feeling awkward eating with friends
 

I'm having a hard time adjusting to eating with friends. I feel like they watch every bite I take. I'm sure I'm just super sensitive and self conscious about it. I did feel this way when I was at my high weight as well. Then I felt like they were judging me about every choice I made. I have a skinny friend who made comments about my eating too many cupcakes. edit to add: she never saw me eat cupcakes, she just assumed that I ate too many.
Now I feel like they think I'm starving myself. When we go out with heavy friends I feel like they are uncomfortable when I order something lite. I think it will get better as people adjust to my smaller size, but it's uncomfortable right now.
Anybody else experience this?

Yeah, I had this problem back in 2003 or so when I dropped from 278 to 235ish. People just were strange about my eating. Commenting "oh you're not having dessert, that's how you lost weight" etc. But when I was fat or regaining I always got eye rolls when I would eat fast food or fried stuff.

On the other hand, some of it is in our heads. WE are self conscious about our size and our eating so we assume everyone else is staring at us when they aren't. That's part of it too.

It's just part of the ride. Gotta become more self confident about what we eat and not feel like we have to make excuses or justify our eating to ANYONE.

Yeah, I think a lot of us experience this with friends and/or family, and it's pretty normal. If it close friends or family I think you should be honest with how their comments make you feel.

I agree that a lot of it is in my head. The other night we had dinner at a friends house and I took the stuffed mushrooms and when no one was looking I put the stuffed part on my hubby's plate. Then when they gave me pie I took one bite and gave the rest to my husband. Then I felt bad about pushing it off on my poor husband. I just hate to draw attention by refusing the food. Maybe I should just smash it around and not eat it. Yikes, I'm worrying too much I know. I just really didn't want that pie. It didn't even taste good, why waste calories on something that's not great?

Yes, I constanly have people "policing" what I am eating. Constantly. And they make comments and they're often inappropriate and I would never in a million years comment on what they're eating. Not sure why they think it's okay to comment on what I am. I've had people actually say to me when serving certain foods, that "Oh, you're not allowed to eat this, right?" Or you can'teat this" or "This isn't on your diet". Makes me crazy. Crazy. It is the one thing I hate about this. I learned pretty quickly to not let it get to me.

It's really hard when you are eating and everyone seems to be watching you like a hawk to see what you are actually eating. During Christmas was about the worst but I had family that I haven't seen since last year there telling me I was going to blow away in the wind if I kept at it (205 being blown away by the wind? lmao)..so have a piece of my pecan pie type stuff being said. lol

I have never felt so weirded out

Just try not to let it get to you...they may or may not be watching you and if they do? Try to ignore them as best as you can.

Thanks for your reply Robin. You are right, I need to not let it bother me. I need a thicker skin when it comes to food and weight issues.
My skinny friend said in front of a whole group of friends "you quit eating the cupcakes didn't you?" Most of the time she's really sweet, but she just doesn't get the weight issues.

Tanee, that's exactly the kind of stuff that happens to me. I know what I can and can't eat and they just need to leave me alone about it. I'll be glad when I get to goal and stay there long enough so people will hopefully quit thinking about it so much.

I was eating a mr noodles in a cup thing at school, because I didn't have time that morning to pack my lunch. My friend looks at me and loudly blurts out, "WHY ARE YOU EATING THAT, THAT'S NOT HEALTY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE EATING HEALTHY FOOD!"
I shot her the evilest eye I think I ever could have came up with... This isn't even one of the friends I told I was dieting, just somebody in my class who told me one day that I always had healthy food at school, so i explained that I had been eating healthy for a while.

Sheesh! Why can't people mind their own business????

I have had the same issues lately with eating out or even just eating lunch with others. It kills me that people think they have an open forum to say things about my eating. In fact I just posted pictures on my facebook from the Japan trip and people were commenting on how many sushi plates were stacked up. One of my friends said something about I was always double plates when he went out with me. Now.....we ate together once.....he eats like a bird and....the plates were not double....some people have no idea how they sound when things come out of thier mouth. They don't mean harm they just don't think before they speak. I have resloved it to not meaness in most cases but just a lack of tack.

A woman who I used to be friendly with just had a gastric bypass. She and I fell out over something that did not have to do with the weight loss but since it is my business I never shared it. As a result I have had 3 people ask me if I am jealous of her!!! My God ....how dumb are people??? I am happy for her and although I have no current plans to go that route....it may be a choice down the road for me......but people are just ignorant......Jeez!

I've experienced that to an extent - or so I perceived.

For instance, one night my family and I went out with another family to a Mexican restaurant. They ordered the usual fare of fajitas, chimichangas - ect. ect. I opted for a tomato based soup with huge shrimp and cilantro. They stared - I assumed it was because they thought I was a weirdo (I'm negative like that).

It turned out later when talking with them after dinner that it wasn't something on the menu that they had ever considered but looked yum as heck! They were eyeballing my food because they wanted it.

It may be as simple as that - you've ordered something your dinner companions are unfamiliar with or hadn't considered an option.

I love when someone asks if I'm ready to go back to normal now that I'm of a 'normal' weight. Normal? Bags of candy and mounds of chicken wings? A migraine, aches and sluggishness? Yeah, right ;)

Yes. Yes. I love that one too! Go back to normal? No thank you. If fast food and candy bars are the norm, I have no problem being labeled abnormal. None at all.

I didn't mean to belittle your feelings. It most certainly IS bothersome when someone mentions what you are and are NOT eating. It really is no ones business. I do brush it off though. It's just not worth it to let it get to me all that much. It's such a frequent occurence with me, that if I let it get to me and I held onto it, I'd have practically zero friends. Now that I think of it, there really is literally no one that has not mentioned my eating. Not a one.

I totally agree that you need to just let it bounce off you - knowing that your family/friends love you (which is the ONLY reason they would be so crass as to actually comment!). It is not easy to do, though. I finally just ended up saying something along the lines of "All things in moderation." Which is really true - 'cause don't ya know it, as soon as I feel as though I cannot have something I want it really, really bad! :o

Don't feel bad about accepting food and not eating. It's an easy and non-confrontation way out. Our office manager's best friend is the worst pastry chef yet she makes cakes for all of our birthdays. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I simply take my allocated piece and take it back to my desk and dump it in the trash. I don't want to waste the calories on something I don't actually want to eat.