[kat_tbs]

I along with other women and men started a new TOPS chapter here in this little community where I live. Our leader is someone new to the community but not new to TOPS so we all figured she was the best one to lead us. At my second meeting, after weigh in, she had all of us stand up and give our name and tell how much weight we lost or gained. I was one of the 5 that gained that week and my weight was the highest weight gain and she made sure she stressed on that and gave me a little card saying that if I come back next week with a loss, I get a free weeks dues. Yipeee By now I am embarrassed and feel like a piece of crap. Cryed all the way home because I gained one and three quarters #. Is this what TOPS is suppose to be all about??? I can see praising the one who looses the most but I don't think it's right to put a neon sign over the one who gains, no matter who it is. I am posting this because I know there are alot of TOPS people out there and I just want to know if this is normal at meetings. Thanks for listening.

[kaplods]

None of the TOPS meetings I've gone to have ever made exact weights or losses (except the amount of loss of the "winner" that week) public.

[pgray1229]

I think with any weightloss support group, this shouldn't happen. I'm sorry! I hope next week is better for you.

[gggbdomino]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It has been my experance that in the old school TOPS this kind of behavior was supose to incurage the people to lose in fact the pleadge use to end with how foolish I have been but was rivised a fews ago to how it is now. I would bring it up at the next meeting because chances are you are not the only person feeling that way. We had this thing that the biggest gainer had to hold a little pig and are group decided against it. Loseing is important but not at the self-esteam of others. this kind of stuff just drives people away. agian I'm sorry this happend to you but please know not all TOPS is like this. Your leader was made leader by your group it's your group make it how you want it to be.

Good luck next week.

G Co- leader TOPS CO #41

Within our circle of friendship we'll find the help that we need

[Christian]

kat- We say how much we gained or lost at our meetings...BUT we do not make the one who gained the most feel bad, or at least I dont think so, we are just there to support not break down They dont have to say how much they gained, just that they gained, the amount is optional so that makes it a little easier, ask if you can do that too

[EZMONEY]

WOULDN'T IT JUST HAVE BEEN EASIER TO PIN A SCARLET SAUSAGE ON THE LADIES/MENS SHIRTS?

[gggbdomino]

I heard a story about the biggest gainer had to take homre this big stuffed pig each week and then bring it back the next week. That way they saw this big pig all week also there families new they were the biggest gainer for the week.

[Indiacatz]

Oh Wow, that should not have happened... From the reading I have done about Tops... bring the issue up to the aread coordinator... or captain, this leader needs to be stopped... when someone gains, I give a hug and encouragement and it ends there... nobody needs to know.. Tops rules state you do not have to tell how much you gained or lost.. barb, leader, ast wt recorder, wt recorder for Tops 1071 Leroy

[phantastica]

Hi Kat, I was wondering if you tried a different TOPS group, or talked to the leader of the group you attended.

[kat_tbs]

Good morning Phantastica, Last week when I weighed in I had lost 8 3/4 # and even though I felt really good I just couldn't get over what had happened the week before so I told the leader that I wouldn't be back and she asked why so I told her how embarrassed I had been the week before and she got very defensive and said that that was just the way they did it even though I had found out by someone high up that that wasn't the way they did it so I dropped out for now until they change leaders or things get resolved. I am doing this for health reasons and its not a contest or a compatition for me. But the good news is that I did lose another 2 # this week at my own weigh in.........lol. I stopped drinking diet soda for that week that I lost all the weight so now I don't drink anything but water and it's working. Thanks for caring and have a wonderful day. Kat

[kat_tbs]

Good morning Indiacatz and thanks for the info. I was hoping that not all TOPS was like this and I have found out that it is just our leader. She's been with TOPS off and on for almost 30 years and I guess they use to do some pretty ugly stuff back in the day..........lol. Putting a pink pig in my yard would not have happened. There is one thing that I don't understand.......why does every chapter have different bylaws?? Wouldn't it be better for everyone to have the same laws? I am sure that I will go back when things change. Thanks for the response and have a wonderful day.

[Indiacatz]

Kat.. Tops does have very specific rules.. They also allow chapters to have the Bylaws that govern each chapter... We do have several rules and rules are good most of the time. If there are things you want to change in the bylaws, make a motion and open the discussion to the floor and then vote on it... t hats what we do.. The leader cannot dictate.. the club is for all and majority rules... We had big gains 3 wks in a row... I just talked to them .. and challenged the girls to do better... and this past week was great... Look around for another chapter... could be one close by.. and good luck with your weight loss journey... Hugs, Barb

[kat_tbs]

Good morning, Wow.........I truely wish all u ladies lived near me and was in this chapter of TOPS. We only have about 12 people attending right now and I got upset and quit and that makes me mad because I am not a quitter so I am sure I will go back. Thanks for all ur info and support. If there were more of u guys where I live I would still be in TOPS without a problem. The next nearest town with a TOPS chapter is approx. 30 miles away. Perhaps that is where I need to go. Well, anyway, thanks again. Kat

[kaplods]

Kat, don't give up without a fight.

It's tempting to compare TOPS to WW, but there's a significant, and wonderful difference. WW is a business and rules come from the top, TOPS is a non-profit organization and every member has a voice - use yours.

This takes guts, but weight loss isn't for sissies, and I know you can do it. If you need to wait until a week where you have a great loss fine, but in the group bring it up. Tell the group (not just the leader) that you almost didn't come back because you were uncomfortable with sharing your weight, express concern that they might lose new members who feel the same, or even current members who may become discouraged by gains or slow losses. Yours is a small group and you can't afford to scare away new members. (In fact, I would use that line - "We're a small group and we can't afford to scare away members or prospective members." Open up the discussion, so that the group can decide. Even if majority rules to keep the customs as they are - I would bet even in a group with 12 members, some other members will feel the same as you do. Even if the numbers aren't the majority, but say are 1/3 or more -- you might comment "(Over) 1/3 of us would rather not state our weight - are we comfortable with the fact that we might lose as many as 1/3 of prospective new members?

Also who says you have to go along with the custom. When it's your turn, say what makes you comfortable (others may follow suit and do the same). Make it a joke, "I lost/gained (whatever) this week, I told you my weight when I started here, if you want to keep track, you do the math."

If you're still not comfortable with this group, then consider finding another group.

[kat_tbs]

Thanks kaplods. I am not giving up. I am planning on going to the next meeting which is tomarrow evening. I just need to remember that I am doing this for me and not for anyone else and I'll be darn if anyone is keeping me from doing what I need to do. Thanks for the support and advice. I will be taking ur advice. Hugs, Kat