100 lb. Club - Reasons Not to Lose Weight - Share and Let Go




Quantum Sheep
10-17-2012, 04:05 PM
So I can't imagine I'm the only person on this forum who has as many reasons NOT to lose weight as reasons to lose it. I know it's all about insecurity and fear, and that not one is a good reason. I decided keeping them secret was giving them too much power. So, I'm here to share them and let 'em go.

If anyone else out there feels the same, this is a thread for you.

Reasons I don't want to lose weight:

I'm afraid of being hit on.
I won't be able to blame my failures on my weight.
I don't want to have loose skin.
I don't know who I'll be if I'm not fat. I've been the fat girl for so long.
My fat is like a great big security blanket.
I can use it to keep people away.
I'm so used to being fat that my changing body scares me. Right now I'm still soft and round. What will being smaller be like?

So, if you're like me with niggling doubts that slowly nibble away at your resolve, share them and then let them go!


losermom
10-17-2012, 04:28 PM
Reasons I don't want to lose weight/maintain my weight:

1. Skinny women are b$tches--I don't want others to think I'm a b$tch... :(

Quantum Sheep
10-17-2012, 05:04 PM
hippy27 - This thread is for people to share their insecurities and fears related to weight loss. I don't think losermom was saying that thin women are b*tches. She was expressing her fear of being perceived as such due to prevailing stereotypes. Please keep all posts in this thread on topic, thank you.


Arctic Mama
10-17-2012, 05:06 PM
I don't want to lose weight because its awfully fun to eat huge quantities of rich food! Granted, this hasn't stopped me, but it's probably my biggest whine ;)

Quantum Sheep
10-17-2012, 05:08 PM
Arctic Mama - I don't think your reason is irrational, like most of mine, but it's certainly one I share. :D

The husband bakes at least one cake and a batch of cookies a week, so it takes insane willpower to not cheat on a daily basis.

Fatness
10-17-2012, 05:32 PM
I am afraid to lose weight because; I will have no one to blame if I regain the weight!

Elladorine
10-17-2012, 05:41 PM
I think my major one is not being able to blame every single failure in my life on my weight. Because we all know it's the only possible reason anyone would ever reject me. And honestly, that was something I relied on for way too long. My fat has been my shield, keeping me from making any kind of effort at fitting in, and at the same time, it apparently entitled me to be angry and bitter at the world for rejecting me before even being given a chance.

No more.

KateB
10-17-2012, 05:43 PM
I don't want to lose weight because I don't want my credit card debt to increase. I will need smaller clothes, I have more clothing options in smaller sizes and it is more fun shopping when you are thinner. (I know it is because I HAVE BEEN thinner and I was clothes wh*re!)

LockItUp
10-17-2012, 05:54 PM
Reasons I don't want to lose weight:

I'm afraid of being hit on.
I won't be able to blame my failures on my weight.
I don't want to have loose skin.
I don't know who I'll be if I'm not fat. I've been the fat girl for so long.
My fat is like a great big security blanket.
I can use it to keep people away.
I'm so used to being fat that my changing body scares me.


I could have written this pretty much exactly! And what Taryl said about how much I really do love eating!

I think my biggest, and probably most unjustified fear, is that I will get thin and lose my mind and cheat on my husband and ruin everything in my life that is good. There is absolutely no reason for me to think I would actually do this! I am deeply in love with my husband, I've never ever cheated in a relationship, I've never though cheating was ok. There is part of me that thinks I can't have it all; meaning I can't be happily married to a great man, have 2 beautiful kids, a nice house, a stable life, a good job, AND have the body I want.

I don't know why I feel like I don't deserve it all! Despite this I am doing it anyway trying to keep faith that I can, indeed, have it all.

IsabellaOlivia
10-17-2012, 06:03 PM
Reasons not to lose weight:

-My mental health issues won't go away even though I'd be at a healthy weight.

-People expect normal weight people to have it more "together"

-I like the invisibility I get from being overweight, dressing shabby, not doing my makeup and hair.

-I can't use my weight to avoid physical intimacy.

-People commenting on my looks. It's so uncomfortable.

-Food is my comfort blanket and it's nervewracking to lose it.

ugogurl
10-17-2012, 06:11 PM
I don't want to lose weight because it makes life easier for me in some ways. If you are a 200lb chick if you gain, says 2 lb, it doesn't make a difference. But if you are a 110 girl, gaining 2lb will surely make you look bigger, and then a lot of inconsiderate ppl will make comments like "gosh did u eat a cow or something". Happens before with my sister, unfortunately it's our aunts who say that so she can only smile and let it go.

Quantum Sheep
10-17-2012, 06:32 PM
My absolute stupidest reason not to lose weight:

If I lose weight, I'm admitting to the world that I'm fat and I don't like it.

This is a major reason why I can't seem to make it past certain set points. 250 lbs is one of them. I haven't passed that in any meaningful way since I passed it on the way up. Before I was 250 lbs, 230 was my set point. I couldn't lose past that either. That's when people start commenting. "You look great! Keep it up!" As if I'm losing weight for them. I get self-conscious. People see I'm changing, and they think it is right and proper that I should do so. They're saying, "Something was wrong with you a month ago. Two months ago was worse. And you're still not good enough now. You'd better continue restricting yourself until you are acceptable." It's hard enough not liking the way I look. It hurts to have people tell me what they think of my body now so frequently and as if it were a compliment.

Losing weight feels like agreeing with them. "You're right. I'm not good enough and I deserve your censure." I guess I don't mind knowing I'm fat so much. And I don't mind other people knowing I'm fat. I just don't want other people to know that I know I'm fat.

Welcome to my twisted logic. :dizzy:

Garnet2727
10-17-2012, 06:44 PM
Reasons I don't want to lose weight:

-My husband prefers big women. Will I get too skinny for his taste?
-I like eating junk food and lots of it.
-My fat insulates me from the world and sometimes render me invisible.
-Loose skin. Oh gawd, lots of loose, floppy, wrinkled skin.
-Losing weight won't change my other physical flaws like my bad skin and thin hair. They'll be more noticeable if people aren't seeing a load of fat first.
-I'll be cold all the blasted time. I'm getting a taste of this now.

ChickieChicks
10-17-2012, 07:40 PM
There is part of me that thinks I can't have it all; meaning I can't be happily married to a great man, have 2 beautiful kids, a nice house, a stable life, a good job, AND have the body I want.

I don't know why I feel like I don't deserve it all! Despite this I am doing it anyway trying to keep faith that I can, indeed, have it all.

Yes!!! :(

I felt this way exactly, and sometimes still do! I have been blessed to have an incredible husband, great life in general, yadda yadda. When I was heavy, that felt like my penance for being so lucky and "having it all". Bt now that I feel great about my body, it sometimes feels "wrong", like something bad has just GOT to happen, because I couldn't possibly have everything I want for very long. I have noises why I feel that way! :?:

healthyginger
10-17-2012, 08:20 PM
LOL! Now I've found even more reasons not to loose. JEEZ! Anyway. I'm sticking to it. I just did this very exercise in Bill Hashell's book "The emotional Diet" I had a hard time coming up with 5 reasons because my physical pain is such a driving force to keep loosing. Ironically fear that I'll do all this work- loose over 100pds and still be in pain is a real fear. Also- well this is going to sound awful- don't tell my family- but For the 1st time in a 40 yr marriage I'm the center of attention with my illness. Everyone was doing everything for me. As I've lost weight and am doing a bit better I'm not being waited on quite so much. I admitt I have really liked all this attention-positive attention that is.

westcoast rosa
10-18-2012, 02:49 AM
My biggest fears around losing weight:

1. Losing my breasts and curves

2. The guilt I have about spending so much money on skin removal surgery when I did it to myself. It seems like getting fat was something that was so preventable and spending the money is selfish.

3. The embarrassment and failure I will feel if I were to gain it all back.

MrsTryingAgain
10-18-2012, 03:30 AM
Reasons not to lose weight:
-My mental health issues won't go away even though I'd be at a healthy weight.
-People expect normal weight people to have it more "together"
-I like the invisibility I get from being overweight, dressing shabby, not doing my makeup and hair.
-I can't use my weight to avoid physical intimacy.
-People commenting on my looks. It's so uncomfortable.
-Food is my comfort blanket and it's nervewracking to lose it.

You SOOOO hit the nail on the head in my reasoning. I KNOW my depression will still be lurking around when I'm pounds lighter. I KNOW I don't have my act together. I actually hate doing my hair & putting on make up. I also love my t-shirts & sweats/jeans. Food is my constant companion in life.
But I also have really good reasons to loose weight. They kinda outweigh these. :-)

1spunkygal
10-18-2012, 03:41 AM
Because my fat seems to make me feel " assertive, strong & powerful". Not in a bully kinda way but people that know me already know "DON'T MESS WITH ME" does this make any sense ?

Garnet2727
10-18-2012, 10:28 AM
Because my fat seems to make me feel " assertive, strong & powerful". Not in a bully kinda way but people that know me already know "DON'T MESS WITH ME" does this make any sense ?

It makes sense to me. I can physically intimidate some folks just by standing up. It's not that I'm all that tall; it's that I have bulk.

Quantum Sheep
10-18-2012, 04:35 PM
I never thought of my size as intimidating. Sometimes I feel like men took me more seriously at work because they didn't see me as female, though. I guess that's a perk of being fat, sort of.

Garnet2727
10-18-2012, 04:45 PM
That's another reason for me to let go of, Quantum Sheep. I feel like I'm taken more seriously at work because I'm fat. I do think that people don't see me as female first; they see the fat first.

stimkovs
10-18-2012, 04:47 PM
the attention. i got attention as a fat chick. i get A LOT of attention now. it makes me nervous. i have always had a lot of male friends, and it has always been... platonic. it's not anymore, and i don't like it one bit.

having to "restrict" myself for the rest of my life. or be mindful.

being cold all the time is terrible.

Moving Forward
10-18-2012, 05:04 PM
I'm afraid that by losing weight, somehow I'm admitting I was wrong all those years for being overweight.

I'm afraid that I will have done all of this work and nobody will notice. (I'm not really sure why that matters since I'm doing this for myself, but for some reason it does.)

I'm afraid that I'll have a hard time maintaining. I want to eat freely again someday like I did before.

I'm also afraid (though I'm putting it out of my mind most of the time) of failing and not getting to my goal.

Wow! That was therapeutic. Now I need to put all of those fears aside and keep moving forward. :)

1spunkygal
10-18-2012, 10:03 PM
It makes sense to me. I can physically intimidate some folks just by standing up. It's not that I'm all that tall; it's that I have bulk.

Yeah & i'm even shorter than you LOL !


I guess when we do get thin they won't feel as if we could do some bodily damage :D

avi0903
10-19-2012, 01:27 PM
This is so thought provoking, and the question helps me clarify why I've been so stagnant weight-wise. Thank you for this post!!!

I joined WW almost a year ago with a friend. She started out about 10 pounds heavier. She has just been disappearing. She has lost about 50 pounds to my 35. And I've been stagnant - gain a pound, lose a pound, for about 2 months now. I've been torturing myself with why.

It's so interesting to me to read all the responses, and I so relate.

I think the one I relate to the most is that I've been fat since my youngest child was born. My marriage went sour and I think I didn't want intimacy, with anyone. Friends or family or especially my ex. For the last 15 years I've been hiding.

I am now 4 years into my post-divorce life, and I am feeling better about myself. Dress better, do makeup, and at 35 pounds less, I think I'm getting nervous about what a new life might mean for me.

Not to pour out all my insecurities, but I really appreciate this place, and this post, and all the support I find here.

Weight loss is such an emotional journey - thanks for being here!

findingfawn
10-19-2012, 01:49 PM
I'm afraid that I may find I'm just as much an introvert and insecure person skinny as I am fat. I feel the "wild side" inside of me, but I really wonder if I will break out of my shell and quit shying away from everything once the weight is gone.

Elladorine
10-19-2012, 02:01 PM
I've been fat since I was 12. I don't know how not to be fat. I don't know who I am without it. It has defined me for way too long and knowing that I'll be perceived in a different light kinda scares me. :(

beth sebring
10-19-2012, 02:16 PM
I dont want to become depressed or moody bc noone will follow a healthy lifestyle with me
i dont want to become depressed from lack of my favorite foods
I dont want to get into credit card debt from living a healthy lifestyle
I dont want to spend all my time at the gym obsessing then watching my GPA go down in school
having no time to myself because ill be working out on my downtime.

JackylynJoy
10-19-2012, 02:34 PM
*I'm most afraid, that even when I lose the weight, I will still look big, because I'm convinced that when I take my clothes off my loose skin will hit the floor.
*I dont want my tatas to get smaller
*I'm not sure what I'll do with myself when guys actually start to notice me when I'm with my already skinny and pretty friends.
*also, I'm scared because losing weight means I have to completely change my life, and thats a hard concept. I'm comfortable with the way I live, just not the way I look.

586
10-20-2012, 03:37 PM
Even though I hit my original goal, I still find reasons to wan to regain. Yep. :(

- Other women who weigh what I did will see me exercising and not see a kindred 'fat girl' but as someone who 'doesn't need to exercise'.
- No longer invisible to the male gaze. Being "acceptably attractive" incites a lot of uncomfortable moments.
- Hearing everyone I know remark on how much I do or do not eat. What I eat has become center stage since I lost the weight, where no one said a word when I was fat.
- Being healthy means I can't turn down activities as easily as I once did. Can't hide behind my weight/fitness level as a better excuse than saying "I don't want to".

kdke
10-22-2012, 12:44 AM
LockItUp pointed me to this thread. I'm very glad she did. I'd like to vent some of my fears of losing weight:

-People might not look at me for me when I'm thinner.
-My weight is definitely my security blanket for the above reason.
-Getting complimented by men that would never look at me twice if I was fat. Awkward... and for some reason, a bit angering.
-Loose skin fears! :cry:
-Not having being fat as an excuse to not do something.
-Letting go of my favorite foods.
-Not eating as much as I like to.
-Learning to "eat to live" and not "live to eat."
-Have people make the assumption that I don't know what it's like to be fat.
-Being held up to the standards of thin people in modern society.
-That I might still struggle terribly to keep my healthy weight, then become obsessed about it.
-That my personality, even with a healthier looking body, won't be good enough for people.

Judy Lynn
10-22-2012, 02:20 PM
I've been fat since I was 12. I don't know how not to be fat. I don't know who I am without it. It has defined me for way too long and knowing that I'll be perceived in a different light kinda scares me. :(

Exactly! Only for me it has been since I was 10, and I am 53 now. I really don't know how to be a normal weight, and I am unsure of what it would feel like. To be honest, I can't even imagine being smaller than a size 16.

I don't want to fail at maintenance again. I have been on this yo-yo so many times, and every time I gain it all back is another failure. I am so embarassed to see people that I haven't seen in a while.

Also, unwanted attention from men. I am so uncomfortable with this.

Losing weight and maintaining is hard work. Sometimes I just want it to be easy. Just eat what I want, when I want, and lots of it. Just spend hours watching TV and/or surfing the net. Reading. Taking photographs, post processing. These are all things I love. Why can't it just be easy?

Pink Hurricane
10-22-2012, 03:28 PM
The only reason I could ever say I don't want to lose weight is the fact that losing a total of 100lbs or more can put me in the loose skin category, and I don't want that to be a turn off to my husband. Completely irrational? Yes. But that's honestly the only thing I can think of that has ever worried me about losing weight. Otherwise the benefits far outweigh anything else...no pun intended :lol:

LebenAlles
10-23-2012, 06:24 PM
Trying means there's a risk of failure and I don't want to fail at this again. And like a lot of others, I haven't been a 'normal' weight in my entire adult life, so I have no idea what to expect. How will it change me as a person? I like who I am...I am proud of the person I am on the inside and I don't want that to change along with the weight loss.
I also have the fear that I won't know when to stop...that I'll keep lowering my goal weight over and over and that it will never be good enough. That I'll always be 'the fat girl' in my mind and I'll never get to fully enjoy my accomplishment.
And, of course, the loose skin. Oh how it plagues us.

KateB
10-23-2012, 06:31 PM
I have always been a flirt. Just fun innocent flirting. Now guys are starting to hit on me...I am afraid I won't be able to keep things innocent all the time.

ChickieBoom
10-23-2012, 06:35 PM
- My weight will become my footnote. Even if I lose it people will still define me as someone who used to be fat.
- Loose skin and saggy boobs.
- My face will look weird without all the fat.

mariposssa
10-23-2012, 06:51 PM
*I don't want to lose my big "girls"
*I don't want to pay for a whole new wardrobe
*I don't want to deal with the issues that are making me fat
*It's easier to be a couch potato and eat whatever I want
*I don't want loose skin
*I don't like attention or comments when people notice lost weight
*I am most afraid of failure and/or gaining it all back

summerlove
10-23-2012, 08:09 PM
Afraid of male attention.

Afraid of everyone knowing I've lost weight and scrutinizing me for every bite I eat, asking me questions about it, etc (this happened when I got down to 168 and it was awful).

Steph7409
10-23-2012, 10:18 PM
This is such a thought-provoking thread. Thanks to all of you for sharing. So much of what has been said really resonates with me.

For me, the biggest fear is getting rid of my crutches - both the food and the weight. Losing weight has been exciting and rewarding, but staying there is going to be hard.

1spunkygal
10-25-2012, 11:53 AM
Afraid of male attention.

Afraid of everyone knowing I've lost weight and scrutinizing me for every bite I eat, asking me questions about it, etc (this happened when I got down to 168 and it was awful).


Tell those people to GET OUT of your plate & mind there OWN business ! I had to do this @ my job THIS is why I don't tell people I'm on a diet/ eating plan . If you wan to join me FABULOUS but back off :)

joefla70
10-25-2012, 01:00 PM
Wow, I thought I over-analyzed things. I'm trying to understand the point of this exercise. It seems to me that some of you are giving yourselves excuses to fail. Its hard enough to lose weight as it is. It seems to be counter-productive to list reasons why NOT to lose weight. How about the most important factor to lose weight (well, for those of us who are morbidly obese) -- i.e. living a normal life span and being there for those of us in our lives who love us. When you consider the reasons FOR losing weight, it makes the reasons for NOT losing weight seem -- well, pretty pathetic.

I know that many of you are listing some of your insecurities that have built up because of the fact that you have been overweight for so long. I'm in that same boat. But the last thing I'm going to do is worry about what will happen when I lose the weight. Are you kidding me with things like "i will run up credit card debt buying clothes" and "men will hit on me." Do you realize how insane that sounds? These are things that people have to deal with.

1spunkygal
10-25-2012, 01:13 PM
Are you serious ? Really Joe ? ! ?


No mattter what it sounds like to YOU these feelings belong to other people & are REAL to them . They should not be discarded like it's NOT important. It is to them / us & that's all that matters.

jenicra
10-25-2012, 01:23 PM
It's a wonder no one never taught you if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, Joe. I wonder if you could have expressed your opinion without trampling on the feelings of dozens of others?

joefla70
10-25-2012, 01:31 PM
I am serious. I realize that these are the feeling of other people. I am not "discarding them." I am commenting upon them with my opinion. Am I not entitled to do that?

The issue of obesity is serious. I realize I am not in the same position as everybody here, but as someone in his 40s who was over 400 pounds, I am in fear of my mortality. I fear not being around for my kids for too much longer unless I do something about my weight. So, when I see people actually giving reasons for staying fat -- like that just might actually be a GOOD idea - I think that is insane. When I see people say things like "If I lose weight, I'll have to spend money buying new clothes", it sounds pretty trivial to me. Actually, it sounds kind of pathetic. 1spounkygal, you said that these are "REAL issues" to other people. Do you think that is a REAL fear? Do you think being "hit on" -- which every woman of a NORMAL weight deals with every single day, is a REAL fear? I don't. I know plenty of women who are attractive and thin and they are not in fear of leaving their house because they think men are going to hit on them. I think its just an excuse for failing. I think its justification for staying fat.

mariposssa
10-25-2012, 01:35 PM
I guess it's ok if Joe doesn't get the point of this exercise. Identifying and expressing the things that are holding you back isn't pointless. If you never admit to the ideas, thoughts, and fears getting in your head and in the way of your success, then it is a lot harder to move past them. Once you know "your demons" you can start working on how to get rid of them.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 01:42 PM
It's a wonder no one never taught you if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, Joe. I wonder if you could have expressed your opinion without trampling on the feelings of dozens of others?

I'm sorry if trampled on anybody's feelings. That was not my intent. But you are right, I don't keep my opinions to myself if I don't have anything nice to day. I won't apologize for that. As I said, weight is a serious issue. People DIE from being obese. If the issue of weight loss was merely about aesthetics - which it may be for many people with a small amount of weight to lose-- then giving reasons for not losing weight wouldn't seem so insane to me. But because it is so serious for most people who have posted here (whose weights are in excess of 275 pounds), I cannot fathom why anybody would seriously entertain this question. Now, some have prefaced their statements by saying "I know this is crazy, but ..." I understand that. But some people really had misgivings about losing weight. I won't apologize about commenting about that. Whether you like what I have to say or not, the importance of being healthy outweighs any inclination I might have to bite my tongue when someone says they are considering staying fat because what, in my opinion, are trivial reasons. If you had cancer and were going through chemotherapy, would you stop doing the chemo because you feared that if you grew back your hair, men would hit on you? I hate to make such an analogy, if we continue to stay fat as we age, we might as well have cancer. Because we are not going to be long for this world if we do nothing about it.

jenicra
10-25-2012, 01:43 PM
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you are not a woman and you aren't aware of how intimidating male attention really can be. Because it seems pretty obvious to me that women who put on a lot of weight are pretty commonly doing so in order to shield themselves from this attention, at least partially. Whether that be because of a history of sexual abuse or unhealthy relationships or fear. And if you think that the point of this thread is to make excuses for why we aren't losing weight, why don't you take a look at our tickers? Because I think you'll find we've been pretty d*mn successful. I didn't even post in this thread originally, but I can understand the exercise.

ETA: I think your third comment is a much better example of how you should have started your first. I understand what you're saying, as does everyone here. This list isn't meant to be a pro/con list. We are all here for the same reason, and writing out what we're scared of won't keep us from that goal.

1spunkygal
10-25-2012, 01:53 PM
I am serious. I realize that these are the feeling of other people. I am not "discarding them." I am commenting upon them with my opinion. Am I not entitled to do that?

The issue of obesity is serious. I realize I am not in the same position as everybody here, but as someone in his 40s who was over 400 pounds, I am in fear of my mortality. I fear not being around for my kids for too much longer unless I do something about my weight. So, when I see people actually giving reasons for staying fat -- like that just might actually be a GOOD idea - I think that is insane. When I see people say things like "If I lose weight, I'll have to spend money buying new clothes", it sounds pretty trivial to me. Actually, it sounds kind of pathetic. 1spounkygal, you said that these are "REAL issues" to other people. Do you think that is a REAL fear ? .


That's fine & you are entitled to your own opinion & join us in the same fears that we have. I understand you are sorta (men are different than women) the same as us. I have 5 brothers & women ARE different than men . Join us with your concerns Joe DO NOT beat us up.It was suppose to be a thread that we could tell our inner secrets & be safe with whom we tell. You know lighthearted & fun (sorta) I think your delivery had alot to be desired that's all.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 01:57 PM
I guess it's ok if Joe doesn't get the point of this exercise. Identifying and expressing the things that are holding you back isn't pointless. If you never admit to the ideas, thoughts, and fears getting in your head and in the way of your success, then it is a lot harder to move past them. Once you know "your demons" you can start working on how to get rid of them.

I think I do get it... kinda. I do know that many people who have wrote about their fears have expressed that they sound irrational, and I do realize that most, if not all, of you are trying to lose weight despite those fears. I also understand the therapeutic value in discussing those fears.

However, what struck a nerve was some of the so-called "fears." To me, some of them were not really "fears" at all. I think some of them are just the excuses that some of you are preemptively giving yourself for failing in the future. All I am saying is that it doesn't seem particularly healthy to me to list reasons why its not good to lose weight. I think it would be much more healthy and helpful to concentrate on all of the good reasons to lose the weight. But, that's just me. Maybe it takes a women to understand this and I don't fully understand it because I'm not a woman.

Again, I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. That was not my purpose for commenting. Because of my situation, I just feel very strongly about the importance for losing weight for health reasons. So, to me, other reasons don't really register with me.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 02:02 PM
That's fine & you are entitled to your own opinion & join us in the same fears that we have. I understand you are sorta (men are different than women) the same as us. I have 5 brothers & women ARE different than men . Join us with your concerns Joe DO NOT beat us up.It was suppose to be a thread that we could tell our inner secrets & be safe with whom we tell. You know lighthearted & fun (sorta) I think your delivery had alot to be desired that's all.

Ok, point taken. I apologize for beating anybody up on this. I guess I let my passion on this issue get the best of me, and did not get the light-hearted nature of it. You are correct that women are different than men! I don't think men would have a conversation like this about their fears, and some would not even admit that they have them.

mariposssa
10-25-2012, 02:04 PM
But some people really had misgivings about losing weight. I won't apologize about commenting about that. Whether you like what I have to say or not, the importance of being healthy outweighs any inclination I might have to bite my tongue when someone says they are considering staying fat because what, in my opinion, are trivial reasons.

Joe, not all of the things mentioned are trivial. Just because they don't apply to you doesn't make them trivial. There are lots of women who have suffered from sexual abuse and gained weight as a coping mechanism. Those are the kind of issues that can keep you from success.

For a lot of us, this isn't our first trip to the ball. A couple of years ago, I lost 50lbs. Life issues (job loss and a suckish economy) got in the way of my success and I gained 55lbs back. It isn't as easy as just losing the weight and moving on to happily ever after. The fear of failure I mentioned that is very real to me because I have lived it.

If a women was sexually abused then she may have a VERY REAL fear of men's attention and because of that fear she may gain weight ON PURPOSE to become invisible. It's real and it's not trivial for them.

LebenAlles
10-25-2012, 02:05 PM
Hey Joe,
So, I see where you're coming from...you dont want people to throw away the life they are granting themselves because of reasons that ultimately wont trump the benefits of losing weight.
But I think that for most of us, we're here in the first place because we're not happy with being overweight, we want to make a change, and we are taking it very very seriously. But as with any lifestyle change, especially those that are vitally important, there are fears that linger around in the back of our minds trying to trip us up. Sometimes we don't even realize they are there because we never give a voice to them, and instead the fester and linger.
So for the other 99% of threads, we're saying that yes we're going to fight, we're going to beat this, and that we're taking it seriously. For this one thread, in my opinion, we're saying 'however silly or crazy these fears might be, here they are, out on the table' in hopes that they can be exposed and dealt with in a healthy manner.
I highly, highly doubt anyone read these reasons, or typed their own reasons, and then said 'man, they're right, forget this weightloss business, it's for the birds.'
For me, it was a way to say 'hey, here are other people that have the same irrational fears that I have...I'm not alone or weird or crazy even if some of the thoughts might be.' and it becomes just one more thing on this forum that gives me the strength to keep fighting. Does that make sense?


***Edit: I was typing this at the same time as some of the other responses, so sorry if it's a repeat of what people have said. Glad you are taking your weightloss seriously, Joe, and best of luck to you!

1spunkygal
10-25-2012, 02:11 PM
Ok, point taken. I apologize for beating anybody up on this. I guess I let my passion on this issue get the best of me, and did not get the light-hearted nature of it. You are correct that women are different than men! I don't think men would have a conversation like this about their fears, and some would not even admit that they have them.


YOU are correct men DO NOT discuss stuff like this & they should it doesn't make them a wuss further from the truth. I have more respect for men / people if they do talk about what's bothering them inside deep down. The world would be a much better place.

Please join us anytime everyone is welcome. Sometime's women make the best friends because we DO talk about this stuff.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 02:12 PM
Joe, not all of the things mentioned are trivial. Just because they don't apply to you doesn't make them trivial. There are lots of women who have suffered from sexual abuse and gained weight as a coping mechanism. Those are the kind of issues that can keep you from success.

For a lot of us, this isn't our first trip to the ball. A couple of years ago, I lost 50lbs. Life issues (job loss and a suckish economy) got in the way of my success and I gained 55lbs back. It isn't as easy as just losing the weight and moving on to happily ever after. The fear of failure I mentioned that is very real to me because I have lived it.

If a women was sexually abused then she may have a VERY REAL fear of men's attention and because of that fear she may gain weight ON PURPOSE to become invisible. It's real and it's not trivial for them.

Point taken. I didn't see that aspect of weight gain.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 02:15 PM
YOU are correct men DO NOT discuss stuff like this & they should it doesn't make them a wuss further from the truth. I have more respect for men / people if they do talk about what's bothering them inside deep down. The world would be a much better place.

Please join us anytime everyone is welcome. Sometime's women make the best friends because we DO talk about this stuff.

Thank you. I have definitely found everything you've said to be true. There are not many men on this site, so if I only had men to rely upon for support, I wouldn't get very much! I find it very helpful to discuss feelings -- and other things - on this site, and I greatly value the feedback I get.

Thanks to you -- and to the others who have commented - for enlightening me and being patient with me while I vented.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 02:17 PM
Hey Joe,
So, I see where you're coming from...you dont want people to throw away the life they are granting themselves because of reasons that ultimately wont trump the benefits of losing weight.
But I think that for most of us, we're here in the first place because we're not happy with being overweight, we want to make a change, and we are taking it very very seriously. But as with any lifestyle change, especially those that are vitally important, there are fears that linger around in the back of our minds trying to trip us up. Sometimes we don't even realize they are there because we never give a voice to them, and instead the fester and linger.
So for the other 99% of threads, we're saying that yes we're going to fight, we're going to beat this, and that we're taking it seriously. For this one thread, in my opinion, we're saying 'however silly or crazy these fears might be, here they are, out on the table' in hopes that they can be exposed and dealt with in a healthy manner.
I highly, highly doubt anyone read these reasons, or typed their own reasons, and then said 'man, they're right, forget this weightloss business, it's for the birds.'
For me, it was a way to say 'hey, here are other people that have the same irrational fears that I have...I'm not alone or weird or crazy even if some of the thoughts might be.' and it becomes just one more thing on this forum that gives me the strength to keep fighting. Does that make sense?


***Edit: I was typing this at the same time as some of the other responses, so sorry if it's a repeat of what people have said. Glad you are taking your weightloss seriously, Joe, and best of luck to you!


Yes, it does make sense. I've learned a lot from what you and others have written in response to my posts. Thank you.

mariposssa
10-25-2012, 02:17 PM
I think I do get it... kinda. I do know that many people who have wrote about their fears have expressed that they sound irrational, and I do realize that most, if not all, of you are trying to lose weight despite those fears. I also understand the therapeutic value in discussing those fears.

However, what struck a nerve was some of the so-called "fears." To me, some of them were not really "fears" at all. I think some of them are just the excuses that some of you are preemptively giving yourself for failing in the future. All I am saying is that it doesn't seem particularly healthy to me to list reasons why its not good to lose weight. I think it would be much more healthy and helpful to concentrate on all of the good reasons to lose the weight. But, that's just me. Maybe it takes a women to understand this and I don't fully understand it because I'm not a woman.

Again, I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. That was not my purpose for commenting. Because of my situation, I just feel very strongly about the importance for losing weight for health reasons. So, to me, other reasons don't really register with me.

See, if we had a like button, I'd like this. You are right that a lot of make excuses. But, even listing our excuses can be a good exercise. It isn't giving power to the excuses. It is like giving them a name and admitting what we need to work on. Women are complicated, Joe. lol You are right, we like to talk about our fears and shortcomings. You might never find guys discussing that sort of thing. Mars. Venus. We can learn from each other, though.

joefla70
10-25-2012, 02:25 PM
See, if we had a like button, I'd like this. You are right that a lot of make excuses. But, even listing our excuses can be a good exercise. It isn't giving power to the excuses. It is like giving them a name and admitting what we need to work on. Women are complicated, Joe. lol You are right, we like to talk about our fears and shortcomings. You might never find guys discussing that sort of thing. Mars. Venus. We can learn from each other, though.

I hear you! Its amazing just how different we are. And, yes, there is definitively learning opportunities. I've learned a lot already.

1spunkygal
10-25-2012, 02:25 PM
Thank you. I have definitely found everything you've said to be true. There are not many men on this site, so if I only had men to rely upon for support, I wouldn't get very much! I find it very helpful to discuss feelings -- and other things - on this site, and I greatly value the feedback I get.

Thanks to you -- and to the others who have commented - for enlightening me and being patient with me while I vented.



ANYTIME Joe.....see NOW you kinda get it vent anytime that's one of the main points of this place . After a while our mates get tired of hearing us or just DO NOT GET IT. I know mine tries but he has NEVER been fat a day in his life. It's like I've never smoked cigs I have no idea how hard it is to quit. BUT I do know if you leave me alone w/ a box of twinkies they would be GONE in 5 minutes flat & deny I ate the whole box !

KateB
10-25-2012, 11:29 PM
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.

FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.

Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.

I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.

As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.

Sorry for the rant...but he really p!$$3d me off!

Fatness
10-26-2012, 04:52 AM
I don't want to lose weight because it makes life easier for me in some ways. If you are a 200lb chick if you gain, says 2 lb, it doesn't make a difference. But if you are a 110 girl, gaining 2lb will surely make you look bigger, and then a lot of inconsiderate ppl will make comments like "gosh did u eat a cow or something". Happens before with my sister, unfortunately it's our aunts who say that so she can only smile and let it go.

I agree with you on that! I also feel the same way. People are so quick to judge us on looks and what we have. The media says we should be happy in our own skin; later say we are unhealthy and skinny is beautiful.

Fatness
10-26-2012, 04:57 AM
I never thought of my size as intimidating. Sometimes I feel like men took me more seriously at work because they didn't see me as female, though. I guess that's a perk of being fat, sort of.

I agree with your statement. It does seem that people take me more seriously.

1spunkygal
10-26-2012, 08:14 AM
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.

FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.

Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.

I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.

As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.

Sorry for the rant...but he really p!$$3d me off!

Hang in there Kate :hug:

joefla70
10-26-2012, 11:22 AM
I am gonna sound off because I feel Like I was one who Joe thought had trivial fears....not wanting to go into credit card debt buying new clothes.

FIRST! I am NOT using this as an excuse not to lose weight! In fact I have lost 50 pounds in 17 weeks, TYVM! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 20 (and even some 18's) in 17 weeks. I had clothes in all the sizes I have been through so far, so I haven't had to buy clothes until recently. Clothes are expensive! I do not have the options to wear loose baggy clothes that do not fit well to work, it does not look professional. Any "old" clothes that I have in smaller sizes are summer clothes. Very short sleeve, capris, short skirts this does not work for winter in Minnesota. You don't wear sandels and t shirts when it is 30 degrees and snow...or 30 below and snow. And it does get 30 below.

Our budget is not unlimited. Now with DH cancer dignosis it just got slimmer as he will be taking time off work for surgery, treatment, and recovery. Besides additional medical bills, travel and lodging expenses, (Surgery and treatment is 100 miles from home) If I contiinue to lose weight at the rate I have I will be buying and rebuying clothes. We have been working our way out of credit card debt, but there wasn't much built into the budget for clothes. And our budget just got tighter.

I am terribly sorry if you think increasing credit card debt is trivial! But for me it is a real fear! It causes me stress. Stress can do just as much damage to your health as being overweight. Obviously, you have never had money issues if you think that worry is trivial.

As I said I am not using this as n excuse to NOT LOSE WEIGHT.

Sorry for the rant...but he really p!$$3d me off!

I'm sorry if I pissed you off, Kate. I understand why you are upset, and it wasn't my intent to do that. As I wrote in some of my previous posts, I guess I didn't fully understand the purpose of this thread... that it was for venting frustration about fears we have. I understand more now. I understand that the people posting here are not giving excuses for possible failure, but expressing their fears about it. I get the difference now. I don't think that going in to credit card debt is trivial. Until recently, I had quite a bit of it! The reason why I think I took aim at your post more than others is because -- again, I was taking the title of this thread literally --- and it seemed to me that you were saying that a reason not to lose weight would be that you would have to spend money to buy new clothes. In my head, that translated to "I'm better off staying overweight so I don't have to spend money on new clothes." What also went through my head was ways of getting clothes without having to incur debt (i.e., thrift stores, etc.) I've learned - and am still learning -- that one of the differences between men and women is that when a woman is venting about something, she usually wants emotional support, whereas a man's first reaction is to problem-solve and reassure the woman that "things are not as bad as you think they are" -- which is not always the reaction that a woman wants! I have noticed that many times a women just wants someone to listen to her feelings, her fears, her concerns -- and just have a sympathetic response. I suspect that is part of why my reaction, as a male, was out of touch with what everybody else was writing.

Anyway, I hope this explanation helps to explain where I am coming from.

KateB
10-26-2012, 02:14 PM
I accept your appology. Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster for me and if I had read your response any other day it may not have struck such a sour cord with me.

I do try to shop thrift stores, but they do not always have what I need to wear for work. Call me a diva but I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to buy used bras and panties. It's just too icky for me! A typical bra runs about $32, just one weeks worth of bras gets pretty spendy. I even took some of my clothes to a tailor to have taken in. By the time I got them back I had lost enough weight so they were still too big after being taken in.

As far as being hit on. I am not afraid of being hit on...I am afraid of my reaction. I am not going to try and pretend my marriage is all roses and sunshine. We have been through so much in 23 years. Somethings have brought us closer, other things not so much. Thirteen years ago my husband had a stroke. it left him with a few minor physical limitations, mostly fine motor skills in his left hand. However the portion of his brain that controls his emotions and personality was profoundly affected. To say he is not the same man I married is a HUGE understatement. Now our level of intamacy has been affect by his prostate issues, and will likely be adversly effected even further. Unfortunately my husband sees intamacy as an all or nothing thing. I have been getting hit on more and more. I am really afraid I will not be able to resist the bit at sometime, especially as I gain more self confidence.

I realize that makes me sound like a cold heartless biotch, but it is a concern I have. It is something I will have to deal with, I pray I make the right choices. But again, will not let it stop me from losing this weight.

I realize this post got long and rather personal, but I really need to sort all of this out in my head. And I find sometimes if I just let it go and put it down in words it starts the 'sorting out process."

60s woman
10-26-2012, 02:47 PM
Hi ,
I have lost "the weight" and put some back , but if I was 175 lbs or 110 lbs ,I was never satisfied with myself or how I looked. I never believed that if I really put in the work , I could change my body shape . At any weight , I was always a " fat-bottom girl ." I am the original pear shape ,small top ,big hips big butt.The healer , Louise Hay ,says excess weight in hips and things is unreleased anger at the father ,There is truth in that .I know I have unreleased anger at my mother as well .And this is after a lot of therapy .
Try as I may , I guess I just don't really believe that I am worthy .
When I am successful for a bit of time and do experience weight loss, the next step for me is some kind of sabatoge.That is a pretty sad comment. I just realized that my fat has been with me most all my life . It has been a constant and I am 67. So here and now ,I let all that go .

joefla70
10-26-2012, 02:56 PM
I accept your appology.

I realize that makes me sound like a cold heartless biotch, but it is a concern I have. It is something I will have to deal with, I pray I make the right choices. But again, will not let it stop me from losing this weight.

I realize this post got long and rather personal, but I really need to sort all of this out in my head. And I find sometimes if I just let it go and put it down in words it starts the 'sorting out process."

Actually, I don't think that makes you sound like a cold heartless biotch. You're being honest about a fear you have. And your situation is somewhat unique. I'm sure there are plenty of people - myself included - who would give you a lot of credit for standing by your husband. A cold heartless biotch would not have.

I haven't really thought much about it before, but now that I do think about it, I think I understand. For most of my adult life I have been morbidly obese. And its not like I have Brad Pitt looks, so even if I lose weight, I am not sure women would be throwing themselves at me. :) So, while it would be easy for me to sit in judgment regarding people who cheat on their spouses, and while I would never seek out somebody to cheat, I have never been in the position of being the object of desire for women. So, I have never been tempted to cheat either. I would certainly say that I would never succumb to such temptations, if they presented themselves, but its never happened.

Elladorine
10-26-2012, 03:43 PM
Until very recently, I've had severe anxiety issues. And I've found that finally finding a way to deal with them properly has given me more hope to lose weight and keep it off. Not that the anxieties have completely gone away, but it's so much easier to cope now. I know I've already gone over certain concerns through my earlier posts, but here's a major issue I had in the past:

Attracting the opposite sex. Life has changed a lot for me in the past 5-10 years; for example, I didn't even go on my first date until I was in my mid-20's. Given that I was molested throughout my childhood by a trusted family member, I reached a point where I was absolutely petrified of men. I spent all of my teenage years and all of adulthood being obese or worse, and most of that time it was definitely a cushion to keep the leering men away. In fact, the second time I lost any significant amount of weight, guys suddenly started to notice me; I freaked out so much that I reverted to old habits and gained everything back. And when I finally did start dating, I felt that because I was already 100 pounds overweight, it was "proof" that the guy loved me for my mind and not my body. Yet at the same time, I was extremely bitter that someone else I was totally into only saw me as a friend because of my weight. It gets so confusing sometimes.

I've since broken up with the first guy (he ended up being a complete jerk despite the fact that I thought he saw me beyond my weight) and married someone much more compatible with me. So I think I have a different sense of security now when it comes to men. I don't have to worry about any issues of dating someone new, or over-analyze how my weight plays into any potential relationships. I also no longer carry the fear of being taken advantage of even if I get down to a normal weight because I'm a lot more confident now. I was was 285 pounds when I first met my husband, and while he's happy to see me work on getting healthier, he honestly doesn't care what size I am as long as I'm happy. And that's such a relief! The ex was afraid I'd leave him for someone "better" if I ever lost enough weight, but at the same time started to complain that he'd be more attracted to me if I did. :dizzy:

1spunkygal
10-27-2012, 10:22 AM
Good morning lady's & Joe I had a new fear pop up...gaining the weight back. I will not buy new clothes until goal weight . I wear uniforms so it will be ok. I've done this so many times before the lower I get I get a little scared & happy @ the same time.

linJber
10-27-2012, 04:06 PM
First off - To KatieB - Hang in there. I hope all goes well with your husband's treatment.

Secondly - I'm glad we all finally can agree that men and women probably look at the emotional side of losing weight very differently. We have to admit it - Joe is from Mars, the rest of us in this thread are from Venus.

Thirdly - I think many of the fears/reasons that have been expressed will take care of themselves as we progress in the weight loss process. It's sort of like a pregnancy - it goes pretty slowly and gives you a lot of time to get used to the changes. If we were 300 pounds one day and 132 the next, there would be no adjustment period. But we have time to realize what's happening and deal with the emotions one at a time as they pop up. I know that we all would rather be at a healthier weight. That's why we're here supporting each other. But I also believe that positive energy gets positive results and we all have to look at our reasons given here and figure out how to knock them down and allow the fantastic reasons for losing to be what drives us to our goals.

All that said, it's an eye opener to think about the answers to the original question. We're all doing pretty well, I'd say.

Lin

KateB
10-28-2012, 12:40 PM
1spunkygal-I TOYALLY understand that fear, In fact I fought with the fear of regaining for 3 months before I started dieting this time. It still scares the **** out of me! I have taken all of my clothes that are too big out of my closet and dresser but still haven't hauled them to Good Will. I did that the lost time I lost a significant amount of weight, thinking if I didn't have larger clothes I wouldn't regain. That didn't work out the way I planned. I hope that I can use that fear to keep me from gaining weight rather tan keep me from reaching my goal.

mistyj
10-28-2012, 01:01 PM
Losing weight is very expensive...mentally..physically..and especially on my Pocket book!!
I do not like to work out--or count calories..I need a different plan--HELP!!!:?:

Misti in Seattle
10-28-2012, 06:46 PM
Reading through all this and have to add that as far as I am concerned there is absolutely NO reason why I don't want to lose weight! I hate hate hate being fat and want rid of it. I'm fat because I like food too much and have eaten it without proper control. It is my own fault and it is my own responsibility to do something about it. I cannot WAIT to have more pounds off!!!

1spunkygal
10-28-2012, 06:56 PM
1spunkygal-I TOYALLY understand that fear, In fact I fought with the fear of regaining for 3 months before I started dieting this time. It still scares the **** out of me! I have taken all of my clothes that are too big out of my closet and dresser but still haven't hauled them to Good Will. I did that the lost time I lost a significant amount of weight, thinking if I didn't have larger clothes I wouldn't regain. That didn't work out the way I planned. I hope that I can use that fear to keep me from gaining weight rather tan keep me from reaching my goal.

Thanks & by the way I love your signature line . We MUST plan :)

KateB
10-30-2012, 08:35 PM
1spunkygal-

Tht signature is a love/hate thing. Years ago when I was a leader for my son's Cub Scout pack we had a Scout Master that was....well, I used to refer to her as "Little Hitler". The woman drove me stark raving batsh!t crazy. And she was ALWAYS saying "Failing to plan is planning to fail."

After I had completed my "tour of duty" with the scouts I realized just hwo true that is when it comes to weight loss success. If I have a plan for my breakfast and lunch, pack my lunch the night before I have no problem staying on plan. It is when I let those things slide that I end up making bad choices.

Thedollylala
10-30-2012, 10:52 PM
I think right now i fear the left over stomach I will have, weather it will be from my old c section, or being 100lbs overweight. Meh

1spunkygal
11-04-2012, 09:51 AM
1spunkygal-

If I have a plan for my breakfast and lunch, pack my lunch the night before I have no problem staying on plan. It is when I let those things slide that I end up making bad choices.

Sorry she was such a nut (no shortage of those)

I find this true for myself if I don't have a eating plan in mind for the day I'm a gonner :dizzy:

ASaladandaDream
11-05-2012, 06:39 PM
I simply had to add to this after reading!!

1. I am nervous about losing my curves! Im def overweight but im tall so I still have (somewhat) of the "hourglass" thing going ... maybe a big hourglass, but an hourglass none the less. I dnt want small boobs or a flat but or no hips >_<

2. Im nervous about attention. I get hit on occasionally now, but ive never really dated. I also blamed my weight. If a guy was interested I was still way too embarassed to let him see me w/ no clothes or touch my fat rolls so I always kept my distance... If I don't have rolls anymore I won't have an excuse >_<

3. I don't want to have saggy skin! Gahhhh

4. Im a bit of a perfectionist. When things are going right in my life I can always say "well im fat." If i lose weight... what will be my new issues? Or will i never be happy w my size?

5. I do want to be healthy and exercise and eat right. But maintaining seems like a lot of effort - jeez. I wish I was one of those ppl that can eat whatever they want and NOT think about gaining/losing weight! ever!

6. Im afraid of regaining/falling off the wagon. It's happened b4 but it was only 10 or 20lbs. but if I ever reach my goal and come back to where i am now it will be drastic.

7. Im nervous that ppl will treat me differently. Im not sure how ppl will treat me, will it be positive? Will they give me a side eye? I don't think ppl will be mean or anything but I know the elephant in the room that im the 'fat girl' will be gone. how will the dynamic of my relationships change then?

Miss Fitt
11-05-2012, 07:01 PM
I'm afraid to lose weight because:

1. I won't be able to eat very much food (and I'll be hungry)
2. My metabolism will slow down
3. I'll gain it all back again (plus more, possibly)
4. Comments from loved ones about how I put it all on again (if it happens)
5. Flabbiness (although at my age it's happening anyway!)

That's all I can think of for now....

Strawberry Blond
11-06-2012, 02:24 PM
Thank you for this thread. It really gave me so much to think about.

I don't want to lose weight because:

1) If I am a normal weight, I still won't feel well and will have to face the fact that I won't ever feel great or have lots of energy. (I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder a couple of weeks ago...I've had it for years, but finally got a diagnosis as it worsened).

2) I am scared of male attention.

3) I like swimming in my loose, shapeless clothes because trying to dress up and look good -- and then not liking what I see in the mirror -- is too hard to accept. Better to send the message to the world "I'm not even making an effort."

Radiojane
11-06-2012, 03:54 PM
I'm terrified nothing will be better.

rachellosesitall85
11-08-2012, 03:07 AM
I'm scared to lose the weight because...

Of too much male attention. (I get anxiety sometimes when I'm hit on and I get hit on regularly as a big girl. If I lose the weight I'll get way more attention than I want. I was sexually molested for over a decade and I use my fat a security blanket. I'm afraid if I lose the weight not only will I get male attention, they will try and hurt me. Being bigger looks like I can defend myself better.)

*I'll re-gain
*My big boobs will go from balloons to flapjacks
*Failure to keep it off...I've never stuck to anything in life
*I'm afraid I'll transfer my love of food to something just as harmful like over spending or substance abuse
*My lose skin will turn my husband off
*My husband won't like my boobs anymore (he's a big breast man lol)
*I'll no longer be the attractive fat chick, but the attractive chick with lots of female haters

avalonmoon
11-09-2012, 07:40 PM
Excellant post. I am certain there are more than I can think of but here are mine ..


Reasons I don't want to lose weight:

I'm afraid of being hit on. (Me too. cuz I'm happily married these days)

I don't know who I'll be if I'm not fat. ( I agree with this one big time)

I can use it to keep people away. I do feel anxiety on this one as well. I feel I'm unsure of letting people know me cuz I always worry of motives?

I am having a crisis of 'who am I'. I only lost a little over half since my highest and as a post agorophob (due to life and weight etc.) I don't know who I am and when I see my reflection I get confused with my feelings as to who I am- who can I be? Ihave some self esteem back but I feel impaired and it is so much easier to hide behind my 'organic fat suit'.

Also:
I get scared people will recognize me- my self esteem is so shot-that scares the Dickens outta me. Last time I started dropping weight (2x before now) I ran n2 an old classmate and I was fatter than she knew me @; she said to me 'you always look the same'. Talk about a kick in the head. That was an unhappy moment.Especially since school I topped 128#s and that moment I was about 230#s!