You've been given such great advice. If it were me I would give it away or throw it in the trash. If I know it's my downfall there's no sense even putting it near my lips.
Losing weight is tough enough without worrying about what a weight loss partner thinks. My sister and I started our weight loss journey together, but it has taken us in different directions too. It has caused some bad feelings between us because I don't think she's totally ready to make the commitment right now and I am. She has told me that she feels like I'm judging her, and maybe I am....I just want us both to be healthy because I love her.
About the whole pie thing....I would be a gracious as possible and tell her how good it felt to stay on plan by only having one slice of pie. Then tell her how everyone else raved about it and wants the recipe or something. This way you come out smelling like a rose, and if her intentions were not what they should have been, she'll come out of it smelling like a skunk cabbage!
You sound like you have a good plan that will work for you for the rest of your life. Quickie/restricting diets don't work as we all know. Maybe she will learn from your good example. Who knows?
I don't like the sound of this pie business at all. If you're both on a diet, she shouldn't be making pie and you shouldn't be eating it, right? I think I would have said why did you give me this, you know I'm dieting (in a nice tone of voice of course). It does sound like she's tired of the whole thing and wants her eating buddy back. Be strong! I would stop talking diets with her and just go about your business.
I think I'd be a lot more direct than some of the other posters are suggesting. To begin with, the pie never would have left her hands and gotten into mine. Period. There is no rule anywhere that says that you have to accept things that are bad for you or that you do not want.
Then I simply would have said, "Why would you make me a pie when you know I'm watching my food intake?" I wouldn't have sat there and tried to figure out her intentions; I'd have asked her.
Whether she's really a friend or not is your call but she clearly is not an accountability partner so don't treat her like one.
portion it and freeze it, next time she offers one tell her its so good that as a reward for staying on plan all week you will be having one small slice every week. good luck
good idea about the portions and freezing. It's hard to have everyone in your corner. But you have all of us here. Just concentrate on your own losses.
This is why I use 3FC and my WW meetings for accountability. Friends, and family members often have a tendancy to want to change, but might not be in the same place as you are. In fact, very similar things have happened with my roommate who is NOT following the same path I'm on. She wanted a partner, I said I'd gladly listen and help if she wanted it, but I'm accountable to myself.
You've made these permanent changes and you need someone or some people in a similar situation. Most unfortunately, it sounds as though your friend is on a "diet". (Ack! The D-bomb!)
I agree with Robin41 about this mostly. I'd have laughingly asked, "You made me a pie?! That's really sweet of you! But why'd you make me a pie?! You know I can't possibly have pie in my house or I'd eat it all!" You could even bring it up now & ask in a similar way! "Thanks for the pie. I shared it with all these people and they thought it was fantastic! But, why DID you make me a pie? You know it's my weakness!"
Time to count this flighty friend out as a "partner". Find someone new you can trust if you need that in-person commitment.
I agree with some of the other posters that she doesn't sound like much of an accountability buddy if she's making you pie. I probably would also ask her why she did it. "Great pie, but it's kind of weird that you would give me that when we're both trying to lose weight." And then you can explain how you had a slice and shared the rest of it with others. Maybe she'll realize at some point that you CAN have pie (a little bit) and still lose weight, and maybe she'll become more successful at weight loss so she won't be jealous of how you're doing (if that's the case -- obviously I don't know what she's thinking).
I'm telling you -- going on a crazy restrictive diet is not only unsustainable but can also make you do kooky things!! Oh yeah, and it's just not necessary for weight loss!
I have been very unwilling to play along with other people's manipulations and issues when it comes to my weight loss. I have rebuffed and confronted each person who has been unsupportive or done icky things like this. I'm so not playing their game.
I wouldn't worry about the motivation -- you will never know unless you ask. I would forget it and move on. You handled it well, even having a slice if it was within your calorie total for the day - good for you. I would, like others have suggested, not comparing weight loss numbers in the future - if you would like to continue having her as a partner, why not keep it general in the future like, "how was your day?", how ya doing with your eating?, how is your exercise coming? etc.
Keep on coming here, there is loads of great support on these forums, whether you are having a good day or a bad one!
Keep up the good work, you have done a great job since Autumn!!
Maybe I'm thinking outside the tin here? Perhaps she found a fabulous recipe in a Prevention-type magazine, and despite that it sounds "unhealthy" maybe it isn't? Maybe substitutions for ingredients were used? I would definitely inquire to what went in the pie, and make a judgment based on that. Even though she has gained weight, it doesn't mean she's out to sabatoge everyone. The ladies I work with are always making substitutions, for the better, in the stuff they make, and bring to work.
Why go through all the trouble of preparing a pie from scratch, just to ruin a friend's diet? Why not buy a pre-made Marie Callendar's instead?
What your friend did is very complex. It could be that in one part of her mind, she wanted to give you something she knew you would like. Or, it could be that that's what she told herself, while she was planning to sabotage your efforts.
If you were trying to get sober, and your "sobriety buddy" brought you a fifth of your favorite booze, what would you think? Is this really any different?
Yep, I'd tell her you've decided not to have an accountability buddy any more but just to concentrate on what you're doing by yourself. She can take it any way she likes. C'est la vie.
Oh yeah, and it's just not necessary for weight loss!
