Yesterday was pretty tough day food wise. Sunday's are the worst because of our potluck anyway, but as it was mothers day I ate too much.
Today will be better I promise I am spending the night with my little sister tonight so my workout will be later in the day tomorrow (depending on how Tommy is feeling). I cant wait to get back to the gym!
YAWN. I slept long and hard last night. I cant believe how tired I am. I would really like to call in sick, but unfortunately I am way too responsible to do it.
W 64oz
E extra laps at work
E 1400 cals
D Keep up for the day. Remind myself the week is almost over. (ok I know it is monday, but once I make it through today I get a day off, then only two in a row)
Didn't fish Turbo Jam out yesterday like I planned, but got a lot of cleaning and planting done. Today is back to work.
Scale was unkind again this am, no idea why...keep at it. Just had a bowl of light & fit mixed w a serving of granola. Yum.
Today's weed
W 100 oz
E Did my crunches, 2 miles at lunch. Not sure if I am running today or tomorrow after work, but definitely one of them.
E Plan
D Focus on the big picture, healthy, not skinny.
morning ladies. I have to go back to work today after 2 glorious days off. I mean thursday/friday I was so frustrated by it, that I didn't get to sleep til around 2 am. I am exhausted. I got up, got showered, did my skincare thing (which is becoming more routine now) and got made up. I'm about to throw together a big salad. I'm hungry already.
Yesterday probably could've been better eatingwise. I sat with a bag of sunflower seeds all day, which is probably what did me in.
DH did NOT want to look through my healthy cookbooks to decide what we're doing for dinner this week. I guess he'll do it HIS way. At least he's not drinking, which is where most of his weight comes from. Did I mention that when his mom was here, she actually blamed ME for his weight problem??? She said I fed him too well...over fed him. I was NOT happy and of course he didn't think anything of it, or anything of saying "nope it's not her it's me."
Ugh. Men. LOL
Anywhoo....let's see if i can crank out some weed:
w: 64 oz. I'm gonna try. been REALLY behind lately
e: walking on breaks. Probably a workout dvd when i get home
e: 1500 calories hopefully
d: focus on what's important, my health, my new career. Avoid the stuff that makes me feel bad, like worrying about how miserable I am at work.
Yay! I'm so glad to see you all again. I need to focus on posting at least once a day here
Hi girls! I'm gonna pretend I'm just now starting this challenge. I like Mondays for starting diets and getting motivated.
Well.....deep breath, let's get this over with. My "big secret". Try not to judge me? And I'll tell it as I see it and please don't think I'm just making a bunch of excuses.
Well as some of you remember I had that GYN surgery back in Feb, then the thing got infected and I was in a bunch of pain. Well the infection cleared up but I figured out pretty easily that pain pills made me feel better, and I didn't just mean the pain. It made me nicer, calmer, more patient. (Yes, high, but it didn't seem like that at the time) And I got hooked on prescription pain pills. It escalated and I'm ashamed to say, I did take steal from and use at work. This went on for about 6-8 weeks and then I got pulled into the office because the Accudose picked up on some suspicious activity under my ID. So I confessed to having a problem and admitted everything.
Side note, there was a girl I worked with about a year ago who came to work drunk on more than a few occasions and the day she was "caught" she basically cursed everyone out and left on the spot. So her license is clean, she's out there practicing nursing but still has a problem. So that was one option for me, or I could try to lie my way out of it, but I really felt relieved to be found out and admitted to it all.
The same day I was confronted, someone from the psych outreach program called me and set me up with a psychiatrist and I went and saw him THE SAME DAY. He set me up with a counsellor(Sheila, my angel!) and I've been seeing her twice a week for four weeks now. She also has me going to group therapy sessions once a week. The doctor wanted to put me on sedatives/ anti-anxiety meds but I was fearful, didn't want to turn one addiction to pills into another. But I eventually relented and they don't alter my mood at all and they really do help with my anxiety.
I lost my job the next week, after 11 years of service and awards in nursing excellence. I was just so embarrassed and ashamed. Everyone could see that I was off the schedule but no one knew why and everyone called but I was just too depressed to talk about it. I even withdrew from here and you guys and I could have talked about it here, semi-anonymously online.
I've been going to NA and AA meetings, see Sheila twice a week, group once a week and will have four weeks clean this friday. I feel better and I'm glad that my employer saved my life before the addiction progressed into doing more/worse things. I feel it all came to light very, very early on. I think I was using to medicate myself for depression, self esteem issues, etc.
My husband has been struggling with anger and sadness over the whole thing and all I could worry about is him leaving me and taking the kids, losing the house, losing everything. But we are working through it all and seem to be coping okay.
Financially, I am able to collect unemployment (the hospital said they would not contest it) and I am going to cash out my 401 to pay off our big bills (I know, bad choice tax wise, but we would otherwise lose our home, and even unemployment is a huge hit in our income)
So. I've been telling some friends, individually about my problem and have been suprised at the compassion and the kindness shown by others. I still struggle with depression and guilt/shame. Health and weight wise, I lost a lot that first week (laying in bed and crying all day) but have since put it all back on. I weighed 261 this morning so I'll go by that.
Well I'll hit submit now before I lose my nerve to post it and be back later for personals and a plan to get back to healthy, inside and out. xo Michelle
Last edited by NurseMichelle; 05-11-2009 at 01:43 PM.
JasonsLean - It's never to late you got it started and that is great...are we ready for
week 5
Jeni - Sometimes all the hard work we do gets us very tired.....but we must continue our journey we will suceed.
Mothermavis - Cleaning and planting is a good work out too... the other things in our daily routines count too. Your bowl of food sound delicious. Keep up the good work~
Holyteror - You crack me up... hehehe...well you are doing awesome and we all know you didn't over feed him...hahahahaha
NurseMichelle - I would like to say I am glad that you are doing better. No judgment here - that took a lot of courage to do. Also to get yourself some help and to admit your addiction and mistakes. You have accepted ok this happened now I move forward. Keep getting all the help you can to stay on track with your Angel Sheila. Sounds like she has really helped you through the hardest times. I think it is great that you turned yourself around. You are human we all do something in our lives that we are not happy about. But we are here for you and hope that you will keep positive.
W 64oz
E 25 Minute Treadmill Completed - Wii Fit tonight
E 1500 cals
D Determined to stay on my mission
Last edited by JAYAGODDESS; 05-11-2009 at 04:49 PM.
JCat- You're allowed to have a bad eating day on Mother's Day. I have a yummy chocolate cake that I baked myself to prove it!
MM- Happy Monday to you to. I like TJ but don't love it. I force myself every now and then to try it. I like the Firm.
Nursie- Glad to see that you're reaching out to all the support that's available to you. Here's a great big cyber hug just for you!
Jaya- I think I'll join you for wii fit tonight. Yoga is my fave; can't do much with the balance stuff though.
Today was so so eating. Had pasta and bread for lunch and then again for dinner. TOM should soon be here. Trying not to gain this week but the carb monster and water retention are brutal!
Still having probs getting here so I'll post the plan for tomorrow:
W- 3-4 glasses
E- mindful
E- cardio/strength
D- "All my life's a circle..." Where's Aud to finish the lyrics of these songs??
MM~I mix my lite and fit with cherrios! I love it that way.
HolyT~My grandmother-in-law blames me too for my DH's eating habits. Of couse she is a control freak! I don't put the fork to his mouth. I am not his mama.
Michelle no judgment, ever. I am so sorry that you lost your job, I hope you are able to get something else in your field. I am so glad that you are in recovery and that you told us. I hope so much for you, I know you will succeed. There is no shame in admitting a problem, the shame is when you don't admit it. I love you so much, hang in there honey.
Grazer: FOOD PORN ALERT!!!!! I had ummmm lets see. One guy brought in for the mothers craisin mini muffins. (I had 3) AND homemade choc/marshmallow brownes (I had two) one guy brought in a cheesecake AND german chocoalte cake (because they are my favorites) I had two cheesecake slices and a piece of cake THEN To top everything off The kids and DH took me to a mexican place and I ate my whole dinner OMG It was awful!
Today I must say I made up for yesterdays sugar fest I was right on with my calorie intake (YAY!)
Last edited by jcatron243; 05-11-2009 at 08:37 PM.
Michelle- I'm so glad you came to us so we can help you also. That stuff happens sometimes, unfortunately. I am so glad you are getting the help you need. I know you must feel ashamed and nervous telling people. We love you and care about you. I hopt your financial situation works out and your it's good that your hubbbie is being supportive. This must be a difficult time, but you will get through it.
Jeni- Did you really eat all that??? Sounds very unusual for you.
MM- Turbo jam looks like fun, but it also looks complicated.
Okay, it is late so just let me say..... TO H*** with the scale. I have been busting my hump and I am just staying the same. I don't understand. I could bang my head against the wall right now. Hey, maybe some blood loss would help me lose an ounce or two.
O M G Jen you and your food porn LOLOL at least it sounds good!!!
Nchellie....honey you had me worried. I thought you were working the breakfast shift at Legs n eggs with no pay.....I love you no matter what and I am PROUD of you for cleaning up and going on with your life!! I will always be here for you if you need me!!!
Where the he-l-l did Rowdy Bliss go? Or was I just seein things? It's possible. Since they fixed my eyes with lasik i've been seeing all kinds of fun things. Like stars, things that don't require corrective lenses....etc LOL
Jaya I'm tryin I am not as miserable anymore since I started my own business. At least I have something to look forward to at the end of the day...Yup i still work at my crappy job, but I have other things to look foward to. I even made a pretty good sale today For about 10 minutes of time, yeah i'd say a pretty darn good sale!
Maybe i'll hop on my wii fit tonight. I need to hit the store for salad stuff. that sorta bombed out on me this morning. I did get a salad at lunch though.....breakfast was pretty filling, i stayed on track for the most part. water didn't happen but there's still time in the day for me to get some in. I'm hoping to crash out early tonight, I've gotta be out of the house early in the am so i can get home, run the vacuum, and have rehearsal tomorrow.
If I missed you in personals, that's my bad. I'll try to catch that up soon. My brain's running on about 3.75 hrs of sleep......i am pooped!!! talk to you soon ladies!
most important ~ Nchellie ~ proud of you. I know how easy it can be to fall into it. I am so proud of you for coming out of it, working through it, and knowing that you and your family are worth what ever it takes. My dad has 25 years sober and battles every day. My Step brother refuses to get sober and drains my families hopes. You stay head strong. Love yourself 1st. You are fantastic and deserve to have your family stand behind you!
everyone else, be good. Still hot here. Fishing sucks. Tan lines are well in place. Tan fat is still fat, so I have been trying to pack good lunches. So far so good. Forgot my scale at home, but have not forgotten my mission.
NMichelle, no judgement here either. We love you. Welcome back.
Kris, tan fat looks better than white fat. I tell my DH that every year while we are on vacation and I am sunning meself!!
HT, you can't do it for DH, but maybe his Mom meant that as a compliment, like you are a good cook. Try not to take it to heart. Either way, we can all only ultimately do it ourselves! Congrats on the sale today! That's cool, huh?
Mindy, Turbo Jam is not too bad and if I can't get a move, I just make sure I keep moving some other way. I am not the brightest crayon in the box everyday, but if I move I get exercise!!
Jaya, love the cartoon. I may try that for today's exercise....
Grazer, I have one the the Firm too, forgot about that. I do like that, need to watch for a step at garage sales this summer.
Jeni, We all have those porn days. Does sound yummy though
W 100
E Running after work, crunching this am
E POP
D Sticking with it, last night was a bit off key.
Errr wrote a very long post and then my browser backed up and lost my post
Anyway,
Mindy, yes I did eat all that. Not my normal food behavior and It wont be happening again for a very long time. I am back to committed to my calories in/calories out program.
HolyT I am so glad that you are liking having your own business.
MM~I have the old "...of Steel" series of tapes. I should find a vcr and work out to those in the morning before work.
As for me, I am back to being committed to cals in vs cals out like I said. Today I am heading to the gym at 9am. Then I am going to plan a nice healthy menu for the next week. I am going to keep my hands busy by cleaning up my house all morning. Then I am heading to my moms to visit my sister (I had to cancel last night, not feeling well then Monsters as children).
W 80 oz
E 30 minutes at least.
E 1400 cals
D keep my eating clean.
I changed my avitar to bettyboop because I have always been a fan of bettyboop and when I ran across this one with boxing gloves I thought omg this is perfect.
Grazer - Did ya do your wii last night? You know what cracks me up is when you step on the platform it says "oh" and then does that green circle
in the middle of screen as if it is searching for you. I did my wii work out last night and unlocked a few games...and oh the hula hoop one is calorie burner and I did a little yoga too...ya like 2 things and they said I need to work on my balance..hahahahah...
jcatron243 - Hi there, I think that it is fun to put up a funny cartoon for a daily laugh.
mtiger- Here is a positive thought for you. We can lose inches before we lose pounds. Sometimes it will not always show up. I know it can be
frustrating but don't give up...you are doing GREAT!!!!
Holyteror- That is great ~ Keep up that positive attitude .......
Nixmom - Little poopsies made me laugh....cute.... Enjoy the warm weather....no need for your scale...you are on a mission and staying strong...
mothermavis - I love the cartoons too...
Last edited by JAYAGODDESS; 05-12-2009 at 08:53 PM.
W.O.W. Declaration of THINdependence ~ Week 5!
I am spending the night with my little sister tonight so my workout will be later in the day tomorrow (depending on how Tommy is feeling). I cant wait to get back to the gym!
no judgment, ever. I am so sorry that you lost your job, I hope you are able to get something else in your field. I am so glad that you are in recovery and that you told us. I hope so much for you, I know you will succeed. There is no shame in admitting a problem, the shame is when you don't admit it. I love you so much, hang in there honey. 
FOOD PORN ALERT!!!!! I had ummmm lets see. One guy brought in for the mothers craisin mini muffins. (I had 3) AND homemade choc/marshmallow brownes (I had two) one guy brought in a cheesecake AND german chocoalte cake (because they are my favorites) 
