I think it sounds like he is being supportive. my dh is one of those who brings home junk and eats it in front of me. (not very supportive) although he says he supports me, just doesn't show me he does. I wish he would want to walk/jog with me and eat salads with me I see how you might have misinterpreted it tho. As for your fitness level. dont worry.... just keep moving forward and you will see your fitness level rise with time. I started at 305lbs and just walked for 20 min, then 30 min... and so on. I am now able to do spin classes, and a pretty fast paced 45 minutes on the eliptical. It just takes time. You can do it!! I would just talk to your bf about your feelings. Let him know you are trying to be healthier and lose weight. I bet he will be supportive.
and 127 at his height, sounds like he is a bean pole... maybe you should be shoving some high calorie food his way just joking.... good luck
/agree - men are clueless. I'm thin/size 2 and my hubby will sometimes make comments like that (telling the cat 'go sit on mommy, she has more 'lap' to sit on) and I KNOW he'd actually prefer me chubbier. Plus he outweighs me by a good 100lbs. He's kidding, of course, and I know that - but I have to work to not hit him with a frying pan <KIDDING!>. At least with my hubby, he does NOT mean anything bad by it, he's just joking around and doesn't realize women aren't quite as into that. =)
I'd be thrilled if he suggested a walk or a jog! That's usually me suggesting that and it never works.
I don't think you'll know for certain unless you have a good talk with him.
It may be that he's been doing some thinking, he doesn't want to see you unhealthy and so is trying to motivate you to lose weight, albeit insensitively.
It may be that he is doing something he shouldn't behind your back and its manifesting through not finding you as attractive. I'd definitely think "he's having an affair" if my boyfriend didn't seem to find me attractive anymore, or "he's comparing me to someone else". But then I am paranoid, I admit that.
or..
anything. Talk to him!
Last edited by CousinRockingChair; 01-02-2009 at 07:40 AM.
It sounds to me like he picked up on the fact that you're trying to lose weight and he's trying to be supportive. Instead of being so embarrassed about it, when he offers to go walking or hiking, go with him. If he offers to eat salads with you (although we both know you don't have to eat salads to lose weight) take advantage of the fact that he's (maybe) not going to be eating snickers bars while you're trying to lose weight. Of course, I'm filtering it through being married for 20+ years, and I'm sure it's different for a newish boyfriend.
Sometimes thinking like a man is a good thing (but don't tell any of them that).
Any one remember that commercial (I think it was a light beer commercial, but I'm not sure) that shows guys saying typical "girl" dieting things like "do these jeans make me look fat"....?
I mean guys (especially the guys that love girls of average and more than average size) see weight as only part of the package, where sometimes we see it as the ENTIRE package.
We don't want the "truth" when we ask "do you think I'm as attractive now that I've gained weight," or "does this dress make me look fat?". What we're often "really" saying is "I need some assurance that you still find me attractive."
Now to say that to most guys, they'd just say "well, if you meant that, then why didn't you SAY that?"
Girlspeak is a lot different than Guyspeak - and generally it's easier for girls to learn guyspeak than for guys to learn girlspeak - probably because guyspeak is more straight-forward, there are fewer double meanings and multiple levels of interpretation (although personally, I just like to think it's because we're smarter).
Ah, you sound like me... I've got the super skinny boyfriend too. We've been together for over 2 years now and I've always wanted to lose weight but since I started talking to him more about it, he says things ALL THE TIME. If it weren't for the 1.5 years before where he didn't say anything about my weight, I'd think he was a jerk! The things he says are like, when are you going to exercise? How many calories have you eaten? You should go workout right now. I'm not going to lie, it has me questioning if I'm still attractive to him, has me kind of offended by the audacity of what he says.
But then I think about it and he is totally the kind of person that's like THINK -> DO. I'm a THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK person... the "do" part is hard for me. If we could switch places, he probably would've been at goal by now. Also, I need encouragement. For 1.5 years of being with him and wanting to lose weight but never talking about it with him, I GAINED 25 lbs. Now that he is supporting me, I really am losing. Personally, I need the support... that's why I'm here at 3FC! And sometimes when he tells me to exercise and I just want to say "Ugh, SHUT UP!!", but I actually DO the exercise, I feel so much better and really lucky actually I have this person to push me when I can't push myself.
And a thought on cultural differences: Oh man, many times a week I want to be insulted by the way Koreans speak to me in English, especially when I first moved here. But I have to think about every "insulting" statement and try to imagine what they meant by it... polite speech is more laborious and difficult to master and to someone not speaking their first language, it's sometimes easier to cut corners. I mean, contrast these too statements:
"Excuse me, could you please move so I could get by, thank you!"
and
"Move!"
My friend is married to a man from South America and they had a very rocky start to their relationship because of the translation. She didn't know any Spanish and he hadn't needed to use English regularly in years. She said they'd have huge fights before they finally figured out that the way her husband was saying something was not how he meant it.
I agree with everyone who has said to talk to him. Honesty is the most important part of a relationship and if his comments are hurting your feelings, you need to let him know. Also, having the support of your boyfriend can have a good influence on your weight loss journey, so let him in on the secret. Good luck!
I agree with the statements that infer men need a frying pan over the head to 'get it' sometimes LOL My DH is 1 in a million and I love him dearly - we've been married going on 16 years now - and he doesn't like it at all when i "guess" what he means, what he loves to say is "if there's two ways to take something, and 1 way hurts your feelings, i meant it the OTHER way!!!" ha
But seriously, if this person is in your life, then you have to be able to have a chat about it. I totally understand the not really wanting to say "look i'm dieting" as we've all done it a million times and failed, but you need to say something. Tell him, i love how supportive you are, but instead of encouraging me to climb a mountain on day one, how about just a walk? maybe a longer walk tomorrow night, and further still next week? I need to know you're ok with my baby steps and you've got my back!"
boys are kinda dumb, eh? hehehe but we love them!!!
Honestly...I think he is maybe trying to hint. This doesn't mean that he doesn't find you beautiful, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He can maybe sense that you're unhappy about your weight and that you want to lose weight and get healthy, and his cries of 'no fast food' and wanting to go hiking is his way of silently saying that he supports you and that he wants to help. I honestly think he has the best intentions.
The carrot thing...guys sometimes say things without really thinking about what they're saying. I think at worst this was a stupid thing he said without considering the way it may hurt your feelings, and at best it's a misunderstanding due to a slight oversensitivity about your weight.
I know that when I was with my fiance I used to take things he said the wrong way because I was sensitive about the way I looked, but if he's with you, I'm guessing he likes you a lot, and so I wouldn't worry too much.
Best of luck with the weight loss and use his support!
Thanks again everyone!
I've read every post here, some even twice, and I feel better.
I'm not so worried about his comments, I know he's not trying to be mean, or hurt my feelings. I still haven't talked to him though, I'm having a hard time bringing it up in conversation. He's been acting weird (like being really quite & stuff) for the last few days. I'm not sure why. I've asked him several times, "whats wrong", "something wrong", "why so quite", etc.. But I never get an answer. He says either "nothing" or "I don't know, I'm tired"...
We've gone through this before, and he's come out of it eventually. But I still can't help but think the worse.
I'm hopeing that by me eating healier around him, and stuff, he'll just know I'm on a diet, and I won't have to be the one to bring it up. Maybe he'll just say "are you on a diet?" when he see's my workout tapes laying around, or me eating salads & fruits volutarally, and I can just say "yep".
I know he'll support me, he already is even though he doesn't realize it.
He's my motivation & my "rock".
Any one remember that commercial (I think it was a light beer commercial, but I'm not sure) that shows guys saying typical "girl" dieting things like "do these jeans make me look fat"....?
I remember it! It was for Special K cereal and it is one of my all-time faves.
Thanks Jennelle, This has been bugging me since I posted, because that was my first thought (Special K) and I talked myself out of it, convinced it had to be for light beer or something manly.
I see how you might have misinterpreted it tho. As for your fitness level. dont worry.... just keep moving forward and you will see your fitness level rise with time. I started at 305lbs and just walked for 20 min, then 30 min... and so on. I am now able to do spin classes, and a pretty fast paced 45 minutes on the eliptical. It just takes time. You can do it!! I would just talk to your bf about your feelings. Let him know you are trying to be healthier and lose weight. I bet he will be supportive. 
