Hey Everyone! I just realized last night that I had not been on in days and days. We are gearing up for a vacation next week so I'm stressing about that.
WELCOME all new members! So glad to see more peeps on here.
@Catlover, I think we'd all love to hear about your work with Geenen Roth. I've contemplated many times going to one of her events but I'm not ready.
@wannabe: 19lbs in 6 months is AWESOME. I'm on month 3 and have lost 0 in fact I've lost and regained over the last 3 months. I'm still only going to weigh once a month and I'm thinking of moving it to every 3 months because weighing myself makes me whacked out in so many ways. I don't know why yet - someday I hope to be absolved from this too....
@pinkhippie: so glad you are feeling better!!!!
now that I'm caught up a few things:
1. I love all food. You all talk about not liking chips or ice cream or all these seemingly "bad" foods. I don't like fruit - which I think we are all saying is a "good" food. Remember - all food is food. I have to keep saying that or I'll feel bad that I virtually like everything 'bad' and not a lot of the 'good'. NO, all food is food. nothing is good or bad. period. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you all like healthy items, it's just that I can't look at food like that anymore. I have to look at all food as fuel and equal or I will go off the deep end again.
2. I love water. It energizes me and makes me feel good.
3. I hate to exercise but I love the feeling I have afterwards and it helps with my mood considerably so that is why I do it. I am not pushing myself to the brink like I was with dieting. I was getting injured over and over again doing that and I was so sad that it wasn't affecting my weight loss. Now I do what I want when I want without guilt.
Other news - we have a huge state fair in MN. It is gluttony on a stick. I ate breakfast so I would not be super hungry before we left and made it through the fair without eating so much that I felt like being sick (this usually happens every year - but I'm so over it). I would get things I wanted and then if after a few bites I was done, I would toss it. All of this is a huge win for me. I also forgot my fitbit - I was so mad because I was curious how many steps we took walking around the fair. We have one of the largest and best ones in the country (yes I know I sound weird and fanatic - it's the farm girl in me!).
Next week we are going on a 7 day vacation. It is the longest one we've ever done as a family. I'm a little stressed out about it but after the successful state fair trip, I know I have this in the bag. It should be no big deal food wise other than I need to make sure my son and I stay gluten free. It shouldn't be a problem since Disney is very aware of this and I hear there are many great options for us! We are super excited! Oh I guess I also need to be on more of a schedule since I won't have food readily available to me at all times though I will bring GF snacks. We have character meals scheduled at certain times, so it will be a great lesson for me to see how I manage my hunger around a schedule....
This was another topic I saw on the earlier pages. I have a really hard time with this. When I'm hungry, I want to eat until satisfied at all times. This is something I'm working on - to eat just a bit to remove the discomfort so I can be hungry for say the family dinner. It's a delicate balance for sure.
Thank you everyone and Catlover! I think you hit the nail on the head - I'm struggling with mindful eating. I've been choosing foods these past few days that are lighter which in turn makes me feel less "heavy" in a fullness/stomach way. I feel better. So I think that's part of what you are saying - eating foods my body wants. I will use those steps you mentioned for a few days also - I liked the part about feeling empty. It IS scary. For now, I still feel like I want these lighter foods so I will keep eating them but mindfully. I am not necessarily labeling food as bad or good but on how it makes me feel, so if food makes me feel like crap when I eat it (physically like crap, nauseated, bloated, sluggish, sleepy, etc.), I tend to think of the food itself as crap. I know that I need to allow myself to eat those things when I want them but I think my initial post-restriction eating was not mindful. I think it was a necessary stage and I've learned some lessons from it.
I did a pilates video last night and ordered some videos online for exercise. I am excited to do them - I particularly liked reading that they are strength focused and "probably not enough to lose weight" - I think that will help me focus on doing the yoga and pliates for how it makes my body feel rather than for weight loss. I DO feel better when I move my body and use my muscles. If self care means helping my body be the best it can be, then feeling strong and physically healthy is a part of that.
I have read Overcoming Overeating and there are a lot of good parts in that book. I feel like Karen Koenig's books have resonated with me more - they come from a cognitive behavioral therapy perspective where she has you examine unhealthy beliefs and turn them into healthy beliefs. FOR ME, I felt like OO was another set of rules. I needed to dig in and understand what my feelings are underneath my actions in order to really create change. I think the biggest thing I got out of OO was body acceptance, which is a very valuable lesson. But Karen Koenig's books gave me a better awareness of my lack of self esteem issues and my inability to feel my own feelings. I have been working on self care/self love beliefs and it is helping me a lot. I still have to redirect a lot of thoughts but I'm getting better at it. If you haven't read her books, check them out. The Rules of Normal Eating, Starting Monday and Nice Girls Finish Fat are the ones I read. (Thank you pinkhippie for referring these to me - they have really made a difference!)
I'm finally home and able to check in here. Looks like there are so many awarenesses coming up for many of us. I love that.
I read Geneen's books about 10 years ago, and have since done a couple online courses with her, though I have not done an in person retreat with her. One of my coaches is friends with her and turned me onto her work and supports my integration of it into my life.
That being said, I would classify that my learning has seemed slow. I know the patterns in place have been here for a very long time, and I do try to stay soft in my judgements.
Geneed has eating guidelines that have been helpful for me, the one most powerful is to eat with the intention of being seen or in full view. So, it keeps me aware when I am eating with an intention of not being seen, like sneaking.
What I'm learning about myself is that I am very sensitive emotionally, and I've always judged that. I remember that it was often hard for those around me to understand my reactions and responses to things. I cry easy, and I laugh easy. And I began to judge myself because I wanted others to accept me, so I had be what they wanted to fit in. Or so I thought. It's quite a journey and I'm finding food weaved in every which-a-way. By learning to be with my sensitivities, speak on my own behalf, stay with myself when I fear others are judging me, I'm learning more about why I eat what my body doesn't really want.
Each persons trip down this road is different, and it changes day by day with a few universal truths rising to top. Love trumps fear. That's what I keep learning, then forgetting, then learning again.
Jensassy, you are absolutely right. Food IS food. Isn't it amazing how quickly and easily we can forget that? I guess when I say that I don't like certain foods or do like them and so its beneficial to me on my IE journey, what I really mean is those foods either make my body feel good or bad and its fortunate that I don't really like them. Sometimes I find myself eating foods that do make my body feel bad but I feel compelled to eat them. With some foods I don't like, at least I don't have to worry about those. but you are absolutely right. Food is food. It is all equal. The hardest thing to get over for me I think.
Mariam wow, I love what you said. I have finally slowed my bites down and am chewing more thoroughly. It took me years to get to this point. Eating the way you describe sounds like taking it to the next level.
Locke, I also follow the Overcoming Overeating way. for some reason it really resonates with me.
Beachybreeze: Im so glad that you got so much out of Karen Koenig! Now you have me wanting to check out The Rules for Normal Eating again. I still haven't read it.
Right now Im in the process of listening to my body and what it tells me about what Im eating. It's kind of hard since I feel like my signals are muddled by years of programming and nutrition info. Last night I made this really delicious rich dinner. Tortellini Alfredo. I also had bought a box of cinnamon toast crunch because I was craving it for like a week. I was really looking forward to a bowl of cereal after dinner. But, dinner was SOOOO good that I ate more than I was planning and realized I was full after dinner. I told myself that I could have the cereal if I wanted it, but my stomach was full so I decided to wait. I ended up waiting all night. I thought about the cereal on and off and but after checking in with myself, I just didn't want it. I wasn't hungry and I wanted to enjoy the cereal. So, I ended up going to bed. I didn't feel deprived or anxious about it. When I woke up this morning I was hungry and so I enjoyed a bowl of the cereal. Which, wasn't as good as I was imagining it to be, oh well. Anyway, this is progress. In the past, I would have had the cereal anyway because I had planned it or had been craving it. I wouldn't have been able to wait because I wouldn't REALLY believe that it would be there the next day or that I could wait. OR I would have not had the cereal but thought about it all night and felt deprived when I went to bed. I always have had this thing that when I get food I feel like I have to eat it ALL right now. I am starting to move past that and it feels really good. I am beginning to trust that when I want food, it will be there for me. AND that I will allow myself to have it. Consequently, I don't feel like I need to eat all the food right away.
Pinkhippie, I really connected with what you said about wanting to enjoy your cereal, and so you wanted to wait until you were hungry for it. Food tastes sooooo much better when I am hungry! Thank you for articulating what I'm feeling so well.
I also really connected to what you were saying about all the years of programming. I can recognize that I often don't know what hunger feels like, or even what full feels like. And i'm usually moving so fast that I don't even know what I don't recognize, until it's tool late, and I'm ready to pass out in a food coma.
Something interesting that I learned that I didn't know through eating mindfully is that I don't really LOVE chocolate. Now, I'm famous in my family for chocolate and sweets. Even for a little while, I made chocolates and confections and sold them to the coffee shops here in town. What I learned by paying attention is that I don't love chocolate like I thought I did. I used to could eat a 2 pound box of Russel Stovers in an evening. Joe might have a piece, and then I would justify that we shared it.
What I learned was that I LOVE good caramel coated in dark chocolate with a sprinkle of sea salt. I learned that I LOVE fresh, roasted, lightly salted almonds coated in milk chocolate. It was amazing, because when I finally listened to myself, my real self, I learned what I loved and I no longer felt the need to eat cheap substitutes that some fearful voice said I needed to have right now.
And now, when I have those foods whose flavor makes me sing, it feels like a pure and powerful act of self love. When I am really present to what I'm eating, one piece is so satisfying, that's all I want.
It's good for me to come here and share, because I forget these very important learns.
I totally agree with you. I've found that when I really listen to myself I don't like some of the things that I thought I liked before. I used to LOVE having a binge on cheap chinese food: orange chicken, chow mein, dumplings, etc. A few weeks ago it was Friday and I was craving something special so I ordered a plate of food. This in itself was a change. I used to order about $50 worth and pig out on it for a few days. The food arrived and I started eating. It was really salty, greasy, and bland. I ate until I was satisfied but it opened my eyes. I would really have rather had some steamed rice and maybe some meat and vegetables in a sauce instead of the deep fried stuff. I ended up putting over half the plate in the trash. It didn't appeal.
I totally agree with you. I've found that when I really listen to myself I don't like some of the things that I thought I liked before. I used to LOVE having a binge on cheap chinese food: orange chicken, chow mein, dumplings, etc. A few weeks ago it was Friday and I was craving something special so I ordered a plate of food. This in itself was a change. I used to order about $50 worth and pig out on it for a few days. The food arrived and I started eating. It was really salty, greasy, and bland. I ate until I was satisfied but it opened my eyes. I would really have rather had some steamed rice and maybe some meat and vegetables in a sauce instead of the deep fried stuff. I ended up putting over half the plate in the trash. It didn't appeal.
I love when that happens Locke and Catlover!!! I used to think that my DNA contained bits and pieces of peanut M&Ms. Um, no. and some days now they make my stomach churn.
It's great to have so many ladies here going through all the same things and sharing. I too have figured out that a lot of my previously favorite foods are not so favorite anymore. Fast food especially is bleh. I still eat it sometimes but I can imagine one day having no taste for it at all.
More precisely I still like foods but not all foods are created equal. Many times I've ordered French fries and have been disappointed. I'm not willing to eat something unless it truly tastes good, and I've come to learn that most French fries are just not that good. So easy to avoid now.
