My husband and friends would never, ever treat me like that. Ever. I would not tolerate it, and they wouldn't even think to do it.
I would make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that if he speaks to you or about your body that way again, you're gone. And mean it. I would give him the benefit of the doubt, of ignorance or not knowing how hurtful that was. But if he ever did it again I wouldn't stand for it.
Congrats on losing over 40 pounds, that's fabulous!!
I don't know how I would deal with your situation... My husband is very encouraging and supportive of my weight loss. I have a tough time with it, so if I didn't have that kind of support, I might not succeed. But he tells me how beautiful I am and how he can see how far I've come. He even said that I was his inspiration, which really meant a lot. That support goes both ways, he lost 3 pounds last week and I made sure to let him know how proud of him I am. It's a team effort.
I hope your boyfriend understands that he hurt you and that those comments won't motivate you so that in the future he uses a different approach. Best wishes!!
Rude is rude. Why not call him on it? And if he still keeps being rude to you, why are you with him then? Because if you don't respect yourself enough to NOT put up with BS like that, why should he respect you enough to not do it?
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Instead, he laughs at me. I respond with 'I already lost over 42lbs'. He counter responds with 'where?' with an eye rolling and scoffing tone.
That upset me more than you can imagine.
His excuse is that him saying this will motivate me more.
Your answer?
"That was rude and uncalled for when I'm just trying to share my excitement about something I've been working hard on with my BF. You behaving like that isn't going to motivate me to keep at it. It's going to motivate me to dump you. Shape up and treat your GF politely! Since when does GF = ok to be rude to me?"
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But when he has a bad week (like this week) it seems that I get the brunt of the irritation.
So? Bad days happen to all of us. Even if you have had a bad day, you don't burn your partner. Partner does not equal door mat, and healthy adult relationships can manage to have a bad day, be mad about it, and STILL manage not to zing your partner because of it!
I'm glad you're feeling better, but I also hope that the tone of the posts here give some indication as to how not-normal it is for a significant other to be so unsupportive, even cruel. I've never been spoken to that way by someone who loved me. In fact, the last time I had anything so nasty directed at me was from someone who loathed me, and that was back in junior high.
When most people have a bad week and take it out on someone nearby, it's with little nitpicky things--"you could help with the laundry, y'know!" or "why do we always have to watch your show and record mine instead of vice-versa?"--not with big huge body-blows to others' accomplishments or self-esteem. If that kind of contemptuous conversation is typical of "oh, he's just in a bad mood" behavior from him, that isn't really typical for most people.
You know him far better than we do, obviously. But sometimes it's easy to develop a blind spot for something or someone we're near and it removes our ability to see other perspectives. Becoming habituated to rotten behavior doesn't make the behavior less rotten, it just makes it less noticeable.
This is not a subject I'd just let slide; you deserve a major apology for such callous treatment.
Men are so insecure , he is probably worried that you will lose weight and look good to someone else. Having said that, I will say this person is rude and cruel, I can't imagine talking to someone that I care about in such a heartless manner. Do you want to spend your life with a person who would speak to you in such a demeaning way ?
Honestly I think most men still don't have a CLUE how to respond to us. I've been married for over 30 years and he is still DUMB struck alot of the time.
So my response to you is USE this to your benefit. Whenever you feel like getting off of that treadmill or eating that donut, glare at it like you will NOT in defiance to him and GET that smokin figure.
Now on my own struggle, I weight 128 pounds and NEED to be around 115 to be comfortable in my own dang skin, but hubby says he likes me just where I am. Well that isn't what I "NEED" I need a shove, a push. So I guess maybe a roll of the eye might help
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Originally Posted by schubunny
Has anyone had to deal with hurtful words from someone close to them? A friend or a BF or a DH?
Last night I mentioned to my BF that I intended to have a bangin' body by the summer. I don't have much left to lose, and it is my main focus right now.
Instead, he laughs at me. I respond with 'I already lost over 42lbs'. He counter responds with 'where?' with an eye rolling and scoffing tone.
That upset me more than you can imagine.
His excuse is that him saying this will motivate me more.
Excuse me?
I could see if I have lost nothing and have not been working as hard as I have for the past year. But I have been BUSTING my butt. I have done a total lifestyle change for my health and (admitedly) my vanity.
I looked like this before we met. It was not that I gained all this weight in the 5 years we have been together.
I don't really know what to do or say. I told him it upset me and he brushed it off. If I try to talk to him about this or anything important, he will usually get angry and that will be the end of it.
I am trying to brush this off myself and ignore it. What do I do?
This makes me sad. You say you didn't get into this for him to be your cheerleader, but he SHOULD be. I can't imagine how upset I would feel if my husband said something like that to me. But, I also can't imagine not feeling that my husband shouldn't be my cheerleader, because he's my biggest cheerleader.
That's just ridiculous. You have much more restraint than I do, I probably would've punched him out or something, that is just so disrespectful and mean.
And he's obviously insecure. You've lost 42 pounds, that's HUGE and I bet it shows and he's starting to feel inadequate. It happens all the fraking time.
Reconsidering your relationship over a comment from your BF is a bit extreme, but when it's hurtful things like that... you have to think of how often that happens too.
But I'd be raging if I were in your shoes.
I am patient with people's (ugh, especially men) genuine 'foot in the mouth' moments, but this was not one. This comment was meant to be hurtfull and you should have zero patience for that.
My partner has said some insensitive things to me before but they they don't come from the scornful, bitter place that your boyfriend's comment appears to come from. Unless you've made it clear that little jabs are motivational to you (which it doesn't sound like they are), I think you need to speak to him. Clearly, he doesn't have to be the rah-rah cheerleader type if that isn't his personality, but undermining such a huge accomplishment like a 40lb weight loss is just a little cruel
Unbelievable! What's he trying to prove? The first rule of dating for men is "never ever admit to a woman that yes those pants make her azz look big" - who dropped him on his head?
I don't want to make any big judgments since I don't know either of you, but even if things patch up and move on, will you be fine knowing that he said that? It sounds like it really deeply hurt you and will be hard to forgive or forget.
First, congrats on your success so far - you must feel fabulous!
Boyfriend strikes me as either insensitive or immature. He'll need A LOT of education and re-training. If you can honestly say this is his only flaw, you may be willing to take him on as a project, but frankly, I'd let someone else do it and find another who is already a real man.
Hunny you are doing an amazing job!! Think about how many people stuggle to accomplish what you have and give up! You have stuck it out and kept losing. If the man in your life doesn't appreciate what you are doing for yourself and how much more confident you a re becoming, he may not be worthy of your love. 5 years for 5 months, rude is rude.
He must be intimidated that you're gonna look so hot, some other guy will steal you away, when he should be thinking DAMN! I gots me a HOTTIE!!!
I also just wanted to chime in and say, if you don't work out his non communication problem, it is going to be like this forever. You feeling hurt over things he says/doesn't say. I am not saying dump him because my DH would have a heck of time understanding that things need to be TALKED about. But over the years he's been WILLING to try to figure out how to talk about hard stuff. Stuff that makes him angry etc.
The other thing that is a red flag for me would be the fact that he didn't seem to care that he hurt your feelings...is that love? In the heat of the moment we all can say things we don't mean. BUT if you love someone you realize that it hurt them and you come back and apologize and try to make it right.
I hope that you can work things out with him if that is what you want. I know alot of us can have insecurity issues, especially when it comes to relationships like this.
You need to be with a guy who supports you not who puts you down, even though he was trying to help he should see that thats not the way to do it. I think a hurtful thing is when my ex called me biggie smalls. But were broken up when he said that.
Best wishes!!
