jossfit my issue,and the fact that i gained weight, the original weight that i put on, was mostly due to stress and life changes - moved cities, moved in with my parents, quit my job/looking for a new job. therefore, new city, new yoga studio, not having a proper "feeding schedule" due to having to cooperate with my parents/not living alone/ having trigger foods in the house. i am actually not GAINING anymore per-se but i am hovering, my lowest was in march. i quit my job march 30th, and then gained about 2 lbs. since having moved home, i am hovering between 175-180 right now.

i think the issue is when i go down a little, i feel GOOD and then the hunger sets in. i haven't lived in this city for about 5 years. i am seeing old friends/acquantances/relatives/ meeting new people.

1). i lost all of my "health obsessed" friends, so i am constantly avoiding/trying to navigate restaurants/cafes/other unhealthy options.

2). seeing people i "used to know" they haven't seen me in many years for most of them, and it's like, BABAAAAM i dropped 100 lbs, so people are ASKING and it's frustrating because i KNOW i've gained, i know i've lost some of my tone because im eating higher fat foods, and im generally not feeling well, so it's like a double-negative.

3). everybody is expecting some magic solution, where i am fighting for this every day.

4). i am a creature of habit, my pattern is off. my eating is changing. not that there isn't healthy food in the house, but there are my "sometimes foods" that i am now eating ALL THE TIME.

5). I just need to find a new pattern to set into. i looked at my nutrients today, and my protein is super low, mostly because i ate other stuff (carby stuff) and couldn't "afford" to eat more proteins because they are too calorie dense.

aside from that, today was better. i did get into the cereal again (right before yoga, again) but still went. this means that i (pardon my french) was burping cereal for 90 minutes which sucked. but stayed on plan for the rest of the day. i am very proud of myself. i feel like i haven't had proper meals, or protein all week because of my carb-week.

plan for tomorrow:

breakfast: COFFEE , half of an orange, egg beaters w/mushrooms.

post yoga snack: watermelon/ greek yogurt with pb2 ??

lunch: salmon/asparagus / piece of fruit

snack: ??

dinner: leek soup/ ground turkey/ sugar free jello

lets hope nothing derails this plan. (fyi: im eating about 1,600 cals a day, so the servings are fairly large ha ha)

well, since I went to the festival, i finished at 1900 calories, but since I binged this morning, finishing under 2000 is a success. I hope the scale doesn't shame me in the morning.

I ate too many crackers, but all the same ended below 1200. Not good, though, because this means I will retain water because of the wheat.
I need to incorporate veggies again... When I run low on veggies at home I end up eating other stuff instead of buying more! Lazybones!

just a personal reminder that i am taking note of today: the feeling of waking up, weighing in less, the sunken in belly, the feeling of health, and accomplishment. why do we cave, binge and rid ourselves of that feeling?

honestly, this might be an age thing, this might be silly, but you know what keeps resonating with me? that kanye song "sh*t's real, i feel, like a supermodel who just skipped a meal". ahahah.

okay, maybe too much coffee this AM??

ingles, I am the same way, plus once the veggies start turning I start snacking out of the cupboard.

stim, you are too funny. I agree there is something about waking up and feeling that "i'm losing weight feeling because I ate less than I needed, and I never stuffed myself" feeling.

Well, no binging today, but I overate again. Got to get a handle on that.

I did do alot of manual labor today, and was very very busy all day.

so far, so good. it's 10 pm. i ate on plan. then, there was bbq. bbq that i said "no thanks to" (I LOVE MEAT!!!) which was difficult, then i was directed to said bbq, which sat on the kitchen counter (and is currently still sitting there) approximately 4 times.

i also specifically chose to not go out tonight. because i do not want to risk ingesting extra calories. i was asked about 4 times, why i wasn't going out.

i would like to eat one, extra large peperoni pizza.

right now. =)

I'm so very disappointed in myself. Not only did I gain back the 4lbs I lost I gained 5 extra pounds. BUT i know what it was from.. I went out a LOT this weekend. Starting Thursday. No one in my house wanted to cook dinner so we went to taco bell. Ok not great But I ordered off the new "diet drive though" which is a LOT less calories and stuff then the regular food. On Friday I had my interview and thought Hey.. I got through this why not go to McDonald's to celebrate.. So I went there for lunch.. Friday night my brothers kids came to visit for the weekend. Pizza. Then today... I had wendys for dinner..

I couldn't help it.. I'm the fast food queen.

And the worst part of it is I exercised a lot this weekend. UGH!


On a good note.. I went to my favorite bar (they had like a party they have once a year) and won the 50/50... $84!!!!

Back to reality tomorrow.. No junk.. No fast food.. Healthy proportions and most of all NO JUNK FOOD!

HEY imnotperfect you had a good (or crappy weekend) depends on whether you want to say "hey i enjoyed that, and back on the horse", or "omg im going to beat myself up about it" .

as long as this isnt a "daily" occurance, it's ok to be like that sometimes. you can do it!!

as for me.
a day in the life on my food pushing, 5'2, 120 lb eastern european mother. so, i did have like,3 oz of bbq last night. as she hovered and watched me.

this morning. i woke up at 8 am, came downstairs and made coffee. i've had a headache for the last 4 days (culprit: cleaning the toxins caused by the very same mother, out of my body). she's already commented that i have a headache because i should eat. them made herself an avocado and mozzarella sandwich, and offered it to me 4 times. all in the span of 8 am, and 8 30 am.

i am livid already.

the scale was at 174 this morning, which is fantastic. i am losing bloat. which means today is going to be a really hard day in the food department and i can't deal with her.

guess i really just need to stop looking for the "perfect" job and accept whatever just to regain my own sanity and move out of this house again.

You gained 9 pounds in one weekend? You know that's not REAL weight gain... it's food and water in your body.

Thats the culprit right there... sodium! All those fast food meals are LOADED with it. I promise if you had eaten the same amount of calories from low sodium foods it would not have been such a dramatic difference on the scale.

I don't blame you... that would be so frustrating. Its hard enough for me having to deal with that with my friends and co-workers, but to have to deal with it at home, the one place that should be a safe haven, would be irritating to say the least.

I understand what you mean... it will be a mental battle from being frustrated with her, and then also saying "well obviously I didn't do THAT much damage with my binge the other day, since I'm losing it again on the scale... so what's one more day? It's a holiday weekend after all..." - at the end of the day it comes down to you. If you're stressed out and don't feel like obsessing over counting calories today and just want to enjoy the weekend, do it. Just don't if you will feel guilty about it afterward.

i honestly think it's more of a... she doesn't have the best of intentions. i know that's a horrible thing to say, but the comments, all of the comments. she might mean them in good spirit, but they are super hurtful.

ex. the yoga. i practice bikram. i am not sure if you are familiar with the practice, but it's 90 minutes in a 40 degree room. you come out drenched in sweat. dripping. literally, dripping. the common sentiment about the practice is "welcome to the torture chamber" and "90 minutes of **** for 90 years of good health". the thing is, i love the practice but i DO drag my a$$ there every single day. i physically, drag it. so hearing those comments about being sweaty? (i haaate sweat) not very encouraging.


mother dearest, knows nothing about exercise. and almost frowns upon it. i have a girlfriend currently running in the ottawa race weekend, the full mara, and i was commenting on her times that were being updated (she hit 21.1 k in under 2 hrs!!!!) then i kind of followed it up with, man i gotta register for a run. she kind of looks at me and goes, WHAT? why don't you just run outside for free, where nobody can see you?

ya. my mother.

the thing is, im going to snap. it's not going to be pretty, and i mean i know i'm complain, im living in her house, and bla bla bla. but literally, this is not a personal choice, and once chapter closing, while waiting for the other one to open.

Yes from Thursday till now. (Well it was Saturday night when I cheeked again.. Haven't looked at the scale today.. To ashamed.)

Hopefully when I get back in the grove today and the rest of the week. (Tomorrow is Memorial day UGH! Cookout tonight which means food double UGH!) I will loose it again!

notperfect, I agree you did not gain a real 9 lbs, you gained a lot of water weight and maybe some bulk weight because that stuff is hard to digest,

stim, hun I know you are frustrated, but you are doing so well, sounds like your mom doesn't understand your struggles. That yoga sounds ridiculous. I do some yoga though, and I know how challenging some of the positions are, and to go from one to other takes alot of effort.

I'm still terribly sore, I don't think I am going to get my second zumba workout in today, but I am going to try.

joss, you always have such good advice.

I didn't do well with cereal today, I ate a couple of bowls, but I woke up sore and frustrated by the scale, and I miss cereal. So I think I overdid it with the cereal, but haven't eaten much else today, at least i got some fiber and vitamins from that--it wasn't a chip fest or anything.

I know It just sucks because I was doing so good.. Bleh.

@stimkovs Nope.. Im back on the horse..

I was able to eat a very small slice of cheesecake last Wednesday and not binge or eat anything "bad" after (or since then) because I "blew" it. I did eat it because it was homemade and chocolate. But I ate so little I didn't think I did too much damage. That was a huge victory for me.