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Old 04-01-2008, 09:04 PM   #31  
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I know I have shared these before, but these are my three favorites:

"Um I hope you don't plan on losing much weight before your wedding. Do you WANT to look like a slut?"

To my husband from his Dad: "Is Emily depressed??? She's gained a lot of weight really fast" (I wasn't depressed- just over indulging in my mom's food before going off to college)

and

"You need to eat more. Don't try to be skinny... this family is not filled with skinny people. Just accept that and eat!" - My Uncle
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Old 04-01-2008, 09:33 PM   #32  
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I started to gain weight at puberty. I guess by the time I turned 16 my Dad was tired of seeing the big me and tried to brib me with a car. When that didn't work it was increments of $200 per 10lbs. I was about 160 lbs then. When I went off to college he gave up the bribs.
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Old 04-01-2008, 09:53 PM   #33  
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Seriously... what motivates these people to say such aweful things?!
I have absolutely no idea!
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Old 04-01-2008, 10:59 PM   #34  
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everytime i would visit my great grandmother, she would call me over to her chair, twist her finger round and round and say rolly polly........stick a fat pig! that started when i was 5, and lasted till i was about 11 when she passed.

then when i was in junior high, i went to catholic school, a nun there said i might go to **** for being fat as gluttoney (spell?) is one of the 7 deadly sins.

i could right a book on the crap that has happened to me. no wonder my head is sooooo screwed up!
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Old 04-02-2008, 12:13 AM   #35  
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Last year we went out of state to my MIL's funeral. While visiting my FIL and his new wife I got to hear at least five times a day from new wife "what happened, you used to be such a sweet tiny little thing". She repeated it in front of everybody over and over and over. I hadn't seen her in 20 years and yes I was very small when we first knew each other. She was very old so I cut her some slack, but my God, wasn't saying it once enough?
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Old 04-02-2008, 01:57 AM   #36  
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I'm really torn on this subject - of course, I didn't want friends/family/perfect strangers to make negative comments about my weight. On the flip side, nobody meaningful in my entire life said a THING as my weight slowly climbed to 200 lbs. The only person who ever did say something was my gynecologist who commented during my yearly check up that I had gained a lot of weight that year and I should try to work on it. It made me mad, made my face hot, but it did make me think and I kept that comment close to me - it eventually was a minor factor in my weight loss motivation (there were a lot bigger things, but I always remembered her saying that).

I don't know if it can be done lovingly or tactfully - maybe not. Sometimes, I kind of wish someone had intervened and opened my eyes to what I was doing. I'm not sure if I would have been receptive, maybe I just had to be ready on my own, but it is surprising to me that not single friend or loved one EVER mentioned my weight.
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Old 04-02-2008, 02:52 AM   #37  
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I'm one of the fortunate ones like Glory. No one close to me ever said anything insensitive. Not even in high school (I got a little bit teasing in elementary school, but it was very minimal). I don't know if my family is just awesome, or we're all super sensitive about weight issues (obesity/eating disorders/abnormal food relationships for generations). I think everyone understood the weight issues, so no one even brought it up. Nearly every person (except my mom) was obese sometime in their life, and most of us were morbidly obese. I never had many friends, but like me, they were always bigger girls, so they never said anything mean.

I can't believe the comments you girls get when you're not that overweight (or overweight at all!). It's not acceptable in any situation, but that's ludicrous! People really need to get over themselves! And the fat people who have the GALL to make comments about somebody else's weight?! I can't stand that!

Last edited by HarpoChicoGroucho; 04-02-2008 at 02:56 AM.
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Old 04-02-2008, 05:05 PM   #38  
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I just wanted to add something about what GLORY AND HARPO said that I think is really important, and is the real reason why I answered this thread. I love my family, and I do not dwell on the nasty things people have said to me about my weight; but I think it is important to note how hurtful these kind of remarks are, and that THEY DO NOT MOTIVATE ME TO LOSE WEIGHT!

I know people that think this way: "If I say something nasty, they will wake up and go on a diet." More often, it had the opposite effect; becuz I was so hurt, I would eat more and go out less, becuz I felt so bad about myself. Those extremely negative comments just reinforced my insecurities about my weight. So, I have had to learn to ignore them, as the saying goes ...

It would have been more helpful if they had kindly said something like, "Is their anything that I can do to help you with that problem? Only doctors ever took that approach and I did not get mad at them; I was glad that they cared enuff to bring it up, and in a non-threatening way. Two of them said something like, "My records show that you have a gained some weight over the last while, can I help you with that? OR would you like to talk about it."

I agree with GLORY about that issue the most; that someone would care enuff to ask if they could help me in any way, or even just talk about it. Even just have someone to lend a CARING EAR would have been better than insulting us ... we need support and encouragement; we need our self-esteems boosted up; we need help to feel better about ourselves. It's nice to feel accepted and invited to functions; we need to feel wanted; and we need to be loved, just the way we are!!!

That will give us the strength we need to make better choices and to make the changes we need to get healthier, and that includes to work towards a healthier weight and lifestyle. I think that's what we all need and want! And KINDNESS is the easiest way to give someone LOVE ...

ROSEBUD
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Old 04-02-2008, 06:05 PM   #39  
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My family are some of the most supportive people in my life, they've NEVER said anything to me or made any comments about my weight when I was bigger.

I think my biggest problem, now that I've lost most of my weight, is people making comments about how much I USED to weight. It's like... saying that I used to be fat, is just as bad as calling me fat. It still hurts.
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Old 06-27-2008, 12:15 PM   #40  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelby897 View Post
Okay, so the rude co-worker reminds me of a comment I heard my sister say to someone on a school bus who was picking on me as a kid (I know, childish, but always makes me smile ) and I would love to use this on an adult someday -- "I can lose weight, too bad you will always be ugly!!"
Sorry I'm late to this, but this reminded me so much of last week. My 3 year old grandnephew said, "You have a big belly." And here I'd been feeling great about losing just over 20 pounds and over 3 inches off my waist! Really, he didn't make me feel bad, and he is just too stinkin' cute. But I told him, "But you know what the difference is between you and me? Mine is getting smaller, but yours is only going to get bigger and bigger!" He laughed and then wanted back up in my arms
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Old 06-27-2008, 12:48 PM   #41  
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My aunt's first words to me when I saw her last were "boy, you've gotten big, just like Sarah (my cousin who apparently had also gained some pounds)". Shes always been super small, never been on a diet in her life...I think people sometimes just have no clue how much it hurts. Its not just that you're big, its everything that goes along with it that they aren't aware of that hurts. Its that you feel unattractive, feel like people think less of you, feel like less of a person yourself and a failure, all these things, and comments just can hurt so much because it is just like throwing the weight and everything attached to it in your face...my aunt is not a cruel person, I think she honestly had no idea that a factual offhand remark about my appearance could stab me right where it hurt the most. To her, it was just 'you look different since I saw you' as if I'd grown taller or changed my hair, it didn't make any difference to her what size I was. But it mattered so much to me. I remind myself of this from time to time, to try to remember that it doesn't matter what other people are thinking or saying about me, the part that affects me is what I think of me, and I do my best to make sure I feel good about myself. Anyway, I wanted to say theres been lots of good advice and comments in this thread already, and I can't believe the really terrible things have been said to some of you! I don't think I could have handled some of them, ouch!
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Old 06-27-2008, 01:11 PM   #42  
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Ugh... family comments are insanely irritating.
My mom has made a lot of comments and such lately it seems, before I started dieting again. It really drove me crazy because she had weight loss surgery back in March. In my head I think, "You gave up on normal dieting, don't lecture me on how I should eat!"
I feel terrible for thinking that, but... It really drives me nuts!

At least she's really supportive now that I've started again.
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Old 06-27-2008, 01:14 PM   #43  
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Reading Caroline's post made me remember what my dear old auntie (or not so dear, actually) used to do whenever she saw me. When I was young my family seemed to consist mainly of tiny elderly ladies, very old school, very outspoken, full of entitlement, so I was used to their frank comments about my appearance from a very young age. This auntie, however, used to grab my fat rolls every time she saw me - and then commented on how biiiig I'd gotten since last time she saw me.

(And FWIW, I was never an overweight child, only tall and large-framed with lots of muscles (that fact only occurred to me quite recently when I was looking at old pics with my MIL)).

Anyway, grabby auntie kept this spiel up until I was about 13 or 14 (and a good head taller than her), when in a bout of righteous pubescent rage I slapped her fingers away - not hard, mind you, but that scared her off for good.

Apart from her and her crusty cronies, all long gone now, the rest of my family (all of them on the heftier side) have never been anything but supportive, which is a huge blessing I realize reading all of your stories...
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Old 06-27-2008, 01:20 PM   #44  
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My mom always was ragging on me about my weight and making comments. She has never been thin, and I can only remember one time when she went on a diet when I was about 8 or 9 years old. It didn't last for very long. She got smaller but her shape stayed the same because she didn't exercise. Anyhow, she had a hysterectomy a couple years ago and went on artificial estrogen. She slimmed down quite a bit, but she still has that same shape. But I have to admit that she looks better than she has in her life. To me, this indicates how powerful hormones are. Because she still eats total garbage. There are cakes, coffee cakes, candy, and ice cream all over the house (well, the ice cream is packing out 2 freezers!!!)

She behaves this way, and yet she nags me about my weight and makes hurtful comments. And now that I am eating really healthy and losing weight, I have been surprised to see that #1- She still keeps all the junk food in plain sight when I visit her, and #2- When I tell her how great I feel and ask if she might be interested in trying my eating plan, she acts really weird and you can tell she is not interested at all. My dad wants to lose weight but he would need a lot of help and my mom is not willing to make the change. So I leave them alone about it. And I try to reinforce in their minds that I am not going to fail this time, despite their lack of support. I bring my own food when I visit them. In fact, today I am going over there and I am going to buy some fresh chicken and make Lemon-Roasted Chicken. I'm also going to bring fruit and ff/sf pudding. I'm going to do what I need to do to love and care for myself, and I just hope that someday they will realize they have been wrong to speak negatively to me and to tempt me with sweets all the time. (Ok, maybe I'm feeling a little high and mighty! But it is how I am feeling these days!)
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Old 06-27-2008, 01:21 PM   #45  
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When I was 14 (and 135 lbs.), my dad, who is generally a very kind and sensitive man, looked at my sister across the dinner table and said, "You really shouldn't be eating junk food after school. Just ask your sister."

Three week ago, when I went home for my grandpa's funeral, I was having lunch with my grandma, and she said, "When you were younger, I used to look at those long, thin legs and think, wow, your sister is going to be so jealous of you when you guys grow up. Guess I got it backwards, huh?"

This thread just makes me think of Phillip Larkin's "This Be the Verse."
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