I'm trying to learn a new communication technique, so I'll pass it along in case it helps. You acknowledge what they say but don't judge it or comment on it.
So, if someone said, "You're not supposed to eat fast food!" You could say, "I hear you saying that you think I'm not supposed to eat fast food." Or "It's your opinion that I shouldn't eat this." If they say yes, you might say, "Oh." And that's all you say. You don't add something they didn't actually say, like "So, you think I'm a fat slob, do you?" If they press, saying something like, "Why are you eating it?" You could say something like, "I understand that you wonder why I'm eating this." The theory is that, eventually, people will get tired of this and not bother you as much because they can't get you worked up. I haven't had much experience with it yet.
yes. Everyone and their dog makes it their mission to monitor my food. It irritates me to NO END to hear things like "I'd offer you this but it's WAY too many calories for you" (tiny slice of pizza when there was NO other food being offered.)
My standard response is that I didn't lose 57 lbs by not keeping my eating in control. That this is my journey and NOT theirs and to leave it up to me.
I've been really fortunate with food police but my standard response to anything like that goes something like this:
<person> Why are you eating that?
<me> umm I'm hungry. <slight sarcasm>
<person> you know it's not very good for you.
<me> yeah? (said like "yeah..so what?" and accompanied by a very skeptical "are you kidding me asking about that?" look)
<person> uh well...it's not very healthy.
<me> yeah? (same as above)
<person> uhhh never mind...
I use very direct body language/inflection that basically says "You want a fight?" It works pretty well.
Ouch, after reading this thread I will have to monitor my facial expressions a little better. I have a couple of coworkers who talk CONSTANTLY about losing weight and then eat VERY unhealthy lunches or breakfasts in the breakroom (and yes, they know better strategies). I would NEVER say a word but I do have internal opinions which probably do show on my face.
I have never had much trouble with the food police as an adult because I have always been very careful not to eat junk in front of other people-even when I am gaining. Yep, the junk was mostly eaten in secret--not a good thing either. Legacy of fat childhood.
I didn't mean to belittle your feelings. It most certainly IS bothersome when someone mentions what you are and are NOT eating. It really is no ones business. I do brush it off though. It's just not worth it to let it get to me all that much. It's such a frequent occurence with me, that if I let it get to me and I held onto it, I'd have practically zero friends. Now that I think of it, there really is literally no one that has not mentioned my eating. Not a one.
I didn't think you were belittling my feelings Robin. I think I needed to hear a balanced view of the situation, part of my issue is real and a lot of it is in my head. It's nice to talk about this with others who've dealt with it. I hate to bring this up to my hubby, he doesn't have these kind of issues and I hate to load him down with my insecurities. I don't want him to think I'm too nuts
My friend who comments about the cupcakes has been a dear friend of mine for years. I've never said anything about the comment to her. I know she just really doesn't understand the whole issue of weight, I've tried to talk to her about it in the past and her eyes just glaze over. I wish she was more understanding, but in other ways she is a wonderful friend.
Anyway, I'm just surprised at the level of discomfort I feel in social situations when food is involved. I know I need to get over it, but it seems to be taking a long time.
There is not one person who I can discuss this with in my "real" (non-3FC) life. Not a one. Nobody can understand the transformation that I went through and what it took to make it happen. I LOVE having 3FC for that.
As far as feeling discomfort in social situations. I know you most likely are feeling more confident in your clothing and in your "look". So maybe that's gotten better. And hopefully, your discomfort with the "food police" will ease. It does take time. Not only will you get used to it, but so will everyone else get used to YOU. Hang tough as you try to work through one of the only down parts of weight loss.
Often other people just don't get it...really don't get it.
My in-laws are WONDERFUL people, but for Christmas they got me a 5 lb. box of English toffee, because they "know I love toffee, and they are afraid I'm going to blow away if I don't start eating some real food." I do love toffee, so much so that after eating a couple of pieces, I threw the rest away, but toffee is not "real food!" Who gives a person that just worked her butt off for six months losing almost 50 lbs. a box of toffee as big as her cat?
Then there is my mom, who is also absolutely great and has been really supportive of my weight loss (We walk together a few days a week as she needs to lose around twenty pounds...), but since I started losing, she monitors my food. We were at Starbucks, and my son was eating a chocolate covered graham. I took a bite of the corner before handing it to him, my mom said, "That is how I put on the weight. Taking a bite of this or that you guys were eating...the bites add up." She said this while munching down on an oatmeal cookie, and then she put a chocolate Santa and a bunch of Lindt balls in my stocking this year -- which I sent to work with my husband.
Our society is so WEIRD about food...people show their love with it, hide it, are embarassed to eat it, gorge on it...it is so odd.
