good morning chickies! feeling good today, i'm happy to report. and also feeling sentimental so before i lose the vibe, just wanted to let you all know how much i appreciate your understanding and support. even though you're only words on a screen, i cannot begin to describe the sense of belonging and of camaraderie i have found here. so thanks again
i totally binged today. the problem was that i was nervous and i don''t know about what i nervous and i was bored. and i got into a fight with my sister. she's driving me crazy. and we just had other sister and her family over gor a visit and she talked about weight and food all the time. then she asked me if i had a scale and i said no, even though she knows i have one because they go trough my stuff whenever they come for a visit. that's why i have to lock my room all the time. i bought myself roller blades today but i don't feel like going for a walk by myself and it's such a pretty weather. i miss my friends but i don't feel like calling them for a meeting cause then they would see me fat. ohhh today i tried some really pretty dress on and it fit me, but i told myself that i would buy it only when i loose some pounds. and then i started thinking, what if this weight is ok? why do i even want to be skinny if i don't know how to maintain? what if i should wait at least few more years untill i move on my own and things get easier? those questions always make me spin in circle and i don't know what to do anymore
good morning chickies! feeling good today, i'm happy to report. and also feeling sentimental so before i lose the vibe, just wanted to let you all know how much i appreciate your understanding and support. even though you're only words on a screen, i cannot begin to describe the sense of belonging and of camaraderie i have found here. so thanks again
I agree 100%. Coming here has given me something that I havent found anywhere else. I feel understanding and empathy but have also found advice, support and so much encouragement. I just wish that I had come across this thread years ago day 78.
Day 4- Have some very upsetting financial problems happen. This morning I could hardly eat breakfast. It's weird I just noticed, when I'm happy or I'm angry w/ something or someone, I want to eat. If it's bad financial news, i get nausea & can't eat. Now I feel better about the situation, I'm afraid I'll slip up and buy junk food at the market tonight.
I had a fairly low calorie day (even though I was visiting my mother who likes to nuture me with food and tell me not to lose any more weight. *sigh*)
Dinner was way more than I usually eat, but I shared the entree with hubby and my daughter and mains I ate 3/4 (it was very rich and I am sure loaded with calories) and I didn't have desert, and I only drank diet coke.
DID i get the binge mentality? I tend to think, OH well I have stuffed up my diet now I might as well enjoy and keep eating, then I start thinking what else is at home, what else I can buy.... For a moment here and there I definitely was thinking BINGE!!!! , what else do I want? But circumstances and the people around me made me hestitate (no way I would binge in front of people I know, it was more when I get out of here I am gonna have) but by the time we left those binge thoughts were rather distant.
so is that a win or lose? I did get binge thoughts, would definitely have acted on it if I could have at the time. Can't really work out the calories for the day, but assuming it wasn't above 1800 which is my maintaince level. I suppose I will see what effect it has on the scales tomorrow.
Last edited by icedragon6669; 04-02-2011 at 06:42 PM.
hang in there fruitlady...don't lose sight of what is really happening. food will not help, it'll make you feel worse. can these financial problems be solved? i am praying they can be, swiftly and without causing you further anguish. hugs.
leblebi- Thank you, your right food won't solve the problem. I put a jar of peanut butter & marshmallow in my cart at the market, changed my mind and put it back. Now I'm home, read your post & realized how glad I am that I didn't buy it.
icedragon- I wouldn't count it as a binge. You may have had thoughts of binging at home, but you didn't. Good Job!
fruit lady, after serious thought I do feel ok with dinner last night, and have slogged my bum off today helping hubby build a garden (moving 16 bales of hay and soon to help him shift 3 tons of soil using a wheelbarrow.) I think I will work off any extra calories and then some
so I declare.... I am 35 days binge free after today!
Fruitlady, money issues are enough to make anyone struggle emotionally! congratulations for sticking that jar back, i think we all must realise we will get these thoughts but its whether we act on them that counts in the end!
another binge day, i kinda caught myself off guard. i just got so excited today when i called some friends for a meeting and that is why i binged. i mean so stupid. i'm just so stressed about what will people say when they see me fat again. and right after i came home my evil sister told me during our conversation, that she and one of my other sisters talk about my weight behind my back but they don't want to tell it to me in my face.no they rather mock me. ughhh, and also my friend and i met one some old man while we were resting on the sun and he came to us and started talking to us about god and what are we doing to ourselves, and how world will change...and he really made me think about lot of things. but it was hard to stop him once he started. haha but he was really nice and kind
so hoping to start again tomorrow and i probably won't write here untill i'm one week binge free. i know i can do it. hang in there girls!!!
day 78.
