him anymore. Either way, it's the end of a friendship.
Thanks for your reply. Legal action is out of the question. there is no way my dh would go for that. I had to go over to their place this morning to give him (my dh's friend) some money to cover a cheque he wrote for my dh. I dropped a ton of hints that things were not good financially, that I might have to go back to work early etc etc. It sounds like my dh was telling him some of the problems he is having with work not paying him but I'm not sure if he knew the extent of our problems. Well he does now. Whether it will do any good is another story.
Sounds like the kind of friend that you don't need.
Did you, by any chance, get any information about the loan in writing with his signature to promise to repay it?
If this guy is bringing home $600 a week and buying cigarettes and booze, it's time you sat down with him AND his wife and laid the cards on the table. This is serious. This situation will impact YOUR credit rating - not his.
Not only has he not paid you back, but you are now covering his bounced checks???? Now, he owes you for that, too.
So, you're working your @ss off so he can sit around partying. How does that feel? Somebody needs to start treating this freeloader like a big boy and make him accoutable/responsible.
Please keep in mind that no one should lend money to a friend or relative unless everyone is of the business mind that a contract should be entered into. DD (at age 16) bought her first car from my mom and made payments. I told BOTH of them that there was going to be a signed agreement to the amount borrowed and the monthly payments. Among other things, this taught DD that you get it in writing - no matter WHO it is.
Your husband should have told him right off the bat where you were getting the money to lend him. That he would have to pay the interest if he really needed to borrow it. He may have thought twice about taking the loan.
But we all can think about what should have been said.
You did the right thing this morning by making him aware of how tight money is. While that should push him a bit more to pay you back quicker, it shouldn't be the point. He borrowed it, and he needs to pay it back on a regular basis. Sure, things come up and a week here or there is one thing. Since it is your husbands friend, it is his responsibility. Let him handle it. He should tell him where he got the money immediatly, so the friend understands the situation the two of you are in. And see what happens from there. If he is a true friend, he will do his best to honor your agreement. His wife should know about the loan. But again, it's his business.
Hope he comes to his senses and understands your position. I agree, never lend or borrow money from friends or family. It causes problems, always.
I wish it were that easy. The dh will not talk to his buddy about it, I know that for a fact without even saying anything to him. He is really wishy washy about talking to people about money. Also I don't want to give the impression that this is some young guy who has no sense of responsibility or maturity. He is married guy, about 42 or so, 2 kids. He has had a lot of really bad breaks this past year and his business went under not because of anything he did, well he trusted this other guy who has been a buddy since high school and this other guy made his life miserable. I really do feel for the guy. He really is a good person. BUT if I owed somebody money I would cut back on my smokes and booze or whatever I spent money on to pay them back. As a matter of fact we owed the dh's parents money for a loan they gave us to buy the house and we've been pretty consistant in paying back every month, except the past few when the dh has been unemployed. Of course they are rolling in it so they probably wouldn't care if we paid every month or not. Now that I've said something I hope we'll see some action. If not then I may just go to the guy myself and let him know that we borrowed the money ourselves and we're paying interest on it. When we loaned him the money I thought at the time the interest would be like nothing because he would have paid it back very quickly. Guess I was wrong there.
IMHO I would call the guy directly and let him know that you are doing this with out yout DH's knowldge BUT that you have had to borrow money from the credit card to get by. and that any money he can spare would help gretly so you do not get into financial difficlty too deeply. (I have done the borrow from peter to pay Paul many times and it has done nothing but keep theings off my back for a few weeks but it gets worse!! FAST!!) That with the new knowledge that thinga are not going well with DH's money should help him out. Unfortunaly I know that a check for 600 a week is not much especially if he has a small business bringing home is not the same as what bringing home means to you and me. you have to put aside 1/3 of that to send in to taxes every 3 months, and that can be a killer. 600 is no where enough to keep my family in a food and house. So there may be more than you know on the flip side so give him a call and see what is going on. this way things can remain intace your DH will not be upset, and either you will have more income or you will have a deeper understanding and not feel so angry.
Thanks for your reply Sue. He is not working at his own business anymore, he is working for someone else. Also he and his wife sold their house and bought a smaller one so they could use the money they got from the sale to pay off bills, I guess they have their own financial problems but they got it so that the wife can pay the mortgage from her salary. so his wages probably go towards other bills etc but I think in the $2400 he is getting a month there should be little bit in there to pay us back. I've told my dh many times that I don't care how much he gives us even if it is $50 a week I would feel so much better about it. I'm probably beating a dead horse with all of this but I just need to vent about it and the dh is sick of hearing about it.
Ummmmmm Call him. Sitting around building bad feeling and resentment without having the courtsey of communication is not fair to you or him. Just tell him... Look I bring this up, especially as I know just how hard things have been but we too are now suffering financially and evert little bit helps... do you think it would be possible now for you to repay this debt as we agreed, it would save our lives if you could.
Something along these lines.
Really my point is Communication is the key to any relationship and frankly if he is anyway near the person you think he is then give him a chance....tell him ...talk to him. Otherwise a long friendship could destruct over nothing more than bad feeling he doesn't even know about like the fact that you are paying interest on that money! Communication is a wonderful thing and the basis of any real relationship be it spouse , family or friends.
Pam
Need your opinion
