ACK. My daddy is coming for a week long visit for the 4th of July. He ALWAYS comments about my weight. Usually something along the lines of "You sure are looking good honey" if I'm down in poundage.... but if I'm UP? Like now????..... more along the lines of "Good God honey! - don't just let yourself go like that! Maybe you shouldn't eat so much!"
The b****h of it is, I know he MEANS well, and he doesn't make me feel like my weight makes or breaks me as a person... but he's ... you know... *just a man* like that.
My family hasn't been so bad, but I have had those friends who make those wonderful comments. I have one who was always so skinny, like rib showing thin, she would gloat about it. "oh, you used to be so pretty, but now you're fat.'
But now, she's rather large. So I am going to take it as karma finally catching up with her
When I was thin I got a lot of comments...so I gained weight (no, I didn't really gain for everyone else, I'm just kidding). And then, people made comments about me being fat! Some of the things have been hurtful but for the most part its something like "why don't you go on the diet i'm doing" or "why don't you try....." when I didn't really ask for their opinon. And all the suggestions I get are to go on a 900 calorie, carb free diet. Yeah, right.
I love it too. What does that say about us? That we're terrible cynics?
Aw, I don't think so . The poem may sound a bit bitter at first, but I think there's an underlying kindness and forgiveness and gentle irony that I (want to?) detect in Larkin in general. Like they said about Vonnegut: he hands out poison-coated sugar pills...
[Sorry for the extended Off Topic - can't restrain myself if it's about poetry...]
I was a very small, skinny child. At some point in my adult life, a childhood friend's father told me that I really looked good now, and that I had looked like a war orphan when I was a child. I think that was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to me about my weight. My smallness and skinnyness was frequently a topic of conversation in my family. I felt like I was bad for being small.
Yeah I got all those all the way through highschool... the only time it REALLY bothered me was when my boyfriend at the time made a comment about how he wished I wasn't so boney ...
I was called
anorexic, skeleton, ethiopian,( sp ) ... sick , boney, stick, there is prob more
not to mention all the other times when people would tell me I coundn't do something and I wasn't strong enough cuz I was to small or to skinny... I still always did that stuff though ... so shows how much they knew
everytime I was bloated around TOM my mom would say " you arn't pregnant are you??!!" I wasn't even sexually active!!! ... I think that makes me even more mad looking back on it then when it happened LOL
owell people can be rude ... maybe not intentionally .. maybe so ... some ppl are just dumb, some jealous some think it will help ... no matter what though ... they are just empty words to me .. I don't listen to people anymore when they say hurtful things to me .. life is to short ....
sometimes it still hurts at first . but eventually it just becomes history
should ahve heard the comments I got when I really WAS pregnant .. ( I doubled my weight ) they are really lucky I was to big and slow and unbalanced to hurt them
You know what I hate even more than people pointing out that I've gained weight? The eye rolling and scoffing and sarcasm from the people bigger than me when I tell them I'm trying to lose weight. I've lost SO much respect from the people in my family or my friends who do it.
I try not to get all high and mighty about it - but I'm 60% sure it's because they're jealous, and me pointing out my flaws makes them look at their own. And I get that. But do not be a b*tch to me just because I'm trying to improve myself and you're too lazy to.
I know I'll edit this and tone it down when I'm less angry - but right now I'm still pretty livid about it! UGH!
I've had a life time of nasty comments and enough tears from them to fill an ocean. My father was down right cruel, my bother and sister were brutal as children, but as obese adults, they have been my biggest supporters. They now know what I went through my entire life. I feel bad for them really.
Way back when, my Aunt had gone to Egypt for a long visit. While she was gone, my sister gave me a perm that turned out just adorable, (I thought). We joked that I looked like Cleopatra. At a welcome home family party for my aunt and her family, my sister said to her, "Don't you think Lori looks like an Egyptian?" She just practically screams, "There are NO FAT EGYPTIANS!" I was so mortified, and embarrassed. I had adored this Aunt until then.
My husband has a friend who is also a big jerk. He says things all the time like..."Oh LORI, don't take this the wrong way, but oh man, you should have seen the big cow we saw today at the Chinese restaurant." Or "Nothing personal, LORI, but have you seen how much weight so and so has gained, she is almost as big as you...!" My husband just sits there. Never defends me, never tells him to shut his trap. Anyway, he hasn't once...and you can really tell now...said anything about me loosing weight. I thought at age 42 people would grow up...but not in hicksville Nebraska.
Oh one more good one I heard the other day before I stop b*tching. A local resturant owner in the nearest tiny town asked me the other day if I had lost some weight. I smiled politely and told her yes I had. She says, "Oh, your looking Goo...um, er well, looking better I should say." I just rolled my eyes and laughed at her out loud. Though this woman has ALWAYS found the flaws in me and my kids, I guess I should have taken it as a complement.
OKAY...rant over
Last edited by Lori Bell; 06-27-2008 at 07:35 PM.
Reason: spelling
I"m glad to see others ranting about this too. My ex-H used to make some terrible comments about how I wasn't skinny like his 1st wife, blah, blah. I hated it. He's out of my life now, but somehow the memory of the comments remain. My Dad passed away over a year ago, but plenty of my memories of him have to do with some pretty insensitive comments, too. And from a guy who looked like a bowling pin for most of his life. People just don't realize sometimes how much their comments can hurt others.
Or how much they can help. Thanks everyone here for your honesty.
Oh my goodness, it is so nice to see that you all go through this too. I mean it is horriable, but nice to know I am not alone. About 2 months ago I received a horrible email from my dad about how fat I was and that I need to lose weight. Our relationship has never been a good one, but now it is almost nonexsitant after a long argument following the email. My heart is broken.
Thank you all for help me realize I am not the only one with a mean family. That I can be happy within my self and my world with out taking on their mean words. I support you all.
...One time I was going to a restaurant with friends and my "best friend" (who was the same size as me) asked why I ordered a water. I said, "Because I wanted a water." She was like, "Ugh. You're actually trying to be all healthy?" ...Totally embaressed me!
Then, last week, I went to meet up with my older brother. I haven't seen him in like a year because he is a traveling biz man and so he is like never in town. So, he had bought a new house and I went over and walked in the door and his eyes got huge. I was like, "What, I know. I'm fat now." and he was like, "Yeah, really fat. You were kinda fat before but now you are fat." and then he started laughing... We would always joke about being fat before but he doesn't realize when I am laughing with him it is really breaking my heart inside.
...Then, when my mom came to visit me about 7 months ago around Christmas (she lives in colombia) she kept saying how she "felt so sorry for me" for being so big.. and started crying saying how hard it must be for me. ...It's like a big social unacceptance thing for her I guess.
...Then there is this lady I work with who is a size 14 now but ALWAYS talks about how she used to be a 22... and always says how she knows the way I am b/c she was that way.. It's like okay I am not a carbon copy of you, I have my own thoughts/personality and freaking habits that make me this way. She made the comment that she wants her daughter to lose weight but she kind of likes it that her daughter (Who looks just like me, we are the same age and weight) is so overweight because it "makes her look better" and she doesn't want to be the biggest one in her family. How freaked up is that?
To be honest with you, I never got teased or called fat in school. Most of the crap I got about being fat was from my family or friends once I was out of school. School was so innocent compared to this.
Anyway-- people can be cruel but I am realizing to look past all those peoples' comments and just think of them as brick walls that you have to get over to get to your ultimate goal. Their words mean nothing unless they are positive.
my uncle is always doing it....
always saying things like thunder thighs....
and that makes ur arse look fat....
and u shud have bought a size smaller and worked at getting into them....
it infuriates me to the point i walk away....
I remember when I first start trying to lose weight I was cutting portions and making healthier choices but overdoing calories because I hadn't figured that one out yet. Anyway I was doing an hour or high intensity workouts every day but I could only lose a lb or two. Anyway my brother is one of these people who lives off coffee and smokes, and his one good meal a week is some horrible fast food kind of take away. I remember him saying to my mum 'Shes obviously not trying at all, she hasn't lost anything' and that really hurt my feeling because I was working REALLY hard! Clearly my idiotic brother has never tried to lose weight, and even back then when I was heavier I was still healthier than him.
Actually, my sister saying something meant to be nasty to me was one of the proverbial straws for me about my weight.
She hadn't seen me in several years when I went back for a visit, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "You're putting on some pounds there, pretty soon you are going to be as fat as me."
Oh Ursus, that's one of my all-time favorite poems!
It's just so spot-on.
