[Gennel]

My dad passed away many ,many years ago so I cant say what he would think of his daughter being overweight or for that matter all his kids being fat! I do have a mother , who can say the wrong things even though she means well. I had to stand up to her with my feet firmly on the ground and tell her how I felt. She was sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. Then would mention to me " I hope you dont get any bigger than this" or I cant believe your this big now" The last straw was something that happened while I was driving her to the store. I think I told this story on one of my threads before.... I was driving her to the store . The traffic was crazy and I was waiting to make a left turn with dozens of cars zooming by. Well this young good looking guy makes a hand signal letting me know it's ok for me to make my left turn. I waived and said thank you and he smiled. Well guess what my mother's comment was in spanish... I'll translate!
"oh wow he saw you looking pretty all made up and let you pass! But he has no idea of what's behind the steering wheel!" in other words , the guy saw my pretty face but had no idea that I was a fat chick cause he couldnt see me. " I felt my hands and face go totally numb. I kept trying to open my mouth and tell her how that really hurt! But I couldnt . And the worst part is she didnt think it was anything bad. The whole time I was shopping I was numb and upset. Well now I'm close to goal and guys are really noticing me and she's seen them. She now says" wow , you better watch out now that you are thin! Now she tells all her friends " you should see my daughter, she was fat and she's lost so much weight now she needs to quit or she'll be too thin" She'll never change. Grizzly these things can and will hurt no doubt about it. But you know what? Your dad wants to pay for the Gym? let him! Maybe its a way for him tos how you that he is proud of you . But I can understand that you havent changed .Your body has changed only. There are a lot of things that will make you angry as you get thinner and realize how different people will treat you because of your weight. You WILL slowly learn to deal with these situations easier. One of the first things I went through was to sort of hate men in general cause Iwas invisible when I was overweight! Now I'm visible, now Iget asked if I need any help in stores. Now I get the winks, the smiles
and the head moving up and down looks.All that is so superficial to me. The only man I can gaze dreamingly into his eyes is my husband. The one who always grabbed my hand while we shopped, the one who always told me how sexy I was, the one
who never was ashamed to present me to anyone.
Trust me , one day you will be able to live in your own skin. The problem with your dad . It isnt your problem or anything you did. This is actually his problem ,he's the one who doesnt know how to deal with these issues. Parents arent perfect,speaking from personal experience. I know there are a few things I wish I wouldnt have said or done about my kids. IF you havent already , maybe one day you can seriously sit with him and have that big talk with him. Think of every time he's said or did anything to make you feel ashamed of your weight. No need to scream at him, that never gets anywhere. But sometimes you might be totally shocked to know that he might not think he did anything wrong. Until you finally bring it up and let him know. That you have never changed being his daughter, just your weight has changed. Sometimes talking to a parent might not be the best thing but sometimes its better to get it off your chest if you feel that one day you will just blow up. I hope I didnt offend you you in anyway but Iread your post and I got all these feelings stirring inside me again that I just had to say something.
Take it easy
Gen
194/147/130

[grizzlyschick]

I think you're right it's his problem. I'm going to go ahead and join. I think I might as well join at this weight instead of waiting until I'm at a smaller weight, because now is when I need to lose it. Thanks for your response, and like you said a lot of people can't afford it. With his membership and then me being the 2nd member of the family it will only be $20 a month and 2 free sessions with a personal trainer. That's to good to pass up. A trainer could tell me how to get the weight off my middle where I seem to hold it the most. Again thanks for the response. I see it in a different light now. Why not take advantage of the opportunity if it's set in front of me.

[grizzlyschick]

Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you know exactly where I'm coming from. I have heard every comment you mentioned my whole life. I know he's trying to reach out to me- but last night he said he was so glad I had lost the weight and hoped I'd keep going. Maybe this will be a way for us to get past a lot of stuff. i know I should say something to him for his comments, but after my brothers death this year I just can't bring myself to hurt his feelings. I'm just going to go ahead and join and let the past go. I have to move on and not let myself get held back. Thanks again for your response it means a lot to know I'm not the only one who has dealt with this kind of situation. Di

[Kina]

I feel your pain, Di, not personally. But I can only imagine how it could hurt if my dad had pushed me away because I was no longer 125 and drop dead gorgeous. I guess it is stories of others that help me to appreciate my "dad" who didn't have to take the position of being my "dad" loved me at 3 years, 16 years 125lbs, and 28 years 225lbs. He would love for me to get down in my weight but only becuase he understands the health risks I challenge being the weight that I am. I guess sometimes people just don't know how to express their concerns without thinking of the other persons feelings.

About the gym pass...would you have to go when he goes? Or can you just use the pass on your own time? If you two have issues that aren't resolved and have to spend time together in order for you to use this pass...it could either way benefit your relationship or make it more painful. It can open a lot of feelings good or bad. Sometimes that is good to get it out in the open.

If you don't have to go along with your father to use the pass accept it and thank him graciously. Be the better person. Your heart can change the world and possibly the relationship you have with your father.

I know it would be corny to say "I love you" at this point because I don't know you but I think sometimes people need to hear that they are loved even if it is froma stranger from a distant planet.

Best of Luck to you.
Kinarina

[Gennel]

Ok , I thought I would NEVER see the day that I would freak out if I wasnt getting any exercise! But the day is here and now!
My last day for the free gym pass ended thursday! Wahhhhh!!! Still waiting on those membership transfer papers. I'm going nuts so my husband told me call the Gym and see what rates they have. Well it is a contract , which is the ONLY thing I HATE. But on the good side there is free childcare services. I can see my kids while I work out and also have a look on their monitor TV's and see them there. $34 a month. The other Gym (Lafitness) is $31 a month, no contracts but I have to pay $20 for my oldest daughter and $10 for my little one. So that totals $61 a month!!!!!! no thank you. I havent been able to go walking either because of all this rain we are getting here in Florida. I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls I swear!!! My tae bo is out the window since I now have DVD player and the tae bo is on video! Wahhhhhhhhh...
Please let me wine lol. So for today my workout will be to get all my laundry done, do some yardwork(not needed but burns calories lol)
And TOM is here! Lord help me lol

Gen
194/147/130

[Kina]

OMG! Gennel you must be driving you husband up the wall. Isn't so strange for you to behave this way...it's like have gym, exercise withdrawals. So funny but I bet before you started this life journey you would never had imagined you to feel this way about getting in your exercise or something to get your energy out. Well that is good to crave something healthy for a change. I know I feel the same way if I don't get my routine in for the day.

I hope everyone is doing well. bye.
kinarina

[grizzlyschick]

Hi Kina- thanks so much for your response. My dad goes in the afternoon and I would be going at 5 am before work. I really think I'm going to try to work some things out with him. I want to be more comfortable with who I am becoming first as Gen suggested yesterday, I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. As for saying I love you. Thank you. I love you guys too. Honestly all of you have helped me so much to keep going. Knowing I have to be responsible to you all at the end of the week keeps my mind and my mouth in check. The support I get here is wonderful and it means so much to me. Again thank you for caring.
Gennel- I can't wait to go through exercise withdrawal! See how dedicated you are! I'm crossing my fingers that you have a loss this week.
I hope everyone else is doing wonderful. Take care. Di

[jen519]

Hey all! I'm so excited. I got up this morning and actually went for a 1.5 mile walk. That's not the really great part though. I realized that the only clean pants I had were still in the washer soaking wet. I figured I'd pull out a pair that are a little tight, but sometimes in a pinch I wear them with really, really, loose shirt so I can pretend no one sees the roll where they're buttoned. I put them on and thought they were the wrong ones! They actually fit perfectly!

Jen
238/229/140

[grizzlyschick]

Woo Hoo! Way to go with the walk and those smaller pants. I'm so jealous!

[Gennel]

I guess my sadness drove my husband crazy and he told me to go and join the Gym to get it over with! lol Yippeeeee!!! I joined today and will start tomorrow morning! I'm NOT looking forward to my weigh in this saturday I havent exercised and I have TOM now! The gym of course was trying to talk me into having a personal trainer..NOT! Sorry but I dont need anyone telling or should I say screaming at me telling me how far I can go lol.
I am deffinately looking forward to next week's weigh though lol. I will push myself this week and will go as many days as I can!
Jen, that's great about the jeans! Dont you just love it!?

Gen
194/147/130

[Gennel]

Well my exercise withdrawls are gone! I still cant believe I actually could have missed doing any exercise!!! I did'nt have to be there at 5:30 AM ! Thank God! lol Now since I'm a member I can take my girls to the childcare center while I workout. I started at 10:20 AM on the treadmill ,walking 3.6 MPH. Just did 35 minutes. Then over to " The Monster" Elliptical machine/s for 50 minutes! OMG I forgot how brutal this thing was! My heartrate up to 173 beats per minute! Now I'm not scared of weigh in on saturday lol even though I didnt work out for 4days I still get a few days workout until saturday! I stayed mostly OP when I didnt exercise and ate low calories. The Gym is giving me a "starter pack" free...yeah right I know Ipaid for that somewhere lol. Protein bars variety pack,pack of shake cans, and some supplements. I'll see how those taste and let ya folks know.
How's everyone doing so far this week? Since TOM is almost gone, my crazy sweet cravings have gone also! I dont know what it is but I HAVE to have either salty chips or something sweet to calm me down when I get TOM! I just buy the very lowfat chips and fatfree/sugarfree sweets now.
My sister who had the gastric bypass surgery is doing well and still on liquids, now has added purreed stuff. She's lost 20 lbs in two weeks. By the time she goes back to work She will have lost 30-40 lbs! I dont envy her though! Its a quick fix but its a tremendous sacrifice to let doctors do what they did to her stomach and intestines.
Have a safe July 4th!

Gen
194/147/130

[grizzlyschick]

I just wanted to say hello and say I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. I'm looking forward to weigh in tomorrow and hope everyone has a loss good luck everybody. Di

[Gennel]

Just a little reminder that tomorrow is weigh in day .Like no one knew that lol. Send me a little message tomorrow and let me know how you did.
How was everyone's 4th of July? Well we stayed home. First time we didnt go out and buy $100-$200 worth of fireworks!
We stayed home and watched from our front yard lol. I cooked dinner by 6 pm and at that moment my husband walks in with large packs of chicken wings and pork steaks! AHHH!!!!! I quicklyseasoned them but I didnt BBQ anything! Istuck to my dinner of gr turkey chili w 1 cup of brown rice and side salad. I got on the scale today and I was pleasantly surprised! I lost 2.5 lbs!!!!!!! The only thing I can think of is that I changed my routine this week with no exercise and was eating low cal for 4 days . Then went back to Gym and ate higher cal. Anyway whatever it was it worked!

Gen
194/144.5/ 130

[Kina]

Hi everyone. Well I am reporting in my weight at this time because I won't be home all weekend. I have to say sadly I gained 1 lb. Who could blame me 2 birthday parties in one week. So a 1 lb is really remarkable considering the facts. So anyway have a wonderful weekend.

Bye. Kinarina

[grizzlyschick]

Well this week was very busy for me. I already have a physical job, but this week since the holiday was here and so many people were out I was doing both my job and a fellow co workers job. Needless to say I was very busy Any way all that extra activity and tons of water I drank must have done the trick, because I lost 5 pounds. So now I'm at 266. Hope I can make it out of the 260's by the end of July. I have a family BBQ today I have to attend, so I'm planning on trying to stay away from the food and socialize instead. Wish my luck. Kina- sorry about the 1 lb gain, maybe it will be gone by the end of the weekend. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Hope you you have a great weekend. To everyone else good luck today Di