Guilt. (Cross posted?)
Wasnt exactly sure where to put this but since Im a CC here goes:
So I've gone form 186 to 114lbs from dieting and calorie counting but lately my eating habits have become obsessive thanks to my lifetime pal OCD. I portion and count every calorie that goes into my body. I never indulge in eating out meals. I order salads and/or grilled chicken or salmon when eating out. I always go for the healthiest thing.
I've recieved comments now on how I've gotten too skinny and people are becoming aware that its becoming a disorder for me.
Today, in an attempt to indulge and let myself live I went to the food court at the mall and got a sandwich from a place Ive been wanting to try. It was a small piece of foccacia bread with garlic mayo, chicken, swiss cheese and veggies on it and a side salad with a tomato ranch dressing. Then after that I got frozen yogurt with granola on top.
I came home and cried my eyes out, and then sat down to "figure up" the damage, calorie wise. It was over 1,000 based on my estimates. I usually eat under 1,400 a day so it leaves me with little room for dinner.
I know that life is about living and not dieting, but how do I overcome these terrible feelings I feel when Im not in control? I know I wont gain 20 lbs from one indulgence, but my mind is holding the guilt from that meal. I dont know what Im afraid of, not afriad to gain 5 lbs thats for sure because I know Id still look very slim and almost too thin even if I did gain. I know, keep calm and carry on, but does anyone else struggle with this?
Just needed to vent a bit and let out some emotions...
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