Weight Loss Support - Sex and weight




View Full Version : Sex and weight


gingymom3
04-10-2007, 02:42 PM
Hi. I'm a newbie and not sure if this is the right place or not. My apologies if I am wrong. Does anyone else wanna lose weight (health factor aside) so they feel comfortable during sex? My love life is suffering because I can't stand to have my BF :sorry: :sorry: touch me or see me. I can't stand myself anymore. I can't seem to find the 'push' or whatever to finally lose the weight. Not that I don't want to, just can't find the self worth necessary I guess. What I wouldn't give to make my man squirm for me and know I was worth it and to know it was me he wanted and not just the act. I know I have to love myself for anyone to love me,but wow, it's tough.Just wanted to talk.........


Runundefined
04-10-2007, 02:54 PM
One of my reasons (of hundreds) that I want to lose weight..
he says he loves me just the way I am.. but a good man sort of "has" to say that, doesn't he?

I want to not worry about lights on or off or hurry to cover up as soon as I can.. I have even gotten to where I don't dress/undress in front of him..

a huge change in me (we have been married almost 10 years) and he has noticed..

I know it is important to love myself just the way I am.. but I don't think it is sexy.. and I think if most people were honest, they would say the same..

gingymom3
04-10-2007, 03:00 PM
I agree...it's sad isn't it, though?


nelie
04-10-2007, 03:03 PM
I certainly wish I had a better body but I think I am the opposite. I will parade around after I get undressed, I'm in no real hurry to cover up and the lights are always on :) Although I did get chastised for walking around topless with the blinds open but we live on the 4th floor, who is going to see?

I think it does have to do with your self esteem and self worth. Confidence can make you attractive and also make you feel attractive. Many people who are not their ideal weight have successful love lifes and I really think anyone can if they can face that no body is perfect and the person you are with wants to be with you so why not be confident?

HeatherAngel
04-10-2007, 03:16 PM
Nothing hit my self-esteem harder than being fat, and knowing my husband HATES it!

I resent him at times - why can't he see past the flab and love me as I am?? But honestly - how can he love me when I hate myself for it?

It sucks. And yes, my sex-drive is non-existent, wondering if he 'just wants sex' and I happen to be there, even if I am not the 'shape' he wants... we can really do a LOT of emotional damage to ourselves, ALL BY OURSELVES, can't we?

All the more reason NOT to eat a whole pie! :D

Just my thoughts -
Heather :)

Reddalice
04-10-2007, 03:17 PM
I think you are in exactly the right place! It is one of my own personal top 10 reasons to loose the bagage.

FreeSpirit
04-10-2007, 03:35 PM
I think almost all of us with SOs feel the same way that you do. You just have to try and not let it get to you. Why put a strain on your relationship because you're a little bit uneasy? Do you honestly feel that he would be with you if he wasn't attracted to you? If he just wanted to do the act, don't you think he could take a porno and take care of it himself?

We're only making things worse and more difficult by hurting our relationships. Confidence goes a long way, and as long as you ignore the fat and have a good time... I'm sure he will too.

gingymom3
04-10-2007, 03:38 PM
Thanks, Melissa....you are right. :)

lilybelle
04-10-2007, 04:15 PM
I think all men want the action but they could easily get it elsewhere if we didn't want it or weren't available for them. They are with us because they choose to be with us. Whether we are physically fit or not.

OTOH, I know that losing wt. has improved my sex life. The major thing is , I'm not embarassed now for him to see me without clothes. Before, I think he sometimes gave up before he got my granny gown and granny undies out of the way. LOL. Many, many times now our cuddling and foreplay starts in the living room with kissing and me sitting in his lap. I couldn't have sat on him before, I would have smashed him. Seriously though I have more energy now for sex.

jillybean720
04-10-2007, 04:27 PM
All good Catholics, avert your eyes...

I am 100% comfortable being naked around Jeff. Since we've been living together for the past year and a half, we've probably spent more time in out apartment naked than clothed :o It's just easier and more comfortable. He met me at well over 250 pounds, so if he wasn't attracted to me, we wouldn't be together (and engaged) today.

That's certainly not to say that I LIKE the way I look, but I know by his words and actions that he is NOT appalled by it. He even often playfully coaxes me to remove clothing when I am wearing any (like I'll complain that it's too hot, and he'll tell me it's because I'm wearing too many clothes--underwear and a tank top--and start tugging at my shirt). He could very easily NOT do this--I doubt I would notice if he stopped or would care if it never happened to begin with--but my weight just doesn't bother him.

We sometimes have sex with the lights on or in the living room while it's sunny out (like Nelie, we're on a higher floor, plus we have a big balcony sticking out beyond our floor-to-ceiling windows, so no one can see in). It bothered me maybe the first couple of times, but not anymore. I know it's more me that's bothered by it than him, and sex (to me) isn't about ME, so I let it go.

nelie
04-10-2007, 04:36 PM
I am 100% comfortable being naked around Jeff. Since we've been living together for the past year and a half, we've probably spent more time in out apartment naked than clothed :o It's just easier and more comfortable. He met me at well over 250 pounds, so if he wasn't attracted to me, we wouldn't be together (and engaged) today.


Jill!!:o

My DH is a bit more modest than me, I wish I could get him to walk around shirtless and sleep that way but he doesn't :)

I agree, I met DH (and was friends with him) when I was 360. When we started dating, I was about 290. If he was bothered by it, he would've moved on elsewhere.

I also say that I can feel very sexy at my current weight and my previous weight. The only thing that ever made me feel slightly uncomfortable was being on top but that was more inexperience than anything. After I figured it out, I found out it is a good position...

Mami
04-10-2007, 05:09 PM
I must say I have totally changed since putting on weight..I used to hang out nude a lot too and now I wont when DH is around. He's way more modest and like Nelie I wish he wasn't so maybe that's added to it. But I really dont feel sexy at all right now and just looking forward to feeling that way again, but I dont think I will til I'm down at least another 10 pounds. I know its silly but that's how I feel.

jillybean720
04-10-2007, 05:24 PM
Jill!!:o
I hope no one here knows my mom :p

I'd ike to add that if I'm in the bathroom looking in the mirror, no, I absolutely do not think I look good nor do I feel sexy. But when I'm with Jeff, it's just different. It's not that I have more confidence, but rather that I know he appreciates me, and that makes me feel good, if that makes sense. There's not a chance in the world I would be marrying him if he showed any signs of unhappiness/discomfort/disappointment in regard to my size/weight. I'm hard enough on myself as it is--I don't need someone else being hard on me, too.

LArteaga
04-10-2007, 08:17 PM
There is no better saying than that about one loving one's self.....I love myself, I mean I will literally look in to the mirror for no good reason (especially when on the phone) Now that does not mean I am HAPPY with what I see. I am also self-concious about my body. I hate to be naked around my man....and considering we've been together 4 yrs and have a child, not to mention his raising my other 2 children, that is pretty sad. He is a good man, he says he loves me like I am....Sometimes in bed, he'll hug me and touch my stomach (which I HATE and let him know it)....and don't laugh, but he says he likes the "spongy" feeling. I guess it all comes down to being who you are and KNOWING that they say that, not to be nice, but because they mean it...like Nelie said, If id did bother our men that much, they wouldn't be there...in which case they wouldn't be worth S**T! (Even though, if I were a man, I probably wouldn't be here... ;) ...He hates it when I say that, but lets be honest, many of us feel that way!

BUT, I am starting on the 20th (HOPEFULLY) or when my kit gets here, and although I do it for him to be more attracted, I do it more to feel better about myself and prove to myself that I can Do it.....Good Luck and have a GREAT WEEK!!!

kaplods
04-10-2007, 08:55 PM
I've always been fat, and maybe that makes a difference. I've had less than a full year at a normal weight since the age of 5, and that was during high school. I didn't date much after high school, because the guys that were attracted to me, mostly creeped me out. When I met my husband through a personal ad I placed I specifically noted I was very fat and dieting, and wanted to meet someone who could accept me at every size I was likely to be. My husband is also morbidly obese, and has been since high school. Neither of us love being fat, but it is part of who we are. Our first nekkid time together was very intimidating for both of us, but we got over it pretty quickly.

Thin and toned is sexy, no doubt, but it isn't the only sexy. And the biggest, best, most wonderful sexy is having someone who makes everything ok, even the sad and scary parts. The first time I "danced naked" for my husband we both laughed so hard, we probably scared the neighbors. If I want to get my husband "in the mood," all I have to do is put on tennis shoes - and nothing else, and bring him a drink while he's watching tv and pretend like I don't even realize I'm naked. Hey, I don't get it either, but I'm definitely not going to complain about it.

In some ways, it's like swimming. I LOVE swimming and I'm not going to let anyone tell me (even myself) that I can't enjoy it until I'm a size 6, because I may never be a size 6, and even if I knew I could eventually get there, I don't want to miss out, not a lifetime, not a few years, not even a few months. Love and sex are definitely a LOT better than swimming, so I had even more motivation to "just get over it."

There are a lot of things I can't do because of my weight and health, and there are also things I could do, but choose not to because of personal hangups or the social repercussions (like wearing a bikini - Gosh, I didn't even know they made them in my size, Ewww but that's my hangup it doesn't have to be anyone elses). I try to make sure that I know the difference, and that I don't limit my choices any more than I have to.

gtpgirl19
04-10-2007, 09:02 PM
I feel That My husband says you look fine because he has too. He keeps Telling me its all left over baby weight. I feel Bad about sex and my weight especially certain postions, Im worried i will hurt him.

royalsfan1
04-10-2007, 10:15 PM
I'm not at all inhibited about sex. I think it has as much to do with the person I'm with (DH) as it does with me. I was MUCH more inhibited with my first husband...and was always wanting lights out, minimal touching (he might actually feel some fat....as if he thought I was skinny and my secret would be out???), and hurry up because some muscle would cramp up. Now, with my current (and final :) ) DH I'm just as laid back as can be. I LOVE sex!!! I love quick morning sex before he's out the door...nighttime dark sex keeping it quiet so the kids don't hear...Sunday afternoon kick the kids out of the house for 2 hour leisurely in broad daylight sex. I do have to put in a qualification that the weight loss IS making it better, though...and we BOTH look forward to seeing what kind of difference each pound change makes! :D

I really damaged my first marriage by my fears about sex because of my weight. I hope none of you are doing the same...it makes me very sad.

Best wishes to all!

jillybean720
04-11-2007, 05:47 AM
I've always been fat, and maybe that makes a difference.
hmm, maybe this is true. I've always been fat, too--never a moment at a normal weight in my entire adult (or adolescent...) life. So maybe, because of this, we are more likely to deal with our weight in a better way since we have no personal basis for comparison? I mean, I have NO IDEA what it feels like to be thin. Not a clue. So maybe i'm more comfortable with my body as it is than some others are simply because I've never known it any other way. :chin:

Eves
04-11-2007, 09:49 AM
I think this has to do more with attitude and confidence. My boyfriend fell in love with me at my highest weight and now that I´m losing he is my biggest cheerleader and soon to be workout partner. So what if he only needs to lose 20 pounds.

But still, we`re both very comfortable with our bodies. We clean the house naked, we`ll cook naked or in our underwear, we compare bellies and make our belly buttons talk to each other, etc.

I have noticed that since I am exercising now I have more energy for sex. But that is basically the only thing that I´ve noticed on that end. I don`t know, when I became sexually active I was at a normal weight, but I don`t remember it being really all that different. I`ll let you guys know in a couple of months!

Janie Canuck
04-11-2007, 10:34 AM
Nice to see some confident, healthy attitudes, ladies! In articles etc. that I've seen, men tend to find confidence and willingness in the bedroom much more attractive than our physical shapes. Just good to keep in mind when you're feeling self-conscious.

Mami
04-11-2007, 10:52 AM
Maybe it also has to do with the weights we were when we met our SO. If we met him heavy, obviously we know he finds that attractive or is not bothered either way, whereas if you were slim then you feel like he liked you the way you were when you met. It does depend on the guy's attitude too.

shananigans
04-11-2007, 10:54 AM
hmm, maybe this is true. I've always been fat, too--never a moment at a normal weight in my entire adult (or adolescent...) life. So maybe, because of this, we are more likely to deal with our weight in a better way since we have no personal basis for comparison? I mean, I have NO IDEA what it feels like to be thin. Not a clue. So maybe i'm more comfortable with my body as it is than some others are simply because I've never known it any other way. :chin:

Interesting point, Iíve never really thought about it that way. In my younger years I was definitely more hung up on my weight and struggled with my self-esteem a lot, but even through all that I found there was never any shortage of willing and interested male parties (in fact, I probably should have said ďnoĒ more often than I did :o).

My df and I are in the less clothes is better camp. We donít care so much that we both have extra pounds, we are just very comfortable with each other and wildly attracted (still after 6 years, hope we can say the same after 16!). I think confidence and comfort level with your partner are the most important things.

Jman1
04-11-2007, 11:13 AM
Speaking as a guy, I've been on both sides of this issue. :)

I've been the overweight guy who had a girlfriend that wasn't attracted to him. (Later found other women who were very attracted to me at a HIGHER weight, so it was probably more the girlfriend than the weight!)

And, I've been with a number of overweight women. Let me tell you, there is absolutely no reason an overweight woman can't be incredibly sexy. It's so much better to just believe us when we say we're attracted than to make us turn the lights off or refuse to take your shirt off.

If we weren't attracted to you, we wouldn't be in bed with you!