no, but I might try that stim. I actually told myself aloud "NO!" when I reached for a peanutbutter chocolate cupcake. I did have some mini chocolate chips instead though. I hope I make it through tonight without stress eating.
I envision myself thin again, when I was thin, I didn't eat every chance I got! I like your quote stim. I will NOT self medicate with food.
I did drink some raspberry leaf tea so that is filling. I should just go to bed, but my brain is pretty wired.
well, I just weighed myself, (trying to motivate me not to binge or stress eat) and I weighed 197.4, I was 198.2 this morning, I lost weight during the day! Sooo I might be 2-3 lbs lighter in the morning, so I will get a new low! Exciting. That is motivation to not eat--just to see that new low.
apparently my body is ok with losing on 1900-2000 calories. I dropped down to 194.0 today. So happy. the scale hadn't been going anywhere in a while. Of course I was super busy this week, so 1800 is a good goal.
when i eat below 1900 calories, i am tired, cranky, and irritable. it is days that i am super low on the scale, or need to go out (aka body is expecting the need for energy consumption) that i have been binging.
i have now also started binging directly before yoga. coming home, and continuing. i am starting to think that this is my bodies happy place?
also, i am now OFFICIALLY weighing in on mondays.
last monday i was at 179.8. this monday (today) 176.6. (which is annoying because i was at 174 yesterday and did not over eat).
anyways, in the grand scheme of things, the scale in moving down, even though i'm not really losing real weight lol
stim, I think I am there too. TOTALLY sabotaged my own weight loss.
All i ate today was cake, until dinner. I consumed 1400 calories in cake, and 400 calories for dinner and another 400 calories in trying to eat normally between the cake.
I finally blew up on SO, and it DIDN'T HELP.
What is wrong? I am fearful to leave the baby at night and my interview went wonderful today, I have a peer interview tomorrow. I know I need the job, the hours would be hard, but I would love it, BUT I AM TERRIFIED to leave the baby.
so what do I do? self medicate with cake all day. What is wrong with me.
Ok, well, the scale didn't punish me as much as I thought it was.
I am still fighting back RAGE and this is why:
Well, I had to really FACE my issues last night. I also did alot of googling to find what other women had to say about the matter.
I came up with 2 MAJOR REASONS for my anger.
I am MAD at my SO because I HAVE TO WORK to support us. I feel that if he were MORE OF A MAN--I wouldn't have to. I know this is unfair, but my father worked his butt off and my mom stayed home with the kids, my dad DID NOT want my mom to have to work. So part of it is my upbringing.
The second major reason is I AM MAD at my SO that I DO NOT FEEL SECURE enough to leave the baby AND NOT WORRY. I am pissed off that he brings up insecurity in me, again I feel if he were a better partner, I WOULD NOT HAVE THESE FEELINGS AT ALL.
These are things that I can not just sweep under the rug, and they are ongoing. I know the moment I leave my little one to go to work, the bitterness for SO will creep up in my heart. I hate to have to leave my baby, and I feel it is HIS FAULT.
Apparently, I'm not alone in this, other working moms feel the same way, and sometimes it ruins their relationship. I don't know what to do. I had no idea I would feel this strongly.
I am not going to self medicate with food tonight, but I know these feelings are still very HOT, and I know if my interview goes well again, I might feel the same RAGE.
I am really praying about this, but i have moments where I REALLY HATE HIS GUTS.
I did binge a bit last night.. But since I had so little to eat yesterday I evened out a bit I think. The scale was still down. I'm back to my original starting weight. Now it's back on track and NO more getting off. Hopefully.
It's a good thing though, isn't it? I know that you hate having those feelings and you don't want to feel that resentment, but recognizing it is an excellent step in your goal to get to the root of your binging/overeating!
I was able to eat a very small slice of cheesecake last Wednesday and not binge or eat anything "bad" after (or since then) because I "blew" it. I did eat it because it was homemade and chocolate. But I ate so little I didn't think I did too much damage. That was a huge victory for me.
Congrats! That is a big deal for someone who struggles with binges. Being able to cut yourself off and eat a "normal" portion of something is a huge step!
