Wasnt exactly sure where to put this but since Im a CC here goes:
So I've gone form 186 to 114lbs from dieting and calorie counting but lately my eating habits have become obsessive thanks to my lifetime pal OCD. I portion and count every calorie that goes into my body. I never indulge in eating out meals. I order salads and/or grilled chicken or salmon when eating out. I always go for the healthiest thing.
I've recieved comments now on how I've gotten too skinny and people are becoming aware that its becoming a disorder for me.
Today, in an attempt to indulge and let myself live I went to the food court at the mall and got a sandwich from a place Ive been wanting to try. It was a small piece of foccacia bread with garlic mayo, chicken, swiss cheese and veggies on it and a side salad with a tomato ranch dressing. Then after that I got frozen yogurt with granola on top.

I came home and cried my eyes out, and then sat down to "figure up" the damage, calorie wise. It was over 1,000 based on my estimates. I usually eat under 1,400 a day so it leaves me with little room for dinner.

I know that life is about living and not dieting, but how do I overcome these terrible feelings I feel when Im not in control? I know I wont gain 20 lbs from one indulgence, but my mind is holding the guilt from that meal. I dont know what Im afraid of, not afriad to gain 5 lbs thats for sure because I know Id still look very slim and almost too thin even if I did gain. I know, keep calm and carry on, but does anyone else struggle with this?

Just needed to vent a bit and let out some emotions...

I figured (with what little info you provided) that your body probably burn about 1400 calories a day just keeping your body functioning. That's about how many you burn if you were to lay in bed all day long. It's called your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate. You can google it to find out your exact specs.) So add all your daily activities to that and you're probably burning through 2000+ calories a day easily. So while you are in a healthy BMI range now, you are close to becoming underweight. Its really ok if you consume 2000 calories a day. Try it for a week and see what happens. I'm not a doctor or a health professional, this is all just stuff I've learned. Good luck!

1400 every day just for maintaining does sound a bit low for all the time. Trying to keep to that most days, and allowing one or two days of doing the mall good thing, or having a few drinks on teh weekend is not a bad way to go, but if you are obsessing about making sure that is all you eat every day, you might want to try to relax about it. I know it's easier said than done. Maybe you can just give yourself a bit more wiggle room. Obsess over 1600 or 1700 instead, that way if you do have one bigger meal it doesnt have to seem to your OCD as if you have just done something terrible. Just a thought.

Now, if you are stressing too much over it, it could lead into unhealthy territory, and perhaps a bit of therapy so you can start to learn to trust yourself without being too obsessive might not be a bad thing either.

Good luck with it!! You had the strength to lose, I am sure you have the strength to learn how to maintain healthily.