So the last major relatioinship I was in was about 4 years ago. We were looking to get married (I was barely 18) and have kids and have this life. Well I decided to go the college route and didn't want to be tied down so I broke it off. I don't regret it one bit considering what it allowed me to do with my life but now I wonder if I'll ever date seriously again. Sure I've had my little relationships, nothing serious. All were either one-night stands or short relatioinship bursts. I've had guys like me but they just weren't my type or up to my standards. Now before everyone goes up in an uproar about "my standards" let me explain. I want a man who is going places, who has goals, wants an education, a family, and kids.
Anyway, I have gained over 100 lbs over those last 4 years and of course my pool of interested men has twindled to nothing. I still get the occasional guy who is interested in me...or just a lay. I'm not into being in a short relationship anymore and I would like to have a steady relationship again. If I can't find Mr. Right I would at least like to find a decent Right Now who will stick around a bit. I miss being able to hug someone after a rough day or say, "thanks, baby" to.
I'm a pretty modern chick with old school beliefs. My major problem now is I went from the cute and fun "a real guy's chick" to "just one of the guys". I miss walking into my friends' Monday Night football BBQ and getting hooted at. Now I just get the "get outta the way!" hoot. I catch myself in the miror and all I can see is how big I have gotten and how unattractive I am.
Anyway, I guess my long *** post here was to see if there are any other chicks out there who think like me and have any advice on how to handle this "dry spell" while I'm losing. I feel rediculous going out with friends who bring their boyfriends. I'm almost always the third or 5th wheel and it sucks! My friends just say, " there are tons of guys who are in to bigger girls, you just have to put yourself out there." Well with all due respect to my friends-I don't want a guy who likes bigger girls. I don't plan on being in this body much longer. Putting myself out there now and getting set up for rejection I think will have worse effects on my self esteem than just staying single until I'm confident again.
OK-so I have gone off on a semi-rant. Let me know what you ladies think, will ya? Thanks.
I used to be like this. when i broke up with my first serious bf, I hated hated hated being single. I gained about twenty pounds and started dating my current bf, and now I miss being single.
I miss being on my own, and not being tied down, i loved being free. we're young,we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, be crazy and silly and young, because it'll be gone before you know it. You'll have the kids and the husband, but do you want to look back and say 'man i wish i coulda'
Shelly, I'm in a pretty similar place relationship-wise. Last long term relationship was years ago, and everything since has been one night stands, or lasted less than 3 weeks, or a f*** buddy.
I was worrying about it and feeling sorry for myself recently until I decided that my weight loss journey was MY time to focus on MYSELF. I'm certainly not swearing off men or being celibate, but I'm actively NOT looking right now. Then, I figure, when I do meet a great guy who's as in to me as I am to him, I'll be ready (and hot!)
Good luck
Last edited by fatmac; 09-18-2010 at 05:50 PM.
Reason: typo
When I'm single I put a lot of time into focusing on ME and getting to where *I* want to be. You don't seem happy with yourself, so I think you're going to have a hard time being happy with someone else. If I were in your shoes, I'd take this time to work on getting myself and my body to where I want to be, THEN worry about dating.
Take it all with a grain of salt. I've never been much of a dater.
I whole-heartedly agree with this. If you're not happy about yourself, I think it could create a real imbalance in relationships. Where you need the other person, it creates false expectations. If you're where want to be in your life, with goals, a good education, a bomb-*** job.. you just sort of attract people of that same mindset. I don't know, i've always believed that the best relationships just sort of progress organically.
Just chill, appreciate all this time you have to dedicate just to yourself, not to kids, or a partner, and enjoy it.
When I'm single I put a lot of time into focusing on ME and getting to where *I* want to be. You don't seem happy with yourself, so I think you're going to have a hard time being happy with someone else. If I were in your shoes, I'd take this time to work on getting myself and my body to where I want to be, THEN worry about dating.
Take it all with a grain of salt. I've never been much of a dater.
qft
I read an article recently that stated the line "You complete me" from Tom Cruise's movie (can't remember the name now) is pretty much the worst line EVAR because: Two whole people make a healthy relationship, the minute you NEED someone else to feel "complete" shows how unhealthy YOU are!
A relationship should be a healthy + for your life, not a main ingredient. A relationship should be something extra that makes your life more enjoyable, not a chore, not a job, not something that you need to live a full and complete life. No person should have to sacrifice themselves to fulfill someone else's happiness, nor should that be expected of you.
Once you're a whole and complete person, then maybe you can look for something more to "add" to your life. But don't seek it out because you feel like you NEED it or you're MISSING it, then you're looking for the wrong reasons.
Once you're content and happy with yourself ALONE then you might be ready for a real longterm relationship.
I read another article that said marriages are healthiest and last the longest when the couple wait until they are 30 or older to get married because then they have had a chance to figure out who they are as individuals and what they want from life and their relationship.
So, who are you as an individual? What do YOU want in life? Where do you want to be in the next three years for YOU? Focus on YOU for a little while. Thats the best advice at this time!
When I'm single I put a lot of time into focusing on ME and getting to where *I* want to be. You don't seem happy with yourself, so I think you're going to have a hard time being happy with someone else. If I were in your shoes, I'd take this time to work on getting myself and my body to where I want to be, THEN worry about dating.
Take it all with a grain of salt. I've never been much of a dater.
Well hey at least the op has dated. I'm 28 and haven't been on one yet. My reasons are pretty simple. When I was younger I was super shy and boys did like me but I never believed them. I thought they were being mean or something, so I didn't take them seriously. Then I found out they did like me and it was too late (at least my mind anyways). After high school is when I gained my weight. I've been losing and have lost a good bit. I'm interested in dating now, but I think you're right. I still need to take care of myself and my career interests. Even though I do want to date I know I've been given this time right now to get in shape and do what I need. I do get jealous of my friends who are dating and/or married. Jealous feelings come and go but I'll have my health for the rest of my life and I know that's important and my career goals.
Single...hating it....advice?
