Sorry if this is an inappropriate topic. If so, please feel free to delete.
I've got some serious issues in this arena. I've lost about 100 pounds and kept it off for over a year. Obviously it has wreaked havoc on the way I look out of clothes.
When I was heavier, my ex husband told me that he didn't like to have sex with me because of my weight, which is probably the root of most of my issues. I look better now, but I have stretch marks and loose skin and just don't feel comfortable naked.
I've met a guy and I don't know if we'll ever get to that point, but the thought of it freaks me out. I've been single for 3 years and this is the first guy I've ever talked to seriously.
When my husband and I got together, I had lost around 70 lbs and the loose skin was showing and I did tell him I was nervous because of it. I was still nearly 300 lbs at the time. He didn't seem to care and he never has.
I'd say if you get to that point, talk openly with the person. If they care about you, they should be able to listen and understand.
I think so many women feel the same way.. and I really don't know how to get over it... except having a supportive partner who lets you know you're beautiful always, definitely helps... one thing that helps me feel a little better is trying to add a bunch of extra touches to make myself feel better... tanning, putting great smelling lotion head to toe, doing my nails... thinsg like that... tanning helps hide your stretch marks- I think.
You're beautiful... your eyes shine and your smile lights up your face... hopefully you at least know that
Personally, I have found that studying myself naked in the mirror every day actually helps me feel better, as long as I am going into it with the right attitude. I try to look at different parts, and tell myself why I like that particular aspect of my body. It's strange at first... but I figured I needed to do something to get more comfortable in my own skin.
Also, I agree that if he cares about you, he's going to be supportive, and he's not going to care what your body looks like. I remember reading a great article once (I wish I had saved it) about women and their body image issues... and guys a lot of times don't even notice what we are talking about. One woman who was interviewed was so self conscious about her stretchmarks, that she would contort her body in weird angles during sex to try to always cover them up. It made sex really awkward and she couldn't even enjoy herself because she was too busy trying to predict his next move all the time. Eventually, she learned how to relax and not care... and one day she told him how she used to be and he was like, "wait... you have stretchmarks? I never even noticed".
I think the media tells us that men won't be attracted to us if we don't all look like movie stars, but that's just not true. The average guy is usually just excited to be around a naked girl, lol.
Long story short, just try to learn to accept your body. Men love confidence in a girl. Sex appeal is really all in the brain... if you feel sexy, you're gonna look sexy, because you are going to give off a great vibe.
I totally agree with LittleMoonRabbit - great post!
Men are clueless, bless them! Sometimes it's annoying when they don't even notice your new dress or haircut, but other times it's a blessing. Anyways, you've got to appreciate the good things and don't focus on the flaws. They probably look a lot worse to you than to anyone else.
One more thing - if you just can't get over it, turn the lights off!
I haven't dated in a while because I needed a few years to take care of me. Now however, I am ready and want to share my life with someone special. A few months ago I met someone and we exchanged a few emails. In one of them he asked if I ever go out for a drink maybe he could meet up with me. But at that point my life and schedule were crazy so he left it to me to let him know. LOL..so now he's the one with the crazy schedule and once it calms we're gonna start planning something. I'm look at it right now as he's a nice guy that I want to get to know.
But I have the same thougts you do. I've lost close to 85lbs-90lbs at this point and have the saggyness/loose skin. I've come to accept what I see. But what about when it comes to that point with a guy and he can't? I remind myself though that if that is the reason he doesn't want to be with me, than that's someone I don't want to be with. Sure I'd love a tummy tuck and a breast lift, but is it worth the $$$, pain and agony? For me no. So who I am will have to do.
Right now though, I'm trying to loose the last 20lbs. Between Dec and Feb I gained 15lbs unfortunately. It was due to extreme stress, no time to exercise and the cravings for carbs that stress brings. So for me, I know that once I get going with the weight loss and my clothes start to fit again, I'll feel better about myself again.
Hey I even gave myself a challenge to work with what I've got and invent a new body type! I call it the Oreo Cookie body. I want to build up my lower and upper body with muscles and with my soft squishy middle...Ta Dah! The Oreo Cookie body!LOL!! I'm tall at 5'10" and as a friend says "all leg" so why not work with it and try to have killer legs? Spring is here and the days are getting longer. I plan to start jogging when the weather allows and when it doesn't DVD's..2 by Jillian Micheals, Turbo Jam and Walk Away the Pounds when I'm just too sore!
So for me, my personality, smile (I've been old I have a good one), opptomism and who I am are just gonna have to be enough.
LittleMoonRabbit is right though. The average guy is so happy to be around a naked girl, I'm convinced they don't actually see what we see.
I may have to print this thread as a reminder and confidence builder to myself!
Last edited by Violin Jenn; 03-20-2009 at 02:46 PM.
Guys aren't going to say "OMG" and throw clothes at you when they see you naked. They are visual creatures but luckily when it comes down to the people they care about or love their vision will be a bit blurry. Plus most aren't nearly as shallow as we think.
Learn to love yourself, be your own best friend. Work on that first. The way you see yourself is usually multiplied either negatively or positively. Just remember you are not a Sharpei
When the relationship proceeds to the bedroom then try setting the mood...dim the lights (no turning them off, it's fun to watch for the both of you!), light candles, etc and if you aren't quite as confidant as you would like then fake it (and I'm not talking about the big "O"!)
I'm married to the same man I dated in high school...he's seen me at my thinnest and my heaviest. I'm down a little over 100 pounds and my body is no where near perfect. It's ok though! He's still here & we have an awesome sex life...............with the lights on
One of my secrets? When I'm feeling a bit down about my looks I will go to the mirror in my bathroom and find three things that are positive about myself and say them out loud to my reflection.
Last edited by TJFitnessDiva; 03-20-2009 at 03:25 PM.
I can't remember the thread someone posted this in, but they quoted a comedian saying something to the effect of, "If we can see your stretch marks, that's means you're naked and I'm about to have sex."
Unless a guy is some kind of !%$#&, they care a LOT less about how we look than we do. We have images in our heads that we have to look like porn stars and we don't. We have to have confidence, we have to want to be with our partner, and we have to have enough energy not to fall asleep during.
I don't know about guy being blind or clueless to things, I did have a guy I was dating notice my stretch marks and he asked what they were (ok, so he was clueless) He thought I actually cut myself or had a skin disease even after I told him they were from gaining alot of weight and then losing some.
I'm sure a nice guy won't care about what's on outside, and should like us for who we are inside, but it really seems like alot of guys do want the whole package, a supermodel type girl that's beautiful inside and out.
After talking to my Dh, some of his buddies and my grown sons, my conclusion is, if they see a naked woman in the room well, there is a naked woman in the room!!!!!!!!!! YAY!
In the words of comedian Rodney Carrington, on the subject of breasts,
"I'm like a woman in a shoe store, get'em all out here, I wanna try every pair!"
Basically, I don't think most men care. If you nekkid that's good enough for them.
He's into you. Your body. Talk to him before hand and express your concerns about your body. That you lost weight, but are a little self concious about your body. He'll probably react witth: That's okay, I think your body is beautiful. He wo't sya: SAGGY SKIN! AHH THAT'S DISGUSTING! YOU'RE GROSS! EWWWWWWWWWWW.
Don't stress about it. He'll be kind and caring and understanding.
My lover said he doesn't care for stratch marks, all women have them, either for puberty or weight loss or pregnancy or whatever, he said most men don't even see them and it's actually just us women who worry, lol.
That's just his opinion though.
All these posts definately helped me see that a guy who loves me, isn't gonna really care about or see some stretchmarks or a bit of saggy skin, he's just gonna see me. I definately feel much better about the topic and more confident.
Some of you ladies are really brave! I don't know that I could have talked to my adult sons and husbands friends about this!
Husband or Boyfriend, yes I could talk to them about it, but no one else.
One of the things I am going through is my stretch marks on my belly showing since I have lost weight, you can really see them and I have some stomach sag. I used to have the tightest, tautest little middle until I had my daughter. My husband doesn't care about them. Goodness whenever he wants to do it, he wants to do it! I told him I want a tummy tuck and he questioned why and I said I need it and he disagreed! That's because when I am lying before him naked, yeah he is concentrating on my lower body but it ain't my belly he's digging! (hee hee). I think you should explain to him your concern but it's very few and I mean very few guys who will say, gross or something dumb. Trust me!
Sex after weight loss
I remind myself though that if that is the reason he doesn't want to be with me, than that's someone I don't want to be with. Sure I'd love a tummy tuck and a breast lift, but is it worth the $$$, pain and agony? For me no. So who I am will have to do.
there is a naked woman in the room!!!!!!!!!! YAY!
