How do you guys/gals tell people that you don't want any more food politely? I mean, it seems like some people (think surrogate grandmas, lol) feed me and feed me and try to feed me some more! I can't just say "NO!"
Also, is there any trick to knowing how to politely stop eating half way through your plate of food? I've been trying to quit eating when I'm full... but my dad is kind of a "food ****" not ever wanting something to "go to waste" or whatever.... any ideas?
Oh man, I can relate to this especially today August 1 it is my
fathers 71 birthday!! How can I refuse to eat the Birthday
cake? What I have decided to do is cut down approx.
four hundred calories throughout the day and have the cake.
I think on days that are challenging family events etc. that is
the way I am going to handle it.:
Anne.
Okay...I had this GREAT answer already posted, then something told me to check your profile...unfortunately, all my great answers would only work for someone who's already grown and out of the house. D'OH!
I know when I was your age, it was IMPOSSIBLE to try and eat healthily in my family. I would get so much heartache and grief, and I would finally cave. I ESPECIALLY got sick of hearing, "It's a phase she's going through."
Anyhow, I think Anne has a great idea. On the days when you know you're having a huge dinner with the family, try and cut down in other areas through the day. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD NOT EAT ALL DAY!!!!! It means that you should just eat a little less. Try cutting down on the breads and starchy foods and eat more fruits and vegetables.
Something else maybe you could do...get your mom to take you to the doctor for a checkup. Maybe if they hear from a doctor that it's important you get your weight under control for your health, they'll pay more attention to the message.
I don't know if going to the dr is such a great idea, if your dad is a food **** he might turn the other way around and be monitoring every bite that goes into your mouth to make sure you aren't eating too much.
At 14 yrs old I would say that the most important thing to get some weight loss going is to increase your activity level. I remember being 14 and about the most activity I did was mandatory gym class at school. Maybe you could start taking some walks with friends or bike riding.
As for the food, at home just don't fill your plate or if your mom or dad fills it ask them to stop when it is half full and say you'll get more if you are hungry later. Perhaps you could have a heart to heart talk with your mom and she could help you out. I am certain that she will understand your concerns about your weight. She may be able to intervene with these other people who want to fill your face. There are a lot of people who think that feeding someone is a sign of love. The best you can do is tell them how much you appreciate the food but you are full and couldn't eat another bite even though the food is so wonderful. Hope this helps.
How about putting less on your plate? or maybe using a smaller plate. If you don't serve yourself, ask your mom or whom ever to put less on it. Also, you can use the old stand- bys "I just ate" or "I had a big lunch", even at 14 one of these should work. I know when I would hanging out w/my friends (decades ago....) We would sometimes go get food and when I got home dinner would be ready, so I just told my mom that I just ate. Now depending, she would still have me eat a very little or I could skip it all together.
The above should work with most people but (esp.) for surrogate grandmothers, etc. I'd soften it even more by saying something like "I'm sorry I'm not more hungry because I know you're such a good cook" or "you know how much I like your.......". I used these often and it's amazing how acknowledging their talent/effort makes it easier for them to stop pushing you to eat.
And usually I DO wish I could eat more of what they're offering. I just know I can't stuff myself.
Thanks a lot! I know exactly what you mean, Anagram. I DO wish I could eat plates and plates of food, but I know it's not good for me. ;-) Thanks for your help... more people are welcome to post, though too. -Apryl
I didn't post any suggestions, because what everyone wrote is good.
I just want to say how very proud I am (and you must be, too) of you and how well you're doing. I'm glad to "see" that at such a young age, you're grabbing the bull by the horns and making the I'm-important-and-this-is-important-to-me statement.
apryl: so glad to see you posting. now, can you manage to do it more often??
one of the most interesting things i've heard recently was the 80-20 rule for dieting. and it has two parts. the first part is that you eat what you SHOULD 80% of the time, and then you can have what you WANT the other 20%.
and the other part is to eat only until you're 80% full. so i guess that means that you don't eat until you're stuffed. or maybe that means that you eat 80% of what's on your plate. and leave the rest for 'miss manners,' a concept that was actually before my time, but i always found it interesting that this fictional character could POSSIBLY be interested in what i left on my plate!!!
and these other ladies have great tips. hope you manage to put something together that works for you.
BOY can I relate to this one... had a grandpa who fed me til I burst, now a hubby that shows me extra love with treats, and when I try to tell him that I love them, but shouldn't have them, he gives me the " I love you even if you weigh 1,000 pounds" routine... lol, he does try though, to get me other things when he feels like treating now... bath sets, stuff like that...my best tack now when the in laws try to overfeed me, worrying about how "little" I eat (when I'm eating normal portion sizes) is comedy... " Do I LOOK like I'm starving?" "My friend Jenny (Craig) told me not to have seconds..." lol, stuff like that...
Hi apryl I have not had much chance to welcomeyou. I will say that I am very proud of what you are doing. I did not even though i hatedmyself when i was young for bein soo heavy all of a size 14!1 ug if i knew then what i know now!!
I have 2 DD one 13 and one 17 the 13 is just like me and i catch her eating things like PB sandwhiches with sugar on them. I do not know which i worse a family that stuffes you or one that gets onyou because of your weight. both are detremental. I had the fater that houndedme because ofmy weight. I try not to get on DD2 case but i hurt somuch to see her eat things like that. I have to hide the sugar as she eats it right out of the bowl, or will put n a ton of syrup in her sweetened oatmeal. what do i do?? i can only hide the stuff and try to guide her. she is not fat by any means but she will be and i am trying to save her from my fate. i would not mind it so much if she did nto do it so regluarly but i remember what i did and well it was nto pretty. the swwetners like that are addicting and onceyou start it is hard to break like an adiction.
well any wyas i just want to let you know how proud of you that youare trying and relaise what is happening. the only suggestion i have is when they say have more go for the veggies. do nt under eat that can screw up your matabolism realy fast. and then no matter how little you eat you will gain. so please do not starve your self but try to eat the health =choices. and when desert come out stay strong you have a wonderful future and I know you can do great (you are here arn't you??) so hang tough. we are right here behnd you. and if things get hard and you cave do not pound your self with it just start again the next meal. what is done is dne and there is no reason to get on your self about it. that only brings you down and hurtsyour resolve so thenyouare set for failure just brush off those cookie crumbs and stand tall (like if you fall in school.... and everyone laughes get up and pretent like it did not happen or you planned it then continue on. the more you dwell on inthe owrse it gets) if you have any problems we are here. we may be older but we sure are here and guess what we were young once. you just also may help us see what we are doing to our kids too>> LOL
I just want to add I am sorry that your mom is not in the picture. that does make it harder. your elders are tying to make up for it by showering you with love and the best way they know is through food. tell them you would rather have the money!! I know my kids would. you said dad is like a food natzi but cdoes he talk to you and let you know how proud of you he is?? that just may have to be a conversation you must start. let him know how much you love him and how glad he is your fater. but then say Dad i do have a proble though. i feel that i am unhealthy. i have a hard time keeping up in gym, and get out of breath too much just ewalking (see play on his concernes for your health not you looks) I know i need to get rid of some of this fat or i m going to become sick and have bad knees, and have heart disease(againplaying on his concern for you) there is a problem with kids developing diabeties and i am afraid that i am going to get that if i do not lose some of this weight. (again hitting the sore spot, no parent want to see thier kid sick) I know ou love me and want to see what is best for me, i think i need to get rid of some of this weight before it is too late. then tell him that you are being realsitic and do not want tog et skinney that those girls look ssick and are unhealthy but you just want to get down to a reasonable weight. (a big parent fear is anorexia or bolemia)so lettinghim know where your goals are would help relieve that fear.
Is there any way that your dad can cook less? tell him that you donot want to be heavy all your life, and that your age now you are feeling the effects. if that does not help there is a list of over 40 diseases that are very scarry that are directly caused by obesity. you canshow him that and it should help him realise that youare doing this not just to look good and have boyfriends (that may be part of his problem) but to be healthy for your life time.
he is afraid of loosing you to a boy, you are after all daddy's little girl!!
if nothing else works send him my way i can talk to him!!!
Ii hope this helps pleas do post more often many of us arelike mother hens and we will worry if we do nto see much of you. I still worry about a yougn lady in the uckraine that psoted when i got on 2 years ago. she was only 16 and had a very difficult weight problem. I do think o fher often and pray that she is finding help and not givig up on this.
Jenniffer do you remember her?? Danielle i think her name was. she had problems finding even clothes that fit her as they do not have stuff like that where she lived. I do hope and pray every time some one new gets on here that it is her in a new name.
Thanks again for your replies, everyone!! Wow, I'm really inspired by everyone's replies. It makes dieting and excercising a lot easier when I know that there are lots of people behind me! I do most of the cooking, so I'll just take less food, and THEN clean my plate, to sort of beat my dad at his own game! (Heeheehee.) I'm sorry to inform you that my name is indeed Apryl, and not Danielle though! Also, my dad is 100% behind my weight-loss efforts, he's even agreeing to be the financial supplier for my "rewards" system! Heehee. Thanks again, please keep posting, as I am online at least once daily. Peace. -Apryl
I am glad that this just may work for you. the fast that you are the maser cook is great!! Great idea of putting less on then cleaning the plast it does not let him think of wating food. and glad that he is going to reward you like that. it gives us all some thing to look forward to. I am sorry you are not daniele I will still sit here and worry about here. she did have some problems that we just can nothelp with from a distance like that and her country was one that food was limited and such it was difficult to try to give advice as things inher life were so different from ours. I will still keep hoping that some day she will pop in an let us know she is ok, and that her life has managed to be looking up. So in essence i am glad that you are not her as you will not have as much problems as she did with her weight loss journey.
and you can expect that we will be posting. and looking for you
Saying "NO!"
What I have decided to do is cut down approx.
I know my kids would. you said dad is like a food natzi but cdoes he talk to you and let you know how proud of you he is?? that just may have to be a conversation you must start. let him know how much you love him and how glad he is your fater. but then say Dad i do have a proble though. i feel that i am unhealthy. i have a hard time keeping up in gym, and get out of breath too much just ewalking (see play on his concernes for your health not you looks) I know i need to get rid of some of this fat or i m going to become sick and have bad knees, and have heart disease(againplaying on his concern for you) there is a problem with kids developing diabeties and i am afraid that i am going to get that if i do not lose some of this weight. (again hitting the sore spot, no parent want to see thier kid sick) I know ou love me and want to see what is best for me, i think i need to get rid of some of this weight before it is too late. then tell him that you are being realsitic and do not want tog et skinney that those girls look ssick and are unhealthy but you just want to get down to a reasonable weight. (a big parent fear is anorexia or bolemia)so lettinghim know where your goals are would help relieve that fear.