Last night my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. It kind came out of the blue and I am really upset about it. I love him with all my heart and I can't imagine life here without him. I guess I will have to deal with it. He said he did not think our cultural differences would work. I am American and he is Korean. He said that his family was very worried and that he either had to break up with me or marry me.....not keep it going on like this. he decided the break up because in this culture he has to take care of his parents and he felt that with the language barrier and the other issues it would not work. I sobbed and he sobbed. He loves me but he does not know what to do.
I told him this was the biggest mistake of his life. He told me that after his sister dying this was the hardest thing he has ever had to go through. I am really broken...I thought we would eventually get married. I couldn't eat or sleep last night because of it. I think about it and cry all over again.
He wants to help me get over this. He wants to help me by coming over and calling and checking on me. Making the transition easier he says....to me it makes it worse and it only shows how much he does not want this. He keep me involved for 4 years and it got me to this point.
I asked him why can't we continue like we were? I have so much fun and enjoy it? Why does there have to be marriage? We could be fine just as we are. Crazy!
The upside of all this....I finished TOM and did not eat last night....got on the scale this morning and I am 254....that is 8 pounds for a week and half of changing my eating....not sure how much will stay off but at least that made me feel better.
I'm so sorry to hear about the breakup. My wishes are with you. If he is acting the way he is, I don't believe he likes it any more than you did. You never know what can happen.
I'm sorry. I am sure this is very hard on you. Things happen for a reason, and sometimes we dont want to hear that, but hang in there and dont let this drive you to food. You can get through this. Wish there was something I could say to make it better...Hugs....
I am sorry to hear about your break-up too but knowing what I do about Korean family relationships and cultural REQUIREMENTS your potential husband would have to always care for his family (something we Americans embrace and can appreciate but can never really fully understand and accept), I say you're better to find out today than down the road after you're married with children and his parents are old and need him 24/7 and you and your children move into second, third or even fourth place.
Remember, nothing ever happens without a reason. If it was meant for you to be together, then it'll be and nothing, not even his cultural obligations can stop it!
Congratulations on your healthy eating and progress with your weight loss. Hang in there - so many of us care!
Hi, I am so sorry...
I am from the good old USA and hubby is from Central America, and the difference is hard, but I really think if he valued your relationship , he would stick with it, and make it work. I know you don't want to hear this, but it is better that you do it without him coming over or talking to him, because it won't help you any, if he won't stay in the relationhip, then the best thing for you is to cut him off completly for a while until you are emotionally ready to deal with him again.
Congrats on sticking to plan, and 8 lbs is wonderful!!!
cheryl
Sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately I don't think that we as westerners really grasp the obligations that many Asian cultures place on children and family. The expectations are just so much different.
Personally, though, I don't see how hanging around if he has no intentions of continuing the relationship is anything other than pouring salt in the wounds.
It sounds like a good time to stay on plan and focus on taking care of yourself.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it hurts a lot and obviously it is not what you want. It might actually hurt more to keep seeing him if he has made up his mind about this. I know you think he may change his mind but it may never happen. I do wish you the best and I know it will be tough to go through the healing process but you can do it.
Im so sorry for you. I know what heartache breaking up with someone can cause. But look at it this way. I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years. i was madly in love with him and i thought that we were going to get married. He cheated on me and broke my heart. 6 months later I met my husband. Things SO happen for a reason. I know right now that is the last thing that you want to hear. It was the last thing that I wanted to hear from my family and friends. But now I look back and think... OMG I wasted so many tears on him....
But on the up side. He may just be really confussed and maybe he will come to his senses.. If he loves you as much as you say.
If you let it go and it comes back it was meant to be.....
Yesterday I talked to him on the phone and told him that he could not come over or call for awhile. I needed time to sort things in my head and get over this hurt. I told him this whole thing was killing me and that I hoped he could change his mind. He said he would not but don't worry I am not sitting here waiting for the day when does change his mind.
He did not quite understand that he could not call me even after we break up .....I told him I just need time for now and talking and seeing him does not give me time. I have his stuff and he needs my bank account but I am going to see if another Korean friend can help with the problem of turning my cell phone over.
Any this stinks and I miss him a lot but waking up this morning was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be even better.....there is no where to go but up.
OT - Lousy Week
