Weight Loss Support - Self esteem = motivation killer?!?!?




GMNEVO
02-03-2014, 07:42 PM
Alright here goes my rant. I have been in a weightloss journey for forever but made good progress between June (when I joined) and December I went from 276 to 233, I felt on top of the universe and everywhere I went they where impressed with how good I looked and how much I've changed which got me feeling super good about myself for the first time in a long….long…long time. Since Christmas I've been slacking, I continue to go to the gym because I actually enjoy it but have been pigging out constantly first it was the holidays then my bday and this weekend I am going in a cruise, today I got on the scale and I was 239 lbs!!! :eek: I have gotten my friends involved and they are super supportive and even got me 6 setions with a personal trainner for my bday :D, the only problem is I wake up every day, get dressed feel awesome so when they bring out the sweets, the snacks the junk food I am all over it!!!! For some reason the boost of self esteem destroyed my motivation and I'm not sure how to get it back :(


iamritu
02-03-2014, 08:29 PM
wow...it feels i hv written it!!! totally my story....
sorry do not hv any suggestion sexcept tht i understand how u r feeling. Everyday is a challenge for me. Every morning i vow to hv a good day eating wise ( i hv been doing good on the exercise front)...but those chocolates get hold of me and i am done!!!!

dstalksalot
02-04-2014, 01:19 AM
It's not so much about the motivation as it is the commitment to stay at it. Small steps forward. You can have excellent self confidence and still feel the need to make yourself better. Make a commitment and make changes.


Velvet bean
02-04-2014, 05:56 AM
GMNEVO, I think it's a big step to indentify your problem before you gained all your weight back! You only gained a little, it’s not a big deal - you should be back on track in no time. Maybe thinking about all the work you put in will motivate you to diet again? Or thinking about how disappointed you (and your friends who helped you) will be if you gain all the weight back? Try to remember the reasons you have for losing weight and write them down.

It’s nothing wrong with taking a little break from dieting, but keep stepping on the scale, so you don’t gain too much weight.

diamondgeog
02-04-2014, 07:04 AM
To me self esteem is one of the things that keeps me going on. My daily life, moment to moment, is so much better weighing less: movement, energy, clarity, health, mood, and yes looks. I am worth it.

I am probably older than you and I'd be lying if health wasn't a huge issue. I've seen family get diabetes and dementia, which more and more studies are linking to diet. Then the heart diseases and cancer.

And I remember feeling awesome at 250 which wasn't that long ago. I am hovering around 215 now. Trust me the next 35 lbs feels just as amazing as the first 35.

Really want to feel awesome? Committ to the next 35lbs. And whatever you do try to internalize that these are lifestyle changes forever, that they are more than worth it, and they don't stop when you get to X. Or you are going to Yo Yo until you do internalize that.

Wannabeskinny
02-04-2014, 08:07 AM
Oh yes, this happens to us all probably. You're rewarding yourself a little and that's ok. But this is not about self esteem, it's about commitment. Don't fret if your motivation is down, motivation does not make anything happen. Commitment makes things happen. Focus on the commitment, then you'll see results.

Motivation is an emotion, emotions change all the time. It's our actions that drive who we are and what we do. Enjoy your cruise but don't go crazy on the buffets lol!

kaplods
02-04-2014, 08:10 AM
I can relate. There have been times over the past 43 years of dieting when I told myself I "deserved" high calorie treats.

I still make that mistake far too often, but yet far less frequently than I once did.

I find it easier to avoid high calorie foods and binge trigger foods by telling myself I deserve better. Instead of using dieting to punish the bad me, and bingeing to reward the good me, I focus on diet and exercise being ways to pamper my amazing self.

I decide I'm "too good to treat so poorly." I deserve good health. I deserve healthy, tasty, "real" food.

I still look at some foods as ways to pamper me, but now it's with something like going shopping for a new or favorite healthy food, not garbage. I now shop for fruits, veggies, and lean proteins the way I once did for cheesecake.

Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I decided to splurge on frozen shrimp at the grocery store and papaya salad and steamed tilapia seasoned with cilantro and lemongrass at the asian grocery.

I still have problems with junk carbs, but my bigger challenge is in portion control of some high calorie "healthy foods." For example last week I bought two large avocados as a treat and I ate them both within about a 24 hour period.

I have to remind myself of the bigger picture. Sure I deserve to eat yummy things, but I deserve even more to be healthier and feel better physically, so I look for foods that taste yummy, but also fit into my food plan and aren't foods that make me feel lethargic and sick.

LilDazed
02-04-2014, 08:11 AM
Rewards are great! It's going overboard with the rewards that can trip ya up. =P I gotta beat myself up sometimes to say,"Just have one cookie. ONE! Don't have another or you fail!" It's almost like if I don't have myself that, I'll pop in three more cookies without even thinking about it.

diamondgeog
02-04-2014, 08:57 AM
It is probably mostly semantics but motivation was THE KEY to me. I do not think of motivation as ephemeral. It is not an emotion to me at all. It is how you stand in life. As in what motivates you? Well-being? Being the healthiest, happiest, most productive you? It was the absolute crucial ingrident for me.

With motivation I could access my inherent ability to commit and accomplish things. I became a parent later in life. Then this past year I watched my beloved uncle get dementia at 70. He was brilliant and funny and a hard worker and these were supposed to be the best years of his life.

All GONE. And he was always lighter than me but he eat junk. My motivation is constant, it never leaves me. My daughter will be 15 when I am 60. She will have a healthy dad. Plus being healthy and strong rocks so much and is so much fun. Motivation was THE THING that has made me successful and will continue to make me successful every day of my life.

Commitment to me follows motivation. You won't truly commit until you find THE THING or things that motivates you to be healthy forever.

Wannabeskinny
02-04-2014, 09:19 AM
It is probably mostly semantics but motivation was THE KEY to me. I do not think of motivation as ephemeral. It is not an emotion to me at all. It is how you stand in life. As in what motivates you? Well-being? Being the healthiest, happiest, most productive you? It was the absolute crucial ingrident for me.



I totally disagree with you but I agree that it's semantics. To me, it's like a car. Motivation is the key that turns on the engine. Commitment is the gasoline that makes the car go and keep going. What you're thinking about is a goal, that's the destination. You can be motivated to get to your final destination, but you'll need lots of gasoline to get there.

diamondgeog
02-04-2014, 09:25 AM
Motivation is my gasoline. Pure and simple to me. With motivation anything is possible. Without it, it is going to be a rough road.

Without motivation why are you committing to something? When things get rough, when you want to quit what is going to keep you going if you don't have motivation?

I never succeeded before. When I got my motivation down I have blown away my wildest expectations.

Mrs Snark
02-04-2014, 09:33 AM
Just want to add that for me, EVERY emotion made me want to eat. I would eat when I was sad. Eat when I was bored. Eat when I was depressed. Eat in celebration when I was happy. Eat, eat, eat.

Strong emotions made me want to eat. Absence of strong emotions made me want to eat to feel something. It's a bad cycle for sure.

Regarding the motivation discussion: For me, it was when the new, healthy behaviors became solid habits that things got easier (not always EASY but definitely easier). I don't brush my teeth every day because I feel so terribly motivated to avoid dental problems. Gum disease and rotten teeth are not in the front of my mind every time I grab a toothbrush. I brush my teeth out of habit: without thinking and without internal angst and without struggling to find my motivation and reviewing all the truly important reasons for good dental hygiene.

Same for exercise and healthy eating. Yes, I can easily list all my motivations for trying to be healthy (and clinging to those motivations got me through the very hard first 6 months of change), but that isn't what I use NOW on an daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis to stay on plan. It is now habit. It is habit to grab fruit for breakfast. Habit to run first thing. Habit to buy a ton of veggies at the grocery store and entirely avoid the cracker aisle.

I realize and respect how very difficult it was to make these new habits, and I don't want to break them and return to all that internal minute-by-minute struggle.

Wannabeskinny
02-04-2014, 09:39 AM
Just want to add that for me, EVERY emotion made me want to eat. I would eat when I was sad. Eat when I was bored. Eat when I was depressed. Eat in celebration when I was happy. Eat, eat, eat.

Strong emotions made me want to eat. Absence of strong emotions made me want to eat to feel something. It's a bad cycle for sure.

Regarding the motivation discussion: For me, it was when the new, healthy behaviors became solid habits that things got easier (not always EASY but definitely easier). I don't brush my teeth every day because I feel so terribly motivated to avoid dental problems. Gum disease and rotten teeth are not in the front of my mind every time I grab a toothbrush. I brush my teeth out of habit: without thinking and without internal angst and without struggling to find my motivation and reviewing all the truly important reasons for good dental hygiene.

Same for exercise and healthy eating. Yes, I can easily list all my motivations for trying to be healthy (and clinging to those motivations got me through the very hard first 6 months of change), but that isn't what I use NOW on an daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis to stay on plan. It is now habit. It is habit to grab fruit for breakfast. Habit to run first thing. Habit to buy a ton of veggies at the grocery store and entirely avoid the cracker aisle.

I realize and respect how very difficult it was to make these new habits, and I don't want to break them and return to all that internal minute-by-minute struggle.

I totally agree, because motivation is so fragile. Imagine if you had to motivate yourself to brush your teeth every morning. I mean, who wants to think about gum disease twice a day? No, that's what commitment and putting habits in place is for. Imagine if you had to motivate yourself to go to work, you just go, it's the plan so you follow it and you know that if you stop going you'll stop getting paid. Motivation is really tiring actually. I don't want to think about it every moment of the day because it doesn't play that big of a role, I don't need to feel motivated to eat a salad, I just eat a salad and make it part of my daily fabric. I'm not making a philosophical decision day to day. We're human beings, sometimes I wake up and I want to eat junk food, just because I'm not motivated does not mean I'm off plan. I focus on the commitments I've made, even if I don't feel like it!

pixelllate
02-04-2014, 09:44 AM
Personally, if I get a lot of outside encouragement, I don't feel the same urge as if I'm keeping this awesome secret deep inside that I'm trying to lose. Like I feel a glee if its something that only I know.
I think that combined with this -
so when they bring out the sweets, the snacks the junk food I am all over it!!!!
that would personally make it very hard for me to feel the determination to lose. BTW, why do they bring out the snacks? Is this just for a bday or is it a regular thing? If it is for a regular thing, maybe just tell them that for now, that is a big obstacle for you, and you can ask if they can either cut down on what they bring, or like you can bring your own veg platter.

diamondgeog
02-04-2014, 09:58 AM
I have stated in multiple posts it is lifestyle changes leading to better habits. And that it gets easier. Almost exactly what Mrs. Snark is saying.

None of that would have happened without getting motivation down. For me the crucial difference between success and failure is motivation. Maybe not throughout the process but at first for sure.

Now I feel so dang awesome and I love running so much I want to run and be and move at under 200 lbs.

I am so much less hungry now so it is much easier than before. But the glue, the brick and mortar, the absolute base of what got me to the healthier me was motivation. I've had decades of not succeeding. It was almost magical this time because of motivation. Motivation got me to succeed and is there as needed now to keep going.

Wannabeskinny
02-04-2014, 10:29 AM
If that is true what you say about motivation then it means that millions of people, you and myself included, didn't have motivation when we were unhealthier. It just feeds into what everyone else thinks about fat people - that we are lazy slobs. For the record, I've always had motivation to lose weight and be healthy. I've always had reasons to live, people to live for, a future to look forward to. I just always got tripped up in my failures. I woke up with motivation only to go to bed with disappointment. Again, this is probably just semantics but obese people don't lack motivation, I've rarely come across anyone who is not motivated to be healthy. I do come across people who don't have a plan, or can't commit to a plan, or berate themselves when they mess up.

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily." Zig Ziglar

diamondgeog
02-04-2014, 10:37 AM
There are hundreds of weight loss success stories on Huffington Post. All of them have a breaking point section. The unhealthiest just gets to be too much. Something clicks. Something motivates like never before. And BAM they are off.

Did I want to be healthy before? Of course. But I was never motivated enough. Becoming a parent :-) and sadly experiencing my uncle's decline motivated me like never before. I had a desire before but I understand now that I was in actuality never truly motivated before. I am now.

And it changed EVERYTHING. And it did for the hundreds of other people posting on Huff Post.

The ironic thing is I post more than almost anyone else here about food environment and how toxic it is. Many people blame themselves on 3FC. I post over and over it is much more complex than that for the problem. But to succeed yes it takes personal motivation to change.

pixelllate
02-04-2014, 11:49 AM
I post over and over it is much more complex than that for the problem.
I don't think that anyone denies that - its pretty common knowledge that environment plays a role, but when we post we tend to talk about our personal experiences. Plus it doesn't change the self-guilt that many feel, whether or not they should feel this way about themselves. I get mad at myself for all sorts of negative things that were pretty unavoidable - this is something that I am working through, but it happens. Of course a variety of factors, internal and external have an effect on our weight.

PostWeddingsmallsize
02-04-2014, 12:01 PM
Not to scare you but this is how I back slid every time I reached my goal weight. I'd exercise well do great reach the weight and then all over the sudden I'd tell myself well I'm skinny I can have that Venti latte I'm skinny I can have that bagel. After 3 months my body would like squishy again and somewhere in there I would just give up completely.

The good news is everytime I some habit from the weight loss stuck. I am hoping that this time I just make it a lifestyle and don't give up once I'm there. I have worked really hard to try to make this a lifestyle hoping it sticks.

This week I am doing a challenge by eating from home. If I want a cookie I have to make cookies because buying one at 2.99 is financial suicide to my money goals. It seems to be working. I'm super serious about financial goals but not so much about weight loss and health apparently unless it comes to food.

I say figure out what your issue is as others have. Do you have a tendency to self-sabotage. Have you ever been your goal weight before? Are you scared it just might not be attainable so your stopping yourself now. How did you get to your goal weight now?

I am trying to think of it this way. Credit cards are great tools if used responsibly. Food is fuel and whatever you put in your body will affect how you feel.

If I keep charging things to my credit card with abandon eventually I'm going to have a balance for things I've already used or didn't need etc. If I eat without thinking about what I'm putting in my body I might still be starving or eating things that my body doesn't need so it finds a place to store them.

A credit card balance made up of charges for things I didn't absolutely need or charges made without regard as to how I would pay them off would make me feel like crap or a loser. Eating things without regard to how they power my body and seeing the result of that on the scale or the mirror would make me feel bad.

In both cases in my mind something must be done. The credit card balance must be paid. But I don't necessarily have to do anything about the way my body looks. Now a days I am making it a point to treat what I eat like a credit card.

I try to limit unnecessary eating (eating when I'm bored or watching tv), and when I am hungry I try to make it count make sure it has protein etc (like only putting things on the credit card I know I have the cash to pay off) that way at the end of the month I will have a zero or negative balance and won't owe any interest (no more gaining weight and continuing in that direction just maintaining or losing weight).

So far this hasn't amount to an amazing amount of weight loss but it is steady. No more backsliding that the scale stays the same or the weight goes down.

From now on I'm making the routine the important part. As long as I stick to a routine I will get to my goal, even if it takes a little longer to do so. And when I get there I won't get derailed because I have already been living that way for months. This is how I control my finances and this is what I am doing to lose weight.

Everyone is different find what works for you and stick to it so you can carry that self-esteem high for years to come.

Wannabeskinny
02-04-2014, 01:08 PM
I love the credit card comparison. I'm stealing it!

GMNEVO
02-04-2014, 07:44 PM
Thank you so much for the responses I really appreciate them :)

To respond some of the questions:

-The snacks are a constant, I am from PR and food is a HUGE part of my culture, I have a group of friends that do get togethers pretty much on a weekly basis, they fry everything I mean anything u can imagine it ends up fried and in a tray. I have been great at staying away from those until my bday (last week) , it seems like the bing (melting pot) from my bday just continued the rest of the days (going on 2 weeks). Another issue is every day I wake up saying this is the last day off plan so I go out and pretty much eat anything I can get my hands on since my brain kind of anticipates it won't have it again for a long time, but then the day after I just do it again!!


-I have never met my goal weight mainly because I don't really have one, its always a random number that I don't give much thought to, my goal I set last year was 225…because I was 25 it sounded good but thats about all the reasoning behind it. I would really like 199 because I don't remember the last time I saw a 1 on my weight and I think it would be a kool feeling. Since I never been skinny its hard for me to grasp how good I would feel, I feel great now, better than ever, I mean I walked/ran 5 miles on Sat. to me that was like walking to the top of the world, so when Sat night my friends had a party I destroyed empanadas, a huge piece of cake, cheese, etc.

I need to get back on track ASAP I don't want to go back to where I was breathing hard just by going upstairs and struggling to find a store that carried a comfy 3x in order to fit me.

Again thanks for the support I will try to stop stressing about it since stress only makes me eat 10X more and just do something about it if I get back in the 240's I might loose it!

kelijpa
02-05-2014, 06:46 AM
Good morning GMNEVO,

Best of luck to you, I've so been where you're at, you're doing better than I did though, because you are aware that if you continue off plan you'll continue to gain. I remember calling it "feeling invincible" I felt like I was a thin person and couldn't gain the weight back, but did manage to prove myself wrong. This time I'm almost back at goal, but my focus all the way has been maintenance and lifestyle change so that I can maintain. Like you I don't want to go back to feeling tired and not being able to do things.

So, one thing I would suggest, instead of waking up and saying today is the last day off plan say this is the first day on plan, sometimes simple little things like that can make a big difference.

Another thing related to that is telling yourself "I can have that tomorrow or on the weekend, it's not banned for a month or a year, just not at this moment" sometimes just putting something off for a few minutes can beat a craving or impulse to eat when not really hungry.

You have some challenges with your job for sure, wishing you well and wishing you much success :sunny:

Just keep trying and you'll get back, another great thing you're doing is keeping up with the exercise, my personal feeling is that is so important.

Wannabeskinny
02-05-2014, 08:31 AM
-The snacks are a constant, I am from PR and food is a HUGE part of my culture, I have a group of friends that do get togethers pretty much on a weekly basis, they fry everything I mean anything u can imagine it ends up fried and in a tray.

It's not the only culture that puts a lot of emphasis on food, ask anyone around the world and they'll tell you, food is life! You're not alone on that so don't allow that to be an excuse.

Are you close enough with your friends to suggest that you do something else other than get together and eat fried food? Just say "hey guys, let's cut back a little on a the fried foods, my pants almost don't fit me anymore" in a lighthearted manner but so that they realize that you really are concerned. Or, bring something healthy to the party like hummus and veggies or deviled eggs. Better yet, why not suggest doing an activity out of the box like join a dance class together, go on a hiking trip, have a picnic at a local park, go see a movie, go to a batting cage. Personally if I were in your position I would seriously think about cutting back on spending time in a situation where you are so tempted to eat. Why do that to yourself?