100 lb. Club - My debut as a pretty girl...
08-02-2010, 10:31 AM
Let me start by saying that I'm 49 and a mom of teens, so it's pretty late to be making my debut as a pretty girl, and also, I'm one of those women who has really never thought of herself as pretty at all-- I am more the "smart" type (although lord knows none of us should have to choose between pretty and smart, right?)
But, this past weekend, I went to the wedding of a dear friend. Now this friend is one of the most glamorous people I know. She looks like a movie star and is a minor celebrity.
I needed a dress, so I bought a size 12 beaded sleeveless sheath-- quite possibly the prettiest dress I've ever owned.
My friend had invited a bunch of us to get a professional make-up application, so I went along. I have fairly short very curly hair, and the make-up lady told me I should get my hair done. She blow dried it straight, which made me look COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Then, I got the professional make-up job.
So there I was-- size 12 black beaded sheath, gorgeous blown out hair, and professional make-up. I looked in the mirror and DID NOT RECOGNIZE MYSELF.
A little more than a year ago, I weighed close to 300lbs, I had shoulder length frizzy hair and half the time I had a couple of inches of roots.
I did not fit a size 24 so a party dress was out of the question. My feet hurt way too much to wear heels! I probably would have ended up wearing a tent like black stretch dress with a blazer over it, and I would have wanted to cry when I noticed that every other woman in the room was wearing a little black dress.
But even more so, I FELT UGLY. I've seen lots of women who were heavier than I was who look beautiful, but me, I hated myself, I did not take care of myself, I was constantly ashamed of myself, and it showed.
So I learned a couple of things:
1. When you take care of yourself, day after day, month after month for more than a year, the little changes each and every day aren't that obvious. But overall, it makes an ENORMOUS DIFFERENCE and your inner beauty will show through.
2. It's fun being girly and doing girly things. In the past, if invited to get professional hair and make-up, I would have declined because I would have been embarrassed and worried about being too fat, and then I would have probably felt even worse at the event comparing myself to other people.
08-02-2010, 10:46 AM
So, so, true for me on every level. Thanks for sharing your wonderful weekend. When do we get pictures?
08-02-2010, 11:47 AM
Uber, we are close in age (I'm 47) and also the mom of a 23d and 15s. While I always wore makeup and did my hair, I'm even more of a girly-girl than I was for the past 20 years. Isn't it fun being a girl? I second the request of pics!
08-02-2010, 11:59 AM
Oh wow. wow. First, congratulations on doing so well and feeling so good.
And second, thank you for posting this. It brought tears to my eyes becuase it is exactly how I feel.
08-02-2010, 12:04 PM
The crowd is clamoring for a picture!!!
Good for you--it's great to be a girl ;)
08-02-2010, 12:07 PM
I bet u looked stunning. It is always fun and relaxing to get made up but when u r big u don't feel good about yourself even when u r made up. Your post brought tears to my eyes cause I can relate and I've felt the same way u have many times.
I know what you mean.
Losing weight caused me to have a bit of an identity crisis.
Because I didn't think I had any hope, ever, for being one of the pretty ones, one of "those girls," I found myself habitually defining myself as "the other" -- since I was not pretty, I had to cultivate other qualities & flip the value system, by seeing myself as smart, not superficial, oblivious to trivial things like appearance, deeper. Let's say, pretty much the kind of woman who would probably never be a Real Housewife of Whatever Major U.S. City. Feminism is involved here, too, in a big way.
So when suddenly I was able to pass for one of Them, it was a deeply unsettling experience. I was always thinking, "You mean, it's okay if I ....?" If I rethink my hair, if I wear clothes that I never wore before, if I try different makeup, if I spend a lot of time with the mirror, or trying on clothes, or thinking about my appearance. There was the uncertainty of trying on new identities.
To put it short, I pretty much had to rethink femininity for myself, and what being a woman means.
Because when Idecided to lose weight, after ignoring it for a long time, it felt to me somewhat like a capitulation, as if I were saying: "The larger society is right, and I do want its approval, after all. I agree with community standards. I'm going to conform by trying to become as pretty as possible according to conventional beliefs."
Yeah, the health part was big, but this issue loomed even larger in my mind.
So I'm still making peace witht his on some level. And wondering why I thought pretty always had to be conformist & conventional & superificial, and why I thought the opposite of this was [fill in the blank -- what I was trying to be]
This post just got tangled up. I have no idea where I've ended up, but anyway, what I'm trying to say is I can relate to your feeling of looking in the mirror & seeing a stranger & trying to sort out how I got from the me I was used to seeing into being that stranger.
08-02-2010, 12:19 PM
Just the title brought tears to my eyes, never mind the post!
I am So Pleased for you - and I'm part of the clamour for a photo!
08-02-2010, 12:27 PM
You are so amazing and inspirational! :hug:
I wanna see pics! :D
08-02-2010, 01:11 PM
Pics? I love the "after" pics!! There is usually such a glow in the girls eyes that is wonderful to see.
Congrats to you, my friend! :hug:
08-02-2010, 01:16 PM
Congrats!!! That's an amazing NSV! we wanna see a pic :)
08-02-2010, 01:22 PM
Congratulations on your success and for feeling good and looking good!!!! :congrat:
I love your point about doing this day after day, month after month and how over time this makes a huge difference. I have only been doing this for a month and I already see an improvement in my health (blood pressure is better).
I have to admit, though, a good part of why I want to do this is my looks. I love girly stuff too - it always makes me feel better. I'm tired of not looking my best and squeezing into large size clothes.
I would love to see your photo too if you feel comfortable posting it.
08-02-2010, 01:29 PM
Thats awesome :) I bet that felt so damn good!
I wanna see pics too :)
08-02-2010, 01:51 PM
Your posts always ring so true with me!
I have a dear friend who has always been heavier than me. We both just kept growing and growing. But she was always GORGEOUS!! She knew how to pull it off. I never did. I'm such a no-fuss girl that natural beauty is a little of a "must" because I don't know quite what to do with myself. So when I reached a 235 pounds, I was a bit of a mess.
Curly frizzy hair? Ditto!! I've had it blown it out a couple times, both times to amuse the hair dresser. I didn't pay for it...she just wanted to play. Isn't it fun to just run your fingers through it? It feels so weird! And your fingers just slide through the strands.
I'm so happy for you! Your words paint the loveliest of pictures! :D
08-02-2010, 02:10 PM
What a wonderful post!!!
Another one who would love to see a picture!!
08-02-2010, 02:34 PM
Wonderful!! I too have shunned girly girl things saying I wasn't interested. But in truth I think I'll be so happy to be able to do those things and absolutely love the results. I don't take as much care with hair and makeup as I should mostly because I won't be that happy with the results anyways...not a good way to think but it's the truth.
08-02-2010, 02:44 PM
"pretty" or not, you are a beautiful person, inside and out. you continue to inspire and motivate, through your own story and advice.
I understand the draw of pretty (i think we all do), so I hope you have found what you are looking for :)
you deserve it after all of your hard work.
Alana in Canada
08-02-2010, 02:46 PM
Thanks for your post! I'm so glad you let yourself be "girly." It's a challenge for me.
08-02-2010, 02:57 PM
Thank you for posting. You are a total inspiration to me.
I'm just at the beginning of the 100 pound journey and it's so nice to read your story.
Also, at 46, I'm looking forward to letting my inner "girl" out!!
I'm so happy for you.
08-02-2010, 03:17 PM
Seriously. Just going through my closet of old clothes that I'm finally comfortable enough to wear makes me feel amazing! Congrats chickie... :)
08-02-2010, 03:24 PM
Oh how I related to your glorious post.
I've said this often - somewhere along the way I had lost not only my vanity, but my femininity - and though I lost the weight first and foremost for health reasons - rediscovering my femininity was a WONDERFUL side affect I never want to be without it. How joyous it feels to be a woman. And I had missed out on that for so many years. :(
I'm also close to your age - 46 and with children ranging from 18 - 22, but I have never felt more confident, sexy and better in my own (partially wrinkled) skin!
This coming at a time when people my (our) age are complaining how there bodies are failing them - not me - I am on top of my game - and loving it.
What a blast you must have had. Sounds wonderful. I'm so glad to hear you enjoying the new and improved you. Keep these delightful posts coming - I know you will, because the delightful rewards will continue to surface for you. :)
08-02-2010, 03:34 PM
let me join in on the bandwagon asking for a picture!
08-02-2010, 05:13 PM
I want to see a picture as well! I bet you looked stunning and SO pretty and girly.
08-02-2010, 08:46 PM
GREAT post! I'm so happy for you! pic! pic! you deserve every moment of thrilldom, you worked for it!!
Look, I asked for a picture of the dress in an earlier thread, when you described it not long after buying it, when you were preparing mentally for this event. Didn't I? Didn't I?
So how many times do I have to ask?
Don't be shy with us.
There are people on 3FC brave enough to photograph their stomachs, so the rest of us know what a real woman's stomach looks like, before & after weight loss. And I am incredibly grateful to them. And I know many others here posting (and lurking) are too.
So ... the least you can do is cough up Smiling Pretty Girl You in that beautiful dress. (I think so.)
08-02-2010, 08:57 PM
WOOOOWWWWW! This post was just so absolutely amazing to me. Mostly because I relate to it totally. I have often felt like I am actually a totally different species from 'those' girls. I sometimes even feel like if I go all out and try to look pretty, it will come off almost as a joke -- like what does that fat woman think she's accomplishing with that hairdo and makeup? Of course this ONLY applies to ME, because I am always in awe of those heavy women who rock their style and take care of themselves beautifully, too. How very, very sad - and what a testament to my lack of self-esteem. Most of the time I feel like I feel pretty good about myself. I appreciate my talents and I have created a nice life. But OBVIOUSLY I have some work to do on my self-worth AND my 'pretty' routine!
I can't thank you enough for this post. I am going to take steps to "fake it till I make it". Maybe if I get myself dolled up enough, it'll start to be a routine and I'll have plenty of practice for when I can get into a black beaded sheath size 12 dress!!
Pics, pretty please!
08-02-2010, 11:09 PM
I'll confess: I would love to have a little black dress. A little black beadeddress, size 12? I hadn't even CONSIDERED that possiblity, but now.....hmmmmm! It sounds gorgeous and I bet you looked awesome.
08-02-2010, 11:50 PM
Wow! This is fantastic. I too have no idea how to play the pretty girl or leading lady role. I'm usually cast as the pretty girl's friend or extra #2. ;-) I'm sure you did it with style and grace.
Add me to the list of people who would like to see a picture.
08-02-2010, 11:50 PM
I'm glad you had fun and allowed yourself to be a girly girl for a day! Now, where are the pics, hmmmmm???? :D
08-03-2010, 01:30 AM
I too loved your post! It was really a Cinderella story! Hmmm... wonder if you already have a prince or are looking?
I've always been a real girly girl. After losing some weight, I'm totally over the top! It's just fun to be a woman when you feel good about yourself.
Here's to many more fun dress up times for Cinderella!
08-03-2010, 02:24 AM
Awwww, I bet you were SO pretty!!! And I agree w/ others, I would love to see a picture!!!
08-03-2010, 02:43 AM
Wow uber that sounds amazing! I have no doubt in my mind that you ROCKED that dress. I second... tenth the request for pics lol!!
08-03-2010, 10:16 AM
Ohhhh I'd love love love to see Pics, the dress sounds gorgeous and I'm sure you rocked it!
I love the new confidence I'm finding in myself, Im starting to really enjoy shopping, makeup, pedicures . . . . its fun being a girl and I can appreciate it all now that I'm proud of the way I look.
08-03-2010, 10:31 AM
:wave: Me too! Me too! I want to see a picture!
This sounds so wonderful! It is simply thrilling to hear about this. I love to live vicariously through everyone's adventures here. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us! Maybe we can have our little black dresses someday too.
10-13-2010, 02:11 PM
loose2gain...please speak english... :)