So its been just over a month that I have been dating a guy that I have crushed on since I was 17. Back then I was in MUCH better shape than I am now. We ran into each other at the grocery store and have talked every day since. We have spent time together but not as much as I would like seeing that I am a single mom and the little one always comes first and she is in no way involved in my love life. We recently became friends on Facebook and I have seen some things that have bothered me. One was a post he wrote about "fat girls who take photos from above" and comments he has made on photos of very fit girls. He himself is very very fit!! He practically lives in the gym and has a great body. But now I wonder "What do you think if me"? I have noticed I am pushing myself away from him but I don't know if its just me and my insecurities, or if its him. He still text's me everyday and we have plans to see each other this Friday. If he had a problem with my body type, he wouldn't still have an interest right??? Right?? I'd love to know what you guys think. I can't really find it in me to bring this up to my friends.
Hm. That is a mixed signal. I think I'd have to just come out and ask him. "Say, I saw this comment you made about overweight people on Facebook, and I wondered about it because sometimes it seems like you're interested in me but then your post makes it seem like you aren't attracted to that body type." See what he says.
I think that fat-bashing is seen as a cool thing to do, and people are more likely to objectify others that they don't like in a negative way without realizing it. I doubt he holds you to the same "standard," so to speak.
One of my old high school friends recently posted a "fat" photo of a girl that was wearing shorts that were too small, and she laughed at it, typing out "gross!" The "fat" girl in the pic was smaller than my friend (and my friend is smaller than me), so you can imagine the amount of humor I got out of the thing.
I'm on the fence! It could have just been one of those comments that people say when they think they're being funny and don't realize they can come off as offensive or insensitive. Then again, it could be a kind of red flag about the kind of person he is. Very hard to say based on just facebook instances.
You may just have to get to know him (again) and see where he is coming from!
It's possible he doesn't consider you fat... everyone has different perceptions of what is fat and what isn't. You could be in his "acceptable" threshold.
I still think it warrants a conversation even just as friends... a polite, "dude, not cool with the weight comments" seems to be in order. You'll either make him realize he needs to take more care with public comments or you'll find out he's not the fella for you.
It's possible he doesn't consider you fat... everyone has different perceptions of what is fat and what isn't. You could be in his "acceptable" threshold.
I still think it warrants a conversation even just as friends... a polite, "dude, not cool with the weight comments" seems to be in order. You'll either make him realize he needs to take more care with public comments or you'll find out he's not the fella for you.
I agree with this. He probably doesn't think you're 'fat', as you're not that big.
But I also agree that it's a bit of a red flag. Guys who make comments like that are bullies... no other way to look at it. I'd be very watchful of other hints about his character if you choose to pursue this.
I agree that in his mind you aren't considered "fat". I don't think I would say anything immediately, but I would definitely point out his rudeness if he made a similar comment about someone in my presence.
I would think twice. It may be nothing and maybe he doesn't see you as fat. That's great. But if you are thinking long term, you don't want to be with a guy who may not tolerate so much the ups and downs of weight. I've struggled all of my life, and I'm glad my husband has not criticized me for it. I had a friend once who's husband was very critical of even the slightest amount of gain. I would certainly have a heart to heart with the guy. This is a big deal if you're considering marriage in the future.
I'm on the fence too. If my boyfriend ever did that, I'd be pissed but like LockItUp, sometimes people don't really realize how insensitive they are and he may have not done it on purpose. I'm not so sure about saying something because it wasn't really towards you (the OP) and you two are still getting to know each other so maybe give him the benefit of the doubt for now?
I also think that people have more than one side to them. I know I do. I'm very sensitive to the struggles of weight loss, having experienced them myself, but I'm not above poking fun at the weird quirks and denial patterns (including my own) that overweight people sometimes exhibit. I wouldn't draw nefarious conclusions about this dude based just on that Facebook post.
Ladies thank you all so much for your replies!! I don't really want to confront him with it because I feel it points out insecurity to him and one thing I've learned in the past three years of dating all over is that it is something that scares men away. I suppose you guys are right that he might not think of me the same way as I think of myself. Absolutely if things move forward and he keeps making comments as such, I will share my opinion with him but for the most part he is a really great guy and has treated me with so much more affection than I've received in quite a long time! I think I need to be more confident in myself and try not to analyze every little thing so much (I have a real bad habit of doing that) I like this one quite a bit and I'm doing my best to take it easy and slow! I will keep you posted on how things turn out down the road.
Last edited by shainasb818; 05-29-2012 at 10:19 PM.
Is it him or my own insecurities????
