Well, I've decided that I can't give up the scale thing yet. It's too much of a tool I need to use to keep accountable. Maybe further down the road I can let go of that obsession, but just not now. My other goal for exercising is in tact and will be my focus this week.
Raven: You know, next time you come up we'll have to put beepers on ourselves, because we are going to be so skinny we'll look right through each other! You in the 140's and me in the low 200's maybe. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is going to be! I'm glad your head is better. I hate it when I get all "clogged up" with my thinking.
Happy: Thanks for the congrats. How is the non-smoker in you doing since April 16th is rapidly approaching??
Hippy: My kind of woman! What a bargain shopper!! I'm so proud of you for finding such good deals. Excellent!!! How is the smoking going? You know what? I haven't had a Skinny Cow in about a week, and don't really miss them. I will probably have one once you get those last two pounds off, but won't be eating them like there is not tomorrow. Thanks for helping me put something into perspective!!
I might be a little MIA the next few days. I am off after noon today and off Monday. Dad is still here until Tuesday, and we got two rooms painted out yesterday. One sky blue and one lavendar. Have touch up and trim work left on those rooms, but just the main family room left. We'll finish that up tonight and do touchup tomorrow. We kicked booty! We didn't start until around 12:30, and finished at 4:30. Pretty good, I think. Only minimal paint on my hands, but nowhere else.
Who had weighins today? Is it you, Raven? I can't remember. Good luck to those who do!
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Hi Ladies,
Sounds like we're all very busy bees today. I have a today off (yeah for 3 day weekends!!!!) Got a little extra sleep, it's cool but sunny and I feel full of energy. DH had to work today so I have the house all to myself which is good because I seem to get more done when I am all by myself. Perfect conditions for getting mega stuff done. I want to clean the house up really well so all I have to do during the week is tidy up a bit before we leave. It's so nice to come home from vacation to a nice house instead of junk all over with last minute rushing around. I also want to start packing or at least put aside everything I want to take with me on vacation. No matter how organized I get, it seems like the night before vacation I never get any sleep - always one more thing to do! I'm in charge of desserts for the family Easter dinner, have to figure out something tasty but not too sinful and then go fight the crowds at the store. I'm sure the weekend will fly by.
I'm down a pound and a half from last week but I've been bouncing up and down the last few weeks so I don't really count it as a loss. If I'm really strict next week I could possibly hit 1-derland next Friday as I leave for vacation. Will have to be rather creative with the cooking this week as I am trying to use up everything perishable before we leave - don't want to come back after 11 days to a refrigerator full of yucky mushy stuff and I also hate to toss perfectly good food out.
Been doing fairly well on the smoking. I'm trying to focus on all the negatives as I smoke. Also been delaying having them as much as possible and saying to myself - I quit smoking and haven't had a cigarette in x number of days, weeks, months. I also find that deep breathing when I want one sort of helps me to delay. Of course it's easy now because I know I can have one, even if I put it off for a while. I do think - 7 days and counting and as we get closer to Q-day (quit day) that old self sabotage will rear it's head so I have to be strong. But it will be much more inconvenient to smoke on vacation so that's why I picked that time. Easier to avoid it if you can't do it. I hope the insurance has straightened out the Zyban, will find out today when I go to the pharmacy - I'm supposed to start taking that today.
So all in all, a busy weekend planned. Chachee - the room colors sound very pretty. How nice to have a fresh house for spring! Sounds like you are really zooming through your project - have fun!
Gas prices here are horrendous too - I think we're one of the highest cities in the nation what with all the taxes they tack on. It's $2.06 a gallon for premium and the prices are still rising. I have an SUV so it's good that I don't have to use it much. $40 for a fill up. That's insane. As bad as Skinny Cows for $9 No wonder we never have any money! Glad you were able to find a nice outfit for Jordan Hippy and at a great price too!
Raven, you know I was thinking. You said as you get closer to goal you get nervous about being noticed. Maybe you should remind yourself of why you wanted to lose weight. I remember a past posting where you said you'd like to be comfortable in the summer, no chafing or sweating and that you wanted to wear sleeveless shirts rather than an extra overshirt to hide the flab. And there was the stuff about setting a good example for your kids. Perhaps those are the thoughts you should focus on when the scary "I'm going to be visible again" kind of thoughts jump into your head and try to redirect you away from your goals. With the intense work you do with the horses, it sure would be more comfortable to do it with less weight and less clothes - not that you'll ever aspire to being Lady Godiva After all, you said you liked short hair more anyway I read something the other day that struck me - it said don't think of excuses, think of answers. That really hit home to me and helped me to keep my perspective when sometimes things get a little bleak or overwhelming.
Hey Lucky, good to hear from you again. I'll give mom a wave in Las Vegas. It does seem like we picked a popular weekend to be there - 2 sets of my friends will also be there and we didn't even plan it that way.
Well, I'm not getting anything done here in front of the computer so I'd better get a move on before the day is gone and so is my energy. Have a great weekend and Happy Easter! Stay away from those evil chocolate bunnies and peeps!
Hi ladies Oma is gone but its late here so no time to catch up. will do that in the morning..... thought i would leave a few quick easies desert recipes to help keep the Easter OFF our Bunnies ~grinz~ hope this helps you all as much as its going to help me!
1 quart of fresh strawberries
1 pkg. Jello Sugar Free Cook and Serve Vanilla Pudding (chocolate)
1 pkg. Jello Sugar Free Strawberry Jello
2 cups water
Slice the berries in a 9" pie plate sprayed with Pam.
Prepare the Vanilla Pudding according to package directions but substitute water for the milk. When pudding is cooked stir in the Jello. Pour over the strawberries - chill and serve.
Makes 4 servings - 1 points each.
74 cals/0 fat/3 fiber
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(( i cant make this one so please tell me how wonderful they are))
Oven Fried Peach Pies 1.5. pts serves 10
1 cup canned peaches, packed in extra-light syrup, DRAINED WELL and diced
2 Tablespoons sugar, divided
3/4 teaspoon Ground Cinnamon, divided
10 Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuits (1 point each)
Butter flavored cooking spray
Drain peaches and dice. Mix with 1 tablespoon sugar and 1/2 tsp cinnamon.
Open and separate biscuits.
On a lightly floured surface, roll out each biscuit into a 4 inch circle.
Spoon one rounded tablespoon of peach mixture into center of biscuit circle.
Lightly brush edges of each biscuit with water, fold over and seal edges with a fork.
Place pies on a ungreased cookie sheet and spray with butter flavored cooking spray.
Take remaining Tablespoon of sugar and 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon and mix. Sprinkle on tops of pies.
Bake at 375 for 10 minutes or until browned.
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Strawberry Cheesecake Bites 1 pt. serves 11
8 oz. Fat Free Cream Cheese, softened
1/3 Cup Powdered Sugar
2 teaspoons Lemon Juice
44 Medium Strawberries, whole
1/2 Cup Graham Cracker Crumbs
In a small mixing bowl, beat together the cream cheese, sugar, and lemon juice until smooth and creamy, set aside.
Using a paring knife, hollow out the top of the strawberries to a depth of approx. 3/4 inch.
Gently fill each with cream cheese mixture using a pastry bag just slightly above the tops. Place them on a cookie sheet(s) as you do this.
Once all of the strawberries are filled, dip each top into the graham cracker crumbs and place back onto the cookie sheet(s).
Place the cookie sheet(s) into the refrigerator and leave them for a few hours or over night to completely chill
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Honey-Lime Fruit Toss 2pts per serving
7 servings
1 can (20 oz Dole Pineapple chunks
1 can (11 or 15 oz) Dole Mandarin Ornages, drained
1 large Dole Banana, sliced
1 Dole Kiwi fruit, peeled, halved and sliced
1 cup quartered Dole Strawberries
1/4 tsp grated lime peel
2 tbl lime juice
1 tbl honey
Drain pineapple; reserve 1/4 c juice.
Combine pineapple chunks, mandarin oranges, banana, kiwi fruit and strawberries in bowl.
Stir together reserved juice, lime peel, lime juice and honey. Pour over salad; toss to coat.
93 calories, 0g fat (0g sat.), 0mg cholesterol, 3 mg sodium, 24g carbohydrate, 1g protein.
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(( if you gotta have cake or chocolate try this))
Chocolate Frosting - Sugar Free Makes 12 servings
1 envelope Dream Whip
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup skim milk
1 2-oz package sugarfree chocolate pudding
Blend together skim milk, vanilla, and dream whip (or sugarfree
whipped
topping mix). Beat till stiff. Add pudding mix and continue to beat
till
light and fluffy.
Add more skim milk if too thick. Use as frosting on lowfat cupcakes
using 1
tablespoon per cupcake. Can also be used to frost cake or brownies.
1T = 9cals, cholesterol Points: 0
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One pt. Cobbler
3 cups Fresh fruit (Blueberries, raspberries or blackberries)
1/2cup non fat milk
1/2cup flour
1/3cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp salt
preheat overn to 375*,
spray an 8x8 inch baking dish with non stick spray.
combine fruit with honey or Sugar substitute to sweeten, and a pinch of nutmeg.
Place in bottom of baking dish.
In a bowl combine milk, sugar, baking powder, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt and wisk until smooth.
pour mixture over fruit and bake for 30 min. serve warm
1 pt per serving makes 8 servings
93 calories, 0 grams fat, 2 grams fiber
( a whole pan is eight points :-)
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okies ladies see ya in the morning and congrats on all the good things in your lives right now!!!
Hippy - No worries on asking about the boyfriend. He and I do live together, and he foots more than his share of the bills. He's always there to help me out if I need it, always has been. One of the things that made me angry about this situation is that he ends up spending more of his money on my kids than their father does. That will, hopefully, change soon. I just don't ever want to take advantage of Richard, you know? Go you on finding those great deals!! That's fantastic!
Chachee - Like I said, I fully understand needing the scale to keep you in line and on track. I do. Perhaps when I'm into maintaining, I can drop it back to once a week just to start learning better how to live the rest of my life on an even keel without being dependant on that scale to keep me within a certain weight range. But for now, I also use it to keep me accountable to eat enough, and to drink enough. If I see a huge and sudden drop, more times than not it's because I let myself get dehydrated or forgot to eat (which is happening less and less, but it does still happen, and I need to really be careful with that). And it's a good reminder for me to get myself back into the drinking and eating the right amount of calories. Or if I don't drop any weight at all for more than a week, I can look hard at what I've been doing and be honest about whether I'm really applying myself or not. It's a learning process, I need to get really familiar with my body, and how the weight fluctuates, and what makes it do so. Not me on the weighin - I only do the OFFICIAL weigh in at the beginning of every month. I hope you have a great time painting! What a great UB workout!
Happy - You're so right. Sometimes I lose track of why I'm doing this and I need to remember all the things I thought about. That's one of the reasons journals are so great, I can go back and re-read a bunch of stuff from when I was heavier and it really gives me a perspective check. I know I gained this weight for a lot of reasons, and some of those reasons are things I'm going to have to face as I lose it. But like that Ralph Marston quote says - the adversity I'm feeling only means I'm actually succeeding. This is no time to stop, this is when I really need to push through and keep going. The discomfort I feel socially will ease over time, as I find myself in situations which would have been terrifying before and nothing happens, the fear will diminish. Sort of like sacking out a horse with something scary till it's not scary anymore. I hope you got everything done you wanted to, and good for you on starting the quitting process before you even quit.
Sassy - So glad the visit went well, and those desserts look yummy.
I think I figured out, in part, why my body keeps freaking me out this time - so much more than it did the last several times I lost weight without knowing what I was doing. This time, not only am I actually paying attention to what's going on, I'm also working my upper body a LOT (LOT!!) more that I ever did before, and consequently, these changes to everything above my tummy are so new to me. Actual arm *pits*, collar bones, shoulder blades, forearm definition... wow. All so alien! Cool, but .. weird.
And speaking of keeping an eye on the scale, I dropped way down today, not good. From 175.5 to 172.5. I'm not sure why. I had yesterday off and I lost track of time working with my horse, but I DID drink my water yesterday (thanks to Richard for reminding me gently that I do need to drink water), and .. well I ate. *blink* Not maybe as much or when I should have, but I did. I had two whole eggs and one egg white with a piece of wheat toast for .. well .. lunch. And then lost track of time and didn't eat dinner till about 9:30 last night, but had a healthy couple of quesadillas with grilled chicken and low fat cheese, onions, and tomatos. Oh, and some low fat sour cream on the side. Yum. But last night I woke up with the most painful stomach cramps and .. well .. Let's just say I can see why I might have been down on the scale rather drastically this morning. I don't understand why I had that reaction, unless it was just too much food at once (they weren't that big!) too late in the night? I've never had that happen before, but who knows. I know it wasn't the food itself, because Richard ate the same stuff, and he was fine. Anyway, I'm watching my water and food today as closely as I can... I ate my breakfast and I've already started my water. I'll eat lunch before I go to the stable, and tonight we're having pork chops. I would hate to see it bounce all the way back up to 175.5, but 174 or so would be fine.
I just love three day weekends!! Off I go... going to finish up a load or two of laundry then off to train my pony some more. Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!
Oh oh oh .. and I forgot to mention this!! I have THE skirt. Don't we all have one piece of clothing that kind of is the epitome of our longing to fit into our smaller stuff? Well, I have this black skirt I wore when I first met Richard in person... the skirt I flew down here in. It fit me for about a year after I moved, then I grew out of it. When I tried it on a year ago, I couldn't even get it over my hips and tummy. Three months ago I tried it again. I could get it ON, but forget buttoning or zipping it. Today... it fits. And it fits well. I can wear it comfortably. I actually started crying. That skirt has symbolized a HUGE amount of stuff for me over the last 8 years. Wow. What a huge NSV. So yeah, I guess I really am doing something right, huh?
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Sassy, THANK YOU for posting those recipes. I happened to have all the ingredients on hand for the Honey Lime Fruit toss - yes, I am a nut when it comes to fruit and I was glad to be able to use the Kiwi fruit that had been staring at me all week. It was delicious! I had my husband taste test it and he said this is soooo good - can we live on this and fish all summer? I'm definitely bringing this as one of my desserts. I will also make a version with pears and cantelope for my mom who can't have anything with seeds in it - I even have to cut out the little black seeds from the bananna. I feel bad for her because I'll bring a salad like that and she can't have any - that's sort of cruel so I'll make a small serving for her with no seeded fruits.
I'm ticked off. I called the doctor more than a week ago to get my Zyban. Tuesday the pharmacy faxed them a letter that they had to call the insurance company. I kept checking with the pharmacy, no approval yet. Yesterday I stopped at the pharmacy and they said the doctor never called the insurance company. I was supposed to start taking the medicine yesterday. Today I tromp to the doctor's office and the nurse says oh yeah, the form's right here - there's a note to follow up with the patient to get an answer to a question (is patient enrolled in a smoking cessation program - YES!!!!). She said the doctor signed the paper Tuesday and "I guess we should have called you, huh??" DUH YEAH!!!! And here I thought it was the insurance company holding up things... You have to take the Zyban for at least a week before you quit to get the right levels in your system. Timing was important as it was my plan to stop smoking the minute I landed in California - a place that is not smoker friendly I figured it would be much easier to deal with if I was in a place I couldn't do it. We will be in California 7 days and are wrapping up the trip with a 3 day weekend in Las Vegas - smoker heaven. I know that's going to be a challenge (kind of like your barbeque Hippy) but I thought that if I had 7 days smoke free at that point, I could (with gentle prodding from the hubby ) maybe stick it out. What with the weekend and all, the pharmacist said today she thought that by maybe Tuesday everything would be straightened out. We'll see if willpower (which is NOT my strong point) will carry me through. I hate to have to shell out $50 - $60 for a box of nicotine patches too - besides the expense, they did irritate my skin. But I might get a small pack just in case...
Was a busy day today, can't believe 2 days are gone from the 3 day weekend already and it seems like I barely touched the to-do list and tomorrow's blown with the family dinner. I'm sorry Grandma but I'm just going to have to do some laundry on Easter Sunday when I get home. She's in heaven scowling at me now.
DH wanted to pick up a movie and I really didn't have the time but you know how they get pouty if you don't spend time with them... we got the Jack Nicholson/Diane Keaton "Something's Gotta Give". It's a really cute movie and they have good chemistry. Enough laughs so it's not entirely a chick flick.
Time to go fix the Easter Baskets for the kids and then off to bed. Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy your Sunday!
Happy - Hope you get the zyban thing worked out, isn't the lack of communication these days almost mind boggling?
Trying to get regrouped after last weeks overload of "doing." Calories.. yeah, I had some. Water. I'm down to 174 from 177. Did mostly taebo and pilates, unenthusiastically. I need to start running again. Riding is taking a bit of a back seat now as I move into training my horse. So much is ground work, and the under the saddle is mostly cue training, all at a walk. But you know, I wouldn't trade it for anything right now. We may have found my son's new horse, but time will tell. We all need to commit to really push ourselves on the riding/training this year.
So .. why am I still awake? Off to bed, running and UB tomorrow morning.
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
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Hello all,
Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I had 3 days off and they zoomed by - still a huge to do list. Had a great family dinner today. No overindulgences which surprised me. Maybe I'm getting it after all - well at times I guess. We leave Friday morning so it's going to be a VERY busy week for me. I've already made my lists out - I have to get anal about lists - little things to do each day otherwise I let them pile up and get freaked out and overwhelmed. Got some things to do each day (baby steps to the end goal) and I inventoried my refrigerator when I got home tonight. Made my meal plans for the week to use up as much as possible of the perishable food in the fridge. It's going to be colder than I would like on vacation - average temps low 60's and as low as 35 at night so that means careful planning to pack the bulkier sweaters and slacks. Good news is that I don't have to go rumaging around in the basement looking for the summer wear. I just hope it's not all rainy too - they're talking about rain a couple of days and outside of Las Vegas, everything we plan to do is outdoors.
I did well on my walking this week. Walked every day but today. I can feel it in my feet and my physical therapy stretches are right in front of me now to remind me to do them twice a day.
Been doing some Internet reading on quitting smoking - will be glad to share links with you Hippy if you're interested. I am trying to focus on what I'm gaining, not what I'm giving up to avoid the mental self sabotage. I am also trying to live by the motto this week of "find answers, not excuses". I know what ever helps me quit smoking will also help me with eating and exercising too. I find that as the smoking cravings diminish, the "hmmmm I'd like something to eat" cravings increase. Trying to feed it when necessary with good stuff and chugging the water down.
I might not be able to post much but if not I'll still be rooting for you all.
My goals for this week:
1) Exercise each day and do my stretches
2) Tackle my to do list in little chunks as laid out
3) Stick to eating on plan and make sure I get enough water in
4) Leave on Friday organized, happy and prepared instead of panicked, frantic and sleep deprived
Have a good week everyone.
Raven, why the lackluster on the exercise? Other things on your mind? Just restless or not liking your routine? And YAY!!! for you on the steady downward climb of the scale. Regarding your earlier post on the tummy upset - on the weekends, I too often get out of sync with meals - just busy doing other stuff. Sometimes it's just coffee for breakfast and I don't "eat again" until 4pm or so. Stomach definitely doesn't like that. Lots of growling and all sorts of other things. From your post it seemed like you went for a really long stretch between meals. Not good for you, your metabolism or your innards lady. Remember how upset you were a few weeks back when you asked Nickie to pack a lunch and all she had was an apple and a bottle of water? Same goes for Mom. Maybe if you're planning a day at the stables you could pack a lunch for the both of you and schedule a break if for nothing more than to touch base. Hmmm, maybe, huh?
Sassy - everyone loved the Honey Lime Fruit Toss, including the kids!
Happy - I dunno, I'm just rather apathetic about most everything right now. Just a phase. Too much on my mind, too little sleep, just .. I'll be ok. We all go through it, this too shall pass And yes, I know I need to watch my food better, especially when I expect my kids to follow my example. It's something I fight with on a regular basis. I've gotten much, much better, so I'm not going to rail on myself about it, but when I get preoccupied and stop watching things very carefully, I slip. Sometimes I just have trouble caring. I think we all do. I hope your week isn't too hectic, and your "to do" lists get whittled away till you're completely ready to go. And as far as the weather goes.. they're just guessing anyway. I hope it's nice for you!
Not much more to report this morning, just kind of going through the days. I will confess to oversleeping this morning and not getting in my workout. *sigh* Tonight is Machine's lesson, so no time then either. There's always tomorrow, I guess.
I am filling up my water bottle ... *runs off to the breakroom* ... ok, all filled up. Now I just need to keep doing that and get in my water today. I brought fruit and yogurt for snacks, and I have my spaghetti for lunch. Tonight is the pork chops I was supposed to cook a couple nights ago, and didn't.
Ok... back to work. Hope everyone had a great weekend and is facing the week bright eyed and bushy tailed!
Not much to report here, other than going overboard at brunch on Sunday. I'm up, but I am pms'ing, so oh well.
Had (yes, HAD) to go to the store to buy new jeans in a smaller size. My bigger ones fell off the other night and it was a tad big embarassing. I am in a size 18 comfortably, so I am happy.
I'll try to post more tomorrow, as my dad is still here.
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Argh what a day!
After much to do and I mean MUCH, I finally got the Zyban approved and into my hot little hands. Now I can proceed with my program . I also asked my teacher to post the next 2 assignments so I can get them done before I go on vacation. ACK!!! I will be doing homework for 6 hours a night for the next 3 days.
I am trying - not too successfully not to be freaked out. I don't know how I'll get everything done that I need to this week. Deep breaths, breathe in and say "I will be" breathe out and say "calm". Remember, you can do alot (except for your homework) in 15 minutes batches... oy vay!!!
Chachee - Good for you on the pants!! I don't seem to ever quite get to that point, mostly because of that tummy thing. Well I suppose at some point I'll reach that, but it takes longer because my waist is significantly smaller than my hips and tummy put together. Can you say "cut along the dotted line?" *grumble* ANYway.. You're doing great, woman! Enjoy your visit with Dad!
Happy - A bit stressed out, there? Congrats on pushing the zyban mess through, and good luck on the homework!! That's a lot to handle right before you leave for vacation. Sometimes I think vacations are more stressful than not taking one. Also remember you can only do so much, girl.
I'm .. sort of in a holding pattern. Not a bad thing. I'm not falling off the wagon or going off plan or anything really negative. I think I'm just adjusting. My body has changed so much with the upper body stuff, which is completely different than any other time in my life, and I feel like I just need a little time to come to terms with this new look. It has taken me by surprise at how much change occurred with just this last 21 pounds. Again, it's not like I've stopped or even that I'm taking a break, I'm not... I'm just mentally not pushing. I'm not taking my foot off the gas pedal, I'm just letting up on the acceleration a little bit. I will be completely happy if all I do is make my 5 pounds this month. Since I'm 3 pounds into my 5 already, somehow I don't think that will be a problem. I haven't been justifying any crappy eating, or not exercising, I just need to ease up a little. It's kind of hard to accept that, on one hand. But on the other I do realize that I don't want to burn out and give up. I actually had a couple glasses of wine the other night, and the sky didn't fall. So I think this month will be a slower pace, and little more relaxed, then I'll see how I feel about pushing hard come the first of next month. I need to let my mind accept this new body for a little bit.
The dreaded first day back to school after Spring Break! We have 7 weeks of school left but they will drag by. I told Jordan we can focus on if we have 7 weeks of school left then that means 10 weeks until vacation
Raven, I bet you were doing a big old happy dance in your skirt!! Great job Glad to hear Richard helps you out! I know you don't want to take advantage of him but I think it's great that he doesn't mind to help out and that he spends money on your kids! What a nice guy he must be!
Happy, losing weight even facing the dreaded no smoking!! I think that's great! Are you sooooo ready for vacation??? Have you started the Zyban?
Chach, new, SMALLER pants!!!!!!! HMMMMM........I can't remember the last time I saw a size 18 At one time I hated being a size 18, now I would be tickled to death to wear that size again
Yesterday I had the plumbers here for 2 and a half hours. It was raining and they tracked mud everywhere just to decide that I have a venting problem and they will have to come on a pretty day. He put a temp. vent on my kitchen sink so it will drain but I can use only a half full sink of water or I will flood the floor. I will be glad to have it fixed.
Okay, here goes my confession time. I have not lost any weight, I haven't even tried to be honest. I'm in a big whirlwind because I'm totally out of control. I'm eating and I'm smoking Not as much as normal but way too much to stop all together. All I can think about is that there must be some way to kick this habit. People do it everyday. They throw them away, refuse to buy more and never smoke again. I wonder how they do it. Yesterday my eating was excellent, I actually ate healthy and drank water but I smoked all day. I felt so good about eating right but so crappy because I was smoking. Jordan said, "Mom, are still smoking just 2 cigarettes a day" and I tod him no so he was so disappointed, then I was mad at myself and then I smoked more I keep reminding myself of all of the reasons that I want to stop smoking and how much better I felt when I wasn't puffing away but there just seems to be a part of me that can't say no. Happy, did you go through this when you tried to quite? I know if I continue to smoke that is probably going to kill me. I KNOW THIS so why can't I face the facts and throw them away? The same with losing weight, it might kill me so why can't I stick to it instead of losing 25 pounds and then maintaining for 6 months before I lose anymore. I know you all don't have the answers. I'm just blowing. The answers are inside of me and I just have to work on myself to find them.
Enough of me whinning!
Okay, I said enough but I forgot! Last night was really hard for me. I cut Jordan's hair and he went to take a shower. When he came out he had shaved. I about died!!!! I knew he was going to have to because the hair on his lip was very dark and long but I just wasn't ready!! Tears were rolling down my face like I was some sort of idiot but I couldn't help it! I know he's 13 and growing up but I can't put 13 and shaving together. I think in my own mind that 13 is waaayyyyyyyyy too young to be shaving. I look at him all growing up but all I see is my baby This transition is so hard on me!! Gary says when Jordan is grown that I will have to go on prozac to be able to deal with him not living at home
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
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S/C/G: Stuck/Working on it/Good 2 Go
Height: Fun Size
Morning ladies
Last night I made it through 1/3 of my homework and half the laundry. So I'm making progress even if I'd rather be doing other things. I have to take my daily walk at lunchtime if it's going to happen at all because the evenings are jam packed. But it's getting there I agree with you Raven, sometimes with all the work you have to do ahead of time, I don't know if it's worth leaving in the first place It's not like I've left everything until the last minute, more like a wedding in that you can do some things ahead of time, some you have to wait until almost the due date to get done. Especially with packing - I watch the weather to get an idea what to pack - thank goodness for long range forecasts on the Internet! Even if it's off a few degrees you get a general idea of what the weather will be like. A long time ago I went to Toronto for a business trip. Was looking at the weather in the newspaper and they were in what was apparently a freak warm streak, so I packed lighter clothes. As we were decending through the clouds to land, I was freaked when I saw snow cover ALL over the ground! My coat, my clothes were all too lightweight for the weather. I tried to go shopping to get some closed shoes and sweaters but it was spring and like the stores here, all the summer stuff was out. It was a cold trip
Chachee congrats on the wonderful feeling of having your pants fall off of you - Still painting with dad?
Raven, it's good to hear that you're out of the "I don't care" mood. Your plans sound wise, don't want to burn out and there's always something else screaming for our attention, isn't there? As long as you keep with the forward momentum, you should be good to go. And it sounds like you get quite the workout at the stables too. Bet that upper body is looking prepped for those summer tops, isn't it?
Well, it's time to go sieze the day as Ruth would say... grab the day and squeeze the crap out of it
Hippy? Can I play armchair analyst for a minute? By all means, ignore me completely if you want. I'm poking my nose in where it really doesn't belong. You sound so much like I did, though, when I wanted to lose weight and just couldn't. I would try and try and try to get on plan, and .. it would last a day or two or maybe not even that, then boom, right back to finding "reasons" to eat special ice cream or fix something really high in calories for dinner or even just go out and eat something that wasn't healthy. You're right, the reasons you're doing this are inside you. Do you get a panic feeling or anxious when you really think about being slender and fit and all the ramifications of that? Do you start to panic when you think of not smoking anymore? Are you ready to really lose weight? Are you ready to really quit smoking? There are usually reasons we hold on to our weight and smoking. If you don't replace one habit with another, it can be more difficult. Honestly, if I didn't have my horses, I'm sure losing weight would have been FAR more difficult. Because it distracts me from the cravings, it gives me a focus other than "now what do I do?" Now I realize you aren't going to run right out and pick up a couple ponies... But if you have something you love to focus on rather than the habit you're used to, would that help? And also.. look inside. What are you afraid of? Why are you hiding behind your weight, your smoking? You've read about my past, you know why I hung on for dear life to my weight for so long. Even if I THOUGHT I wanted to lose weight, THOUGHT I was ready... until I started journaling out all that crap in my head, I couldn't do it. Which, again, is not to say you went through what I did. But my guess would be there's something more to this than just watching your portions and eating the right foods. I posted in my journal that Richard made a comment one time about how he thought half my weight lost was in mental baggage. Have a revelation, lose 3 pounds. I think that's a huge part of it for me. I don't believe that all people have those emotional connections to food or smoking. But I think lots do. And so, sometimes, for some people - like my mom, who was a smoker more because it was "the thing to do" than any other reason, was able to put them down and never pick one up again. Other people, like my ex-husband, started smoking out of emotional needs. Needs to fit in, to fill the boredom, to deal with loneliness, to relieve anxiety. Those are far more difficult to deal with. And chickie.. you're trying to do both at once. I don't mean to be discouraging, but wow, that's a lot to take on. Well, it would be for me. I'm so much of a "one thing at a time" person. At least till I get one thing going really right, anyway. Then you know, if adding something else completely throws everything out of whack, I go back to where it was working and start all over again.
I guess I'm just trying to tell you - don't get discouraged. Don't feel like you've failed. Don't give up. Refine your approach, think through the muck in your head, find a way around the wall, or over it, or under it... but don't stop trying.
And as far as Jordan goes.. wow. My boy is just now turning 12. I can't imagine him having to shave yet. But he has changed so much in the last year. I look at him now and he's slowly losing that "little boy" look. He's starting to look more like a young man every day, it seems like. And he's my baby, my little boy - I know it will be hard for me to see him start to shave too. But at the same time, hon... Jordan sounds like such a sweet young man. Look at him and be proud, darlin'. You have to smile through those tears and be happy that he's growing up to be consderate and real and all the things you wanted him to be. Part of being a parent is knowing that someday they'll be out on their own. As hard as that is ... my kids are my friends, too. We're very close. I only hope and pray that we can live our dream of having the acreage and the houses built pretty close together so we can share our riding facilities - be seperate, have our own lives, but be close enough to walk "next door" and have a cup of tea or glass of wine or dinner together. I just hope they never change their minds about wanting that, but ... they are kids, and kids change. Hang in there, kiddo!
No wonder we never have any money! Glad you were able to find a nice outfit for Jordan Hippy and at a great price too! 
After all, you said you liked short hair more anyway 
I read something the other day that struck me - it said don't think of excuses, think of answers. That really hit home to me and helped me to keep my perspective when sometimes things get a little bleak or overwhelming.
That will, hopefully, change soon. I just don't ever want to take advantage of Richard, you know? Go you on finding those great deals!! That's fantastic! 
What a great UB workout!
And then lost track of time and didn't eat dinner till about 9:30 last night, but had a healthy couple of quesadillas with grilled chicken and low fat cheese, onions, and tomatos. Oh, and some low fat sour cream on the side. Yum. But last night I woke up with the most painful stomach cramps and .. well .. Let's just say I can see why I might have been down on the scale rather drastically this morning. I don't understand why I had that reaction, unless it was just too much food at once (they weren't that big!) too late in the night? I've never had that happen before, but who knows. I know it wasn't the food itself, because Richard ate the same stuff, and he was fine. Anyway, I'm watching my water and food today as closely as I can... I ate my breakfast and I've already started my water. I'll eat lunch before I go to the stable, and tonight we're having pork chops. I would hate to see it bounce all the way back up to 175.5, but 174 or so would be fine. 
I called the doctor more than a week ago to get my Zyban. Tuesday the pharmacy faxed them a letter that they had to call the insurance company. I kept checking with the pharmacy, no approval yet. Yesterday I stopped at the pharmacy and they said the doctor never called the insurance company. I was supposed to start taking the medicine yesterday. Today I tromp to the doctor's office and the nurse says oh yeah, the form's right here - there's a note to follow up with the patient to get an answer to a question (is patient enrolled in a smoking cessation program - YES!!!!). She said the doctor signed the paper Tuesday and "I guess we should have called you, huh??" DUH YEAH!!!! And here I thought it was the insurance company holding up things... You have to take the Zyban for at least a week before you quit to get the right levels in your system. Timing was important as it was my plan to stop smoking the minute I landed in California - a place that is not smoker friendly 
I figured it would be much easier to deal with if I was in a place I couldn't do it. We will be in California 7 days and are wrapping up the trip with a 3 day weekend in Las Vegas - smoker heaven. 
I know that's going to be a challenge (kind of like your barbeque Hippy) but I thought that if I had 7 days smoke free at that point, I could (with gentle prodding from the hubby 
) maybe stick it out. What with the weekend and all, the pharmacist said today she thought that by maybe Tuesday everything would be straightened out. We'll see if willpower (which is NOT my strong point) will carry me through. I hate to have to shell out $50 - $60 for a box of nicotine patches too - besides the expense, they did irritate my skin. But I might get a small pack just in case...
I'm down to 174 from 177. Did mostly taebo and pilates, unenthusiastically. I need to start running again. Riding is taking a bit of a back seat now as I move into training my horse. So much is ground work, and the under the saddle is mostly cue training, all at a walk. But you know, I wouldn't trade it for anything right now. We may have found my son's new horse, but time will tell. We all need to commit to really push ourselves on the riding/training this year.
so that means careful planning to pack the bulkier sweaters and slacks. Good news is that I don't have to go rumaging around in the basement looking for the summer wear. I just hope it's not all rainy too - they're talking about rain a couple of days and outside of Las Vegas, everything we plan to do is outdoors. 
for you on the steady downward climb of the scale. Regarding your earlier post on the tummy upset - on the weekends, I too often get out of sync with meals - just busy doing other stuff. Sometimes it's just coffee for breakfast and I don't "eat again" until 4pm or so. Stomach definitely doesn't like that. Lots of growling and all sorts of other things. From your post it seemed like you went for a really long stretch between meals. Not good for you, your metabolism or your innards lady. Remember how upset you were a few weeks back when you asked Nickie to pack a lunch and all she had was an apple and a bottle of water? Same goes for Mom. Maybe if you're planning a day at the stables you could pack a lunch for the both of you and schedule a break if for nothing more than to touch base. Hmmm, maybe, huh? 
And yes, I know I need to watch my food better, especially when I expect my kids to follow my example. It's something I fight with on a regular basis. I've gotten much, much better, so I'm not going to rail on myself about it, but when I get preoccupied and stop watching things very carefully, I slip. Sometimes I just have trouble caring. I think we all do. 
Argh what a day! 
I will be completely happy if all I do is make my 5 pounds this month. Since I'm 3 pounds into my 5 already, somehow I don't think that will be a problem. I haven't been justifying any crappy eating, or not exercising, I just need to ease up a little. It's kind of hard to accept that, on one hand. But on the other I do realize that I don't want to burn out and give up. I actually had a couple glasses of wine the other night, and the sky didn't fall. 
Glad to hear Richard helps you out! I know you don't want to take advantage of him but I think it's great that he doesn't mind to help out and that he spends money on your kids! What a nice guy he must be!
HMMMMM........I can't remember the last time I saw a size 18 
Hang in there, kiddo!
